Author/s: Mr. Blobby and Barney (IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE, RUN FOR YER LIVER!) – very purply/pinky salute-
Summary: They were never a perfect family, but they always tried. Even if trying wasn't good enough… AkuRoku .:RikuxSoraxKairi:.
Disclaimer: Yes, it be me, Mr. Blobby, and my good friend, Barney. We have taken over. But no one reads these anyways, so none of ye will know!! Oh yes, and I don't own Kingdom Hearts because it's fun.
Full Circle
●◦●----------------------Xx
--Chapter 6.5—
x-Mission Complete .. To A Certain Extent-x
●◦●----------------------Oo
"Passado, come in... Passado, do you read me?" whispered Lenne into a walkie-talkie.
People at the party turned to stare at the abnormally large person in a trench coat that towered above everybody else. They walked about in her – or it's – shadow, shooting nervous glances up at the tall creature that's head hadn't quite caught up with the body. The head seemed to belong to a girl called Lenny who was 12, but that was ridiculous... It was also rather ridiculous that this two metre tall person with the head of a pea was whispering 'Passado' into a walkie-talkie, held up to it's face with short stumpy arms but nobody cared.
It was also ridiculous that the voice of a little kid came from the supposed 'legs' of the creature, too, but nobody paid any heed to that small niggling little detail either.
Mostly everybody was drunk and had mistaken the human tower (Lenne on Shuyin's shoulders with a lovely inconspicuous trench coat wrapped around them) for a tree with a kid's head stuck on top, anyway.
And why shouldn't a tree with a kid with a kid's head pasted on top whisper 'passado' into a walkie-talkie anyway?
Some crackly static met Lenne's words. Crackly static that slowly morphed into a: "What? What have you found?"
"Targets locked on. What do we do?"
"Stick to your training, Lady Aeon. Remember the golden rule."
"If in doubt, fight back with orange juice and ketchup?"
"Bingo."
Shuyin smile from underneath the large trench coat that was concealing his identity from view, an evil smirk on his face as he clapped his hands together, singing something about plots and plans and blowing up the houses of parliament.
The boy used his short stubby legs to walk forth towards the one known as 'Tidus' who was leaning against the counter of the punch table with his legs crossed, like he really needed to go pee. 'Lady Aeon', or Lenne, analysed the situation carefully and came to the conclusion Tidus was attempting to look 'cool' as he drunk his punch, trying to shake off memories of the previous events when he claimed he was 'George of the Jungle' and tried to techno dance on a table.
Lenne, Mindy and Shuyin (well, maybe not Shuyin, as he was covered by a coat) saw all and knew all. And it was sort of creepy.
The Taller Lenne leant against the table next to Tidus, listening in to snippets of the conversation he was having with (squee) YUNA (her sister! She was so close she could reach out and touch her – if she weren't several feet in the air and her arms weren't so stubby). How Lenne had waited for this day, to meet to her half-sister...
"Y'know, this punch has been spiked..." mumbled Tidus, pointing at his drink he had previously been sipping. "I bet it was Rikku – you know. She got dragged away by her little brother."
"How un-cool," mumbled Yuna, rolling her eyes as she painted her lips cherry-red, looking at her reflection in a pocket mirror. "Seriously. She's a little kid really – who would ever have trusted her to man the punch table?"
"Nah. Rikku's cool... It's not her fault the real Riku has been tied up in the bathroom," Tidus muttered, leaning in close to Yuna's face to whisper the last piece of information. "I saw him tied up in the stall. Looked pretty desperate. I didn't want people to think it was me who bound and gagged him so I ... locked him in there... His dad owns the bloody hall! I'm sure they'll find him eventually..."
"Right..."
"Hey, I'm HUNGRY!" Tidus suddenly moaned. "They got any food here?"
Yuna held out a crumpled packet of chips, but Tidus merely shook h his head.
"I hate it when you eat chips and you get a load of crappy broken-up pieces at the bottom. It makes me so damned mad, y'know? I think I'll just go-" Tidus turned around to go get some food and crashed straight into that weird two-metre tall kid with the childish face. "Er... Hi? Would you move please?"
