Olive Quimby and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

by James Stryker

After watching Raiders of the Lost Ark with Fletcher during movie date night, Olive tells him that she dislikes the movie. Fletcher tries to get revenge on Olive by watching a favorite movie of hers. Sub-plot: Cole writes a letter to Chuck Norris saying that he will find him, then fears for his life after Catherine tells Cole that he will find him.

3. Chapter 3

Olive Quimby and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

Hi, everybody! This is it, it's the battle of all battles. It's husband vs. wife. It's the battle of the sexes. It's beauty vs. beast. It's Coke vs. Pepsi. It's Fletcher vs. Olive! Fletcher is going to get even with Olive. Also, it's Cole Szell vs. Chuck Norris. I hope an announcer doesn't say A-Chucka Norris. LOL. Who will win this battle? We'll find out today in scene three. Enjoy.

Scene Three

Act One

INT. Fletcher and Olive's House, Night

(Fletcher and Olive are sitting on the couch watching Gremlins 2: The New Batch)

Fletcher: Is that Frank Langella playing the mad scientist in the science lab at Clamp Industries?

Olive: Actually, that's Christopher Lee. Interesting factoid about Frank Langella and Christopher Lee is that Christopher Lee played Dracula in the Hammer films and Frank Langella played Dracula in John Badham's 1979 version of the movie Dracula.

Fletcher: Something I actually didn't know for once.

Olive: Gotta love Jerry Goldsmith's Gremlins theme, it's much better than the original.

Fletcher: How so?

Olive: Fletcher, it's 1990. You're supposed to make the Gremlins Rag more upbeat. Hellooo!

Fletcher: Oh. You do know they're kind of parodying the first movie.

Olive: Yeah, that's why I saw Leonard Maltin in the movie.

Fletcher: The Gremlins wanted revenge on him for disliking the first one. (Thinking to himself and smiles) Yeah, I'm going to be like Leonard Maltin and get my revenge on you, my loving wife. Who is the jerk in the suit?

Olive: That's Forrester, you nitwit. He's played by Robert Picardo. Interesting factoid about Robert Picardo is that him and director Joe Dante collaborated in films such as Explorers, Innerspace, The Burbs, Matinee…

Fletcher: Can we just watch the movie without you saying another interesting factoid?

(Olive looks hurt)

Announcer: Interesting factoid about Olive…

Fletcher: SHUT UP!

Announcer: Oh, sorry.

Olive: Fine.

(Fletcher looks confused)

Fletcher: Why is that gremlin talking like a human being?

Olive: He drank that brain serum which makes him intelligent. He's known as the "Brain" gremlin, played by Tony Randall.

Fletcher: Felix from The Odd Couple?

Olive: Yeah.

Fletcher: I hope he doesn't say any you-know-whats.

Olive: Just watch it.

(They continue to watch the movie)

Fletcher: Oh, are you serious?! The movie is acting up. Olive your movie is…what the heck? What. The. Heck! Gremlins took over the movie!

Olive: Don't worry, Hulk Hogan is going to save the day.

Fletcher: C'mon, this movie stinks!

(Olive turns off the movie)

Olive: It does not stink!

Fletcher: It does to me.

Olive: I enjoy it. So stop crying.

End of Act One

Act Two

INT. Cole's Apartment, Night

(Cat enters Cole's apartment and starts looking for him.)

Cat: Cole. Cole, are you in here?

Cole: Yeah.

Cat: What are you doing?

Cole: Hiding.

Cat: Oh, brother.

Cole: You-know-who is coming.

Cat: Michael Bay.

(Cole's TV explodes)

Cole: (Looks at his TV) My TV! Great, now I'm going to miss a new episode of Revenge! You're buying me a new one!

Cat: Oh boy.

Cole: C.N. is after me.

Cat: Cartoon Network is after you? Was it because you wrote an angry letter to them after they cancelled Incredible Crew?

Cole: CHUCK NORRIS!

Announcer: A-Chucka Norris!

(At Fletcher & Olive's house)

(Olive turns off the movie)

Olive: That was a good movie.

