Author/s: Skitts + Lamatikah –eleven fingered salute-
Summary: They were never a perfect family, but they always tried. Even if trying wasn't good enough… AkuRoku .:RikuxSoraxKairi:.
Disclaimer: Heh. Kingdom Hearts rules my little world. Just like I rule i- wait... no I don't... damn...
Full Circle
●◦●----------------------Xx
--Chapter 3—
x-The Messiah Emerges-x
●◦●----------------------Oo
As Rikku gripped Axel tightly, she felt the rush of the wind whip her hair behind her, and she felt a tug on her plaits. A car swerved close by and Rikku found herself clinging even harder. She could hear Axel laugh above the roar of the engine and the rush of the wind. She giggled inaudibly, and clutched tighter as another car almost threw her off.
She wasn't sure whether to trust Axel. He seemed nice enough, but then again, he seemed like the one who would bite your head off with sarcastic comments if something you said or did was wrong.
She whimpered as Axel pressed his foot further down on the pedal. He was going way over the speed limit, and Rikku was so scared. She'd never actually been on a motorbike before, and the fastest she'd ever travelled in a car was only 70 mph, which at the time she had thought was 'fast'.
Axel slowed down and pulled over.
"I thought you said you liked fast..." he smirked. This kid smirked a lot. And Rikku was getting kind of annoyed with it. Eh, maybe when she got to know him better then it wouldn't annoy her so.
Rikku panted heavily as she caught up with her breath. Axel got down from the bike, and pulled her down with him.
"Rikku?" he asked softly. No longer was he smirking. Rikku wiped a hand across her nose. She stumbled a little before looking back up at him.
"I'm okay!" she stated, bringing her index finger to the air. Axel laughed, perhaps a little nervously this time, and pulled her into a big bear-hug, "Axel! What about Yuffie?!" cried Rikku. Axel snorted.
"Yuffie?" he laughed, squeezing Rikku some more, "Yeah... I'm sure she'd care!" Rikku was taken aback by what Axel was saying. She thought Yuffie cared about Axel and vice versa. Obviously not. Maybe it had something to do with this 'Leon' person.
"Hey... Axel... What are we gonna do here?" asked Rikku, staring round at the totally new surroundings. Axel shrugged.
"I can take you home. I don't really hang around here much," Rikku nodded, still staring round at all the places she'd never seen before. Axel laughed and picking her up, placed her back on the bike. Rikku giggled.
As Axel plopped himself back in his seat there was a shout, Rikku's head flipped round, scared that it might be Yuffie. She didn't want to get on the bad side of Yuffie, mainly because she felt like best friends already, and the other reason was because if she was friends with Yuffie then she could find loads of other friends, too. And maybe a friend for Roxas!
"Demyx! Demyx, there you are, you stupid little boy!" joked Axel, jumping off the bike yet again to greet his friend. Rikku fell forward as Axel left her. She didn't want to be seen, because according to Roxas all the people here were stupid and gay.
"Erm... Axel... do you think I could walk home from here then... 'cuz I really need to get home... or my mum'll flip... you know?" Rikku asked him, stuttering a little in the presence of this new person.
"Oh, sorry Ri', I'll come back for you Demyx. How come you weren't at school today?" Demyx shrugged and saluted Axel as the red-head pushed Rikku back onto the bike. She waved back at Demyx. Demyx jumped up and waved as hard as he could to Rikku. So Rikku, being the practical person she was leapt off the bike.
Eventually they started to have a contest of who could wave the hardest with the most amount of (decent) body parts. Rikku clinched it with her nose, but Demyx was not far behind with his ears. Axel on the hand had driven off, and they hadn't realised. Soon, they watched as a pretty motorcycle came zooming into view with a laughing red-head perched on it. Rikku laughed, even thought she didn't see what was so funny. Then, hopping onto the bike with some help from Axel, she left, this time waving normally, with her hand, to Demyx.
Demyx, not realising they had finished their little competition, was left stood there waggling his ears until the motorbike sped off and all that was left on the street was him, a trash can, and an old lady who took one look at him and hobbled off with her cane, clutching her purse protectively.