"No," said Lenne, enjoying the feeling of floating around above Tidus, feeling tall.
Shuyin, on the other hand, felt small.
"What? I just want some food."
"I know what you did last summer."
"What?!? If this is a joke please stop and nobody need get hurt."
"Tidus. I am taller than you. YOU will be the one who is hurt. I know that you tied up Riku and left him in the toilets. I will tell Sora if you don't come with us and then you will be sorry. There are a lot of people here, huh? Huh? Huh, fish-bob? I'd nudge you but I can't as I am too high up and my arms are too stubby. Shuyin, nudge him."
An arm extruded from the folds of coat at the bottom, waved around madly for a bit, then stabbed Tidus.
Red exploded around Tidus' leg.
"ARGH! I'M BLEEDING! I'M DYING!" roared Tidus, as the coat fell off to reveal two little kids and a net underneath. They jumped out from the folds of the long forgotten coat, arms waving around like ninjas or possibly Tidus trying to techno-dance.
The net was promptly put around Tidus.
Yuna turned around (finally) realising the commotion that was going on whilst she sorted her hair and make-up (Tidus was not as important as her hair or make-up, DAMNIT) and was met by a grubby little boy squirting a carton of OJ into her face.
Blinded by running make-up, OJ and curtains of wet (and fragrant orange-smelling) hair, it was easy to bundle Yuna up in a sack too, and drag her outside.
Strangely enough, nobody noticed, or cared.
"Dinnae them kids lookin' like Shoooyin and Lennnnnne?" asked Rikku in a drunk haze, staggering around. "Dat means Mindeh must be around here summmmwhere."
For once, there was no Roxas stood in the corner snorting at her, shooting her crazy ideas down in flames. Roxas was just as drunk as she was.
"Hehehe... Tallllll people shed their coats tooooo reveal leeettleeee people underneath..." muttered Rikku brightly.
●◦●----------------------Oo
Sora hiccuped as he made his way to the middle of the room. He was feeling very happy. And very strange. And hiccupy.
Sora hiccuped again.
He remembered vaguely he was there because of something … Something important…
However, everything lost its importance after her drunk that happy brown liquid that made everything pink and fuzzy. He couldn't even remember drinking that happy-liquid any more though – his mind was addled. The only place he was fit for being at now was the crazy house.
The boy swaggered up to the stage – nay, he thought he was swaggering, but was really doing a sort of techno remix of skipping (COOL, on-crack version – all the COOL kids did it. And Sora was a cool kid. So SORA did it and absolutely no one else did) as he meandered through the crowds – nay, bashed into several people and made his nose go funny, which made him giggle – as he made his way up to the stage.
He wanted to announce something, he vaguely remembered.
He wasn't sure what he wanted to announce, though.
Even though he had no idea what he was doing his feet drew him to the stage, and he cursed his bewitched shoes that made him dance around in circles. Maybe his shoes just liked the stage because it was so big and tall and seemed to glowing, like life started there. Yes, life started on the stage, and he needed to be on it to obtain some of his 'life dust' which would bestow upon him infinite wisdom.
"Hewo, guys!" Sora cried through the microphone, all ideas of plots and plans driven from his head. All ideas he'd ever had driven out his head – even the important ideas, like why it was useful to eat. "Anyways, we are gunna par-tay like it be 1699! Boo-yah!"
He clapped his hands together, watching all the other very hiccupy people turn to see what the boy was clapping about.
As he kept clapping – making sure all the kids had his attention – he found it rather tuneful.
He giggled, watching his hands go back and forwards, hitting each other. Everyone else looked at their own hands and decided to have a go themselves. Pretty soon the whole hall was full of the ringing noise of clapping. It was so loud that 'Twilight Town' could've heard.
To Axel, it seemed like he was the only sober person there. Apart from Roxas of course, who he knew was totally against alcohol and was obviously a smart and serious guy who didn't take orders from anyone. Or something along those lines but less corny.
From his place at some random table he could see Kairi, who was desperately trying to get Sora to stop clapping. So, maybe Kairi hadn't drunk anything either. Sora was persistent in his clapping, and wouldn't stop for anyone.
