By the time I reached the house, it was getting dark. The sun was setting into the trees and the warmth was drained with it.
I found Kerrigan sitting on the doorstep.
"What a surprise." I said walking past him and opened the door.
I turned back with a sigh. "You coming in or what?"
Kerrigan slowly stood up and followed me in. We stood awkwardly in the middle of the hall staring at each other. After a moment I walked into the kitchen.
"Want a beer?" I asked ducking my head into the fridge to get one for myself.
"Sure."
I took two out and tossed one to Kerrigan. We sat down on the kitchen table in silence and sipped quietly on our respective beers.
"Tell me about the werewolves." I said after a while.
Kerrigan gave me an enigmatic stare. "What do you want to know?"
"Jake told me the packs from the north are coming down. Tell me about them."
"What can I say?" He shrugged. "Never been part of a pack myself, being a Halfling. All I know is that if you put enough werewolves together it's bound to cause some friction."
"Yeah?" I took a long swig.
"Yeah. They're going to argue about who's going to lead them all first because having that many leaders only ends with trouble. Generally picking a new leader involves a rather bloody test of strength for two or more werewolves."
"Okay…" I said carefully and wondered how Sam would handle that.
"Then after that I guess they're going to plan a course of action. They might want to try making a pact with the vampires, to spare any casualties. But knowing most of the northern packs, they have deep-rooted hatred for vamps and thus won't go into a treaty with them willingly."
"What we really have to watch out for are the tribes from Europe. The French and Russian ones are the worst. They are immensely powerful and they grow much bigger there for some reason. Some say it's because that's where werewolves first started springing up, they're genes are somehow much stronger."
"Right." I sighed and put my beer down. I looked deep into his eyes. "What about me?"
"What about you?"
"Yeah, as in how the hell do I fit into the larger picture, because the pieces of the puzzle don't seem to fit"
Kerrigan sighed. "You don't fit. That's the problem. Most of us are still trying to figure out what the hell you are. Not a vamp, not a werewolf yet not completely human."
"To be honest, I'm scared of what all the werewolves want to do with you."
"What do you mean?" I asked startled.
"Well considering your blood is so strong, I wouldn't be surprised if the rumours going around that you could become a seriously lethal werewolf are true."
"What? Why does everyone want to change me into something non-human?!" I exclaimed. I got up and took the empty bottle to the counter and set it down. I breathed in deep trying to calm down. This was just too strange.
"Bella." Kerrigan said from behind me. He gently placed a hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him. His eyes were much darker, like the ocean under a night sky, they too sparkled beautifully.
"You have to come to grips with the fact that everybody here wants you." He grinned.
"Hah. If you knew me at all you'd understand why that's so hard to grasp."
"Even humans are drawn to you by some magical force. You were never completely normal and I think you knew that too."
"Yeah but I figured…"
"Did you figure that maybe your destiny was far beyond that of a normal person?"
His eyes twinkled in the half-light as he smiled. His white teeth flashed and I felt that familiar feeling of desire clench like a fist in my belly. I pushed away quickly.
"I don't think I'm ready to become the queen of darkness and just the thought of becoming a werewolf, well let's just say I'm not big on the fur thing."
"You know what I think? I think some of the pack leaders see you as a good mate" He said turning to the kitchen window.
"What?!" I exclaimed. "Ok that's it. I've had it." I said and walked toward the door.
"Wait, Bella, where are you going?" Kerrigan blocked my exit.
I gave him my most evil glare. "Get out of my way Blondie." I growled.
"Not before you tell me what you're thinking of doing."
"I'm going to show those furry idiots that they can't treat me like a pound of meat."
"Oh so you're planning on facing off with a couple hundred werewolves?"
As the words left his mouth I felt the anger flush away from me as I reality hit. There was nothing I could do.
I started crying.
Kerrigan stood over me, shocked, as I sank onto the floor my, body quaking from the sobs tearing out of me.
"Bella…" He whispered and sat down next to me. He put his arms around me and stroked my hair. I sobbed even harder into his shoulder, feeling the weeks, months of pressure finally bringing me to my breaking point.
"What…" My voice hitched "am I…" Hiccup. "Going to do…?"
"Ssh…" He said stroking my head softly. I felt oddly comforted. "Don't worry."
I lifted my head angrily to look at his placid face. "How can I possibly not worry?! Everybody either wants me dead, as their monster wife, or a worse, an actually monster! Why can't I just me normal and stay out of trouble?" I moaned and laid my head back down onto his shoulder. He resumed stroking my head and making calming sounds as the tears continued to streak down my face.