All self-respecting villains draw attention to themselves by waggling their ears before they mug old ladies, of course.
●◦●----------------------Oo
Roxas was depressed.
That was a bit of a silly statement as, because Roxas was an emo, he was entitled to be depressed.
But this gloomy afternoon he had an even bigger right to be crowned King of Emo. He was going to have to troop into school tomorrow with his assortment of weird family members. Eventually they would all make like bananas and split, split into their own small groups of friends, or, in Rikku's case, be mauled by the entire student body, all of them waving Chemistry books and claiming she signed all of them because she was 'cool and all that' and 'so totally pwnsome' and '$h3 w0u1d /\/\ 3 4n 3x 3113n+ nd!d+3 ph0r 0ur 0rn93 h!r3d 739!0n5 0f 00\/!' Which, in English, roughly translates to: 'She would make an excellent candidate for our orange-haired legions of doom'. And then he, Roxas, would be left alone, trailing around the school field whilst his sisters ran past giggling and signing Chemistry books.
To improve his dark moods he was in the attic that had yet to be cleaned out, lying back against the wooden timbres that created their roof. His MP3 player was securely in his ears and he was swivelling through numerous depressing songs, trying to find the one that summed up his current mood the best.
He had even been kicked out of his own room. He had been kicked out of several rooms because he was just a little cloud of gloom hovering in the corner and was disturbing his family as they went about their daily business.
He'd been banned from the kitchen because Meg was cleaning up after dinner.
He'd been banned from the living room because Mindy and her school friends, Shoe and Lenny, were in there, with the blueprints to the sewers of Destiny Islands spread out over the coffee table. When he asked about this Shoe had rolled his eyes and said that his half-brother his parents were trying to pretend he didn't have was probably down there living on toxic waste and that was why he had never seen him. Roxas pointed out he had probably never seen his half-brother because he probably didn't have one, but Lenny had rolled his eyes and said he was a shallow human being.
He'd been banned from the bathroom because Hercules was in there. Either he had some severe stomach problems as he'd been in there all of two hours or the toilet had gone bust and was spewing out that toxic gunge in the sewers Shoe had mentioned. Maybe it was even spewing out several of his half-brothers as well...
He'd been banned from the study because apparently opening the door triggered some sort of booby trap set by the previous owners of the house. Hercules had been the unfortunate one who had found this out yesterday. He'd been walking around like he'd been crushed by a ten tonne bookcase all day, which was strangely ironic because he had been crushed by a ten tonne bookcase that was triggered to fall on anybody who dared open the door.
He'd been banned from Marluxia's room because he was up there with his life-long friend, Larxene, and Larxene scared Roxas. An awful lot. The antenna'd girl was amazingly protective of his other sibling, if taking two-hour car journeys to see how he was doing every day was any indication of loyalty and protective-ness. The blonde girl felt that she always had to be there to shield Marluxia from the real world, because he wasn't like normal people and always needed somebody's hand to guide him. And to play at painting his toe-nails, even though they were both in their early twenties.
He'd been banned from Rikku's room because she was dancing around to something by Aqua, singing loudly in front of her mirror. Some things never changed...
He'd been banned from his parent's room because ... Well, actually, he hadn't been banned from his parent's room, but what kid actually wants to venture into the room your parents share? Roxas didn't want to scar himself for life.
And, last but not least, he'd been banned from his own room because Naminé had locked herself up in there with some kid called Denzel and they were drawing.
And so, through all of those long-winded explanations presented forth in a detailed report for you and only you to study, you can deduce that the only place Roxas hadn't been banned from was the attic. And he probably would have been banned from there too if Meg knew he was up there, in fear he would put a foot through a rotten floorboard or something.
The boy sighed, trying to avert his mind from depressing thoughts of school tomorrow, getting his bags packed, Sora, algebra and young Mindy's sanity.
He clicked his MP3 player off, and decided to do something he should have done a long time ago.
He was going to see if there was any leftover pizza downstairs in the kitchen from their dinner.
And then maybe he was going to phone Selphie and see how she was 'hanging'.