For, unbeknownst to Axel, Kairi's dad and her 'uncle' – not really her uncle, but her dad's work-mate who sometimes let Reno borrow his car when the red-head felt like crashing something into a ditch or a tree – drunk constantly. That was probably why Reno kept referring to Kairi as 'his lad', 'his lovely son' and, occasionally, 'his grandfather' and for variety: 'Darth Vader'.
Kairi could tell the difference between drink and love potion, but as Roxas and Rikku had never been allowed within 50 feet of 'the dreaded drink' they could not. For, their uncle Ooogie Boogie drunk so much that he ended up happily gambling away his house and many of his clothes under the influence of alcohol, and ended up in a cardboard box on the street. Unfortunately, he was too fat to fit in the box, and he got stuck and the firemen had to cut the crazy man free and drag him home, only he was so drunk he claimed his 'home' was Walmart, and ended up being taken away for being addled in the head.
Meg and Belle didn't want that to happen to their kids, so they never let them look at alcohol.
Axel snorted as the younger red-head pulled Sora's hands apart, and Sora, being the stubborn bastard he was, clapped the back together. He could see Kairi giggle at his stupidity, almost a little nervously, and then try again. Sora wasn't having any of it, and carried on with his annoying clapping, as did the rest of the hall.
"Sora! They're taking orders from you, drunk or not! Tell them to stop!!!!" Kairi wailed in desperation, her voice drifting over towards Axel.
"But I wanna play!!!!!" Sora countered, giggling as he took a running leap off the stage like people did in movies, hoping that the people in the bottom would catch him.
Kairi screamed as she tried to grab hold of his hood, but gravity (you win again, gravvvyyyy – GRAVITY, even, although gravy is evil in its own rights) sucked Sora downwards from the raised platform away from her. Physics decided to weigh down on the gormless kid in a cascade of Physics books and the apple that started the ball rolling and weird teachers, and lady luck kicked in. Just as Sora's (rotten) luck would have it, people were too busy following his example and clapping to catch him. They merely sidestepped the falling body and continued their jovialities.
"SORA'S DEAD!" Kairi screamed, as she jumped down from the stage, attempting to act like one of those 'cool' chicks in RPG games with mis-matched eyes, guns and shorts that would look more in-place around the behinds of toddlers. And, with these words and actions, she knelt down in front of Sora, who appeared to be happily dead on the floor.
Until he got up again about two seconds later, as if made of rubber, and started to clap again. Happily, of course.
"C'mon! CLAP TO THE BEAT!"
Axel got up; deciding to help Roxas find Rikku if he hadn't already, and Axel had a sneaking suspicion that it was Rikku's fault everyone was drunk anyway.
As he trundled through the clapping crowd he noticed a certain blond clapping along with everyone.
"Roxas?" he asked, walking along to the boy. The little blond head turned round suddenly, his eyes gleaming, "Not you as well!" he cried. He didn't know Roxas, at all really; he just knew that he was Rikku's 'little buddy' and that he lived with her. For some unknown reason.
"Poke," Rikku muttered, prodding an intrusive finger roughly into Roxas' arm.
"Nu-uhhhhh!" Roxas cried, drawing back from the deranged girl.
"You liikkkeeeee Kairi!"
"No I don't!"
"You liikkkeeeee Kairi!"
"No I don't!"
Poke.
For some strange reason, Axel had not reached Roxas yet. For some reason, even though I have stated above he had started to walk towards him a while ago. I wonder what happened to Axel… Boy he sure does walk slow… I mean, oh, no, wait... Oh yeah, I remember now – he fell in a random plot hole… and Yuna popped out.
Skitts!
The plothole's broken again! It sucked Axel under and Yuna came out!
Right… Okay… let's just fix that…
Yuna has now turned into Axel
As he neared Roxas (AGAIN – you do realise it must have taken him about five minutes to walk up to Roxas? F'neh, whatever corresponds with our plot… /flips through script/ WE HAVE A PLOT NOW? I thought we couldn't afford one… Skitts: We CAN'T, that's not a plot, that's the word 'POT' on a piece of card… Lamatikah: Oh… that explains it all…) he saw that Rikku was standing behind him, her green eyes flickering up and down, up and down, over to Sora and her hands, to Sora and her hands.
