A/N: Here's the next chapter. Please be warned that violence is mentioned in this chapter.
It's not graphic at all, but if you think you like that/can handle that, please be warned in advance.
XX
''So. Word around the barn is that Cruz and Swarek called it quits,'' Nick informed Andy as they were on patrol.
Andy nodded and looked out of the window. ''Heard that, yeah.''
Nick glanced over at his partner and raised an eyebrow. ''How do you feel about that?'' he asked.
Without looking back at Nick Andy shrugged her shoulders. ''How should I feel about it?'' she asked back. ''They can do whatever they want.'' Andy didn't mention her run in with Marlo to anybody else. She knew that nothing good would come out of that.
Nick nodded. ''You want to go out sometime this week? Maybe go out to dinner and a movie afterwards?''
''We'll see,'' Andy answered absently. ''I'm kind of busy and I've been a little tired lately.'' Truth was that Andy wasn't that interested in going out with Nick. He was her friend, but she didn't want to lead him on.
''You okay?'' Nick asked concerned. ''You still coming down with that virus?''
''No,'' Andy quickly said. ''Just tired.''
Nick nodded and turned his attention back to the road. ''If I didn't know any better I would say you are trying to avoid me,'' Nick nervously joked.
''I saw you like every day this week,'' Andy answered. ''There has been no avoiding.'' As soon as she finished her sentence, the radio came to life. It asked them to check up on a house five minutes from their current position. The neighbor called in that she heard a noise that sounded a lot like gunshots.
With the way Nick drove it only took them three minutes to reach the house. Andy jumped out of the car and knocked on the front door. When there was no answer she signalled to Nick and they both went separate ways. Nick walked to the left of the house and Andy checked the right side. When they met in the backyard, Nick shook his head. ''Nothing out of the ordinary,'' he said.
Andy looked at the neighbor's house and nodded in that direction. ''Let's see what the neighbor has to say,'' she said. ''Maybe she just didn't hear right.''
Together they walked towards the neighbors house and knocked. It didn't take the neighbor long to answer. The woman was about thirty years old and had a baby on her hip. ''Did you check?'' she immediately ask. ''Are Susan and the kids okay?''
''Ma'am I'm officer McNally and this is my colleague officer Collins,'' Andy started.
The woman held out her hand and shook Andy's hand and then Nick's. ''I'm Margie. Is everybody okay?''
''Nobody's answering the door,'' Andy explained. ''Could you tell us exactly what you heard? And did you see anybody leave the house afterwards?''
''They were fighting for a while,'' Margie explained. ''I heard them yelling and then I heard something crash and I heard gunshots.'' Margie had tears in her eyes and bounced the baby on her hip. ''I would've gone over to check for myself, but I've got him to think about.'' She nodded at her baby. ''Susan has told me herself that she's scared of her husband.''
''You did the right thing by calling us,'' Nick confirmed. ''I'll call Best,'' Nick whispered to Andy as he made his way to the cruiser again.
''Can you tell me a little bit more about your neighbors?'' Andy asked. ''What kind of people are they? Do you hear them fight more often?''
Margie shrugged and shook her head. ''We have lived here for five years. They seemed completely normal, but lately Timothy, that's Susan's husband, seems to have developed a temper. There were problems at work and he took it out on Susan.''
''Was he ever violent towards her?'' Andy asked as she eyed Nick's movements.
''I don't know. We aren't really that close. She just needed to get everything off her chest one time and told me a few things. I don't think she has a lot of people to fall back on.''
Andy saw Nick walking back to her and quickly asked another question. ''How many kids do they have?'' she asked.
''Two,'' Margie answered. ''Jack just turned one and Ellis is four I think.''
''Thank you ma'am. We'll take it from here,'' Nick quickly said.
''What are you going to do now?'' Margie asked. ''You can't just leave.''
Nick shook his head. ''I understand your concern, but I have to ask you to go back to your house. We'll look into it, I promise.''
