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Chapter Thirty One: A Life Altering Decision
John stood alone at the window, watching Marty sleeping peacefully in her hospital bed. She looked angelic with her chocolate ringlets framing her face, and eyelids framed by long full eyelashes hid her sparkling chocolate eyes and wide smile. The gentle rise and fall of every breath reminded him that while she was alive she was far from being with everyone she loved.
"Wake up." He pleaded silently. "Wake up and tell me what you want me to do. It's almost time for the doctors to make a decision. We need you here. Cole and me we need you here. I can't do this without you."
Dr. Winters, Paige and Michael had come in immediately after the surgery happy to report that they had managed to stop the contractions for now. It was likely the medication would only last a few hours giving John just enough time to make a decision considering Cole at just 17 was too young to make a decision of this magnitude.
Cole was in with the surgeons now getting the same spiel John had gotten a few moments earlier. John could hear Cole break down as he heard the grim news while clinging to Langston like a lifeline. He couldn't lose his Mom. He just couldn't. Not after he lost his Dad.
"Penny for your thoughts John." Natalie announced as she slipped into the room behind him. "I know that this must be hard for you. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No not really." John said giving her his standard answer. Sighing he moved away from Natalie and sat in the plastic chair by Marty's bed. Pulling her limp hand in his he traced his fingers over her knuckles. He was talking to Natalie but looking at Marty as he said, "I need to make this choice with only her voice in my head. I can't listen to everyone else tell me what's best for her."
A silent sob crept into his voice as he continued. "Cole's trusting me to do what's right for his Mom and Marty's trusting me to do what's right for her kids. They're what I need to think about right now."
Natalie nodded in understanding wrapping her arms around his torso she whispered, "Everyone out there that's here for Marty is here for you too. We're here for you if you need us."
Leaving behind something in the air she took a deep breath saying, "I'm here if you need me." With that the red head disappeared out of the room leaving John alone to listen to the steady beat of Marty's heart monitor and the baby's fetal monitor.
John kissed Marty's head reveling in the feel of inhaling her cherry blossom scent. After pulling away he brushed back some of her hair and stroked her cheek. "Listen. Lady don't go anywhere okay? I'll be right back."
He left her hospital room and found himself alone standing in front of Llanview's busy nursery. His forehead leaned against the cool glass, his eyes eagerly watching the tiny babies. Only there standing alone could he admit how badly he wanted to be a father and only there standing alone could he really admit it wasn't going to happen. Despite his own selfish wants and needs John was going to put Cole first. For the past 17 years he had his mother more importantly for the past five years Marty was all he had. John knew that feeling all too well and he couldn't let himself voluntarily take Marty away. Hell he knew that wasn't what he wanted. He couldn't lose her either. He just had to trust God that he would make the right decision.
Michael walked down the hallway to find John standing at the nursery looking at all the babies. Sighing he remembered when he found Marty after her accident around Christmas time. He thought his brother looked bad then but seeing him now . . . Michael shook his head and knew that he never wanted to have to make a decision like this in regards to Marcie.
Walking up to him he stayed silent watching his brother as he watched a little girl in her pink blanket and cap wriggle and cries out for someone to pick her up. And he knew what John was thinking, that she could be his little girl the little girl he might never have.
"Johnny." He whispered. "The meds are starting to wear off. It's almost time to make a decision. Have you made one yet?"
John nodded and with one last look at the little girl in the far corner of the nursery he knew what he had to do. He knew there was only one decision to make.