Occasionally she would time out of her busy schedule to prod the poor boy stood next to her and to mutter something in a sing-song voice, before turning back to her clapping.
Roxas on the other hand was watching Axel, carefully. Axel was kind of freaked out by this but just took it as a sign drunkenness.
Roxas raised his head as Axel came face to face with him. But because of the height difference it was more of a chest to face thing if you see my point. And Axel didn't have a face growing out of his chest.
Obviously.
So saying it was face-to-face was rather silly.
As Axel's eyes travelled down towards the little boy, he saw some sort of evil glint in his eye. He supposed he'd have to take this as a sign of drunkenness too.
Roxas swayed slightly, before furrowing his brow and standing on tiptoes.
Roxas giggled softly – Kairi looked really pretty today.
She must have done something with her hair.
And she'd grown about fifty feet, but that WASN'T THE POINT!
"I'm not gay!" he said, before snatching Axel's chin and forcing it down, causing their lips to collide. Axel's eyes widened as his first thoughts were to pull away, but Roxas wasn't going to let him do that. He had switched so that now his hand was at the back of Axel's head with a grip so hard, Axel wouldn't be surprised if his knuckles were bleeding.
"Click!" said a small intrusive voice in the corner.
But why was he thinking such things when there was the kid... kissing him... in front of Rikku... Rikku... RIKKU WITH A PHONE! Where the hell had she got that?!
He closed his eyes, wishing her to be away with herself, but he knew that she'd be standing there with a fucking camera phone, and an evil look in her eye, and that's really all she needed to ruin Axel for life.
He felt the grip at the back of his head loosen, and a very faint sounding boy mumble something incoherently before passing out in his arms. Rikku on the other hand, had now taken her picture and was putting her phone away... somewhere, in one of those odd pockets she had all over her outfit and reached over for a some more punch, giggling and muttering something about 'Roxas owing her twenty bucks'.
Axel could hear sirens wailing and see red lights flashing about inside his head as Rikku leant forward to tip the cup into her mouth. But, being in the situation he was – having a half-dead boy cradled in his arms – he wasn't quite ready to jump up in slow motion screaming 'NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!'.
So instead, he just watched on in pure horror as the girl poured the drink into her mouth, and swayed a bit, before collapsing right then and there.
Axel groaned, before laying Roxas on the ground, heaving Rikku onto his back, and then picking Roxas up in his arms again.
He was pretty sure he could remember where they lived...
●◦●----------------------Oo
As long as Sora was happy, Kairi was happy.
… Most of the time.
For, as of late, Sora appeared to be finding happiness in the form of attempting to help an elderly old lamppost cross the road outside, whilst winking at the trash can, muttering something about: 'hey baby, look at me, helping an old lady cross the road. That makes me pretty sexy…'.
And Sora acting like a nut-case was not making Kairi happy.
"Sora, you should leave the lamppost and the trash can alone now…"
"BUT I NEED TO HELP HER CROSS THE ROAD!" the boy yelled, with a manical gleam in his eye, hands curled up into paws as he snorted and hopped about. "Madame, do you need a hand? It must be awfully cold outside in this weather, here, borror my SHAWL!" cried Sora handing over his jacket 'shawl' and draping it around the lamppost.
"Sora, I really think you should go back inside before you hurt yourself and everyone els-"
"Aww, you're just jealous of Trashy McGarbagepants here 'cause of her unique smell. She's my new girlfriend, you know? Bit of a stocky build, seems to have a skin problem, ice-cold, and makes a funny hollow sound… But she uses amazing shampoo!"
Kairi clenched her teeth and firsts together simultaneously. "Sora, there is no godly way of telling whether your lovely new girlfriend is even female or not! Sora, it is a trashcan! Sora, trashcans don't have gender! I have a gender!"
"Mouse," muttered Sora, stabbing one finger at Kairi, then turning towards 'Granny McLamppost'. "She won't cross the road, stubborn old bat… Look, it's perfectly safe…" Sora mumbled in a happy voice, blundering out in the middle of the road. "Absolutely nothing to-"
VWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
Sora fell backwards into Kairi's awaiting arms, as the girl cradled his head and shook her fist at the passing taxi (yes, all the same time – despite the fact that would only be possible if she about twenty pairs of arms.)
