Author's Note: Yes, Ryou is crazy in this fic. If you had any doubts, this is me telling you: YES, RYOU BAKURA IS CRAZY IN THIS STORY.
HE IS CRAZY.
CRAZY.
CRAAAAAZYYYY.
Ahem.
Also, another note. I don't know anything about how foreign films work in Japan, but this isn't going to be the most...realistic story, so it really doesn't matter.
Atem sits on the living room couch, doing homework whilst a quiz show plays on the TV for background noise. Yugi steps out of his room, dressed and ready for his and Ryou's date. Atem looks over at Yugi disinterestedly and quirks an eyebrow. "Why are you dressed up so nicely?" he asks, referring to the dark gray jacket and black boots their mother had bought for Yugi just the other day.
"I'm—I'm going out," Yugi replies, startled at his older brother's sudden interest in his personal life.
"Hm," Atem replies with about the same interest he would if someone told him that there is a difference between teal and blue-green. "With whom?"
"A friend," Yugi replies hurriedly. He hopes that Atem doesn't ask exactly who it is he's going out with, since Yugi has never mentioned Ryou to his family once, nor have they met him like Honda, Anzu, or Jounouchi. Really, he can't even call Ryou a friend, he supposes, since they only ever talk in passing during school.
Atem grunts in response, since most of his attention is already redirected to his textbook and notebook paper. "Well, have fun," he mutters distractedly, really doing it to be polite.
"Will do!"
Yugi runs down the stairs and through the game shop until he's safe outside on the front porch. He lets out a gust of air as he leans against the closed door for support. His heart beats quickly, and it isn't just because he'd just stopped running. He's never been on a date before, so he isn't sure what to expect.
Yugi looks down at his wristwatch, calculating how much time til Ryou is supposed arrive. Ryou said he would pick him up, and Yugi does not know if that means just walking with him to the movie theater, or showing up with some form of transportation.
Five more minutes.
Yugi rocks on his toes and starts whistling to keep himself occupied. He wonders what kind of movie they'll be seeing; Ryou just said that he wanted it to be a surprise.
Five minutes of waiting pass before Yugi hears a high pitched hum coming towards him. Yugi squints and sees Ryou driving towards him on a glossy white scooter decorated with pink and silver leopard print.
Yugi blinks, trying to take it all in.
Ryou comes to a squealing halt and looks at him behind his large black sunglasses, which will be nothing but a driving danger once dusk transitions into night.
Yugi coughs. "Um," he says, noting Ryou's crisply pleated pants, white loafers, and overly large scarf tied fashionably around his neck in some kind of knot that Yugi cannot name. "Hi, Ryou."
"Hi, Yugi," Ryou says smoothly, a completely different person than the one he had been when he'd asked Yugi out. "Are you ready to go?"
"Um, yeah," Yugi says, stepping forward and lifting himself up onto the seat behind Ryou.
"Don't forget to put on your helmet," Ryou reminds him, gesturing to the box built into the side of the scooter.
"Right," Yugi says, taking out a periwinkle blue helmet that has a purple colored cat printed on it.
"Wouldn't want to spill your brains out onto the street if we got in an accident."
"Um, right. Right," Yugi says, uncomfortable with the imagery that Ryou has provided him, but still fitting the helmet onto his head after struggling to get his hair to fit inside.
"Because that would be unfortunate."
"Yeah."
"And I'd have to tell your family about your untimely death."
"Uh-huh."
"And I'd have to give a eugoogly at your funeral."
"Don't you mean eulogy?"
"Um, no," Ryou says tartly. "I'm pretty sure it's eugoogly."
"Okay, Ryou," Yugi says hesitantly, not wanting to start an argument over a stupid word.
"And it would be really tough to give a eugoogly at your funeral because I'd be too busy crying."
"Riiight," Yugi says slowly. He looks back down at his watch. "Um, Ryou, when did you say the movie started?"
"Oh!" Ryou exclaims, then revs the scooter's engines. He takes off at a brisk speed, barely giving time for Yugi to grab onto something. "You know, you can put your arms around my waist, Yugi. I won't mind."
"Um, that's okay, Ryou," Yugi replies. "I'm fine this way."
"Suit yourself," Ryou answers.
They pass through the empty neighborhoods with no problem, but eventually they come upon a busy intersection and have to wait at the red light. Ryou decides that the best way to pass the sixty seconds is to take out his phone and take an Instagram picture. "Smile, Yugi," Ryou trills, holding up his phone. Peaking around Ryou's shoulder, Yugi can tell that Ryou has a large, cheesy grin on his face because he has the front facing camera option pulled up on his phone. Since he's worried about the light changing to green, Yugi isn't concerned about smiling for the picture, and Ryou doesn't seem to notice or care, since he still takes the picture anyway.
