Thanks so much for the reviews. I have to admit that part of me wishes I didn't start this story, because I find it quite hard to keep up with. But I will finish this one way or another!

XX

Sam was thankful that Andy was working opposite shifts from him for the next week. That meant he didn't have to deal with her or Collins for that matter.

He knew he was being an idiot. He has no right to be mad at her. Not even a little bit. He was the one that was in a relationship when she got back. He was the one that was trying to convince himself that he could be happy with someone else.

Not that that mattered now.

Marlo had vanished off the face of the earth. When Sam asked Frank about it he told him that she transferred to another division. Frank wouldn't let Sam know what division or why she transferred all of the sudden. Sam figured he didn't really have the right to know. He wasn't even sure he cared.

He was just on his way to work when his cell phone rang. When he saw the number on the screen Sam sighed. He had a good guess what was going on. ''Swarek,'' he quickly answered his phone. He didn't care that he was driving, this was more important right now.

''What happened?'' he asked the person on the other line. ''I'll be there as soon as I can.''

Sam quickly hung up and notified Frank that he wouldn't be able to come in today. He would make it up to him some other day.

Sam drove to St. Catherines in speed record. He parked his car and jogged inside the familiar building. ''I'm here for Sarah Swarek,'' he said when he reached the desk.

The woman behind the desk typed in some words on her computer and looked up to him with a friendly smile. ''Are you related to Ms. Swarek?''

''I'm her brother,'' Sam impatiently said while tapping his fingers on the desk.

''Someone will be with you shortly.''

Sam sighed and paced the floor. He knew this building like the back of his hand. He spent too many hours inside of it. ''Sam,'' a friendly voice pulled him from his thoughts.

''Dr. Travis,'' Sam said as he made his way to the doctor. ''How is she? What happened?''

''She'll be okay,'' Dr. Travis informed him. ''Someone found her in her apartment. She was dehydrated and there are multiple cuts on her wrists.''

Sam took a deep breath and nodded once. He really thought that she was doing better, but he was fooled once again. ''Can I see her?''

''Of course.'' The young doctor that Sam got to know over the last few years gave Sam a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. ''Sam,'' he interrupted him. ''Do you remember what we talked about last time?''

Sam nodded and looked down. ''I'll talk to her about it.''

Sam hated hospitals. He truly hated them. The walls were too sterile and the smell got to him every time. Hospitals were full of bad memories anyway. It wasn't the first time he was in this situation and he knew it wouldn't be the last time either.

''Hey,'' Sam softly greeted his sister as he made his way to her bed. He slowly sat down next to his older sister and put a hand over hers. ''What happened?''

''Sorry,'' was all that came out of Sarah's mouth. ''I told them not to call you. You must get really tired of driving all the way up here every time I do something stupid.''

Sam closed his eyes for a moment. He and Sarah had had this discussion more often. Getting into it now was useless, he knew that. ''So you do realise it was stupid?'' Sam asked. ''You're lucky that Janet keeps an eye out for you.'' Sam had never been more thankful for Sarah's neighbor.

Sarah let out a sarcastic laugh. ''Am I lucky?'' she asked. ''Probably would have been easier for a lot of people if she didn't check up on me.''

''Sarah,'' Sam warned. ''If you're going to be like this I'm not even going to talk to you.'' Sam knew his sister well enough to know that she needed some tough love from him every now and then. The rest of the world always treated her like the victim. She always felt like she was marked 'handle with care'. Sam was the only exception.

''I don't understand why you're coming down here every single time.'' Sarah looked completely drained. She shrugged her shoulders. ''I'm a hopeless case, right?''

''Nobody said that,'' Sam insisted. ''But maybe it is better if you take some time and get into that program Dr. Travis told you about.''

''I see you already talked to him about it.'' Sarah's tone stayed flat. She was always like that after she was hospitalized. It was the same every single time. First Sarah would do something that would cause her to be hospitalized. Then she would show no emotions whatsoever. After a few days she would turn around and agree to get help. Things would return quiet for a while, only to have everything turned upside down again when someone touched her in the wrong way or when someone looked at her funny.