"Watch where you're going, jerk!" she screamed, looking down at the poor boy, slumped in her arms. "C'mon Sora, let's get you home… The 'guests' at your party don't need to see you like this…"
"B-But Trashy McGarbagepants… Will I ever see her again?!" he wailed, making toddler-ish pathetic clutching motions with his arms in the general direction of the trash can.
"I'm sure you will…" Kairi soothed.
"Can I at least give her my number?"
"No, Sora."
Sora whined a bit like a kicked puppy, before starting to hum brightly: "Summer lovin' had me a blast… Summer lovin' happened so fast..."
Yes, and he even sung all the women's lines.
VWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
A motorbike sped by quickly from the scene of the crime (the party from hell)
Axel panicked as he tried to keep clasp of Roxas, and a half-passed-out-half-alive Rikku held him round the waist limply. As he passed Sora and Kairi, he noticed the brunet was acting flirtatious with a … trash can?
"BUT GRANNY-LAMP POST CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD!" came a cry as the motorbike whooshed past the lamp post and the 'female' (hopefully) trash can, with 'her' admirer, and 'her' admirer's admirer.
Axel tilted as Roxas's corpse like body decided flopped over and tipped the motorbike on an unsuitable angle. It felt like Rikku was about to fall. And she probably would have if it hadn't been for Axel's magical tricks on motorbike.
He flipped Roxas up back to the other side, so his left arm was supporting the younger boy, and his right arm was free to manoeuvre Rikku back up to her sitting position. But this left the small problem of:
What the hell was driving them?
"SHIT!" cried out Axel in alarm, swerving out of the way of oncoming vehicles using his feet instead of hands.
A random horn beeped somewhere as Axel (cough) gracefully (uncough) swerved into Rikku's driveway. This was before when Rikku limply raised her hand an inch, indicating that a whole load of construction work was being done on it.
Axel winced, "Geez, Ri'… C'mon…" he secured Roxas back in place and pressed his foot down on the pedal. He soon felt Rikku's breathing turn back into I R passed-out/asleep.
He relaxed a little as the traffic died down partially and Roxas wasn't being so restless. For Rikku on the other hand, not being restless was a bad idea. Every few seconds she would slip and Axel would have to pull her back up, which proved to be very tricky as the girl was sitting behind him, and to be quite honest, he was very pleased when the welcoming sight of what he presumed to be Rikku's house loomed up out of the darkness…
But there seemed to be something funny with what he presumed to be Rikku's house.
Well, to put it bluntly, Axel hadn't exactly expected to be met with a bombsite.
Pieces of furniture were scattered about the lawn and the grass seemed to be dying in certain places, clogged up with wet mud and dry mud in a mad mixture.
Parts of the house appeared to be blown around in the lawn at random, an exploded toilet scattered around the grass, pieces of china everywhere.
Men were scurrying around with wheelbarrows laden with junk and objects, placing bricks into empty slots in the walls and humming rather tunelessly in the way that most workmen did when they were amazingly bored and had been working at one job for all of five hours. They were all being supervised by a weird-looking man with a fast-fading tan, who was doing more time running around the lawn after a renegade tent than actually supervising the men to fix up what Axel presumed to be his home. That was probably why after about every few seconds a shout could be heard from at least one of the men, claming they'd put a hammer through the wall, a chisel through a priceless antique family heirloom or coated one of their workmates in wet cement.
"Er… What happened here?" Axel asked, jumping off his motorbike, leaving Rikku and Roxas slumped on to. "Why has the house been blown to smithereens?"
"I killed the toilet," said the guy chasing the tent proudly, turning around, the tent getting blown into the back of his head with a fierce 'fwumph', before going about on its merry way to torment some more of the workers.
"Oh… So, where are Rikku and Roxas staying?"