Margie nodded and walked back into her house. When she closed the door Nick nodded towards the other house again. ''Best gives us permission to go in. He says he can get a warrant, but wants us to check as soon as possible. I checked and there is a history of violence between them.''
Andy nodded and together they walked towards the other house. Andy tried knocking one more time, but again no one answered. They both took their guns and Nick signalled that he would kick in the door.
As Nick kicked in the door, Andy held her gun on the door, ready to fire if anything went wrong. As soon as the door was out of the way, they went to clear the house. They found nothing on the first floor, but after they walked up the stairs they met a sight of horror.
On the floor in the hallway was a young woman with a bullet hole in her forehead. Her eyes were still open and Andy felt nauseated by the sight. Nick quickly asked for medics and backup through his radio, even though the medics clearly wouldn't be able to help the woman anymore.
Andy opened another door with her feet and motioned for Nick to follow her. She wanted to vomit, but she knew she had a job to do. She needed to be professional and do as she was trained.
When they walked into the bedroom Andy shook her head. On the bed was the woman's husband. He had his gun in his hand and blood covered the bed.
''Nick,'' she whispered. ''The kids.''
Nick took a deep breath and holstered his gun. ''I'll go check. You stay here.''
''No,'' Andy said firmly. She didn't want to think about the option that the guy also hurt his kids, but she knew there was a chance of it. She couldn't let Nick deal with this alone. He was her partner and they were in this together.
The next room they checked was empty, as was the following. When they opened the next room Andy felt all air leave her lungs. A toddler was lying in bed. Clearly she suffered through the same thing as her mother.
Somewhere in the back of her head Andy heard back up and medics walking in the house. She wasn't completely aware of them though. All she could focus on were the blue eyes of the small girl. When somebody brushed past her, Andy startled back to life. She didn't look at anybody, but just made her way outside.
Andy walked to the side of the house and bended forwards. She emptied the contents of her stomach and tried to breath in through her nose.
''There wasn't anything we could've done,'' she heard Nick say.
''I know that,'' Andy said in a harsh tone. When her thoughts went back to what she saw inside the house she threw up again. She felt Nick's hand on her back, but it didn't offer her any kind of comfort. ''We have to go back in there.''
''I can give you a ride back to the station,'' Nick offered. ''You don't have to be here.''
''We were the responding officers.'' Andy took a tissue out of her pocket and whipped her mouth. She took some gum and tried to get the nasty taste out of her mouth. ''We have to be here.''
With that she walked back to the house. She did everything she had to do on automatic pilot. She tried to force the thoughts of what she witnessed to the back of her head.
''Who were the responding officers?'' she heard a familiar voice ask.
Andy quickly stepped up and walked towards Sam. ''Me and Nick,'' she answered. ''The neighbor called in that she heard gunshots. Nobody answered the door, so Best gave us permission to break in the door.''
Sam kept his gaze on Andy for a few seconds and nodded. ''How did you enter the house?''
''With our guns out,'' Andy said. ''Nick kicked in the door. We cleared the first floor, then we moved up the stairs. We found the woman first, then we went into the master bedroom where we found the husband. We checked two other rooms, they were empty. The last room we checked was the bedroom of the little girl.'' Andy's voice went down as she said the last sentence. ''The neighbor said they also have a boy.''
Sam nodded and kept writing in his notebook. ''We will find him. Hopefully he's with someone else. Other things that were wrong?'' he asked.
''This isn't enough?'' Andy asked with a lot of force. When she looked up and met Sam's eyes, she immediately shook her head. ''Sorry.''
''It's okay,'' Sam promised. ''Can you get Collins for me? I need to walk through this with him as well.''
Andy nodded and left Sam behind. She stayed for a little while longer, but there really wasn't much more she could do. When Oliver saw her standing by the cruiser, he walked towards his old rookie.
''McNally,'' he greeted her. ''You doing okay?''
