18 months had passed since the Florida weekend.
James had more or less kept his end of carlos' promise to steer clear. It wasn't as bad as it sounded. James and I were still incredibly close. We had snuck in the odd kiss every now and again but he would never let it go further. Not once had we made love.
I could tell james about anything and he would do the same.
He was often linked to many girls names in the press and I must of seen more than a dozen pictures of him with his arm slung round his latest date. But one girl kept popping up, a very pretty brunette girl called kacey.
She seemed nice enough. she did modelling and acting, along with trying to seal an album deal. They had been dating steady for 5 months now.
I occasionally saw them kiss, and pangs of jealousy would hit my stomach.
Carlos also had a girlfriend; Tammi. He was besotted with her.
Tammi could be a bit of a bitch, I intimidated girls with my wealth and looks, and I loved to intimidate Tammi. It came as no surprise when after just 3 months of being with Carlos, Tammi insisted on him moving out of my Los Angeles home. He did of course, he loved her so much. he bought his own place and she moved in with him shortly after.
Carlos kept hinting to me that I should put Tammi on my modelling management books but I always tried to avoid the subject.
My business was doing great. I had a lot of exposure in the set up of the company. With tv's americas next top model.
I felt in control of my life again, at least part of it.
My cell rang. It was kendall.
Kendall and I had become firm friends in the past year. His girlfriend of 4 years had called it a day between them 8 months ago, he took it hard, and rarely dated other girls so I would often accompany him to VIP partys and award ceremonys. We were singletons together.
I was a familiar face around the boys, but it was now public knowledge that I did most of my growing up within the safety of carlos' family, and was part of the boys new "family" we had created within the success of 2 series' of their music based kids cable show and the release of 2 albums to match.
I answered my cell
"hey shoo, what time are you getting here tonight" Kendall asked enthusiastically. Carlos' endearment term for me had caught on with pretty much every one.
"Kendall I've already told you, I'll be there no later than 10pm okay"
He sighed "cmon its my birthday you can get there earlier than ten!"
Kendalls 21st party had been drummed in to me for 4 months solid.
"honestly kendall if I could then you know I would. I will be there at ten. Oh and dont get shit faced before I get there, I'll be pissed if you vomit on my shoes"
"Ha ha very funny" he retorted. "See you at ten shoobaloo" he chuckled and the line went dead.
Kendall was so lovely, he always had time for everyone. He gave the impression to everyone he knew, including those that he just met that they where the most important people in his life, it was a gift he posessed.
Fame didn't alter kendall one bit, he hadnt changed from the first time I met him, he even came with me last July to meet up with antonio. A lot of good came that hot July day.
Antonio had been to counselling, and we could finally lay jays memory to rest without being racked with guilt.
Carlos was happier that the 'bad joo joo', as he put it, had gone between antonio and I too.
My cell vibrated in my hand, it was James this time.
he had text me to say him and kacey had kendalls gift all wrapped up, he promised not to forget to bring it to the party this evening.
The gift was a guitar. kendall had his eye on for this one for some time. But we thought his 21st birthday was a long enough time to wait.
I was out of los angeles today, I had meetings in palm springs and left just after dinner to get to the party venue.
Kendall had splashed out on a swanky hotel with a free bar.
He best not be wankered by the time I get there I thought to myself, tutting aloud.
I personally rarely drank alcohol. I had wasted so much of my youth in England being smashed out my face on booze and drugs.
The modelling life in England isn't that far from the one in the united states. But over here I was given more control, and Carlos' family, a very religious family, helped to get me back on the straight and narrow.
A year after I moved here and at the tender age of 20 I finally got my turn on the US catwalk, and fame and fortune beckoned at every door I opened.
I had offered to pick Logan up on my way to the venue, as he had a radio interview to do just outside of palm springs. It had just gone 8 as I picked him up, I was impressed with my early timing.
"I wasnt sure if I should of got another coffee" Logan jibed as he eased in to my mercedes. "You weren't as long as you said you might be" he added.
Now to me, Logan was the hardest of the four lads to get to know. He doesn't trust easily, and if he doesn't trust you he doesn't let you in his head.
It took 6 months for us to finally become friends, and that was only because his very dry sense of humour would rattle me the wrong way and get me to open my mouth to bite back at whatever insult he had thrown my way.
The day it came to a head, I must admit I had PMS of the worst kind. I can't even remember what snide comment he had made, but I launched myself at him, hitting him in the head, and just totally lost the plot.
James had to get me off him. But Logan must of felt bad, as he invited me round for dinner. that same evening we buried the hatchet and found we actually had a lot in common.
He has called me the diva princess ever since though, I think of him as a good friend now.
"I got away sooner than I thought and the highways have been in my favour so far" I confessed, banging on my dash for good luck.
