I'M SO SORRY! I am swamped with school stuff and I fell behind on my fics so I'm incredibly sorry for that! Please enjoy!
Chapter Thirteen
The days passed in a flurry of activity.
In the mornings, Kate would awake before dawn, dress, and head above deck to relieve either Eustace or Paolo from the wheel, taking it herself and settling in for the day. Every morning, she would watch the sun rise over the horizon with a cup of hot coffee (a luxury she allowed herself only once a day, if she could get her hands on it) and wait until Castle joined her, handing over a newly filled journal he'd no doubt spent half the night writing her story in.
Not my story, Kate often reminded herself. I am not Nikki Heat.
And every morning, a shiver would run through her body as their fingers brushed over the book, her cheeks flushing just the tiniest bit as she forced herself to look him in the eyes and say, "Thank you." Every morning, that particular part of her day felt longer and she could not ascertain whether it was just her imagination, but it always left her a bit breathless as she watched him return below deck to sleep a bit longer before his day would begin.
Then she would read his words and find herself transported into Nikki Heat's world, her heart racing as the young pirate woman found herself in treacherous situations with make believe enemies, then falling into bed with one of her shipmates, the ruggedly handsome Jameson Rook, who, it seemed, very much resembled her own resident writer/swordsman, based on his description.
She found herself wondering if, perhaps, the man himself found her as attractive as she…but no, she decided. He wouldn't think of her that way, not when he had his daughter and own well-being to consider. Mr. Castle was a smart man; he would know that even thinking of the captain in that manner would not bode well for anybody.
Not that it mattered. Kate's own rules were as much for herself as anybody else in this situation; no fraternizing with the crew.
She'd threatened Esposito's own life with it when she found out about his tryst with Lanie and constantly found herself reminding Ryan when she caught him making eyes at Jenny or even Tory when she flirted with Jenny, who was as oblivious as the day was long. She made her rules known and that was the biggest of them all. She would not have any drama on her ship.
And it hadn't really been all that hard, considering she'd grown up with most of them, fought with most of them, and laughed with most of them; they were more like her siblings than anything and Antonio was like a loving uncle who told her she needed to eat more and worry less. They, for the most part, were her surrogate family.
Except for Castle and Alexis.
Being the newest additions to her crew, Kate was all too aware of the attraction she felt for the man and surprised by the affection she felt for his little girl, much like she felt for Lanie when they were young. Alexis was bright and sunny and always smiled, even when it rained, and she made Kate laugh sometimes with her bubbly attitude and bouncy nature, so much like her father's. It made Kate long for a child of her own sometimes, a luxury she knew she couldn't afford; becoming pregnant would put her and her crew at even greater risk than they already were, and having to care for an infant would just distract her from her duties.
But she knew she could love a child of her own, without a doubt. Alas, it wasn't to be. She settled for watching Castle raise Alexis on her ship, smiled with the rest of the crew when the toddler learned a new word or a new game, and listened when the girl told her funny stories as she steered the ship, before Lanie arrived to steer her back to her sewing and healing lessons. She always waved goodbye to the girl in a fashion very unfitting and terribly soft for the captain of a pirate ship, but Kate could never find it in herself to care too much.
When Castle returned above deck, it was usually sometime around mealtime, which Antonio would herd them all to the table for and feed them thick stews and slightly stale bread with half glasses of ale.
"Must keep ourselves nourished," he would say, raising his glass until the rest did the same. Kate would look around the table as she slurped her stew, smiling at the mess Alexis made of herself, much like the mess most of the men—and Tory—made while Jenny and Castle attempted to eat without mess, all too aware that they wouldn't be able to wash their clothing anytime soon.
And, sometimes, Castle would glance her way and smile, but Kate would almost immediately look away and force herself to seem as if she was not just staring at him, watching him eat.
After their meal, Kate would return to the wheel to steer, opening her book and continuing the story, ignoring Castle's eyes, which would watch her as he mopped the deck, his muscles bunching under the shirt that Tory had gotten for him…
Not that Captain Beckett noticed. Not at all.
For the most part.
At around three, when the afternoon sun had angled in the sky, one of the boys would relieve her, taking the wheel as she made the rounds, making certain that everyone was doing as they were supposed to be doing.
She often found Jenny in Lanie's workshop, acting as their mannequin as the darker woman and her young helper sewed around her, constructing beautiful dresses to be sold at the next port.
When she'd arrive the ladies would greet her respectably, but the child would beam at run to her, bowing and hopping on her little feet in excitement.
"Good day, Captain!" she would squeak and Kate would smile softly.
"Good morning, Miss Alexis," she would reply, crouching down. "Are you learning a lot from Miss Lanie?"
"Yes, sir," the redhead responded, dimples showcased in her chubby cheeks.
"Very good," Kate replied. "Keep up the good work, pirate."
"Aye, Captain!"
Kate would laugh at that and her little salute, patting the girl's head before standing and schooling her features, nodding solemnly to Lanie and Jenny who just smiled knowingly.
After making her rounds, she would meet the men on deck for 'practice' in swordfighting, unsheathing her own sword as she came up against Javier first, then Eustace, then Ryan, then Paolo and Tory and, finally, Castle.
Theirs was a one-on-one battle which lasted until the sun set or dinner was served; whichever came first. Their swords clashed in a cacophony of sounds, almost like a symphony as they traded blow after blow, practicing their footwork and their swings, which only got heavier and more strategic as time went on, their eyes locked as their swords flew at one another. Kate would revel in those moments, her heart racing as her arm ached and vibrated with the force of their clashing swords. It was exhilarating.