●◦●----------------------Oo
"Oh, hello Roxas."
"You don't seem too excited to hear me, Selph."
"Oh, it's not that... it's just I was waiting for a call from Olette..."
"Olette?"
"Yeah, I made some new friends recently... I was just walking by myself down the Colosseum, and these kids started shouting at me and this boy was whistling, and then I got sad. So I started to cry right then and there, 'cuz I missed you and stuff... and then this girl came up to me, and she was all 'OMG! Are you okay?' and I was like 'No' and then she said that I could go to her house and stuff but I told her I couldn't because I had to phone you. And then she was all 'it's alright, I understand' and then these two kids came up and one was all 'Pence! If you want to stop thinking about her then you should stop taking photos and living in the past' and then I thought, 'I don't think Roxas would mind if I just went to the girl's house, and I missed ONE measly little phone call with him' you know? And so I went to her house and I found out she's really cool, and Pence and Hayner were there too, and they were cool too, and... Roxas... Roxas?"
Roxas blinked. He was upset at how fast she'd gotten over him. And shocked. And upset. He could feel a warm sensation fill his eyes, but he blinked any trace of it away.
"Oh my God! Roxas, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it, honestly, Roxas! I didn't mean to ditch you, I didn't mean all that stuff... Roxas..."
Roxas wiped his eyes, and shouted into the phone, "I hate you, Selphie! You dug your own grave! Go and lay down in it!" and with that he hung up.
Selphie could hear a long 'beeeeeeeep' and then a 'crash' coming from somewhere behind her.
"I guess Zidane's already done that for me..." A weak little 'help' could be heard, "It's alright Zidane, the ambubblyliance will come soon..." she told him, whilst dialling that three-numbered code which would soon put her online with the local police-fire brigade- ambulance services. Maybe digging a grave in the living room was a little extreme.
●◦●----------------------Oo
Roxas circled his spoon round the bowl, not sure whether he should eat it or not. Rikku looked at him in her uniform – a short blue miniskirt, a white shirt and a blue tie. She gave Roxas a look of pure wonderment, before shifting places with Mindy to get next to him.
"Roxas... what's the matter?" Roxas muttered something intelligent and inaudible. Rikku leant her elbow on his shoulder, "Aw, c'mon Roxie, what's up? You can tell me!"
As Roxas looked up to see his sister pulling puppy dog eyes at him, he shuddered. Everything was just a reminder of the uniform he had to wear, sure it was good for girls, but not for boys – they had to wear blue chequered pants, along with the blue chequered tie and the white shirt. But whereas the girls could leave the shirts untucked, the boys had to... tuck... them... in...
A bus horn sounded outside and Roxas jumped up, not expecting it. Rikku looked around, suspicion glinting in her eyes, "Hey... there's a bus... how come there wasn't a bus to take us home...?" Was this all just some giant plot to further her dream of riding on a motorcycle? It seemed not just people adored her, but the grand circle of life was also altering itself and shifting around for the convenience of the blonde girl.
Meg, the almighty fountain of knowledge, shrugged, very knowledgeably so. "Well, according to Cid (the head teacher and the bus driver) they don't run them at night because local yobs jump out of bushes a lot and ambush moving vehicles. Often they are filthy, unwashed, violent, drunk and silver-haired."
Silver-haired?
Rikku grabbed her satchel and indicated Roxas to do the same. She rushed out of the house to jump on the bus.
Roxas shrugged and took the satchel being handed to him by an unusually happy Naminé. He grabbed her hand and walked her across the road, making sure that the sulky twelve year old otherwise known as Mindy was close behind.
Naminé smiled and pointed excitedly, "Roxas. Roxas! It's a double decker! Can we sit upstairs! Oh please!" Roxas gave his sister the biggest smile he'd done in a while, and that still wasn't that big. It was more of a pathetic raising of one side of the mouth that made him look like he had fish-eyes. Yep, it was an improvement.
"Uh hu-"
"Sorry, kid, but you can't sit up there... or go up there for that matter either."
Roxas scowled, "Why not?"