''Fine,'' Andy quickly answered. ''Just waiting on Nick to finish.''
Oliver nodded and opened the door to the cruiser. ''Let me give you a ride to the station,'' he said. ''There's not much we can do back here and to be honest, I'd rather not be here if I don't have to be.''
Andy nodded and looked towards the neighbors house. Margie was talking to Dov as Chloe held her baby. Margie was crying, something Andy really understood. ''Let's go,'' she told Oliver. ''There's a lot of paperwork to fill in.''
XX
When Andy left the barn that night her stomach was still doing flip flops. She shouldn't be so affected by it, but she knew that the sight of that little girl wouldn't leave her mind for a long time. She knew she would be seeing those blue eyes again when she closed her eyes.
As she was walking down the parking lot, she heard someone catching up with her.
''McNally,'' Sam yelled out. ''Wait up.''
Andy sighed and turned around. She really wasn't in the mood for whatever Sam had to say to her now. ''I did all the paperwork,'' she promised. ''Everything is done exactly according to protocol and now I just need to go home and sleep.'' She knows she looked like crap, but she couldn't make herself care about that. All she cared about was getting home and sleep until the next year.
''It's not about that,'' Sam answered. ''I just wanted to let you know that we located the boy.''
At that Andy straightened her back a little. ''Is he..'' she couldn't make herself finish that sentence.
''He is fine,'' Sam promised. ''He was with one of his grandparents. The girl was suppose to be there too, but she got sick.''
Andy shook her head and bit her bottom lip. ''The neighbor said he was just a baby. Now he lost both his parents and his sister at the same day.'' When she looked up again she saw Sam looking at her with sympathy. The last thing she wanted was for him to think that she was inadequate at her job, so she quickly straightened up again. ''I'm fine,'' she said.
''You're not,'' Sam stated. ''It's okay to be affected by this Andy.''
''Part of the job,'' Andy brushed it off.
Sam looked behind him at the station and then turned back to face Andy. ''Even Collins was affected by it. He did tours in Afghanistan so I can imagine that he saw a lot of awful things. Being affected by something like this doesn't mean you're a bad cop. It means you care.''
Andy faintly smiled as Sam told her that. For a moment it feels like she was set back in time. It felt like he was her training officer again and she was his rookie. As stupid as it might be, she needed that comfort from him. He always knew exactly what to say. Even when things were as messed up as they were in that moment.
''Who does something like that?'' she asked.
''People do strange things when they are desperate.'' Sam knew that wasn't any kind of excuse. But fifteen years on the job has taught him that there isn't always logic in crime.
''Strange things?'' Andy said as she took a step back. ''He killed his own wife and four year old daughter. Then he took his own life. And you call that strange?''
''McNally,'' Sam warned. ''You know that's not what I mean.''
''Sorry,'' Andy quickly said. ''I'm just going to head home. I just want to forget about this day.''
Sam checked his watch. ''Let me give you a ride. I'm still waiting on a report until I can finish up here, so I might as well drive you home.''
''It's okay.'' Andy rubbed a hand over her shoulder and looked in the other direction. ''I think it's good to walk right now.''
''It's going to rain,'' Sam answered. ''Let me just drive you home Andy, please.''
Andy was kind of shocked to actually hear Sam use the word 'please', that wasn't something she expected to come out of his mouth. ''I don't know,'' she doubtfully said. ''You probably have other stuff to do.''
''I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to do it.'' Sam grabbed Andy's bag from her hands and started to walk to his truck. ''Come on.''
''I don't know why this is hitting me so hard,'' Andy said out of nowhere while Sam was starting the truck. ''We see horrible stuff every day. Why this case?''
Sam shook his head and put the truck in drive. ''It's that lions heart of yours,'' he softly said. ''It's what makes you a great cop, but for you personally it can also be a weakness.''
''I'll be okay,'' Andy promised. ''I just need to sleep and forget about this for a moment.''
