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Now for more!
Er... Don't listen to sad music...
Athrun had heard everything from Kira, annoyed that his friend just went ahead and told Shinn such things; but, glad that Shinn left when he did.
Athrun stood in front of the door that belonged to his lover. He wanted to go in, explain everything. Tell Shinn what was going on, to let him out of the dark that Athrun had put him in, but. At the same time, Athrun wanted to turn and run.
Run away form this problem that has occurred. It was all because of what he told Kira.
Kira...
Athrun leaned onto the door, his blue hair hiding his face from the world. Either way the out look seemed bleak.
"How could I... when you've been nothing but in love with me..." Athrun asked the door. "How do I tell you... that I wish for something so wrong?" Again an unanswered question; Athrun's jade eyes glanced up at the wood, half expecting it to open.
A bright eyed male would be standing there. A cheerful smile would decorate his pale face; an infectious laugh, and someone who, for no reason, would help some random stranger.
Not like himself, no, he could hardly help himself.
"...Shinn..." Athrun pushed away from the door, content on leaving "I'm so sorry."
"For what?" came the familiar voice of his lover.
"... Shinn, ah... I'm glad to see you." Athrun said, slightly startled at the others timing; turning to face the other fully.
"You don't look it." Shinn pointed out, his voice drawled, he was right. There was no smile on Athrun's face, no happy greeting, nothing but sad eyes to say hello. Athrun promptly pulled him into a tight embrace, kissing the smooth black hair that came close to his lips. A confused look crossed his face briefly before he hugged Athrun back.
What was with the sudden affection? It wasn't as if Athrun had never touched him before... but this...
"I am..." Athrun said softly enough that if Shinn wasn't already pressed against him he might not have heard. Slowly Shinn shifted, trying to put enough distance between them so that he could talk properly. Yet the older males grip only tightened, silently begging him to stay right where he was.
Athrun's embrace was almost suffocating.
"Athrun..." Shinn started softly, his ruby eyes glued to the slow rise and fall of his lover's chest "I-"
"You know I love you... right Shinn...?" this caught him off guard. Sure, Athrun has told him before that he loved him, but the desperation that coated Athrun's normally even voice was distressing.
"Ah... Yeah..." Shinn said softly, forgetting what he was about to say. The black haired male slowly relaxed into Athrun's protective grip; enjoying the touch while it was willing to last.
"And I'm so sorry..." again with a weak voice, soon letting go of the smaller captive frame.
"... You never told me for what..." Shinn pressed on, trying to get the shamed Athrun to look at him. The younger male gave up with a drawled sigh, opening the door. "Come on in, want something to drink?" A change of subject would be a good thing. The anxious desire to fill the room with talking came over him again. It reminded him of when he used to bunk with Rey. How he always needed to talk to fill the space between them.
Athrun nodded before coming in, watching Shinn from the corner of his jade eyes.
Shinn was talking, about nothing again. The nervousness in his voice was hardly evident, but none the less it was there. Athrun grabbed Shinn's wrist turning him around. Shinn blinked a few times, trying to recall what just happened.
"I'm... really not that thirsty..." Athrun said with a scowl. Shinn nodded. But before he could say anything Athrun was kissing him. It was a much more forceful than he was use to from Athrun; and it only became more demanding with every second.
Shinn let out a small gasp when he felt his back hit the wall, roughly. He closed his eyes tightly, sure he would have a few bruises or love bites by the end of this. Athrun forced his knee between Shinn's legs, biting down on any flesh that he could on his way down to his lovers neck.
Even if Shinn was to protest, Athrun wouldn't have listened.
It seemed to pass quickly, both in Shinn's bed. The younger male shifted into a sitting position, he hurt a little more than he thought he did. Apparently Athrun didn't feel like being all that nice to him today. He pulled both legs up close to his chest, discarded blanket at his feet, and Athrun to his left. His blue haired lover had his face buried into the pillow, blanket covering his waist down.
He looked like her was sulking.
Shinn smiled lightly at the thought. Bringing his chin to rest on his knees he let out a light sigh.
Athrun seemed in deep thought. Thinking over things that beckoned for his undivided attention. He pushed himself from the soft bed, turning his back to face Shinn. Carelessly dropping his legs off the edge of the bed to encourage himself to get up. It was apparent that he didn't want to. Yet he dipped down, picking up the discarded clothing that was scattered across the bedside.
Shinn looked over, observing the way Athrun made such a simple thing look as if it took everything out of him to do.
"I hate this..." Athrun said softly, slowly dressing himself. Shinn looked at him with nothing but confusion.
"Hate... what?" Shinn asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
"This." Athrun repeated; his cloths all set back into place. "All of this..."
Shinn was speechless. Did Athrun mean what they were doing, what they have done? His chest seemed to tighten in a way that he couldn't move, he couldn't breath. Had he hated this the whole time, what had happened? What did Shinn do wrong?
Athrun glanced over his shoulder, wanting to know why the normally loud male was abnormally silent.