"Are you looking forward to this evening?" He asked with the raise of an eyebrow, He gave a side ways glance at me as he spoke.
"Yeah I am, it should be a great night... Listen! I gotta favour to ask... Will you stick with me just for a while once we are in? I hate not turning up with an official date for fear of being a loner" I said with a cheeky smile.
Logan smirked at my cowardice.
"you! A loner, I'm yet to see the day. But yeh I would love to be your temporary date until you can find someone better" he chuckled.
I tutted at him and rolled my eyes. we both laughed. "You know what I mean" I retorted.
Logan chuckled again and flashed a beautiful brown eyed smile my way.
In some ways Logan was very similar to james. Driven! and he took from life, he didn't wait to get handed anything.
I often thought to my self that in years to come it will be logan that had made it the furthest in the fame stakes against the other 3.
I always envisaged a movie star in him.
Logan and I got out of the car at the hotel, he offered me his arm which I gracefully excepted.
We walked through the long stylish corridors of the hotel, finding our way to the party, we took a flight of red carpeted winding stairs to the entrance of the hall, at the top of the stairs the music was loud, Carlos and tammi were in the corner having what looked like a heated arguement, Carlos saw us and walked over to greet us, I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he gave me a huge hug in return, Logan was saying brief hellos to people filing in to the hall.
I gave him the look to say dont you dare leave my side yet! He flashed his amazing smile at me as an okay.
No way did I want to get stuck with carlos and tammi having one of their rifts.
Logan and I made our excuses to leave the stairway entrance, he took my hand and we went inside to find the birthday boy.
The place was heaving! there were people from all walks of kendalls life, the room was huge, the bar area was well lit, the dance floor looked amazing, the beat of the loud music thudded through my chest.
The place was decorated very tastefully. kendall had really gone to town on paying out for all this.
As logan and I weaved through the swarms of people, James approached us. His eyes glazing over how Logan and I were joined by the hand.
He gave a shocked look to say 'well thats a development i didn't know about'.
I surrendered logans hand and reached out to hug James, he kissed me on the cheek, but over the year, he had got his cheek kiss down to the art of it being pretty much on my lips.
His eyes grinned at me at our private joke.
"So when did this happen" he casually asked as he wiggled his finger at me and Logan.
Logan laughed."Oh god no! I snagged a lift from palm springs and then got hijacked as temporary date"
I glared at Logan.
"thanks for that" I replied, giving him a playful punch in the stomach.
"Ooh I see" James said eyeing me over, "well kacey isn't here tonight so i dont mind being your ...er company" he laughed at his choice of word.
It wasn't untill then that I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
Great now I get stuck with the drunkard.
Although now, still only 20, james like any other guy had his fair share of drunken nights out, he just had to be carefull not to get papped wasted, as it would be bad for his reputation and being the star of a kids show it wouldnt go down well with the bosses.
Logan shrugged his shoulders as if to release himself from his date duty, and then nodded in the direction of the dance floor where he saw kendall.
James waved over to him to catch his eye, then beckoned kendall over to us.
Kendall bungled through the crowds. He was covered in birthday banners, badges. and lipstick over most of his face, he even had a pair of lace panties Hung around his neck.
He had a huge smile on his face, he lunged in to hug logan, and he took my hand and kissed it, which i was grateful for as I didn't want my black Calvin Klein dress ruined in the first 5 minutes.
Kendall began chatting to logan about his day, while James snuck his hand in mine and pulled me to one side
"your drunk!" I moaned.
"Just a little" he emphasised with his finger and thumb to show me his measurement of drunkeness.
"You okay then? you seem in a very playful mood." I asked.
"Sheri' I'm fine, just happy your not dating Logan" he laughed at the thought.
"Hmmm" was my pissed off reply to this.
Before james could get another word out, kendall had man handled me, and marched me off to the dance floor, pointing in the air shouting 'whoop whoop'.
James' hand slipped away from mine, and I left him stood next to logan.
So as I left one drunk guy behind I was now dancing with an even drunker one.
Kendall looked like he had had a good time, he had drink spilt down what at the start of the evening would of been a breath taking white designer shirt, plus all his decorations his guests had pinned on him like an eccentric human christmas tree.
He danced alongside me for sometime, taking the odd break to briefly talk to his guests, once again kendalls gift of making people feel so important shined through.
I was enjoying myself with him so much, he even talked me in to doing shots with him and his brother kevin.
"what the hell" I said.
After 3 I felt I had made the wrong choice and that hell would indeed be waiting for me tomorrow in the style of a huge hang over.
My head was spinning, I hadn't even eaten since breakfast.