Cid thought for a while before answering, "It better you didn't know, little girl, it better you didn't know..." Naminé's mouth curved into an 'o' as Roxas dragged her to an empty seat. He sat her on his lap so Mindy had to share a seat with them, next to the window; Roxas was not risking her running away again. Knowing Mindy, she'd open the window and jump out while the vehicle was in full motion, going at death-defying top speeds of 20 mph. Probably dragging a few children who'd missed the bus along with it, as they held valiantly on the back of the little yellow double-decker.
Naminé played happily with Roxas, playing games like 'Patty cake' and 'A sailor went to sea'. Roxas made noises such as 'heh' when he played these, and wondered where Naminé's sudden social burst had appeared from. Probably that... Damsel kid...
At least Naminé seemed happy enough, but Roxas kept glancing self-consciously around the students that were sat in the bus. They all looked so friendly with each other, joking and shouting and throwing paper aeroplanes. Rikku fit in perfectly, sat next to a boy who looked like a grown-up version of Shoe, but with less of shifty look around the eyes department. She was the one in the centre of the crowd, the one telling the best jokes and the most laughs and making the best paper aeroplanes. She had run away from Roxas and lost all ties with her family – she had to, if she wanted to keep her reputaition up. Although, she wasn't really related to them anyway, so she had every right to leave them in the dust. But even Naminé and Mindy were moving on with their life and making new friends, and Marluxia and Roxas had never been on the same wave-length to begin with. Marluxia had moved on long ago, when Roxas was still a baby.
Roxas wished he was enjoying all the merriment of a journey to school with everybody else. The friendly-looking kids...
Well, everybody looked friendly, apart from the kid sat at the back with orange hair, smirking. A group of young, misguided souls sat around him with blank expressions on their ghostly white faces, deep purple rings under their eyes.
The Wakkalord glanced at Roxas and laughed deeply and evilly, and Roxas immediately swivelled his head around and stared blankly ahead, shuddering.
Whilst getting off of the bus, Roxas ruffled Naminé's hair and she ruffled his back. Mindy just scowled as usual.
As soon as Rikku scooted off the bus she went off to find Axel... or Yuffie... or Demyx, since she recently found out he went to the school.
Roxas watched as his sister skipped away from him. He was scared, soon he'd be alone. Without even Selphie this time. Sora would just add to his pains. And that friend of Sora's looked like a popular kid, and that friend obviously didn't like Roxas so Roxas was screwed.
He felt a tug at his hand as Naminé willed him to let go of hers. Reluctantly, Roxas let go.
Mindy had already run off and found her friends.
Maybe, Roxas would have gained from going to school yesterday. But, he didn't so, he'd just have to live with that.
And so, taking the first few steps, he managed to get into the school grounds, just before he tripped over. He could hear familiar laughter behind him as a boy helped some girl out of the bus. The girl had a bandage round her forehead and until Sora had started laughing at his stupid cousin, she had been fine. But now... she seemed to have fallen on the floor too without him there to guide her, and looked severely pissed off and in pain.
PAIN!
Roxas stood up and regained the dignity he didn't have, and walked on.
●◦●----------------------Oo
The boy circled the school field, attempting to find a nice-looking kid who was standing by themselves to walk up to and introduce himself to. He had no such luck, however – everybody was categorised into groups of friends and he didn't seem to fit any group. He was too shy to go up to fifteen Blitzball players because there were so much of them and so little of him. Yes, they all had muscles the size of Uncle Oogie Boogie and Roxas was a skinny little wafer.
Roxas didn't feel comfortable going to the groups of geeks, jocks, preps, cheerleaders, nerds, punks or chavs. He even shunned the emos, a small collection of children stood in the corner with hair hiding their faces and MP3 players plugged in, having engaging conversations that went like this: '...' '...' '...'. He didn't want his own bretherin to reject him, a fellow emo lost in the storm of Destiny Islands School For All Ages students.
The boy sighed in defeat after his third circuit around the school field and backed up, resigning himself to the fact he was always going to be an unpopular nerd and would never have any friends.
"Life suckkkkksssssss..." muttered the boy.
"Mmmmmphhhhhhhh..." agreed the holly bush next to him.