''It's okay to remember,'' Sam told Andy. ''No matter how many years you will be doing this job. There will always be cases that you take with you. Cases that won't let you go and that you take home. You need to find a way to deal with that.''
''How do you do that?'' Andy asked. ''How do you make peace with stuff like this. Stuff no one will ever pay for.''
Sam took a deep breath and turned the steering wheel. ''I go to the gym, put on some gloves and I hit something.''
''That works?'' Andy asked.
''Most times it does,'' Sam confirmed.
''Do you have those cases?'' Andy asked. When Sam looked at her with a raised eyebrow she explained herself. ''Cases that never let you go. Things you carry around every single day.''
Sam was silent and for a while Andy thought that that was him telling her their conversation was over. Once again she feared that she crossed the line with how much he was willing to share. ''Ann White,'' Sam said after a while. ''I was working at 15th for a little over three years. She was 17 and went missing, I was the one that found her.''
Andy sensed that there was more that Sam would say, so when he fell silent she kept her mouth shut too.
''Her killer chopped her into pieces. I won't ever forget the face of her mother when I had to tell her that her only daughter's life ended like that.''
Andy let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. ''I'm sorry,'' she said. ''Did they catch the guy who did that?''
''It was a woman,'' Sam answered. ''We caught her, but she got off lightly because they made a lot of mistakes during the trial.''
''It's so stupid that criminals can walk free because of technicalities,'' Andy complained. ''It's so stupid that sometimes we know exactly who committed a certain crime, but they can walk because some paperwork was filled in incorrectly.''
''It's not a perfect world.'' Sam quickly looked at Andy and then turned his attention back to the road. ''Probably never will be.''
''I guess it doesn't matter,'' Andy said. ''He killed himself too so there isn't anybody to press charges against. Maybe that's the most frustrating part. There wasn't anything we could do. Not a single thing. I spent two hours on paperwork and for what?''
''To learn,'' Sam quickly answered. ''There wasn't anything we could do today, but maybe tomorrow we can. Maybe one day we'll take something from this case and it will give us answers for another case. We never know.''
''I guess,'' Andy reluctantly agreed.
''You did everything you could today Andy.'' Sam's tone was soft. He hesitated for a moment, but then put his hand on Andy's knee and squeezed it softly.
It was stupid, but Andy felt like her knee was on fire after Sam touched her. The touch was brief and when he let go of her she closed her eyes for just a second. The rest of the ride was spent in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. When Sam parked his truck he leaned back in his seat.
''Thanks for the ride,'' Andy said. ''And for the talk. I needed that, I think.''
''I told you when you started out McNally. In this job, you can't do it alone.'' Sam gave Andy a small smile and spoke up again. ''You working tomorrow?''
''No,'' Andy answered. ''I have the day off and I think I'm really grateful for that right about now. I feel like I could sleep for days in a row. You?''
Sam shook his head. ''We've got enough to do.''
''Traci told me that you keep sending her home while you're working late hours and weekends. Nobody ever gave you the 'in this job you can't do it alone' speech?'' Andy smiled faintly and turned her head to face Sam completely. She missed talking to him like this.
''She has enough on her plate,'' Sam reasoned. ''She has a kid to think about.'' Sam paused for a moment and then looked at the steering wheel. ''Jerry would've wanted me to look out for her.''
''Thanks for that,'' Andy told him. ''She needs people to look out for her, even if it would kill her to admit that.''
''Sounds like someone else I know,'' Sam joked.
Andy looked outside and let her thoughts drift off for a moment. Like Sam predicted it was raining. ''I guess we all need that from time to time. It's been a long year.''
Sam just nodded and sighed.
''I'm going to head upstairs,'' Andy said. ''Thanks again for the ride.''
''Anytime McNally. Have a good night.''
''You too.''
XX
''Sammy,'' Oliver yelled when Sam walked back into the barn. ''I tried to call you, where did you go?''