And, yet, it always left Kate feeling frustrated, her need to relieve herself stronger with each passing day and duel. She always excused herself right after dinner, taking her dessert with her to her quarters as a snack for later, making one excuse or another to appease questioning looks aimed her way, though, as captain, she really needed no excuses; she could do what she wanted.
Still, it didn't stop Lanie's curious looks or the late night visits, when all the others had gone to sleep and Kate was still up, consulting her atlas to make sure they were on the correct path. Every night, her friend visited her and attempted to figure out what was off about the captain, asking Kate if she was feeling alright or if there was something concerning her.
"You've been very quiet," Lanie said one night, perched at the end of Kate's bed as the two spoke in hushed whispers. "Is everything okay?" She'd asked the same question nearly every night that week and Kate found it harder each time to lie and tell her that nothing was amiss or unusual, but, finally, she cracked.
"No."
The response startled Lanie for, as long as she'd known Katherine Beckett, the woman rarely shared when things were upsetting her. To finally hear her admit that everything was in fact not fine was a minor miracle.
"What is wrong?" Lanie asked, reaching for her hand. "Are you sick? Is somebody aboard the ship dying? Is there a mutiny? Is there something wrong with the—"
"Lanie!" Kate laughed, squeezing her friend's hand. "Calm down, my friend. The ship is fine, the crew is as healthy and loyal as a band of pirates, and I am as healthy as I can be, thanks to your care."
"Then I do not understand," Lanie said, shaking her head. "What is wrong?"
Kate took a deep breath before answering.
"Castle," she said, simply, long having dropped the "Mister" in his name.
Lanie furrowed her brow in concern. "What about him?" she asked. "Did he break a rule? Or violate you? Because you say the word and I will slit his throat like that," she snapped her fingers and Kate chuckled.
"No," she said, "nothing of the sort. Castle is very respectable," she sighed, "therein lies the problem."
Lanie squinted at her. "I do not understand."
Kate groaned, lying back on her bed. "Do you know my rule? The very important one that you must never break?"
Lanie sighed, dropping down next to her, her head falling to Kate's shoulder.
"Yes," she replied, "sadly, I do."
Kate smiled apologetically and squeezed her hand.
"Well," she said, "I find myself quite close to breaking it."
At that, Lanie's eyes widened and her mouth gaped open.
"No!" she hissed, scandalized, even as her lips spread in a wide grin. "With Mr. Castle?"
Kate nodded, covering her face with her arm. "Yes," came her muffled reply. "And I know it's quite wrong and hypocritical of me—"
"You don't say," Lanie replied sarcastically, with a cackle.
"And, of course, I would never try to be so unfair, pirate captain that I am, but I just…" she trailed off with a groan, burying her face in Lanie's hair.
There was a moment of silence as Lanie tried to calm her friend, before she spoke.
"Do you want me to fetch him for you?" she asked.
"What?" Kate replied, backing away to look her friend in the eyes. "Who?"
"Mr. Castle, of course!" Lanie exclaimed. Kate shushed her and she lowered her voice. "Who else would I mean?"
"But, Lanie," Kate said, shaking her head. "My rule…"
"Oh, to hell wit your rule!" Lanie hissed. "Nobody follows it, anyhow!"
At that, Kate's eyes widened. "What?" she growled.
"Well, Javi and I don't and Ryan is close to breaking it, as are you—you just admitted it—so why not just get rid of the damn thing? Why does it matter, Captain?"
"I don't want any drama on my—"
"On your ship," Lanie finished for her with a sigh. "I know. But, Kate, we are pirates; we live each day knowing that tomorrow might not come for whatever reason. My remedies can only do so much before we lose someone to a bad infection or illness. It's only a miracle that we've all survived this long with a loss other than my dear father. What if Mr. Castle was to die in the Caribbean, trying to protect you? What if you never told him how you felt? How awful would it be to miss out on such an opportunity, eh? Do not wait, Captain; you will only regret it."
Kate took a deep breath, ruminating over Lanie's words, weighing, as she so often did, the positives and negatives of starting something and of allowing the others to, as well. On one hand, she did not need the crew distracted, nor did she need the resentment she knew came with not allowing them to follow their hearts into each other's beds.
Kate rubbed at her temples, feeling a headache coming on.
"I'll think on it," she told Lanie. "I should not make decisions when my mind is so tired; it will be hard enough steering the ship tomorrow."
Lanie nodded and sat up, squeezing Kate's hand.
"You let me know what you decide," she said. "I will support you no matter what."
"You'll stop sneaking around with Javier then?" Kate asked and Lanie paused, making her grin. "I've known for a while," she admitted.
"Why didn't you say something then?" the shorter woman asked.
Kate shrugged. "I knew it wouldn't help; you're much too headstrong to let a silly rule stop you from doing what you want and you have Javier under your thumb. Just keep the drama off my boat, aye?"
"Aye, Captain," Lanie replied with a grin. "Sweet dreams."
"Goodnight," Kate replied, turning over in bed, attempting to relax herself.
But her eyes opened just moments later, Lanie's talk about regrets ringing in her ears, her gaze flitting to the small locked box on her shelf, reflecting the moonlight off of its surface.
She'd never opened it before, despite having possession of the key for years now, too afraid of what she might find. But now, as she removed the key from inside her coat pocket, she was afraid that she would die never having read any of what was inside.
Slipping off of her bed, Kate took a few quick steps to the shelf, carefully lifting the old box down and carrying it to her desk, where she set it down, reverently, pressing the key into the lock. She took a deep breath as she turned the key and felt the click as it released its hold on the secrets her mother kept away from her for so many years.
It was finally time.
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