''He's trying to help,'' Sam reasoned. Dr. Travis had been Sarah's doctor for a few years now and was the only doctor she trusted completely. Because of that trust Sam had gotten to know the doctor too.

''It would be easier for you if they lock me up for a while, right?'' Sarah asked. ''You've been through enough, maybe I should just do it.''

''You know that's not how I feel,'' Sam said while he raised his voice a little. ''I only care about you getting better. I don't care about how many times I have to drive up here.'' Sam paused for a moment and made Sarah look at him. ''How about if I come stay with you for a while?''

Sarah started to frantically shake her head. ''No, no, no,'' she quickly said. ''Your life is in Toronto. I'm not letting you give that up too. I've already screwed up so much for you.''

''Sarah,'' Sam warned.

''It's true,'' Sarah protested. ''I'll think about going into that program. I will. As long as you promise me that you'll stay in Toronto and won't worry too much about me.''

''I always worry, you know that.'' Sam shook his head and took a deep breath. ''Get some sleep.''

''You can go home, you know?'' Sarah said. ''I feel better. I guess it just became too much for a moment and I didn't want to feel anything for a while.''

Sam closed his eyes and folded his hands together. ''Why didn't you call me?'' he asked. ''You were doing so good. The last year you always called when things were getting difficult.''

''I'm sick of being the weak one,'' Sarah said as a tear escaped her eye. ''I don't know how you stayed so strong. I'm sick of you always having to look after me, picking up the pieces.''

''That's what I'm here for,'' Sam said as one of his hands slowly found Sarah's again. ''You would do the same for me if it was necessary.''

Sarah didn't answer him, but just kept her gaze on the window.

''You can come and stay with me if you want to,'' Sam suggested. ''Maybe it would be good for you.''

''You don't want that,'' Sarah interrupted Sam. ''You've always been ashamed of me.'' Sam shook his head and wanted to protest when Sarah looked at him again. ''Who knows where you are now? When have I ever met anyone of your friends?'' she challenged him.

Sam bit on the inside of his cheeks. The only friend Sarah ever met was Jerry. And that was only because Sam needed someone to help him. At that time Jerry was the only one he trusted to have his back on that one. Whenever Sam was undercover, Jerry would keep an eye on Sarah for him. Sam only took undercover operations whenever Sarah was stable. During the time he was undercover he would sent her messages that would let her know that he was alright.

One time he had to leave an undercover operation one week before the bust would go down. Sarah was in the hospital and needed him. The higher ups weren't happy, but Sam had built enough credit at that point that they let it go.

''I'm not ashamed of you,'' Sam insisted. ''I just don't want everybody to know my personal business.''

''But you want me to come and live with you?'' Sarah asked.

''If it would help you.'' Sam was speaking the truth. He would do just about anything for his big sister. He had spent his entire life watching her struggle. Their family had always been a mess. Sam couldn't think of a time where things were quiet and normal.

Where Sam had grow up to be a strong, determined and smart guy, Sarah didn't have that luck. Her days were filled with fear and depression.

She always blamed herself for Sam's unstable youth. Whenever their father would be in prison again, they were placed into foster care. Most of the time the goal was to get them placed together. Until Sarah was thirteen that wasn't much of a problem, after her attack that changed. There weren't a lot of people that could deal with Sarah's nightmares and episodes, so they were moved around a lot. Eventually Sarah got placed in a separate home, but Sam always made sure he visited her.

''I hate the city,'' Sarah answered. ''I need to be somewhere quiet and you need to live your life.''

''I am,'' Sam insisted. ''You don't believe it, but there are a lot of people that care for you.'' Things stayed quiet for a while. ''What happened Sarah?'' Sam asked. ''You were doing so good.''

Sarah shrugged her shoulders again and turned her gaze away from Sam. ''It was stupid. There were a few boys hanging around the parking lot at the grocery store. They were standing by my car and made a few comments about me.''

For most people that would be quite innocent, for Sarah it meant being set back in time 25 years.

''It's going to be okay,'' Sam promised. ''Please promise me to think about getting into that program. It might help you.''

''It might not,'' Sarah answered.

''Well..'' Sam argued. ''You never know until you try.''

XX

That night it was nearly eight when Sam arrived back home. He had spent ten hours with Sarah. Talking to her and trying to reason with her. Eventually she agreed with him that she needed help.