The light changes back to green whilst Ryou enters in a dozen hashtags, and Yugi doesn't have enough time to warn him before cars behind him start honking.
"All right, all right!" Ryou squeals, taking off. "Geez, people are so impatient!"
Yugi clamps his teeth together so he doesn't say anything to further upset Ryou, even though he really wants to say, "They have the right, you know ."
"Oh, Yugi," Ryou says, turning his head to look back at Yugi.
"EYES ON THE ROAD!"
"Oh! Right!" Ryou agrees, then complies. "Anyway, Yugi, the movie theater is forty-five minutes away. I hope that isn't a problem."
Yugi sighs, and they continue on their way to the theater that is so far away, to see a movie that Yugi knows nothing about.
The next day, Yugi walks along the long ago memorized path to Anzu's house, keeping his head down as he stares at the ground, brow furrowed. What thoroughly unenjoyable time. He'd told himself that even though their date had begun awkwardly, things could still pick up once they got to the movie theater. However, Ryou had insisted on taking a picture while they waited in line for their tickets, a picture of their tickets, a picture while they waited in line for concessions, a picture for when they sat down in their seats, and also a picture for when they'd left the theater. He'd also insisted on running ahead of Yugi so he could hold doors open for him, to which Yugi had laughed sheepishly and said he didn't have to go to the trouble.
"Oh, but of course I do, Yuuugi! It's what a true gentleman does for his date."
Yugi thought, at the very least, that maybe the movie would be entertaining.
Not really.
It was an American import—an American movie with a limited release in Japan, which was why Ryou had to take them to a theater so far away because their local theater didn't show foreign movies.
"Okay, now that we're here, I can tell you a little about the movie," Ryou told Yugi in hushed tones, so as not to disturb the other audience members while they waited for the movie to begin. "It's a Seth Rogen movie! Seth Rogen is one of my favorite American actors, along with Ben Stiller and Will Ferrell! This movie is gonna be great, Yugi! You're gonna love it! Every movie Seth Rogen is in makes me laugh!"
Maybe it was a cultural difference, but Yugi did not see the appeal in the movie that he and Ryou saw. Apparently the film makers expected the audience to believe that Seth Rogen's character, a schlubby, awkward mail man with no redeeming characteristics whatsoever, was somehow able to win the attentions of a beautiful actress that was a better person than he was and completely out of his league. The movie was chock full of gross out humor and slapstick, neither of which appealed to Yugi's sense of humor, yet Ryou was having the time of his life, just so long as Seth Rogen was delivering the laughs. Then there was a sex scene that showed off Rogen's hairy, large body, and Yugi had to look away while Ryou was containing his squeals within his fists.
Getting to the movie had been unpleasant, the movie had been a bust, but Yugi had been sure that dinner would make up for the rest of the night, would redeem this date from hell. Again, not really.
Ryou had decided to take Yugi to a restaurant that was nearby since they were both hungry, and he'd insisted on running to the front door of the establishment and holding it open for Yugi right after he'd dismounted his scooter. Ryou grinned while he waited for Yugi, and Yugi stuffed his hands in his pockets and smiled at Ryou forcefully, though his shoulders slumped.
They were seated at a booth, and Ryou babbled about the movie while Yugi tried to tune him out so he could read the menu.
"Seth Rogen was really good, Yugi, don't you think?"
"Mm."
"But he's always really good. I've seen most of his movies, you know. I need to see this show he was on years ago. I've heard it's really good. And even if I don't like it and only watch it for Seth Rogen, it's not that long since it got canceled."
"Mm."
Ryou took a loud slurp of his water. He continued to prattle on while Yugi hid behind his menu so Ryou couldn't see the pained expressions he was making while they waited for their waiter to take their order.
The rest of dinner continued on like that: Ryou did all the talking and Yugi kept his head down, remaining quiet while he ate his food as quickly as he could without being too obvious about it. It didn't matter, however, since Ryou seemed oblivious, anyway.
And the nightmare finally ended when Ryou finally brought Yugi home—or at least he'd hoped so. Ryou had decided that Yugi couldn't manage the twenty steps to the front door, and so he'd walked him there, keeping a hand on his shoulder. Yugi, keys at the ready, hurriedly unlocked the door, but knew that it would be impolite to enter his home without saying good night. So he swallowed the uneasy feeling lodged his throat, turned around, and looked up at his classmate.
"Well, thanks for taking me out, Ryou. I had...fun."
"Good night, Yugi," Ryou cooed then, to Yugi's horror, placed his forehead on Yugi's.
Ryou stood there, forehead still touching Yugi's, murmuring something under his breath, while Yugi squeezed his eyes shut and waited for it to be over.
Eventually Ryou pulled back, smiled at him, then returned to his scooter, starting the engine and riding; Yugi waved awkwardly while his classmate rode off into the night, singing to himself. "I been on, I been on, I been on. Tell me who gon' take me off, take me off, take me off..."
