"Santana!" Kurt knocked hard on the closed bathroom door, raising his voice above the sound of the running water. "I need to get in here!"
"I'm in the shower, Hummel!" Santana shouted back after a long pause, as though he couldn't have already drawn this conclusion on his own, and Kurt swore he heard snickering before her response. It wouldn't exactly be uncharacteristic of Santana to deliberately prolong her time in the bathroom just to annoy him, and even in the best of times she always took a considerable amount of time in the shower and doing her makeup and hair. Between her and Rachel, and Kurt's own self-care rituals, it seemed there was never an hour of the day where the bathroom was unoccupied, and quite a large percentage of the time, it was occupied by all three of them at once as they attempted to juggle around each other to accomplish what they needed to get done.
In the ridiculously small space it was, this could get downright claustrophobic. Not to mention invasive and on occasions, very disturbing in what could be inadvertently discovered or seen.
Kurt gritted his teeth before pounding on the door again, a little longer and harder than before this time. "Santana, I have to get in here to brush my teeth, you know I have school today! Hurry up!"
He knows he heard snickering this time even over the sound of the water before Santana called back to him. "Hummel, I've got a hell of a lot of hair to wash here and it involves three kinds of products before it looks as amazing as it rightfully should, so prepare for a wait. Not to mention the shower's the only place I get any kind of private personal time in this place and you're severely interfering with that now. So abandon personal hygiene for the day or else wait."
Beginning to grow more angry than impatient now, Kurt renewed his loud knocking, continuing even as he spoke over it, almost yelling now. "Santana Diabla Lopez, get out of the shower and unlock this door or I will personally take each of your favorite clothing items and begin to hand them out to the homeless on the streets. I will do it and not look back for one second in regret. Open the door. Now."
She must have known he wasn't bluffing, because almost immediately he heard the curtain being drawn back and the sound of Santana padding to the door, unlocking it, and then the curtain being drawn back again as she got back into the shower. Throwing the door open and noting the trail of water she had dripped on the floor, avoiding stepping in it, Kurt began to apply toothpaste to his toothbrush, rolling his eyes and exhaling loudly as he began to brush his teeth, deliberately avoiding casting his eyes towards the shower in case he saw even a vague outline of his roommate's naked body. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen it before, but he had no desire to repeat the experience.
It was his intention to finish brushing his teeth and get out fast, but it seemed that his roommates had other ideas. Because he had only been standing there about thirty seconds when Rachel threw the unlocked door open and started talking at top speed, eyes darting between Kurt, standing at the mirror with his toothbrush, and Santana in the shower as she started to explain herself.
"Okay, I realize this is awkward and likely uncomfortable for some or all of us but I really do need to use the bathroom, right now, and this is not the sort of circumstances where I can wait to go. I need to go immediately. So either the both of you need to evacuate the area until I am finished or we need to simply all avoid looking at or speaking to each other during this time, but if I do not have usage of a toilet in less than thirty seconds there may be consequences."
"I'm not uncomfortable, piss away, Berry," was Santana's half-shouted response, as Kurt covered his eyes with the hand not holding his toothbrush, groaning in a garbled fashion through a mouth full of toothpaste foam.
"Oh my god, is there such a thing as boundaries in this house, let alone privacy?" he attempted to voice aloud, but the words could not be understood through his mouthful of toothpaste, and so when Rachel brushed past him and hiked up her skirt, he hurriedly turned his back to her and shut his eyes, even as Santana shouted out catcalls, entirely too amused.
"Owww OWWWW, Rachelllll! Take it ALL off!"
"I have no such intentions, Santana, and that is fairly ironic given as you are the one who is currently fully unclothed rather than myself," was Rachel's dignified response even as she urinated, and Santana laughed aloud, still teasing.
"Oh we could totally shift that, I am totally cool with you joining me, there's definitely room for three, right, babe?"
"Oh, don't even pull me into this," Kurt attempted to say through his mouthful of paste, but it was soon made clear that he was not the person she was referring to as another voice spoke up from behind the shower curtain, also clearly snickering.
"It would be a tight squeeze, but it seems like you guys are used to cramped quarters, and we're all friends here, right?"
Both Kurt and Rachel's eyes bulged slightly as they recognized Dani's voice from behind the shower curtain, and Kurt wasted no time in leaving the room, muttering something unintelligible about finishing up in the kitchen sink while accidentally spitting slightly down his shirt in the process. Rachel too hurriedly finished up and got to her feet, stammering slightly.
"Um, yes, well, good morning Dani and I will just leave the two of you be and…good bye."
As she slammed the door behind herself, she and Kurt could both hear Santana laughing, and it sounded like Dani was too as she called back to them, "Oh, come on, guys, we're a family, right? Families love close morning rituals…what's a little sex and nudity among friends?"
Neither Kurt nor Rachel bothered to reply to her, both already thinking that from now on, bathrooms were off limits if Santana was in the shower. Which to Santana, had been half the goal. Pulling Dani in close to her, she stifled a giggle against the wet skin of her girlfriend's neck, grinning against its nape. This morning at least was a definite all around win.