"I don't even know who I am yet. I don't know what I want to do with my life! And now the war of the worlds is going on."
"Don't worry about it Bells." He said softly. "It'll be alright in the end."
He lifted my chin so that I met is calm gaze. "Just don't cry ok? You're freaking me out."
I gave a small laugh and shook my head. "Don't."
"Don't what?" He wiped a tear from my face in a gesture that was far to intimate. I pulled back a fraction.
"Don't change my mind about you, ok? I can't handle any more problems."
"Ok." He said and dropped his hand. I wiped the remaining tears off my face and absently wondered how bad I looked. Unlike the movie stars, when I cried my face became a blotchy mess and my eyes turned small and puffy.
"I have to do something about this." I said to myself. "I have to make it clear to the people involved in this mess that I am not easily manipulated. I brought my knees to my chest and rocked slightly, thinking hard.
The vampires wanted my blood to become powerful and to change me; the werewolves wanted to change me to become powerful. Basically, I was just a pawn in a game that had been going on for hundreds of years.
"So this war between vampire and werewolf has been going on for a while now, hasn't it?"
"Some say that the only reason werewolves ever came about was as a natural anti-vampire reaction; to balance the equation a bit and to give humans a fighting chance."
"So then why would they want to hurt me?" I asked.
"They don't see it that way. Werewolves in many cultures are considered a form of royalty among humans. It's an honour really, to be bestowed that particular gift." He said his voice revealing some bitterness.
"Do you ever wish you were a complete werewolf?" I asked quietly. He turned to look at me.
"Sure, all the time but I figure that there's a reason for me being the way I am and I should see it as a blessing."
"And do you?"
"I try." He whispered.
We sat in silence a while longer. My tears had dried, leaving salty tracks on my face that itched. I rubbed my face absently.
"Its another "what now?" moment, isn't it?" I said.
"I get a lot of those these days."
"I guess I'll be fighting for a lot more than just my survival" I said. "I have to fight for humanity too"
Kerrigan said nothing as I stood up and pulled my hair out my face. He stood up, fluidly and with grace so that he was facing me.
"There's something about you Bella."
"Yeah, I get a lot of that these days." I said with a laugh but stopped short when I realised he wasn't laughing.
"I thought I told you not to do that."
"I've never been good at taking orders" He said and before I could back away, I was in his arms and his warm lips were on mine. I resisted for as long as I could, staying immobile in his arms and keeping my lips unmoving. Our eyes locked, I was still unrelentingly still. But after a moment, my brain stopped being in control and my body took over. As I gave up one last thought passed through my mind: why do I keep doing this? My hands fisted on his t-shirt as I opened myself to him, letting his warm kiss turn hot. His hands fisted in my hair as I gave a little moan of pleasure. His tongue traced over mine and explored my mouth deftly.
He broke away only to kiss his way down my shoulder. He pulled my t-shirt down over one shoulder and trailed soft, wet kisses over it.
"I really don't think I we should…ah…" I moaned as he kissed the sensitive spot behind my ear. "…do this..." I finished.
"I'm a big fan of bad ideas." He murmured against my skin as his fingers brushed lightly over my breasts. I shuddered and went limp in his embrace. He found my mouth again and pushed me against the wall. His hands lifted my arms above my head, holding my wrists in a vice-like grip.
"God, you taste good" He whispered into my ear, his warm breath tickling my ear. He bit gently on my ear lobe and continued nibbling and licking my jaw seductively. I struggled against him. Pushing my hips against his. He groaned a little against my mouth and grinded back. My vision went blurry as one of his hands sneaked down my body to press itself against my sex. I gasped as he pressed there through my jeans. I pushed myself against his hand trying to relieve the pressure there. He answered my pressing so hard that the pain and pleasure mingled beautifully. I closed my eyes my mouth hanging open with desire. He took advantage of it and kissed me hard, his mouth mirroring my need for quick, hard release. Before I knew it he had unbuttoned my jeans and his hands were now in my panties, his fingers diving in me fiercely. I cried out into his mouth, using my hips to push against him. His thumb brushed lightly on my nub causing me to buck madly against his hand. I was so close to release I could feel tears leak out of my eyes from the pain of it. But before I could reach breaking point he took his hands away and resumed holding onto my wrists with both hands. My eyes flew open in question but he just stared at me, expressionlessly. I tried to grind myself on him to relieve myself but held onto my hips, so that I was immobile. I was speechless with desire and I wanted release more than anything but he wouldn't give it to me. The pressure was maddening, my body shuddered with it but he just stared into my eyes, keeping me immobile.
