This chapter is in Master Roshi's POV, enjoy!
I may be old, but it certainly doesn't make me, dumb or forgetful any sort of way. Acting oblivious is easier than pretending everything around me is true. Of course Krillin keeps calling me senile and continually telling me to go to the doctor, probably because Android 18 keeps telling him to do so.
There are a few things in my lively routine I keep going, which consists of relaxation, naps, watching TV (more specifically watching them dance) and some light reading; if you know what I mean –those ladies are so beautiful!
And then there are things I wish that did happen: like visits from friends and for them to come here every once in a while. Of course neither of those happens.
It has been three years since I've seen Gohan and it's not like the boy picks up the phone. Krillin thinks it has been less than three years since his last visit and that's probably because he goes to see Gohan, while Gohan doesn't go out much.
The last time I saw that boy, I knew something was plain wrong. The way he held himself, the way he hasn't trained. I knew Goku very well to know, that him staying dead was the worst thing he could've done for anyone, especially his son. When I talked to him, he only showed little emotion like he was empty or broken…
"Hi Master Roshi, is Krillin around?" I remove my sunglasses from my face to see whose voice was speaking to me. I don't recognise their voice and the height is looking rather similar to one person I know and I know it wasn't possible.
"Oh hi Gohan," I smile, "You've grown a lot since I last saw you." I hide the shock on my face. He is definitely going through a growth spurt. I can't believe Goku is missing this.
His cheeks blush. Gohan has always been modest, unlike his Father, "I'm tired of the growth pains already. I have a feeling I have more growing to do."
"You certainly do since your Goku's son." I retort. Gohan's face remains the same. He doesn't feel anything? "Oh and Krillin is inside with 18, might want to keep it down just in case Marion is having a nap."
"Thanks" He bows and walks inside.
"That boy," I whisper to myself, "what is anyone going to do to save you. I'm not oblivious. Your Ki is depleting and you haven't even noticed. You probably have no idea that it's happening because you are no longer fighting anymore. It's too quick and you don't even know what you are doing to yourself" I sigh staring at the sky. Things would be different if Goku were alive. Things would be different, "How can I tell him the truth? It's not like anyone will listen, not someone who is 'old' and use to fight."
So I tried to tell Krillin that day. And about that… that didn't end well.
Krillin and I ended up fighting for over a week in a heated argument and he refused to be in the same room as me. I then had to rekindle our relationship, despite the truth of the matter.
There were times when things were somewhat easier. A time when Gohan was being truly honest and we were bonding. Unlike those three years ago, a few days after the Cell Games he came to visit. He had surprisingly had been taking it well, but not all looks can be deceiving. Especially when you don't want anyone to know how you are feeling in case you make them worse or sad too.
I thought things would make a turn for the worst after these chains of events. Unfortunately as evidence had shown Gohan lost himself in it all. If only things were the same and they could be discussed…
I have been sitting here in the same position for days now. I'm not sure why I haven't moved or even bothered to ask anyone else how they are feeling.
I feel lost. So lost…what do I do now? My pupils have grown up and one of them has died. Sure reading and staring my eyes away at a screen sounds like the perfect thing to do until the end to my life, but I want to do more. How can I do more, when I lost half of my purpose?
Can I get up? I should ask how everyone else is doing. I'm supposed to be the strong one.
"Master Roshi," I hear a young boy's voice, "Master Roshi."
"Over here!" I call. How long has it been since I used my voice? Days now…I still can remember the news from Krillin. I didn't want to believe my senses for a minute and for once they were correct, no matter how I wish they were right.
"Master Roshi?" I see Gohan eyes staring down at mine. I can see unshed tears fall from his eyes.
He has grown up so much in the pass few weeks. I can see it and so could Goku. The fact he is so strong, I wouldn't believe if he weren't Goku's son. This is just too much for him, and to lose his Father after everything, me sitting here in my own pain makes me a horrible person.
I open my arms, "Come here my boy." He runs into arms, faster than I can see. His cries can be heard from distances. All he wanted was his Father and I couldn't even give him that, how can I comfort that? I would take Goku's place in a heartbeat.
The problem is it was Goku's choice to leave. Goku could be here and no-one would be dealing with the grief, but everyone has been left to grieve. Did none of us matter?
I think with Goku, he never realised that we all felt more than he did. He wasn't too smart like that. Didn't he realise that by staying away he was putting us more in danger? Family is what keeps you safe, not going away.
"How has everything been?" I try to voice through his cries. I ruffle his hair like his Father did to comfort him.
"Not easy," He looks me in the eyes, "things aren't the same. There's this missing part of me."