Yugi pulls himself out of his thoughts and looks ahead. It was a bad date, yes, but he was not going to let it keep him down. After all, he was going to Anzu's house, and they were going to spend some time together, no Jounouchi in sight.
Yugi hears a scooter coming from behind him just as he's berating himself for thinking such a thing. He turns his head around and sees Ryou driving. Yugi comes to a stop, sighing, figuring that Ryou will want to talk to him.
The scooter stops abruptly with a screech. Ryou grins at him as he takes off his helmet and sets it down. "Hi, Yugi," he chirps, dismounting.
Yugi forces himself to smile.
"So last night was fun," Ryou opines, walking up to Yugi and coming to a stop in front of him.
"Uh, yeah," Yugi mumbles, staring at the ground.
"I think we should do it again, Yugi," Ryou continues.
Yugi's head snaps up and he swallows nervously. "Um, I don't think that's a good idea," he replies as gently as he can manage.
"What?" Ryou exclaims, mouth left agape. "Why not?"
"I just don't...want to."
"Really?" Ryou screams.
Yugi looks up at him apologetically under his bangs. "Yeaaah," he murmurs, scuffing his shoe on the sidewalk.
"But I want us to go out again!" Ryou wails, startling Yugi.
"Well, I don't," Yugi replies plainly.
"But I want us to be boyfriends!"
"Yeah, well, I don't."
"But why?" Ryou takes in a trembling breath. He stares at the ground, face getting progressively redder, fists clenching. "Why won't you be mine, Yugi?"
"Because I'm not interested in you, Ryou," Yugi replies, forcing himself to keep his tone steady. "We went on a date, and I just wasn't into it. We—we lack chemistry, Ryou."
"It was just the first date, Yugi," Ryou responds, lifting his head up so he can look into Yugi's eyes. Ryou's face is still red, and his chin and lower lip are trembling. Ryou looks like he's about to cry, his lip is indicative of that, but it doesn't look like he's about to cry from heartbreak. No, with the way Ryou looks at him—a frantic, desperate look in his eyes that sends a chill down Yugi's spine—Yugi knows that it is an overflow of fury that threatens to make Ryou cry. Ryou roughly wipes at his face and and presses on. "First dates are always awkward. You and I were just nervous."
"Well, I wasn't," Yugi replies, trying to surreptitiously look at his surroundings. As they speak, Yugi is already calculating his routes of escape, taking note of the lack of people on the street. Ryou continues to look at him with the white hot fury in his eyes, and Yugi's pulse quickens. "I was—I was weirded out, Ryou. I didn't have a good time."
"Sure you did!"
Yugi bites back a scoff; he has a feeling that Ryou wouldn't like that kind of response. "No, I didn't. And if you'd actually cared enough to pay attention to how I was the whole time, you'd know that. Let it go, Ryou."
"No!" Ryou explodes; Yugi takes a step back. "No! No, no, no! This isn't how it's supposed to be, Yugi! You and I were supposed to go on that date, you were supposed to be won over by my charm, and then we would have gone on more dates. We'd take it slow, because I am a true gentleman, and then I would eventually ask you to be my boyfriend after ten dates spread out over an even period of time."
"I—" Yugi blinks, brow furrowing. "You've—you've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"
"Of course I have! I planned this years ago!" Ryou wails, throwing his hands out to the side. "I have a fifteen year plan, Yugi!"
"A-a what?"
"A fifteen year plan. Starting when I turned sixteen, up until I die at thirty-one years of age—"
"Wait a minute!" Yugi interjects. "Who said anything about you dying?"
"I've planned this all out, Yugi! You and I would then continue to date through high school, and then we pick the same college. We go to college together, and then when we're in our final year, I'll propose to you on a moonlit boat ride."
"This is getting weirdly specific," Yugi mumbles, looking down at his shoes. "And why are you now talking like it is going to happen? What happened to the hypotheticals?"
Ryou continues to ignore him. "And then we're engaged for a year and a few months, all for the preparations for the wedding. It's going to be a beautiful wedding, Yugi."
"Oh, my god," Yugi moans.
"It's going to be a beautiful white wedding, and my dad will walk me down the aisle, and onii-chan will be my best man, and Atem-senpai will be your best man."
Yugi is about to respond, but then he realizes the futility of it. Ryou is off in his own world of play pretend.
"And then you and I will scrape our money together and move in together. We're going to buy three dogs: Stiller-chan, Rogen-chan, and Ferrell-chan."
"Did—did you name our supposed dogs after your favorite American actors?" Yugi asks.
"Yes," Ryou replies plainly, as if it were the most obvious choice in the world. "We're going to have a summer home in the Hamptons."
"Hamptons?"