Fletcher: It's a horrible movie. If I want to see a Gremlin, I'll go to the Gremlin in Russia.

Olive: It's Kremlin, you idiot. There aren't any gremlins in the Kremlin.

Fletcher: There were gremlins in a World War II cartoon.

Olive: It might've been in Looney Toons.

Fletcher: I'm not sure if it was.

Olive: Anyway, I liked it.

Fletcher: Booo! (Gives Olive two thumbs down)

Olive: SHUT UP, FLETCHER!

Fletcher: Who do you think I am, Paisley?

Olive: No, she was way dumber than you'll ever be.

Fletcher: Well it's a good thing that I chose her instead of you as my partner at Home Ec.

Olive: Be quiet.

Fletcher: The point is, what was Joe Dante thinking? That guy makes his movies comedic instead of sci-fi and horror.

Olive: I love Joe Dante's movies. Instead of Piranha. It's too campy.

Fletcher: Didn't he do a Looney Toons movie?

Olive: Yes, he did.

Fletcher: It was interesting, but the villain was kinda lame.

Olive: But the villain was hilarious.

Fletcher: Now you know how I feel when you dislike a favorite movie of mine.

Olive: (Gets up from the couch) Wait a minute, you did all of this just to get even with me?

Fletcher: Yeah.

(Olive slaps Fletcher in the face)

Olive: How could you?! I can't believe that you did this. You're being such a big baby about me disliking a movie that you like and you disliking a movie that I love. I can't watch another movie with you. Maybe I should just watch a movie with Cat and Chyna and never watch a movie with you ever again. I'm going to bed. You really hurt me tonight.

Fletcher: Olive, wait.

(Olive stops going upstairs)

Fletcher: The reason I was trying to get revenge on you is because you disliked Raiders of the Lost Ark. It really upset me. I'm sorry that I hurt you. If you don't want to watch another movie with me, I understand.

(Olive walks over to Fletcher and sits down next to him)

Olive: Fletcher. I'm sorry that I disliked your movie. That was really rude of me. I knew you like that movie and you know that I liked Gremlins 2. I hope you can forgive me and I hope we can watch another movie together.

Fletcher: I forgive you.

(Kisses Olive. Olive rests her head on Fletcher's shoulder)

Fletcher: Hey. Why don't we watch a romantic drama together?

Olive: That sounds like a great idea. I just love seeing you cry while watching a movie.

Fletcher: I didn't cry.

Olive: Oh Fletcher. (Playfully hits Fletcher and smiles)

(Cole's Apartment)

(Someone knocks on his door)

Cole: Who is it?

Voice: Chuck Norris.

Cole: Oh great.

Voice: I would like to talk to you.

Cole: (Picks up his baseball bat) Cole I have a bat and I'm not afraid to use it.

Voice: I would like to talk to you.

Cole: Fine.

(Cole gets ready)

Cole: Enter.

(Cole opens the door and yells like a crazy person and prepares to hit the mysterious person. The mysterious person is revealed to be Cat)

Cat: Cole, stop!

Cole: Cat!

Cat: It's fine. It's just me.

Cole: What the?

Cat: Chuck Norris is not coming.

Cole: Then why are you here?

Cat: It's because. Because I'm Chuck Norris.

Cole: What?

Cat: I'm Chuck Norris. I used the voice app on my zPhone to disguise my voice as Chuck Norris' voice.

(Cat pulls out her zPhone and uses the voice app)

Cat: (As Chuck Norris) Hi Cole. It's me, Chuck Norris.

Cole: Why'd you do that?

Cat: I just want to mess with your tiny little mind. (Laughs at Cole)

Cole: Why I oughta!

Cat: Uh-oh!

(Cat starts running away from Cole)

Cole: Come here! I know where you live!

End of Act Two

So that's it for this great Fletcher & Olive story. Did you enjoy it? There will be more Fletcher & Olive spin-off stories to come so stick around. Don't forget to review this story (No Bad Reviews) and don't forget to review the Pilot of Fletcher & Olive. See you next time. Till next time my fellow readers.