Sam talked to Sarah's doctor and he gave her the option of a program once again. It would mean leaving behind her house, because the program asked for you to be in a clinic for at least a month. In Sarah's case it would probably be longer. Her issues weren't new, there was an entire childhood to work trough. The program involved a lot of talking and therapy. Things that Sarah always tried to avoid as much as she could.

It took a lot of convincing, but Sarah agreed to go. She was released from the hospital, but still needed medical care. The clinic could provide that care, so everything was arranged. Sam took Sarah to her house to pack some of her things in a suitcase.

Sam went to Sarah's neighbor Janet to thank her for saving his sister. She promised him that she would look after her house for as long as Sarah was gone.

When everything was arranged Sam drove Sarah to the clinic. He stayed for an hour to make sure she was settled, but then he had to leave. He always felt like a failure whenever he left his sister behind. He always felt like she needed him.

Sam was disturbed from his thoughts when he heard his doorbell ring. He wasn't expecting anyone and Oliver was working, so he probably didn't have any guests coming in either.

Sam wanted to ignore whoever was standing outside his house, but when the doorbell rang again he stood up with a sigh. ''Coming,'' he yelled out.

When he opened the door he found Andy standing outside of his house. ''McNally?'' Sam asked surprised. ''What are you doing here?''

Andy looked like she was in pain and leaned on the doorpost. ''I was jogging,'' she explained. ''I think I twisted my ankle. It hurts like a bitch.''

''Come in,'' Sam immediately said when he saw her looking uncomfortable. ''How did you get here?''

''It happened a block from here,'' Andy said. ''I thought it wasn't that bad, but when I put weight on it realised I wouldn't be able to get home. I would've called a cab, but I don't have my phone with me.''

''It's fine,'' Sam promised. Helping his ex was a perfect way to continue this day. Sam let Andy lean on him as they made their way to his living room.

As soon as Andy was seated, Sam bent down. He took off Andy's shoe and found her ankle already swollen and blue. Sam moved her ankle a little and looked up to see her facial expression. ''That hurt?'' he asked.

''Yeah,'' Andy answered. ''But it's not broken. I wouldn't have been able to walk here if it was.''

''You probably shouldn't have walked at all,'' Sam argued. ''You could have done more damage.''

Andy winced when Sam moved her foot again. ''Didn't have much of a choice, I had to go somewhere and there was nobody to help. Sorry to disturb you. If I can just borrow your phone I'll call someone to pick me up.''

Having Collins picking up Andy at his place was the last thing Sam wanted, so he quickly shook his head. ''That's not what I meant. You know you can always come to me when you need help.'' Sam inspected Andy's ankle a little further and looked up again. ''I think you're right. Looks like a sprain.''

''Great,'' Andy muttered. ''Desk duty for me.''

''Yup,'' Sam agreed. ''You need to go by the doctor tomorrow to make sure it's nothing more serious, okay?'' Sam stood up and walked towards his kitchen to grab some ice.

''Yes sir,'' Andy said as he left the room. When he returned she quickly took the cold bag from him and placed it on her ankle. She groaned a little when the ice cold item made contact with her skin.

''You need me to give you a ride home?'' Sam asked. As much as he was fine with having Andy inside his house, he knew he had no right to think of her in that way anymore.

''If it's not too much trouble? I could always call someone else if you have plans, that's fine too. I'm already glad you're home, I wouldn't know what I would've done if you wouldn't have been here.''

''I'm always here,'' Sam softly said. He looked Andy in the eye and swallowed when a small smile formed on her lips.

''You are,'' she agreed.

''Let's go,'' Sam quickly ended their moment. He stood up and helped Andy up too. He held a hand around her waist to steady her as she kept an arm around his shoulder to lean on. Sam practically lifted her into his truck and then moved to the driver's side and got in as well. ''Where to?'' he asked.

''Home?'' Andy asked. ''Where else would I go?''

''I don't know,'' Sam lightly answered. ''Nash' place, Collins place...''

Andy frowned and readjusted the ice pack on her ankle. ''Why would you take me there? I came running here so my stuff is at my place.''