"I don't know!" said the man brightly. "Maybe you should ask Meg… But, uh, you can't ask Meg because she's gone to stay at Sally's house until I fix the house and the toilet and crap… So, uh, maybe the kids are sleeping in cardboard boxes outside of WalMart? Taking a leaf out of Oogie Boogie's book, maybe…"
Axel didn't bother to question who this 'Oogie Boogie' was or why he had a book filled with leaves. All the red-head knew was that he couldn't let the two passed-out blondes stay at this demolition yard, or go live in boxes outside of WalMart.
"Well, er, I guess I better be off… I, uh, have Roxas and Rikku by the way… Are they your kids?"
"Yep. Well, Roxas is, Rikku isn't exactly. I'm Hercules. Roxas's dad and Rikku's care-taker," said the man, smiling rather stupidly, as a loud crash could be heard in the background.
Axel raised an eyebrow, watching a jet of water streamed from the toilet one of the workers must have newly installed, shooting the poor work guy back about two hundred yards into the road, where a big Vimto truck promptly run over him. The red head could've sworn the guy inside the van was French, with a beret and twirly moustache, laughing manically about 'eet ees suu funnay teh mek ze oinglish spekeng fouk zerstay and zen run oveer zem ven zay let zerrr gee-ard doo-urn'.
"Uh, one of your work guys… Uh… Crushed by truck…" said Axel, not sure how to tell Hercules one of his work colleagues was dead. He was probably one of his best friends, and the man would start crying and clinging to Axel and then his life would be ruined and it would suck.
"Oh no, it doesn't matter! There are plenty more generic work people I can hire from the agency! And if there aren't, then I can just give a chisel and hammer to a guy in the crazy asylum and watch him merrily run around sticking DIY equipment into people."
"A fool-proof plan, I'm sure…" said Axel, shuddering as he got back onto his motorbike.
"Freak…" he muttered, watching as Hercules ran off after his tent, straight out of the picture and into another rather eventful story, featuring him, Axel, going out with a girl called Naminé who set fire to things. And then he'd probably portal himself to some odd place where a girl called Kairi, who liked the English type of chips. Not American chips, but fries.
/holds up sign saying 'REDD "CHIPS" TODAH FOOKS)/
And one about some people who go to school with a girl called Tallie.
You've read this now – thus, you must include this crazy feller in your story/winks/
The minds of the fanfenfictioners was scary, at the very least.
●◦●----------------------Oo
Axel didn't really want to take the passed-out kids to his mad-house, but it seemed there was no other alternative. Apart from leaving them in that box Hercules mentioned, outside of WalMart.
And he wasn't that cruel.
As soon as he stepped through the door, the 'welcome party' appeared – Axel's granddad who was obsessed with nothingness.
"Hey Paps…" Axel greeted the old man, waving his hand a little. The man grimaced.
"Where's your nothingness, boy?"
Axel shrugged, "I've got a few friends over, is that okay?" Xemnas nodded, slowly. Axel grinned and patted him on the back, "That's great Paps! So, how's everyone? They all had their meal yet?"
Xemnas shook his head slowly.
"Oh, good… I look forward to it… Who's cooking tonight?" asked Axel, nervously twitching, knowing he'd have to pass the 'nothingness appreciation test'.
He remembered several painful events when he was little, and he got the answer to the 'nothingness' test wrong, and Xemnas had banished him to Mushu's hutch outside for a day.
"I am cooking."
Axel smiled, "So… I look forward to that too…"
"You better, boy! I'm cooking my speciality tonight… NOTHING!"
"That's sooo good! So, can I come in, now?" Xemnas laughed.
"Yes… You can come in if your guests pass the tests!" Axel gulped. His guests weren't exactly in the 'passing tests' moods. But, ah well, they were in desperate need of somewhere to stay, and that much was obvious. Maybe, if Xemnas wouldn't let them in, Axel would be able to get through to Tifa.
Tifa was a strange kind of mom. She seemed like she was the mother of four kids. Not three. But, two of those three kids were adopted.
Axel grabbed Roxas roughly, bridal style, and decided he'd take Rikku later, or get someone to take Rikku for him… he would, if he actually trusted anyone in the house.
"Here Paps, this is Roxas, he's my friend's 'little buddy who also lives with her'."