"Time will help heal that wound, though it won't completely go away." I smile.
"Nothing will heal it," I hear his voice go serious; "I can't control what is happening. I am losing control and when I do, I won't be myself. I will never grieve." Gohan makes me stare in confusion. What is he talking about? Why does this sound familiar to me?
I stare intently with concern, "Son, can you explain what you mean? How can you be losing control?"
"I will be gone by the end of the week. I won't be me any-more, or at least my whole self. I can't fight something that won't let go of their anger towards me." His voice speaks in panic to me.
"What are you referring to?" I have no idea what is going on, but I know whatever it is, it is not in anyway good.
Gohan explains, "My human side is angry, I get it. I blame myself and they are the ones who are equally to blame. I said to them if they want, they can blame me all they would like – it will not change things. That they're as equally to blame as I am – they won't listen. I also said they can lock me up for all I care – they are wrong. I know I am not strong enough to do it alone."
"You have your family son," I rub his shoulders.
"I can't comfort anyone and I mean alone as a whole person. I can't be as strong as all the Saiyans on the planet. My Human half is so angry, it scares me. I've lost so much – he lost Dad too, and I can't fight any-more. It doesn't feel right without him around any-more."
"Don't give up," I whisper, "Your Father wouldn't want you to!"
"But Daddy is dead! He is dead! Every bit of purpose I have is gone!" Gohan stands up with tears falling from his cheeks.
"Son," I get up and try to comfort him.
"NO!" He moves his body away from my own. "Just leave me alone!"
"I can't do that," I walk up behind him, "you're like my grandson. You don't leave your family alone when you need them."
"Then why did he leave?" Gohan stares intently into my eyes, "Why did Daddy leave?"
"Your Father doesn't always make the correct decisions. If I had been their, believe me I would have tried to change his mind." I ruffle his hair, "please do try and do fight for your right to exist. Your better as a whole person not one."
"It's so hard Master Roshi," He looks down, "Mum keeps smiling at me throughout the day, saying it is all going to be fine. Then at night I can't sleep because I can hear her crying all night. How do you comfort that? How do you comfort someone you have lost and try to move on for the sake of someone else?"
I don't even know the answer to that. How can I comfort him, when I haven't even figured it out for the sake of myself?
"Your Mum has been trying too hard to be strong for you." I voice as Gohan stares at me.
"But I haven't shown Mum any of how I feel ever since I came home that day." He confesses.
"Gohan, she is your Mum." I can't believe it – he is trying to hard for everyone else, but himself. Selflessness; the one name comes to mind: Goku.
"But she is so upset it would make it worse." Gohan's puts his head down. And I hear him mutter underneath his breath, "how come it hurts so much?"
"Gohan," I call his name. I put my arms around his small body and whisper, "let it all out son."
"How come I can't grieve? I'm tired of being strong! All I want is to be, is the child who was afraid again, because he could cry and not be considered weak. He would be considered a child!"
And so the rest of that night I spent with the real Gohan, after that I didn't see the real version any-more. I saw a lost soul who was in denial of who they really were and was holding onto a grudge like a candle to a flame.
With Gohan growing up and taking on all that responsibility, it meant that Gohan was taking after his Father. The irony of it all…
We all learn to grow up. I remember the last conversation I ever had with Goku. It's hard how things change. About a week before the entire incident seven years ago…
"Hi Master Roshi!" Goku waves at me as he lands on the ground.
"Hi Goku," I smile. This doesn't get old, seeing him all grown up, I couldn't be anymore proud of him, "what brings you here?"
Goku hesitates, "I just need someone to talk to, just encase something happens."
"What is it?" I question.
"Well, uh," Goku rubs his neck awkwardly; "can you keep an extra eye on Gohan."
"Is that all?" That doesn't sound unreasonable.
"There's more to it," Goku looks at me seriously, "Gohan has come a long way since you first saw him. That is what worries me."
I ask, "Him becoming stronger?"
"Gohan becoming more independent," Goku sighs, "if he is anything like me; which we know he is. He will sacrifice his feelings for the sake of any others. I'm worried if something happened he will keep it all to himself."
"Goku are you sure Gohan would do that?" I question my pupil. Would Gohan do that? Then again he is combination of both of his parents; he is likely to that considering everything that has changed. The boys definitely puts in a 'tough' act, only a few can see behind it. I'm not a blind old man like most people thinks I am.
"I'm positive." Goku sits down besides me, "he has grown so much since he entered the hyperbolic time chamber. He used to come to me for comfort and now he doesn't – I have to confront him and then will he explain what is wrong."