''I don't know how serious the two of you are,'' Sam argued. ''You were already living together undercover.'' Sam didn't want to fish, he really didn't. Still, he needed to know what was really going on. If he had really and truly blew every chance he ever had with Andy.

''I'm not following,'' Andy said confused. ''We were posing as a couple undercover..''

Sam shook his head and let out a sarcastic laugh. ''I'm sure you two were really convincing.''

''Do you think I'm dating Nick?'' Andy said suddenly figuring out a few things.

''Is it supposed to be a secret?'' Sam asked not following anymore.

''There's nothing going on between the two of us,'' Andy answered. Her voice was an octave higher than it normally was and all the pain in her ankle was suddenly forgotten. ''Where did you get that idea?"

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and then put his hand on the steering wheel again. ''You were kissing him in the parking lot just a week ago. If you don't want people to know, go somewhere private.'' Basically the last thing Sam wanted was for Collins to take McNally somewhere private, but he wanted her to cut the act she was putting on.

''You saw that?'' Andy asked horrified. ''Oh my god.''

''Yeah, so I guess secret's out.'' Sam sounded bitter, even to his own ears. He was very much done with the day he had. When he got Andy home safely he would get home as soon as he could and sleep for the next twelve hours.

''There is nothing going on,'' Andy insisted. ''Nobody was supposed to see that. It was just some stupid thing Nick made me do.''

''Collins made you kiss him?'' Sam asked. This situation was getting more absurd by the second.

''I,'' Andy started. ''He.'' Andy took a deep breath and threw her hands up in the air. ''It is complicated.''

''I have time.'' Sam was very interested in what Andy had to say. Because if she was speaking the truth right now, then that meant that maybe he would have another chance with her.

Andy shook her head and looked out of the window. ''It's something between Nick and me,'' she answered. She didn't want to tell Sam about what happened between Nick and her, she owed Nick that much. ''But we are not together in anyway.''

''It didn't look like nothing to me.''

''You can either believe me or not, but I don't have to explain myself to you,'' Andy defended herself. ''What happened between us is private and I think I have enough strikes against me at this point to get into it more deeply.''

''What do you mean?'' Sam couldn't figure out what Andy was talking about. Ten minutes alone with her and he was again more confused than ever.

A red light forced Sam to stop his truck. He turned slightly and looked at Andy. ''What do you mean Andy?''

''Let's not pretend that I don't have a reputation,'' Andy said. ''If more people saw us in the parking lot than that's just great.''

''It was just me,'' Sam promised. ''And the only reputation you have is that you're a good cop.''

A sarcastic chuckle escaped Andy's lips. ''Sure. You know just as well as I do that people gossip and my actions have brought on a lot of gossip.''

''What are you talking about?'''

''I got engaged to a detective my first year on the job. He cheats on me and a few months later I get suspended for sleeping with a superior officer that was undercover at the time. Then that same detective I was once engaged to, picks me to go on a task force with one of my close friends. Rumors about me and him were already going on before we even returned.'' Andy was summing up everything that bothered her since Marlo had confronted her in the locker room.

The light turned green, so Sam slowly drove away again. ''People are always going to talk Andy,'' Sam tried to comfort her. ''Who is telling you all this stuff anyway?''

''Had a little run in with your ex,'' Andy explained. ''She wasn't too happy in that moment and decided that it was because of me that she was feeling miserable.''

Sam cringed a little when Andy told him that, but he quickly composed himself. ''She had no right to do that. I'm sorry.''

''Not your fault,'' Andy answered. ''Just sucked to hear.''

''I understand.'' Sam was quiet for a moment, processing everything that Andy had just told him. ''Nothing is going on between you and Collins?'' he asked once again.

''No,'' Andy answered truthfully. ''We're friends, but nothing more. I guess the lines became a little blurry when we were undercover, because all we had was each other. But we really are just friends.''

''What did you expect when you came home?'' Sam decided that he was done being a coward for a moment. If he ever wanted to make some headway with Andy, he needed to step up. Things needed to get out in the open. He preferred to ask this question while driving, he was forced to focus on the road instead of his heart pounding in his chest.

Andy absently kept playing with the ice pack on her ankle. The pain was completely gone at the moment, but Andy guessed that that was because all of the emotions that were going on in her mind right now.