Xemnas peered down at the sleeping boy, and grunted, "So… boy," he spat, "What weapon do you carry?"
Silence came from the younger boy who was still sleeping happily, his mouth slightly open.
"Very good! You've passed!" cried Xemnas, allowing Axel to carry Roxas through to the hallway. Numerous sounds were erupting from all directions.
In the kitchen, the sounds of pans clattering and pots clinking could be heard, and from the room across the hall from the kitchen a few cards being shuffled. Axel climbed the stairs, and bumped into his mother.
"Oh Axel! How are ya, darli- Oh… who's this?" she asked, a little suspiciously as she watched Roxas's chest rise up and down, "You haven't drugged him, have you?" she asked, poking the blond in the chest slightly.
"No of course not, mom! He's passed out! He's Rikku's buddy, and he lives with her. He's cool I guess. But I sorta… gave Rikku some beer… and well… she sorta took it a bit badly… and got everyone in the hall drugged. She's out on the bike now. You wouldn't mind going out to get her, would you? I'd rather not have to pass Paps's test again…" Tifa nodded ruffled Axel's hair, before hoisting the washing basket she had cradled in her arms further up her waist and running down the stairs, when which she threw it down as she got to the bottom and scampered outside.
Axel continued on his way upstairs, worrying slightly when Roxas started to cough, but relaxed as his breathing returned to normal.
As he got to the first floor, he laid Roxas down for a minute to scratch his head. The kid wasn't that heavy surprisingly…
But Axel really needed to scratch his head.
Not that he had nits. He just needed to scratch his head.
He picked Roxas up again before pulling the cord on the ceiling. A rope ladder fell from the little door Axel had just pulled open. He carefully climbed up it, making sure Roxas wasn't dropped.
He finally reached his room.
It was the only place he could get some peace and quiet sometimes. His house was so full – everyone in the neighbourhood knew it was overcrowded, but if this was illegal or not, no one really cared. And if the police came round, Tifa would hide about eight of her other housemates. Just in case.
Axel could remember when Tifa told him to hide in the cereal cupboard. That was they day Axel realised why doing yoga was good for you.
But, all round, Tifa only cared.
And that's all that really counts.
Axel laid Roxas down on his bed. Roxas immediately turned over and buried his face in the pillow, sucking in all the warmth from it he could.
Axel laughed slightly, and sat down beside the blond. He could hear footsteps on the stairs, and Axel hoped to Fafenfictioners that it was Tifa with Rikku.
If not, then he'd be in trouble. But he would have no idea why. Just when any of his 'family' members happened to find Axel, something always seemed to go wrong.
That was why Axel was relieved when he saw the blonde head of Rikku appear through the little door, with Tifa's head close after. She grinned at Axel after laying Rikku down next to Axel's bed.
"So, you know this kid well?" she asked, watching Axel yawn. It was quite late, but for some reason, his family, apart from the younger children, were up 'till unfafenfictionerly times.
"Nah, not really, it's just that Rikku was with him, and they're like close friends… I think… Well, I know that they live in the same house. You never know – maybe they have the same problem as… as… as… us..." Axel muttered as he yawned. Tifa laughed and ruffled Axel's hair.
"You need sleep, baby. C'mon, I'll set up two camp beds, yeah, hun?" Axel nodded, his eyes blinking, all gunged up with sleep dust. Tifa left and came back a few minutes later, but this time with a mattress which she rested down on the floor, "Is the little one sleeping on your bed?" she asked, as she set the bed up.
Axel made a 'hmph…' noise and rested his tired self on the headboard. Tifa chuckled and left him again to fetch another mattress. The one she had already set up had all the bedding laid out neatly onto it. Axel yawned and lifted Rikku onto the mattress.
Soon enough Tifa appeared with another mattress, and some more bedding, after having used the bedding already in Axel's room, which was usually used by Demyx… every weekend… and sometimes even weekdays!
Axel smiled as Tifa finally finished setting the bed up.
"Thanks mom…" he muttered, leaning in to give her a hug.
"G'night, my baby…" she sang softly, stroking his forehead as he fell asleep. She carefully treaded back across to the trap door and made her way down, closing it as she left.