"I... I think its best... that we just stay friends... you know..." he was whispering this, his eyes found the way the light lit the halls interesting at that exact moment. "This relationship... I like you Shinn... but... I can't continue with this... not when... not when my reasons are so... impure." With that Athrun casually left. Shinn had wanted to say so much, to scream. To do something, other than just sit there and take it.
what was wrong with him!
Athrun only left Shinn with more questions, and the lingering scent of Athrun in the room caused Shinn to feel worse. His eyes stinging from the pain his body was feeling.
"Why...?" he managed.
He could feel himself chocking on his tears, although he couldn't hear it. He couldn't seem to hear anything. His unsteady arms slowly slipped around his shivering frame. Somehow his arms seemed to make him feel colder in the warm room.
It didn't seem right. Not at all.
How could someone do that so easily, Athrun couldn't possibly be that cold. Athrun was so kind to him... or was that a simple ploy. All for some sick game, that left Shinn feeling like he was missing an even larger part of himself.
Silently he wished he could reach inside himself and take out his heart, what ever was left of it. So he didn't feel like this. Why was it that someone had such power over him.
He curled more into himself trying to stop him crying.
Wishing he didn't know how to cry.
"P-Please..." Shinn pleaded the silence of the room. "Make this stop... I-I wan-na go back..."
"T-Tell me what... What I did wrong." He found himself coughing. "I-I... I promise... I won't do it again..." he used the blanket to dry off some of the tears. So he could at least see properly.
"Come... Come back... Please... I love you..." all his words consumed into the darkness of the room.
Shinn felt so cold.
Shinn slowly opened his eyes to the blinding light of outside. The morning sun mocking him as he sat up from his tear soaked pillow.
He didn't remember falling asleep last night.
It even took a bit before he remembered where he was.
His hand traveled slowly to his sore head, a dull throb made him groan in pain. The pounding in his head was made worse when there was a loud knock at the front door.
Shinn's ruby eyes glanced at the hallway, content on letting his body die with his mind and soul. The person who was knocking at the door could just go off and fuck themselves. He just allowed his body to fall back onto the bed, glad that sometime in the night he had pulled the blanket over himself.
Before he could get comfortable again the thought of Athrun crept into his mind. Making him get out of the bed to move onto the couch. It seemed ironic that he should return to the place it all started. Slowly Shinn stopped in front of the couch. Simply looking at the fabric and recalling a once happy memory.
All the memories with Athrun were painful now.
Closing his eyes tightly, trying to convince himself he wouldn't cry again, pretending the tears already on his face weren't there. Shinn pulled the blanket even tighter around himself, crumpling down onto the floor.
The person at the door seemed to have gone away...
"Shinn!" boomed a familiar voice. "Answer the door when someone's... there..." Lunamaria stood in the hall, her eyes glued to her friend. His hands seemed so tightly coiled around the blanket that his knuckles had turned white. His face buried in such a way that you could only see his black hair against the white sheets. His body leaning against the frame of the sofa as of someone had just left him there, the blanket creating a small path beneath him.
She opened her mouth, to say something to the sheet covered male. But nothing would come out when she could hear his soft crying. Instead she ran the short distance between herself and Shinn. More than thankful she swiped a spare key from him a while ago.
She took the broken remains of her friend and held it tightly to her chest, whispering over and over to him again.
Shinn found it strange when he kept hearing her say his name, her arms wrapped tightly around him. He felt comforted. Slowly his hand removed itself from the captive white fabric and latched itself onto Lunamaria. Allowing himself to appear weak for that moment and cry.
Luna gently ran her fingers over his smooth yet messy hair.
"Shinn, I know that it might be hard... but... tell me what's wrong..." she asked as kindly as she could. Shinn gagged a little for air. Right now, Lunamaria was acting like a mother, so kind and gentle to her child. The thought made him cling to her more.
"You're not... going to talk right now are you...?" she asked in such a way that it didn't sound like a bad thing. She was keeping her word to Shinn. She would be there for him no matter what.
It had been a while, neither of them saying anything, and neither of them knew exactly what time it was. Shinn pushed away from Lunamaria enough to whip his eyes with his arm. Lunamaria slimed lightly, thinking that it would've worked better had he been wearing cloths.
"A-Athrun... and I..." Shinn said meekly, as if he was a small child confessing something bad he'd done to his mother. "We b-broke up..."
Lunamaria's eyes softened immediately, caressing the side of his tear stained face.
"Shinn..." she said his name with such tenderness that he couldn't help but think of Athrun. "Why did you two split up?" her gossipy tone started to surface.
"... He-He... said that." Shinn paused, glancing off to the side, not really wanting to talk about this. His hands fisting his blanket. "That he hated-this." Still it hurt. Shinn wasn't really sure why it hurt as much as it did. Why even thinking about it made his chest tighten.
He did know that he loved Athrun.
Lunamaria pulled him closer to her again, hugging tightly. "Right now..." she said softly "Everything is going to hurt... 'Cause it'll remind you of him..." Shinn was sure she was right.
She was more than right.
Shinn hadn't spoken to Athrun in a few days; he found that ever so often all he could do was think about his former lover. The time the spent they doing nothing, the day when they had their firsts. The day the had their lasts.
Maybe... Maybe when he could make himself get up again, he could do something, to make the dull throb in his chest go away.