Chapter Twenty One : Hell
Grace sat up cross-legged on the bed trying hard to ignore the waves of anxiety twisting and churning within her stomach. She tried her best to stay completely focused on Crowley as he talked on the phone as she made an attempt to ignore her oncoming panic attack.
Crowley was talking to a moving company about moving most of the furniture in the loft to a storage locker, where it would stay until they found a new home on earth.
She listened to the sound of his voice trying to decipher what was being said on the other end of the phone, hoping it would distract her from hyper-focusing on what was going to happen today.
Hell, she kept hearing the word in the back of her mind as though her subconscious was trying to feed into her anxiety. She had no reason to not believe Crowley when he said that he had changed all of hell, but she still felt a sense of impending doom when she thought about actually entering hell.
Images of the nightmares she'd had about hell were flashing through her mind. Images of burning fire, gore, darkness, and grotesque creatures bounced around her brain. It was almost enough to make her feel as though she could vomit on the powder blue comforter below her.
She was almost tempted to beg Crowley not to make her go down to hell with him. Beg him to just leave her here and ignore the stipulations within their crossroads contract.
She knew that trying to argue over the terms of their contract with him was out of the question though. Above all else Crowley took his business seriously. They had made a deal and that was that. There was no way of getting out of it.
She couldn't run away from this. It was her fate she had chosen this fate the second she had kissed him on that crossroads two years ago. Even if she had been completely unaware of just what fate she was agreeing to when she had kissed him.
And besides Grace had to confess that she didn't like the idea of having to be separated from Crowley once again, as silly as it seemed. She knew that if he left her here alone the separation would more than likely be longer than just a few weeks.
She didn't like being left alone in the loft. Left to think about everything that had taken place over the course of a few months. All that she had lost, her mother, her sister, her life as a human being.
Despite all that she had given up Grace found herself unable to resent Crowley. It wasn't his fault entirely. He had just been doing his job, making deals, even if he had tied his own ambitions and agenda into that said deal.
When she had gone to the crossroads that night she had sealed her fate. She could have said no. She could have tried to find a different crossroads demon that night, but she had agreed to this deal. It was fair, she had made her bed now she had to lie in it.
Grace tried to tell herself that it was better this way. Her sister would have a life full long life of good health. No longer would the cancer that had plagued her young body endanger her life. Grace's mother still had one child, at least that was what Grace kept telling herself.
It had been stupid to send her mother that letter. Grace had come to that conclusion once she had time to think about it The letter would just cause more questions and heartache than answers for her mother. It would have been easier on everyone if Grace had just gone with the plan and disappeared.
Would her mother ever be able to move on with her life ? Grace already knew the answer, no. Her mother would always wonder what had happened to her oldest child.
It was better for her mother and sister not to know the truth though and Grace knew that. As much as it hurt to stay far away from the life she had given up, she knew that it was for the best. It would only endanger her mother and sister if she stayed in their lives.
Not to mention if she stayed in her old life how would she explain her status as a demon. It wasn't as though it was something she could hide from them forever.
Grace had come to the decision that she should just stay focused on the present. The past was too painful to think about and the future was too frightening.
Crowley finally hung up the phone a triumphant look on his face over the fact that he'd finally finished tying up all the loose ends surrounding their life on earth. It seemed as though he'd been on the phone all morning trying to find a reputable storage facility and moving company. One that he could trust not to cause damage to any of their possessions.
The satisfied look disappeared off his face as he glanced over at Grace. She was a nervous wreck. He could tell just by looking at her.
She was fidgeting in her seat, shifting and re-positioning her legs crossing them and uncrossing them, as though the simple act of moving could kill off her nervous energy.
Crowley sat up on the bed beside Grace , his back resting against the headboard . He spoke up trying to keep his voice light and cheerful. "Don't worry love. Everything will turn out just fine. Just trust me."
"I do...I mean I trust you. I'm just nervous I guess. I keep thinking that I'm not going to live up to your expectations. I...what if I'm horrible at being queen ?" She blurted out her stomach knotting up as she expressed her hesitation to him.
Crowley took her hand in his giving it a gentle squeeze as he did his best to reassure her. "I wouldn't have chosen you that night on the crossroads if I wasn't completely sure that you're the perfect choice for this. I can trust you to be fair, that's why I chose you. You are untainted by hell. You have to give yourself a bit more credit Gracie."
