I froze, my lungs stopped halfway through a gasp as I quickly tried to stifle my panic. The chill that crawled along my spine slapped my miserable failure back in my face. The panic continued, and my stomach began to throb painfully. In lieu of letting out a whimper, I bit my the inside of my mouth hard enough to cut into the flesh.

I couldn't believe my eyes. This seriously couldn't be happening, could it?

Maybe it was a dream? An illusion? Following that train of thought, maybe I'd just gone crazy. I'd never expected to see this creature again, not my current life or the next.

"Master?" Its movements were strangely much more minimal than I remembered, yet its voice was just as dull—monotone, as I vaguely recalled. "Are you unwell?"

"Of—" course I'm fine, you stupid bitch. The retort failed to tumble out of my mouth, but the reflex of it did give me a jolt. It had been a long time since I'd been that cavalier, especially to something as dangerous as this thing in front of me. Yesterday, I could almost think of those days fondly, almost, but today was not then, not by a long shot. I'd lost that attitude—no, to be more accurate I'd had that attitude eviscerated out of me. The trauma of it had kept me awake at night for years, as much as I'd pretended otherwise.

I coughed, before brushing away the droplets of blood that leaked out of my mouth. "Of course I'm fine."

It knew I was lying, of course, but nodded anyway. It's not like the concern was real in the first place. It simply had an assigned duty, just as I had mine.

Duty, hah, what a laugh. But the thought was decent enough for more than just a scoff. I closed my eyes as I tried to just think. While it was might have been mildly amusing to think I was just insane or dreaming, I just didn't have the imagination for something like this. Neither was I important enough for someone to enthrall for some purpose...

Or was I?

The back of my right hand itched. Nothing was there, but it was like... like a reminder. A trigger. I wasn't important, no, but perhaps my family...? I think they were all dead already, but... no. That wasn't it. The key was there, but not there.

I drew a sharp breath, and finally took in all of my surroundings. I had tried to ignore everything in my panic, hoped it'd all go away if I looked away, but now that the hysteria was beginning to fade I couldn't do that anymore. I had to gather my thoughts if I wanted to figure out what was going on, and I did want to find out what was going on. Everything happens for a reason, wasn't it? I think I heard that somewhere before.

So, time to pull everything together. My name is Matou Shinji. I'm thirty-eight years old, I think. I stopped bothering to count my age a good decade back, and generally have to count up from my date of birth to the current year to remember. When I was young, I liked to pretend I was a magus, not because I had chuunibyou, but because I was part of a family of magi. Of course, I wasn't actually a magus as I wasn't born with the ability for it, but I still liked to act proud because of it, like it meant something. I was elite; I was part of that secret world that only so few knew about. I acted like I was something important, tried to pull my weight around like it meant something to a world of gods and monsters, and so of course it all fell on top of me.

What was I to that world? What's a bug to a titan?

Insignificant, that's what.

But I lived through it, a war—albeit a very small, localized one. In the aftermath, I eventually learned to live with everything. I initially tried to brush it all off, but those few short weeks never really left me. When I graduated from high school, it was like casting off my skin. I couldn't deal with keeping up the farce, couldn't deal with the weight of reality, so I just ran away. It was the most liberating thing I'd ever done. I hadn't really realized how much I'd pressured myself until I threw everything away.

Well, I only really learned that after having mundane life kick the shit out of me for a couple of years. Those first few years... no, I need to gather myself, not lose myself. This isn't productive.

The key was my family? I froze again, halfway in reaching to scratch the back of my hand. No, it was magic.

Magic, real magic, not the thaumaturgy that magi use. It had to be. But... why?

I couldn't remember. I could remember my youth, but the ordinary, slogging days of my mundane, adult life sort of blended all together. Not that I'd expect much else since my adult life was boring as hell, but there was a hint of something in the fact that I couldn't remember how I got here. It wasn't like I just went to sleep one night and suddenly popped up in the past. If I had to describe it, it would be a dream-like transition, only much more vivid, and somewhat traumatic.

But there was a hint there, definitely. Something connected to the itch, definitely, but nothing more solid than that.

Okay, next point. I exhaled, blinked, and then looked around again. Where was I? A scene right out of my nightmares, that's where. I was outside the Matou residence in Fuyuki City. Not surprising, I guess. It was why I'd had a panic attack—well, that and Rider's presence. When was I, exactly? It was night. Beyond that I had no idea. I needed a better reference. I'd guess early February, but that was a pretty broad area given how compact the war was.

Given my position, I was probably about to leave to... do something, probably strut uselessly around town? I don't recall anything important happening when I was out and about, at least not until I had Rider attack people. So, yeah, screw this.

I about-faced and started to walk back into the manor.

"Master?" Its voice had a mildly confused tone. Obviously, I'd given Rider some sort of plan for the night.