The first thought that went through Roxas's head was: Cool, I've just made a friend!
The second thought that went through Roxas's head was: Wait a minute, was my rhetorical question just answered by a holly bush?
The third thought that went through Roxas's head was: Yeah, on closer inspection it's definitely a holly bush.
The fourth thought that went through Roxas's head was: I think I should poke it with a pointy stick.
And the fifth thought that went through Roxas's head was: Heh, I like cheese.
The blond boy picked up the rather pointed-looking stick, and bent down to prod it around in the leafy contents of the bush, humming one of the songs by Aqua which went an awful lot like: 'la, la, dooby-doo, i've clearly forgotten the lyrics to this song, la, la' all set to the 'far-out-funky' beat of Barbie Girl. Because he probably was trying to hum Barbie girl.
However, 0.92 seconds later all joviality ceased.
0.92 seconds later Roxas got the biggest shock of his life since Aunt Maleficent married Pete.
0.92 seconds later the world was roughly tipped off its axis and the balance of love and hate was shattered.
0.92 seconds later Hercules managed to put a hammer through the toilet – however that is irrelevant to the current topic, as 0.92 seconds later the stars (that were not out as it was morning) aligned in such a way so that the circle of life that had twisted itself around to suit Rikku's needs flipped around. The circle of life refused to screw Rikku over as she was so popular so it took all it's pent-up vengeance out on her little brother instead.
Pay-back is a bitch ...
Whatever God was paying Roxas back for, the boy didn't know. Breathing valuable oxygen that people who made a difference in the world needed for more than him?
For, 0.92 seconds later:
"RAWWWWRRGHHHHHHH!!"
Roxas learnt never to poke bushes with pointy sticks again, especially if the bushes you are poking contain irate silver-haired yobs who smell a bit funny.
All of Meg's words over breakfast came back to him: 'Well, according to Cid (the headteacher and the bus driver) they don't run them at night because local jobs jump out of bushes a lot and ambush moving vehicles. Often they are filthy, unwashed, violent, drunk and silver-haired.'
Roxas fell back to the ground for the second time that day as the silver haired hobo danced around, screeching like a monkey. It sounded like he was saying 'ugga ugga' but he might have been saying 'kill that bugger' – nobody would know.
"Please don't eat me!" begged Roxas, grovelling at the feet of the demon.
It seemed to be an ordinary school-boy gone wild. The school trousers had ripped into a hula skirt and a wreath of thorns around its head...
For, all great prophets say a messiah will one day emerge from the bushes, curse a lot and boogie around a bit before eating the first child they see.
No, wait, I don't think a great prophet ever actually said that...
"Riku?"
The silver-haired mini-skirted demon swivelled its head around at the sound of the familiar voice, to see Sora behind Roxas.
Riku collapsed to the ground and wailed like a little child, a lowly maggot.
"What happened to you, dude?"
"I SMELL FUNNY AN MY CLOTHES ARE DIRTY!"
"Y-e-a-h..."
"AND MY HEAD HURTS AND I MISS MY MOMMY!"
"Go home Riku, go home."
"I WOULD BUT I DON'T HAVE A RIDE!"
"Then go crawl back into your holly bush of doom and despair and let not another word be said about this bizarre encounter."
"Yes sir... Sorry sir..." Riku atoned, crawling backwards into his holly bush and wrapping his arms around his knees. He had been a bad boy and should go sit in the corner.
●◦●----------------------Oo
Roxas followed Sora closely; he didn't want to go to the wrong place on his first day, not that it would make a difference, anyways. Everyone thought he was a freak after what had happened on the field.
Roxas followed Sora into a tiny hall which was meant to be fit for all the elementary, middle and high school.
It was probably because Destiny Islands was a small place and there wasn't much point in having more than one school – it would just cause money problems. Sora lead Roxas to a place on the polished floor where all the other middle school students were sitting higgledy-piggledy across the floor, talking, chatting, chewing gum and popping it in the hair of unsuspecting girls.
Roxas sat down between Sora and a burly looking boy, who apparently went by the name, Rai. Roxas smiled nervously at him.