"Fuck you Kerrigan" I whispered, my breathing laboured.
"You wish." He answered and kissed me softly. I growled from deep in my throat and tried to push against him with my hips. Still, he held me steady.
"Please" I heard myself plead.
He shook his head.
"You know how fucking beautiful you are right now?" He whispered hotly in my ear. "I want to fuck you so bad my brain is about explode"
"What are you waiting for?" I whispered. I was teetering off the edge of desire. I would only take one, soft touch to send me over the edge.
He didn't answer. He kissed me hard his need responding to mine in a clash of tongues. He moved to my neck again whispering softly "How about you come now?" he asked, biting the sensitive skin.
"I can't" I moaned trying desperately to find release.
"Yes you can." He said pinching my nipple through my shirt. I thought I would lose consciousness. But still release evaded me, barely, but still I wasn't sated.
"Please Kerrigan just make me come" I growled looking into his eyes fiercely.
"Though you'd never ask" He said smiling against my neck. His hand snaked back down my body and gave my clitoris the gentlest flick causing my head to explode.
"Oh god, oh god..." I moaned into his shoulder. "Again. Again."
This time he pressed. Hard. And with that my body convulsed as the orgasm ripped through me. My eyes screwed shut my mouth wide open, I made no sound I just convulsed against the wall until the last shocks were over and I went limp in his arms.
After a few moments I realised what had happened and pushed back. I looked into his deep blue, almost black, eyes. I felt anger rise inside me.
"I thought I told you not to do that?"
"I hate to correct you but you weren't telling me to stop just now" I noted from the huskiness of his voice that the pressure in him was probably causing him a great deal of discomfort. I smiled at this, thinking of the torture I had just experienced.
I took, wordlessly and led him to the bathroom. Once there I peeled off my clothes and watched him do the same. I put the shower on letting the hot water run before I stepped in. Naked, he followed me in, pulling the shower curtain around us.
"Is this your idea of good clean fun?" He asked as the water cascaded over as. His erection pressed against my thigh seductively, and I felt myself get aroused all over again. Suddenly, all the problems outside of the bathroom ceased to matter; the werewolves, the vampires. I had forgotten Edward and Jake even existed.
Sex acted as excellent diversion from reality.
I ran a finger over the length of him, enjoying the low moan it elicited.
"You wanna talk, or do you wanna fuck me like you promised?"
With a growl he placed his hands on my ass and lifted me against the cold tile. He positioned himself over me, his cock teasing me slightly. I tightened my legs around him as he slowly, sweetly slipped into me. My eyes glazed over as he filled me completely. We stayed immobile like that for a full long minute desire pounding in our hearts. He kissed me, open-eyed and pulled out completely only to plunge back, deep. We continued like that our hips rocking slowly in a rhythm that made us both crazy. He kept it slow even as my hips tried to pump the pressure away quickly, he held back and went slowly, prolonging our pleasure.
Suddenly I heard the front door bang.
"Bella!" I heard Charlie call out from the hall. I looked at Kerrigan in shock and shook my head in a "Don't make a sound" way. It was harder for me because every time he moved a small whimper would escape me. I begged with my eyes. Kerrigan just smiled and plunged even deeper. I bit my lower lip hard to keep myself from moaning.
"Bella?" I heard Charlie call out from behind the bathroom door. "You in the shower?"
Kerrigan pressed his hand between us, giving my nub a small pinch.
"Yeah" My voice came out breathy.
"You ok?" Charlie persisted. I tried not to moan as Kerrigan plunged himself into me, my skin making a squeaking sound against the wet tile.
"I'm ok!" I called out, my voice shrill. I pressed my nails hard into the skin of Kerrigans back as a warning. He just smiled and continued rocking against me.
"Ok, well I only came to pick up the new rod I got the other day to show Billy. See you later!"
"Bye!" I yelped as Kerrigan began moving faster. I heard the front door bang and I sighed in relief and pleasure.
"Oh god" I moaned. Our bodies were slick and wet against each other as the distant sound of bodies slapping against each other drifted through my mind.
"I'm so close…just a little…" I whispered into his ear and bit my lip.
I heard the front door open again and I stopped moving from the shock.
"Just forgot my cell!" Charlie called out again and the door banged.
Kerrigan looked at me for a moment, his body just as still as mine, until we both started laughing.