''Was giving someone a ride home,'' Sam answered. He hoped that Oliver would leave it at that, but of course that hope was shattered pretty quickly.
Oliver smiled and nodded. ''McNally needed a ride home, huh?'' Oliver clapped Sam on the back. ''Good thing that you were there to step up, right? You two were able to talk?''
''Shaw,'' Sam warned. ''It was just a ride. Did you see if all the reports are back? I just want to finish and go home.''
''They just came in,'' Oliver answered. ''I don't think you've got much work left to do. And I was kind of hoping we could go to the Penny for a few drinks. What do you say? My treat.''
''Your treat?'' Sam suspiciously asked. ''That must mean you are pretty desperate to avoid going home. What did you do this time?''
Oliver turned his gaze to the floor and shook his head. ''I was also hoping that I could borrow your couch again.''
''You okay?'' Sam asked. ''I thought things were better.''
''Things are not better,'' Oliver answered. ''I'm filing for divorce.''
Sam didn't know what to say to his friend. He knew things weren't perfect between him and Zoë, but he didn't expect things to blow up so quickly. ''I thought that you were determined to make it work. What happened?'' Sam asked again.
Oliver shrugged and sat down on Sam's desk. ''Zoë and I just aren't working anymore. There is no point to try just for the kids. They know something is up. We can't spent more than 15 minutes in the same room without things blowing up. I can't do anything right and she is still seeing that other guy.''
Sam swallowed. ''Sorry,'' he said. It was the best he could do, he didn't have any other words of comfort for his friend. ''You can stay as long as you need to.''
''I'll find my own place soon,'' Oliver promised. ''I need a place where I can have the girls. Zoë and I agreed that they should have rooms at my place as well.''
''That sounds good,'' Sam agreed.
''First priority right now are the girls. We'll see about all the other stuff later.''
Sam nodded again. ''Let's finish up here soon and then we'll go to the Penny.''
Together they worked quickly. As sad as it was, there wasn't much more they could do. They made sure that all the paperwork was in order and then they changed and met in the parking lot again.
''So,'' Oliver said as he buckled up. ''You made sure that McNally got home okay? You guys talked?''
''Oliver,'' Sam warned. ''If you and Zoë didn't even manage to work things out, how do you expect me and McNally to? It's in the past, we are just friends now.''
Oliver waited for a moment before he responded to that. ''You and McNally,'' he started after a while. ''Never just friends. It has always been something more and you're an idiot if you don't see that.''
''Why am I letting you stay with me again?'' Sam questioned.
''Because of my warm and loving attitude,'' Oliver quickly said. ''I tried with Zoë and it didn't work out. Now I don't have to look back on my life and wonder what would've happened if I made any different decisions. I know I did everything I could to make it work. There will be no 'what if's'.
''Me and McNally tried,'' Sam defended his actions. ''It doesn't work. We know that already.''
''It didn't work because you never gave each other a fair chance,'' Oliver argued. ''She left before you guys had the chance to make a proper start. You always blamed her for that. Of course you didn't talk about that, but you just waited until it all blew up in your faces.''
''Oliver,'' Sam warned again. ''We are over.''
''You can tell yourself whatever you want. You two are standing in the way of your own happiness. You already hurt Marlo with this act you've been putting on. You gotta stop it before anybody else gets hurt.''
Sam took a deep breath and parked the truck at the parking lot of the Penny. ''And what if we try and it doesn't work out again? Have you thought about that?''
''Then at least you won't have to live with the 'what if's','' Oliver reasoned. ''And what if you try again and it does work out? Have you thought about that?'' With that Oliver left the car and left Sam to do some thinking.
XX
A/N: I hope the case wasn't too dark. Unfortunately cases like those do exist.
Please review if you have anything to say about this story. I like to read the reviews to get ideas for the new chapter.
I had an entire plan for this story, but I already got off track when I reached the second chapter. If I was following that line I would have Marlo and Sam together until chapter 8. Somehow I just didn't want to write that!