Rai grimaced back at him.
Roxas put him on his mental stabbity-stabbity list.
Through loud speakers, a very energetic cough sounded and a voice piped up, creating silence.
"Hey y'all kiddie-winks! I'm gonna start off on a positive note – we have four new students today: Rikuh, Nawiner, Windy and Rock. I hope you welcome them, and make friends STRAIGHT AWAY!" At this point Cid laughed a very high-pitched and scary laugh. Roxas's upper lip curled, "Anyways, moving onto a more depressing note – one of our best students died today. I'd like to propose a moment of silence for Kairi. A great loss to us all." Silence fell upon the room, apart from a meek little voice in the background.
"But I'm not dead..." A girl with a thick bandage round her forehead raised her hand somewhere behind Roxas. She was ... pretty. Apart from the great big ugly bandage round her head. He could tell it was the girl he saw yesterday who'd been attacked by some soap of some sort.
Cid sighed, "Ignore the ghost, kids, it's only trying to confuse you..." A murmur ran round the room. Cid looked up, "Kairi-ghost, get out or detention!" The 'Kairi-ghost' however stood her ground.
"But, I'm not dead... or a ghost!" she cried.
"Well, if that be so, then I'd be a senile old FOOL!" cried Cid, a smirk running his lips. Oh, he'd won, he knew he ha- But wait... people... they were laughing...
"CID, YOU ARE A SENILE OLD FOOL!" cried a random kid in high school. Roxas turned to see who, and she saw some red-head high-fiving Rikku. Roxas knew what had happened: Rikku had told him what to say, and red-head had said it. Roxas's eyes narrowed.
Damn you red-head.
Soon after that the assembly was over, after Neil and Jane from the ambulance had taken Cid away to 'Heart Surgery For Old Guys'. Roxas traipsed after Sora, who he hoped was in the same class as him. Sora stopped a minute to wave 'hey' to Neil and Jane, "Hey Neil, Jane..."
"Hey Sora. You haven't been hurting anyone lately? Good... good... Well, it's been surprisingly quiet today, only seven deaths!" Jane happily announced. Suddenly, a scream was heard from down the corridor.
"Well, that sounds like Lulu again, we'll be off. Hey, you seen the new stretcher, yet? It's been made specially for this school – five holders for five whole people! No more of these fancy-pancy, take one limb at a time business!"
"Yeah, I don't think five is enough..." Sora mumbled, lost in his world, "Oh yeah, and you might want to take Riku, he's in the holly bush out there..."
"Thanks for the heads-up So, we've had enough of crazy silver-haired boys jumping up at us out of bushes, or down from church ceilings..." Sora sighed.
"That Sephiroth... he never learns..." he muttered. Neil and Jane nodded in agreement before waving goodbye.
●◦●----------------------Oo
The blond boy more formally known as 'Roxas, Sora's gay cousin who likes to stick people's heads down toilets' sat at his desk in the form room, examining the clock hung on the wall, pondering over his life. He had only been at the school about an hour and was already getting quite a reputation for being somebody that should be watched at all times so the whole student body could be there to laugh at him when he fell. And Sora was a wonder at spreading rumours at speeds quicker than light. Damn him to hell, was all Roxas had to say.
"I know Sora can be a bit ... annoying..." said the red-headed girl whom Cid had claimed to be dead in assembly and had a heart-attack over. She didn't seem worried that her just being alive might have killed the head-master though; it seemed like incidents like that happened a lot. Roxas guessed Cid must be under a lot of pressure as well, running a school with so many kids to control.
"Yeah, well, that much is obvious..."
"But he's really sweet if you get to know him. I blame his mother... She's always been a bit... Odd... Funny, y'know? I guess you would know as you're related to them. She won't even let me and Riku into her house because she claims we're not 'good enough' for Sora.
A little voice coming from a holly bush outside the window said something that sounded like: 'I r civilised! I r toilet trained! I r the messia-'
The next thing they saw beyond their trusty friend the window were the hospital workers, Neil and Jane, ushering a stretcher laden with the entire Kindergarten class, Cid, a few assorted teachers, a girl called Lulu and then, on the top of the pile of limbs, Riku, balanced precariously on Cid's nose. They were breaching safety, but nobody cared.