''Honestly?'' she asked. ''I expected things to be the same.''

''The same as what?''

Andy looked at Sam, he was avoiding looking at her. ''The same as when I left.'' Andy took in a deep breath and decided to be brave. ''I guess I was hoping you were still willing to buy me that drink.'' When Sam didn't answer right away she continued. ''I thought Chris would still be himself, I figured Dov would still be miserable, I was worried about Traci because I just left her behind..''

''Andy,'' Sam tried to interrupt.

''It's okay,'' Andy quickly said. ''I left. I had no right to assume that you would wait for me.''

''I didn't know there was something to wait for,'' Sam shot back. ''You left so I assumed that that was it. You didn't want to be with me. The way I saw it you made that perfectly clear.''

''I needed some time,'' Andy tried. ''I couldn't just jump back into your arms after what you did to me.''

''I wasn't myself Andy,'' Sam defended his actions from a year before. ''I didn't know how to deal with everything that was going on. I'll admit I handled everything badly, but I needed some space.''

''You could've asked me for that.'' Andy was so tired all of the sudden. ''I'm not a mind reader. And you never shared anything with me, so how was I supposed to know what was going on in your head?''

Sam sighed when they reached Andy's place. He killed the engine and leaned back against his chair. ''I guess you couldn't have known.''

''I shouldn't have left,'' Andy quickly told him. ''It was a coward thing to do, but when you told me that you wanted another chance..'' Andy shook her head. ''I guess I was just afraid of how that would turn out.''

''Why?'' Sam asked.

''Because I was a mess after you left me standing there in that parking lot.'' Andy looked at Sam and saw his pained expression. ''I'm not saying this to hurt you..''

''I know, continue.''

''I was a mess,'' Andy continued. ''And if I gave you another chance and you decided that everything that happened was my fault after all.. or if you decided that I wasn't enough again.''

''It wasn't that Andy,'' Sam softly said. ''I never blamed you, not really. And you have never not been enough.''

''I let you lead,'' Andy repeated the words she also told the departments therapist. ''I let you lead and then I got left. Again.'' Andy looked at her feet, knowing that she would break if she would meet Sam's eyes.

''Andy,'' Sam tried to make her look at him. ''If I could take back that night..''

''You can't,'' Andy quickly said. She swallowed and finally looked up again. ''You can't undo it. Just like I can't undo leaving.''

Sam's breathing picked up. ''Would you?'' he needed to know.

Andy waited a few seconds before replying. ''In a heartbeat.''

''Then give me that chance now,'' Sam pleaded. When Andy look slightly confused Sam continued. ''I still mean everything I told you that night. I want to cook for you, I want to take out your trash and I'll walk your dog if you decide you want one.''

Andy closed her eyes and let her head fall back against her chair. ''We hurt each other so badly.''

''So, we change, we grow,'' Sam used Oliver's wise words. ''We can be better.''

''How can you be so sure?'' Andy asked.

Sam looked outside and then looked back at Andy. ''Because I know now how it feels to have lost you. I don't want to go through that again.''

''I'm scared,'' Andy admitted.

''I'm here,'' Sam shot back. ''All you have to do is say yes and let me show you.''

When Andy shivered, Sam was out of the truck in no time. ''Let me help you upstairs.''

Slowly they walked inside. While she was walking Andy felt the pain in her ankle again. She winced as she put weight on it and was grateful for Sam's arm that held her upright. When they reached her condo, Andy quickly opened the door. Sam helped her to her couch and crouched down in front of her.

''Are you going to be okay on your own?'' he asked. He was hurt that she didn't answer his question, but he realised that he might be too late.

Andy nodded. ''I'll be okay,'' she promised. Her heart was still beating out of control, but she was trying to not let that show.

''Then I'll go home,'' Sam said. He gave her a tight smile and stood up. When he reached for the doorknob Andy stopped him.

''Sam,'' she practically yelled. When he turned around she smiled shyly. ''When do you think you can buy me that drink?'' she asked.

XX

Finally some headway for Sam and Andy, but of course still has a lot of things he need to tell her...

And Andy still has to deal with Nick.. Enough drama ahead..