She gave him a soft smile as he pressed a kiss to her hand. Even if his words did little to soothe her fear it was still comforting hearing that he had this much faith in her.
He wrapped an arm around her waist and she leaned against him trying to find some comfort through her fear. She wished that they could just stay like this forever. Locked up in the bedroom of the loft all thoughts of hell and the reality they faced far away.
Grace felt her stomach begin to drop the full extent of what was about to happen fully hitting her. She pulled away from him as she spoke her voice beginning to quiver. "I just don't know..my life, the only life I've ever known is completely over. Nothing will ever be the same after this. I'm...I don't even know what I am anymore...I'm dead. I'm not even human."
He pressed another kiss to her hand not knowing what to say. There really was nothing he could say to make her feel okay and he knew it. Her death was his doing.
She was like him now...no she actually wasn't and he hoped she never became like him. He wanted her to stay somewhat humane. Though he knew that her keeping her humanity wasn't possible. Hell would change her eventually and if it didn't then time would.
He was the true source of every ounce of her pain and he knew it.
Crowley kept silent as he pulled her close to him. Holding her against him and running his hand along her back in an attempt to soothe her.
He didn't know what to say. He hated feeling this useless. He was the one who always kept orderly, always kept any emotion that he may have buried within him, in check.
He always tried to live by logic. Being cold hearted had kept him alive all these years. He couldn't keep logical when it came to Grace though. She was his weakness and he knew it. He worried that his inability to keep collected when it came to Grace would be both of their downfalls.
"All I seem to do is make you cry. I think we need to work on that." He stated attempting to make a joke, though he knew that there was some truth to his statement.
She shook her head pulling away from him. "No it's just that I'm so fucked up that all I seem to do is cry."
He sighed as he leaned in pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "I don't think anyone could blame you for being fucked up my darling. Not after what you've been through. I promise you that I will never let anything or anyone hurt you ever again. Everything is going to be okay from here on out. I promise you."
"You shouldn't make promises that you may not be able to keep." Grace replied her eyes still watering.
Crowley tightened his grip on her knowing that she was right. "I do promise you though. Anyone that tries to lay a finger on you will have to get through me first. I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you safe."
He continued to hold her against him as tightly as he could manage to without hurting her. He knew that she was right. He couldn't promise her that he could keep her safe.
He knew that things would never be safe for the two of them, even with all of hell in his back pocket. There was a possibility of danger around every corner.
Crowley made a silent promise to himself as he heard Grace's sobs begin to quieten. He would never let anyone lay a hand on her ever again. He would keep this promise. If anyone even dared to think of hurting her he'd destroy them.
Crowley glanced over at Grace taking note of her alarmed expression. She was practically glued to his side as they walked though the entrance of the first level of hell.
Her hand was clasped in his and she was squeezing it so tightly that it would probably break the bones of any mortal man.
Grace stared over at Crowley almost convinced that she would be staring into the endless pits of a monster's eyes instead of the hazel eyes of Crowley's meatsuit.
She let out a sigh of relief grateful to see that he still looked the same.
Crowley noticed the way she kept staring down at her feet as though she was sure that her meatsuit would melt away only to be replaced with one of the creatures that she'd so long envisioned when she had always pictured hell.
She was surprised that hell looked more like the entrance to some sort of gloomy office than a fiery inferno at the moment. It reminded her of some sort of cold government building to be honest. Like a city hall from hell...literally.
Actually at the moment hell reminded her of the department of motor vehicles building in Atlanta. She had gone there when she had first left home to get a driver's license. The DMV had intimidated her, being such a large building. So unlike the tiny buildings in her hometown. Her hometowns downtown area was sadly tiny. The courthouse and town hall were in the same building in her hometown, right down the street from the police station.
The entry way to hell was quite large, with cold cement flooring, plan whitewashed walls with no artwork, yellowish lighting.
The line didn't help the government-owned building image. The line was so impossibly long that she couldn't even begin to see where it began.
She watched a frail looking woman in a pair of ratty jeans and a black sweatshirt walk over to a ticket dispenser and retrieve a paper ticket stub before she joined the line. Grace raised an eyebrow realizing that everyone in the line was dressed practically the same. Jeans, and casual shirts with jackets, no shoes.