"He is growing up son. Every child does, just with Gohan is it sooner because what he has been through throughout his life." I put my hand on Goku's shoulder. Every child learns to stand on their feet, Gohan learnt sooner rather than later, I think that is what Goku regrets; that his son lacked much of a childhood.
"He has grown up so much in the past few years; it's too much. He keeps taking on responsibility, partially it makes me so proud because it helps him as a fighter, but on the other hand it frightens me to death, because he still is so young," I nod in understanding, "Sure, I was doing things by myself at his age, but he grew up in a completely different environment; probably a more dangerous one." He puts his head down in sadness.
Rarely I will see Goku get like this, Gohan is so important to him. I think his priorities changed as he grew up as he became a husband and a father. "It's going to be alright son," I comfort him, "it happens; every child comes to a point when they need to do things on their own,"
"I know Master Roshi, it just scares me." I rarely see fear in the boy and it is all over his son. I knew Goku wasn't invisible to pain or worry, "it's just ever since he became a Super Saiyan he has so much more drive; it makes me so proud, but terrifies me."
I stare into his teal eyes, "I know how you feel son, it reminds me of you." Watching Goku grow up into the man he has become has become one of my greatest pleasures in life. Close in fact to watching the ladies and reading my precious magazines. While watching Gohan, he is so much like his old man; but he has always been serious and feels things more directly in comparison to his sometimes dense Father.
He turns to the sky, "He is so driven, it's like he is a different person. It was like when he became a super saiyan and I cut his hair, that then he became a man."
"Everyone grows up at one point in their life," I sigh. This talk is making me feel very old, "I am curious though, why did you cut Gohan's hair. I know you said to me you loved his hair that way."
"I couldn't dream of cutting it, I know, but I knew it would get in the way and a few times Gohan had insisted I cut it, but I said no. I didn't want to as I liked it long, but I had to let go of that piece of him otherwise it would be used to against him; I had to let him make his own choices. He wanted it, so how could I say no? I mean it didn't look bad, Gohan preferred it."
"He looks just like you now." I smile. Like Father like son, they look so alike and in a lot of the ways they are very similar to each.
"I don't want him to be like me. I want him to be safe." Goku stares grimly at me, "but he will do it against everyone's wishes, even if we told him no." He being strangely overprotective, I guess he has always been, I just never noticed.
"What was Chi-Chi's reaction when you were home?" I ask curiously.
"She freaked out and chased me around the house. She didn't like that I cut Gohan's hair. Though I must say it was an improvement from Namek – we know Gohan hated that," He laughs, "I think though she hated more was the fact his hair was blonde."
I chuckle and then I take a breath, "So do you want me to talk to Gohan in case something happens?"
"Please do be there for him. I'm worried he will care more about other people's feelings rather than his own." Selflessness; the trait I can only associate with Goku; clearly it is an attribute he carried onto his son.
"Why do you feel something may happen Goku?" I look in puzzlement.
His voice echoes, "I just know and I know I won't be the one the save the world this time round. A hero will take my place. Probably the last person everyone expects." Goku transmits away.
I don't get the chance to get another word in before he left. "Who?" I look at the skies and notice words written in the sand.
'The last person everyone expects you to be, but a hero you will be'
I look down to see a name which I finally notice 'Gohan', as it is washed away by the sea. I don't know if I can or should believe it.
I never pictured things to turn out the way they did. After that experience with the sand, I went to sleep and didn't think about or even consider it until I saw Gohan on the television screen that afternoon. I thought Goku had lost it that time…he did though.
Goku should have realised that sending someone to fight a person so evil and defeat them will traumatise them; especially if they don't have the intentions to kill at all. However, Gohan was too young, that is my issue with the matter. Maybe his age now is suitable, but he himself now couldn't harm anyone.
He can't fight the way he is and he can forget about protecting the planet, until he figures out how to fix himself.
With all the internal issues occurring in the depths of Gohan's mind, he can forget about having control over his powers. His Saiyan side has ownership of those powers, who themselves don't have the ability to fight. So Gohan can forget about transforming into a Super Saiyan; if the Earth if in danger, it may look bleak because the only person who can truly protect it, is dying.
Sadly with what happened with Bojack will not happen again. His powers will not come out for the period time needed to be blocked out again. Being blocked out was the reason this occurred in the first place. It's been too long and too much has happened this time.
Had I known this would happen; I would have talked to Goku before he left and told him that leaving would put Gohan in danger. Goku did not make the right decision to stay dead and it is likely that will be the reason for his son joining him.
Goku never did make the correct choices without thinking properly… sadly he had the right intentions.
Thank you for reading!
Pink Sparkles :)