"I've changed my mind. It's cold out tonight." Putting aside the unnecessary comment, I scratched my hand again. It didn't itch, but the motion gave me a slight feeling of comfort against the disquieting feeling I had whenever I looked at the creature I somehow commanded.

Commanded. Yes, I could do that, couldn't I? The book I clucked in my right hand was the key. I remembered the feeling of euphoria I'd experienced when I had... acquired the Book of the False Attendant. It was a high that was soon brutally crushed, but the power I'd held for a while... am holding right now? Well, it wasn't too bad.

I let out a slow wheeze of air as I stepped back into the manor. I needed to find a calendar or something. I didn't have the habit of marking off the days, but maybe Sakura did or something.

Of course, my wanderings quickly skid to a halt as I ran into a face I'd thought I'd forgotten. No, I'd tried to forget it. Not because it was ugly, although it certain was, but because it was a face that had, once upon a time, haunted my darkest nightmares. It still did, from time to time, although they weren't as harsh as some.

"What are you doing?" The sound of my great-great-something-or-another grandfather's voice was like gravel. He stared at me with a certain look in his eye, I couldn't quite place it. I'd say perhaps revulsion? Disappointment, maybe? Whatever it was, I felt like I was suddenly being suffocated. It was like I never really left, like the supposed freedom I thought I'd won by getting away was all a lie.

Like I was still the same damn, insecure idiot I was twenty-some years ago.

Fuck.

"Just a change of strategy, Grandfather." I tried to swallow the nervousness—the terror—I felt, but I could still hear it in my voice. I fucking hated it. It made my voice sound whiny.

He heard it too.

"Hmh." He responded with a grunt of amusement. My ancestor's lips quirked, mocking me, and he tilted his head minutely. He accepted my excuse without a word, and dismissed me.

I felt a cold burn settle in my stomach. I had to just swallow it and walk away. I'd killed him. I knew it. I was going to kill this bastard one way or another. I'd decided right there and then, I'd never be able to do anything—never be able to shake off this weight, unless I killed him. I'd need a plan, obviously. It wasn't going to be easy to kill a magus, especially not one of his caliber, but it was going to happen. Maybe in the chaos of the war I'd be able to... to...

I blinked.

"Rider, kill him." The thought of it was barely in my head before I commanded my Servant. No, I didn't even think of it before it was barreling out of my mouth.

It was like the world froze in that moment. I could practically see my grandfather's brain grind to a halt in complete shock. In the peripheral of my sight, I saw Rider similarly still. Neither could believe what I'd just uttered. But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me. What was my grandfather, what was Matou Zouken? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He may have haunted my nightmares, but what was he to these creatures? To Medusa, to Heracles, to Gilgamesh... to Angra Mainyu? I wasn't going to just walk away, not from him, not when I've seen just how small he is, not when I have the power to do something about it.

The moment passed, and a spike materialized in my grandfather's skull before he even had a chance to say a word. His body flew against the wall from the force of it, and the entire house thundered from the impact. I was mildly surprised his head hadn't simply exploded from the force of it, and the thought appealed to me the moment it popped into my mind.

"Rider, be thorough. Pulverize him." Maybe it was providence, or luck, but a second later I was extremely glad to have given that order. Rider launched herself against the body, giving it at least ten hits all in the blink of an eye. Each one was less a hammer and more a shotgun. His bones and flesh weren't just crack and bend, they were utterly destroyed, causing chunks of meat to explode away from the body and splatter the room. Of course, then his body began to unravel.

I'd always known, instinctively, that my grandfather wasn't entirely human. Magi lived longer, but I knew from my readings that there was always a limit to how long you could go without shedding some part of what made you human. However, I'd never expected this. I vaguely recognized the creatures that... detached from his body as some sort of worm familiar. I'd seen them before. I hadn't realized just how... intimate they were with my grandfather though.

They were, of course, absolutely no match for Rider. They were fast, certainly, but my Servant was beyond any sane measure of speed. The things died by the droves, and each gave a wet, splattering shriek as they died so the house was filled with a chorus of bloody cries. I couldn't tell if they were trying to attack or escape because all of them died before they could do more than flop off his body.

Somewhere during all of this, I'd started laughing. It felt good. Fuck. It was amazing to watch. Still, I imagine it was probably a pretty shocking scene to walk into. A sharp gasp from behind me made me realize that's exactly what my sister did. I hiccuped as I tried to get my laughter under control, and turned my head.

Sakura's face was pale, and her mouth hung open with her hands in front of her—like she tried to cover the gasp and only made it halfway. I coughed once, and brushed off the blood that had flecked away from the wound my laughter had reopened. Dimly, I wondered what kind of crazed fuck I must have looked like, but at the same time, I just didn't give a damn.

"Yo, Sakura. Glad you could join us. Things are gonna be different from now on."