Crowley gave Grace a proud smile as he nodded over to the line. "The line doesn't end. Once you get to the front you come right back to the end. Efficiency, No more torture unless someone really does something to piss me off."
She swallowed the lump in her throat a little unsure of how she was supposed to respond to that statement.
Grace widened her eyes as they began to walk down the hall turning a corner. A man in a crisp looking suit passed them his eyes growing wide and panicked as he saw Crowley. She watched the man scurry away turning his gaze away from Crowley and she.
She was about to ask Crowley who the man was but was distracted by several doors most of them with signs above them reading file room A, file room S, File Room B 75. There didn't even seem to be any sort of order to the numbering system to these file rooms.
"How many file rooms does this place have ?" She blurted out unable to tear her eyes away from the seemingly endless long hallway of doors.
"More than you can imagine love. Can't fit all the documents in my office." Crowley replied a little amused by the look of dread on her face as she stared down the seemingly never-ending hallway.
Crowley spoke up again snapping his fingers causing them to disappear and then reappear in another hallway. "It's easier to just zap yourself around down here. Too many hallways to sort through on foot. You should be able to find your way around after a bit. Though I'm not going to let you just wonder around by yourself here. Not yet at least."
Grace nodded her head tempted to tell him that she didn't exactly want to wonder around by herself.
They walked a few more minutes before they came to an elevator. She refused to let go of his hand even when they entered the elevator.
She frowned noting that the only buttons in the elevator had a down arrow with numbers ranging from one through sixty. The numbers took over half the wall.
She watched Crowley press the six button as the elevator churned to life. She jerked a little as they shot downwards eerily cheerful elevator music playing as they descended.
Crowley and she exited the elevator once it dinged to a stop. She raised an eyebrow a little confused as she realized that the elevator opened to reveal a wide empty entryway. The walls were just as stark white as the walls upstairs in the entrance, but the lighting was much brighter giving the area a more relaxed feel.
The only door present in the wide room was a tall wide cherry wood door. Crowley pulled an ornate ancient looking key from his pocket the proud smile returning to his face as he spoke. "Ready to see our temporary living quarters ?"
Grace gave him an uneasy smile as she nodded her head.
She watched him push the key into the lock opening the door. He flicked on a light switch as they entered the room.
It was beautiful more elegant than any house she could ever possibly dream of. That was all she could think as she entered the room. The living quarters almost reminded her of that first home that Crowley had taken her to when he had first come to collect her.
It appeared to be just like any high end apartment. Dark hard wood floors, plush elaborate rugs on the floor, antiques and fine art work. Though there were no windows. Not that it surprised her. What would there even be to see if there were windows ?
The furniture reminded her of the furniture that had been in the loft. Though she knew that it wasn't possible that it was the same furniture. There was no television though there were several bookshelves.
There was a kitchenette and a round dining room table which shocked her she wasn't even sure if she could eat in hell.
Crowley led her to another doorway opening it to show a bedroom much like the one that she'd had back in the loft in Seattle. The walls were a soft powder blue giving the room a calming atmosphere. The bed was just as large and was adorned with just as many pillows as the bed she'd had back at the loft, though the pillows and bedding were all black. Seeing this shocked her again, so she could sleep as well ?
Crowley pressed a kiss to the side of her face as she finally let go of his hand. He spoke up as he watched her study the room. "You have a closet over there to the right already fully stocked with anything that you may need while we're here."
He paused for a moment thankful to see that she was examining the room with a look of doe eyed wonder. She ran her hand along a full length baroque brass mirror almost afraid that she'd smudge the sparkling glass.
"So what do you think my darling ? Anything you don't like ? I can change it with just a snap of the fingers. Anything can be changed." Crowley asked her having a feeling that he already knew the answer.
Grace tore her attention away from the beauty of the room as she turned to face Crowley. She embraced him in a tight hug almost speechless. "It's amazing. Don't change a thing...I don't even know what to say."
He returned her embrace grateful to see that she seemed happy. It gave him a sense of comfort to know that she was pleased. He had feared that she would be miserable here.
Grace felt her stress level and nerves finally begin to relax as she leaned into him. Maybe things really would be okay.