"Yeah, that sounds like Belle..." mumbled Roxas, watching as the second hand ticked away the seconds on the clock.
"Yeah. Don't worry; Sora's your cousin, no matter what he says he loves you really."
A voice that sounded an awful lot like Riku's echoed in the background: "Inceesssttt!"
"I highly doubt that..."
"Why? Why do you say that?"
"Cause he hates me."
"What did you do?"
"I have a sister, right-"
"Yeah?"
"And that's what I did wrong."
"What?"
"Having a sister is what I did wrong. He never spoke to me after he found out ... thought my family was too messed-up and weird. Well, apart from yesterday when he hugged me, but that was to boost his popularity and make me seem like a dweeb who constantly needs hugs or I'll fall apart."
Kairi looked slightly offended, glaring a look that could bore a hole through Batfink's shield of steel in the general direction of Sora's head. "My god! The sexist pig! The Italian fiend! What's so bad about having a sister?"
Roxas shrugged in response, as somebody who Roxas guessed was a teacher walked into the classroom, arms laden with books and papers and other crap teachers are expected to carry.
"Alright, g'morning class!"
"G'morning Goofy!" chorused the children in a sweet angelic chorus. Well, everybody did apart from Roxas, who was looking a bit puzzled.
"They call the teacher Goofy? Like the dog on TV?" whispered Roxas to the red-head next to him.
Kairi giggled – she hadn't pictured it like that before, but Goofy did sort of look and act like a clone of the big dumb dog, minus the ears.
"No, he's not Goofy, he's Mr. Goobadier, but we all call him Goofy because his name takes too long to spell. The truth about how exactly you spell his name has evaded all of us – even Mr. G," Kairi whispered back.
"Well, hello there, I tip my hat to ye, ay'huck!" said Goofy, looking at Roxas. "New students are always welcome here, unless they're French, in that case we have to BURN THEM ALL!"
Several students in the back row pulled off their berets and ate them. Quickly.
"Ve arrrre all as Amerih-cahn az zoo Oinglis fouk," said a kid with a strong ... well, it couldn't be a French accent because Goofy just said all French people would be burned at the stake, so they were obviously speaking with a GERMAN accent.
"Of course you are, Frere Jacques, of course you are... If you were GERMAN though, I'd put a bullet through you!"
Roxas sighed – it seemed like the whole purpose of this lesson was to insult everybody of every race, creed, colour and dialect, apart from Americans.
"AND IF YOU WERE AMERICAN I'D SIT ON Y- No, wait, scratch that..." smiled Mr. Goofy placidly. "Anyway, let us take ze rejisterrr. Sora?"
"Here Goofy."
"Wakka?"
"j0 \/4/\/ 1 7!3 $T34 ph20\/ 73 4$!" cried Wakka.
"Yes, Wakka is defiantly here... Riku?"
Again to our trusty friend the window. Everybody turned their heads to see Riku jumping off the stretcher and shouting 'I R HERE SIIIRRRR' before Neil and Jane descended upon him with nets and hooks and ripped him back onto the stretcher with a terrible howl.
"Riku's going to the crazy house for a bit, sir."
"Understood."
●◦●----------------------Xx
A/N: Everybody knows NEIL and JANE right? Actually, these both started out as random OCs but then we realised they were both in Final Fantasy Spirits within and we freaked out. So we can still proudly say there are no OCs in this story.
Hehe. Final Fantasy Spirits Within SUCKED. Like, big-time. The main character was like 78. Like Cid.
Anyway, review and you get updates and Roxas actually gets to MEET Axel sometime and actually make it into an AkuRoku. I bet the people who just read these stories for instant AkuRoku fluffiness are disappointed, as in most AkuRoku stories they're at least introduced in the second chapter. No, not it in this fic. The time is not ripe.
The time is ripe, however, to plough the fields of the Savannah and shoot Wakka in the head! No, wait, the time is always RIPE for shooting Wakka.