"I can't believe this." I said kissing him and rocking my hips against his.
He rocked back, wordlessly, his eyes smiling into mine. My hands lifted above my head in ecstasy as he pushed against me, our desire picking up momentum.
I gasped as he pressed against that deep part of me. Water flowed into my open mouth, running down my chin onto my chest as he pushed deeper into me. I bit into his shoulder as I came again, our hips pumping against each other madly. He followed closely behind his body going stiff from the shock of it, his passion reverberating through me.
We stood there under the pray of water unmoving. My legs dropped down onto the floor and I held onto him while my heart slowed down to a steady thump.
"I repeat, you weren't supposed to do that." I said with a laugh. He pulled back and looked into my eyes.
"You're not with either of them are you?" he asked his eyes serious.
I shook my head. "Not exactly."
"Then there's no problem."
"It's complicated Blondie." I said turning to the hot spray and washed the sticky mess from my thighs.
His hands came around my stomach as I pumped liquid soap into my hand. An echo of our previous love making flowed through me as his hands soaped my body.
"Yeah, well, what isn't these days?" He said as I soaped my arms absently.
"Tell me about it"
"I'm sorry but I can't give you more." I whispered after a silent moment
"Wow, Bella, slow down." He said turning me around to face me. "Did I ask you for more?"
"No." I sighed, disappointed.
"So there's nothing to worry about." He said and got out of the shower. I followed him close behind pushing back the curtain.
"Why can't you be mad at me?" I exclaimed, wrapping a nearby towel around myself.
"Why should I be?" He growled, taking a towel to dry himself off.
"Because I'm mad at me. I'd feel better if you were too."
"It was just sex, Bella. Completely natural. Nothing bad about it" He said simply.
I felt something shift in me. It felt very much like hurt mixed with guilt. I had only known him for a few days and he was already affecting me in a way that was not good.
He was right, our coupling was animalistic, fun, but that was all it was. It was a survival technique, an inherent need to feel alive.
So why was I so mad?
We went to my room where we got dressed. I pulled my jeans on and tried to figure out my game plan.
"I'm going to La Push" I said more to myself than him.
"What?" Kerrigan turned away from the computer screen.
"You heard me" I said with my chin held up high. "I want to see these leaders who claim they're here to protect me and humanity."
"I don't think that's such a great idea Bella…" Kerrigan got up from the chair and tried to reason with me.
"Why not?"
"Because you going into La Push would be like dangling a piece of meat in front of a pack of lions; which is, taking away the meat and lions and substituting you and some werewolves, the exact same thing."
"I'll be fine. Jake's there and most of his pack like me so I think I'll be good." I pulled on my favourite black cashmere sweater my mother had given to me for Christmas. Its warm blue softness reminded me of my mother and a life that I could have had.
"You don't realise that Jake and his pack are only a handful of werewolves against a small army of them. We're talking about 4 or 5 tribes here."
"I can defend myself" I remained stubborn. I zipped up my army trousers
"God!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in defeat. "It's like talking to a wall!"
"I need to make a stand. I need to make it clear to them that I am not some little girl that they can use to meet their goals."
Kerrigan gave me a long stare. "Do you absolutely have to do it now? Tonight?"
"Yes."
"Ok, but let me call Spike and Kiki to warn them."
I nodded and began arranging my precautionary weapons on my bed. I placed two identical silver knives, the hilts decorated by intricate engravings; a Beretta 92FS with 15 rounds of silver bullets and its shoulder holster; and a slender wooden stake.
I regarded the equipment on my bed and smiled at the juxtaposition of the weapons and my pale pink sheets.
"Can you please put trousers on?" I said looking up at Kerrigan who was standing half-naked in the middle of my room with his arms crossed in worry.
"Spike said that they're all there"
"How many?" I replied somewhat distracted by the sculpture of his body. There was something wrong with me. Had I always been this man-crazy?
"About a hundred. Not counting the La Push crowd."
I began putting on my gear.
"Are you not worried?" Kerrigan sounded frustrated as he pulled on his t-shirt.
"Yeah, but I figure the time for being worried and helpless is over. I gotta do something."
"Yeah but – "
"No buts." I interrupted, turning to face him. "The Volturi want me. The werewolves want me. What I want is to make sure I stay alive through all of this. And when I say alive, I mean alive."
Kerrigan gave me a long hard stare. "You sure you want to do this?"
"Positive."
"The lets go."
I holstered my gun and smiled. I was ready to rumble.