Travelling downstairs, she realised that she'd have to cook when she read it was Xemnas's turn.
Whenever it was Xemnas's turn to cook, he would cook nothing.
Saïx would claim that he was cooking hearts (but really he was cooking bacon).
Ansem would cook some dark slime; no one really knew what it was but Ansem told them it was 'darkness'.
Vexen just plain wouldn't cook.
Cloud was always too busy to cook, either that or he was too proud to cook.
Xehanort liked to cook things. But only if he could do some testing on some hearts.
Xigbar just shot things really, so cooking was off the menu. Because the menu would be covered in bullet holes.
Lexaeus would cook the only thing he was able to. Which was cabbage. And when he cooked it, he literally, cooked it. It was delicious. And that, folks, is obviously straight from the land of sarcasm. In case you didn't know.
Xaldin chopped things too much to be allowed in the kitchen.
Axel was still a kid in the house; he didn't have to cook.
And then there were the kids, but if Axel didn't have to make meals, then they definitely didn't have to.
Tifa laughed as she made her way down the stairs. It seemed that she always made the meals, so what was the point with the rota on the fridge.
She often wondered how it came to be that so many people lived in the house. But, she knew her house wasn't the only overcrowded house in the neighbourhood. Axel was saying that Rikku had a lot of people living in her house. Maybe, they had the same problem…
She walked through into the kitchen where the seven other adults were sitting round the table. She busied herself with some bread and cheese. It was enough they needed.
As she did so, Cloud and Xigbar stared at each other, mumbling insults.
"You stole my wife…"
"You live in my house…"
"It's my house!"
"But it has my name on the bills!"
"But I was living here five years before you!"
"But I have a sword!"
"I have a gun!"
"Is that all?"
"I have a BIGGER gun!"
"I have a BIGGER sword!"
"I have TWO guns!"
"I HAVE A MOTORBIKE FULL OF SWORDS!!"
Other conversations were travelling round the room too; these included arguments on whether 'nothingness' or 'darkness' was better.
Vexen sat in the corner and calculated how much quicker it was to use his new way of walking, than it was to actually walk.
He called it running.
And he knew it would be the future.
The future of walking, that is.
Lexaeus just sat there. Twiddling his thumbs.
And Saïx contemplated the skies, and the universe and all things cosmic and moon-like. And heart-like too… We can't forget the hearts…
Tifa flashed a grin at the table's passengers (I don't believe 'passengers' is the write word to use here… LAMATIKAH! DID YOU FORGET YOUR CAFFIENE AGAIN?!?! Lamatikah: Dunlike caffiene… kill coffee… and coke… and other caffeine induced… DRINKS!) as she passed round the sandwiches. Then she sat herself happily in between Xigbar and Cloud. She gave Cloud a quick kiss on the lips, before biting into her sandwich.
Xigbar simply growled in the corner, as Cloud shot him a smirk.
"Xigbar, baby! Have you seen your son's friends?" asked Tifa, turning to her ex. Cloud just smiled along, pretending he didn't care that Tifa had just called Xigbar 'baby', or mentioned about the fact that Axel was Xigbar's son, and not Cloud's…
"No, why? Are they interesting?" he asked, nibbling at his sandwich.
Tifa laughed, "Shouldn't you be interested in your son's friends anyway?" she exclaimed. Xigbar merely smiled, and shook his head.
"No!" he laughed.
Tifa scowled, "Well, you should."
Cloud smirked.
●◦●----------------------Xx
A/N: Put Hercules in one of your stories. As a crazy guy searching for his tent, who runs across the fifty-nine corners of the square globe through all sorts of scenarios the fanfenfictioners like to put him in! Go on, we dares ya! Advertise your stories on the reviewing page, and if we likes yours t3h best then we'll incorporate a scene you'd like in the story… IN THE STORY! But remember – 'T' rated! REMEMBER THAT!
And it can be ANYTHING!
That's how nice we are.
/to some poor kids in background/ OI! CLEAR OFF! YOU WANT FOOD? YOU REALLY SHOULD OF THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU BECAME A PEASANT! (loooool, luff Emperor's New Groove xD) Bloody kids…