Carlos looked disgusted with me drinking. I knew he meant well, because he knew of the life I had before. But instead of marching me home, he gave me a weak smile as if to say take it easy, and returned to dancing with tammi.
I figured his good cop persona would be easier than explaining to tammi that he was leaving to take me home.
Stood at the bar I noticed james was deep in chat with a brunette girl. He caught my eye, and took a step away from her but still carried on his conversation.
My cheeks flushed and I turned my back to James.
The night went by without any major dramas.
I noticed that James and logan were no where to be seen by home time, so that left just me and kendall getting a cab back.
Carlos and tammi had just said their goodbyes and only a handful of guests still remained.
Kendall said some goodbyes and grabbed my hand to stumble out on to the grand looking stairway.
"Thank you for an amazing night" he beamed and he kissed my hand once again just before tripping over his own feet, falling, grabbing my hand to try and save himself and pulling me down with him, and us both narrowly missing a fall down the stairs.
Some of the hotel staff looked and gave annoyed glances at us.
We both got the giggles.
"Fuck! That was close" he said sorting his hair out from his face.
"Too close" I agreed looking down the stairs. "Did you wanna share a cab home?" I enquired as i stood up.
"I'm staying here tonight, most of my family have rooms too, we are planning a day out tomorrow" he swayed as he spoke.
"Oh ok" I rummaged for my cell in my purse to phone a cab, I would have to collect my car tomorrow.
Kendall stood up "ah cmon, il let you have my bed, il sleep on the couch" he said.
"serious?" i replied.
"Sure shoo shoo" he playfully tapped my shoulder with his fist.
The few moments it took to get to kendalls room were filled with drunken giggles.
He opened the door and said "m'lady" in a terrible attempt at a british accent, whilst gesturing me in with an exaggerated arm movement.
I sat on the bed to take my shoes off, it wasn't made, he must of seen me survey the scattered sheets, as he felt the need to explain.
"It's all very innocent, James and I got carried away with pre party drinks and he was jumping on the bed"
I then clocked the guitar in the corner of the room.
I stroked the bed subconsciously as james' name had been forced apon me.
"do you like the guitar?" I asked as I managed to switch my train of thought, god why did i drink?
"Yeah its amazing, thanks so much. All you guys mean the world to me you know..." he smiled and looked at the floor. "... Ive been working on a song, you wanna hear it?" He made full eye contact now.
"I would love to kendall" my voice soft, at his personal gesture.
He grabbed the guitar and sat next to me on the bed.
"its called american dreams" he said.
The song was gentle and slow, the words flowed softly from kendall, it was filled with lyrics of lost love and future hope. Kendall sang from his heart. He was raw talent. and the song words I knew were from his past.
They hit me hard.
When he finished we sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Your the first person to hear that, what do you think?" he asked shaking.
"I think its beautiful, very emotional" I gave his hand a squeeze as I knew he was thinking of his ex emily.
Kendall placed the guitar on the floor."You wanna hug it out?" he offered.
"sure" I smiled, and he wrapped his arms around me.
I felt lonely within kendalls arms, I had the feeling he felt pretty lonely too. I pulled out of our hug and moved my hand to the side of his face, his skin was soft with signs of tomorrows stubble already coming through. I guided his head towards mine and kissed his lips, his lips were softer than his skin. I felt his hands gently on my waist. His touch on my body was welcomed. I kissed his neck and unbuttoned his shirt, his chest was smooth, and cool to the touch.
"You want this?" His voice was thick with emotion.
"I do" I breathed back.
With that go ahead, kendall found his way in to my black Calvin klein dress, and it was soon laying strewn on the floor, he gazed my body all over.
His face was anxious, and I got the impression kendall had wanted this for a while.
He toyed with my bra strap, almost teasing himself with it.
I ran my fingers through his unruly hair, then took his shirt off. I un cloaked him from his panty necklace from the party too.
He lay back on the bed, and pulled me on top of him, I kissed his chest as he un hooked my bra
The moment was perfect, making love with Kendall seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do.
There was no awkward moment after, everything felt natural.
We got in to bed, and layed together. I could hear kendalls heart beat. It sounded almost magical.
He played with my hand with his fingers, etching out imaginary circles with them.
"I've had feelings for you for a while you know" he admitted.
"I had no idea kendall" I said looking up at him.
"Do you think you will regret this in the morning?" he looked away from my face as he spoke.
I thought about it. would i regret this? I didnt feel any regret at the face facts, I spent the entire evening in kendalls company, and only ever felt joy, thats how i always felt when i was with him. Plus he was 21 now. It wouldnt be frowned apon as such. I've had worse scandals...
"Nope 100% unregrettable. I do believe" I followed it up with a slow kiss on his lips. Then rested my head back to his brushed his unruly hair back with his hand and smiled