"They're located in New York, Yugi," Ryou snaps, rolling his eyes at Yugi's ignorance. "God, Yugi, read a book. You're going to have to brush up on your English, obviously, since we'll be spending our summers there, but that's years from now. We'll renew our wedding vows on my thirty-first birthday in the Hamptons, and then we'll live the rest of my days there until I succumb to my sickness."
Ryou finally stops his ranting, leaving Yugi staring at him in what is now awkward silence.
Yugi shifts his weight equally onto both of his feet so he stands firmly on the ground. He inhales slowly through his nose, then exhales. "I have just one question."
"Yes, Yugi?"
"What the hell are you going on about dying at age thirty-one?" Yugi snaps.
"My dad told me a long time ago that I was going to die then," Ryou responds calmly, strangely peaceful for a boy who believes that he'll die in fifteen years.
"He did."
"Yes."
"Did he say why? How?"
"Well, you see, my great-, great-, great-, great-, great-grandfather had this disease that lay dormant for years until he died at thirty-one. The doctor told my dad that I had the same disease. He found it when my dad brought me in for a checkup."
"Your doctor found a dormant disease inside you one day during a checkup."
"Yes."
"Did you ever hear your doctor tell this to your father?"
"No. But then again the doctor told my dad when I was two, so clearly that was too early in my life for me to remember."
"Uh-huh," Yugi replies skeptically. "And when did your father tell you this horrible news?"
"When I was four years old and he canceled my birthday party."
"Why did he cancel your birthday party?" Yugi asks, eyes narrowing.
"Well, onii-chan and I got some scissors and we gave each other hair cuts. My dad didn't like that," Ryou replies, strangely okay with sharing this information.
"He canceled your birthday party because you and your older brother cut each other's hair."
"Yeah, and then, to teach us a lesson, he had us keep up with those hair cuts for several years. After a while, it stopped being a punishment and just became normal."
"That's why your hair looks like that?"
"Yes."
"Because your father punished you, and you got used to it."
"Mm-hm."
Yugi stares at Ryou critically for several seconds, and Ryou stands there, staring back at him with a glazed over look in his eyes. Yugi licks his lips and says, "Well, Ryou, I understand you a lot better now. Now, I gotta go. I'll see you at school."
Yugi turns around and starts to walk off, leaving Ryou behind.
"Yugi, wait!" Ryou screeches from behind.
"I don't think so, Ryou!"
"Yugi! If you don't come back this instant and promise to go out with me again, I'll tell the NRA that the bunnies from Bunny Island voted for Obama-sama. Twice!"
Yugi spins on his heel. He raises his eyebrow in confusion. "NRA? Bunny Island? Obama-sama?"
Ryou takes in a breath. "Obama-sama is the president of America."
"I know that, Ryou," Yugi says through clenched teeth. "And don't call him Obama-sama."
"But it rhymes!"
Yugi sighs. His head drops so it hangs limply between his shoulders. He closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing. In, two, three, four; out, two, three, four. Yugi opens his eyes and looks back up at Ryou. "Okay," he says, with forced placidity. "Whatever, Ryou. But what's the NRA? Why would you tell them that bunnies from Rabbit Island voted for a man to be president?"
Ryou inhales and says, "The NRA is an acronym for the National Rifle Association. They're a bunch of people in America who like guns."
"Well, they are Americans," Yugi says dryly.
"God, Yugi!" Ryou exclaims, staring at him crossly. "Way to generalize a whole nation."
"I think making fun of America for being gun crazy is one of the tamer criticisms I could make," Yugi replies crisply.
Ryou scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Anyway, Yugi, the NRA is made up of people who are into guns. These are the type of people who let their children walk around in public with rifles strapped to their backs."
Yugi shudders at the idea of seeing little kids holding dangerous weapons.
"Anyway, the NRA is also made up of people who really hate Obama-sama. They really, really hate him, Yugi."
"Gotcha. They hate Obama."
"With the way they talk, you'd think all of America's problems come from him."
"Hah!" Yugi laughs sarcastically.
"So if I tell the NRA that the bunnies from Bunny Island voted for Obama-sama for his election and re-election—they can vote their presidents into office twice—they'll wipe out the bunny population on Bunny Island."
Yugi stares at Ryou weirdly. "You mean to tell me that some gun crazy people are gonna believe that rabbits traveled across the world to vote for some other nation's president?"
"Yes."
"What makes you think they'll believe you? How could anybody be so gullible that they'd believe that a bunch of rabbits could get onto a plane, travel to America, and be allowed to vote in an election? Is there even an airport for Rabbit Island? I don't think there is!"
Ryou laughs loudly, shaking his head at him. "Oh, Yugi, Yugi," Ryou says condescendingly, smiling at him like one would a child who'd said something nonsensical. "These are the kind of people who will believe that transparent, green nighttime capsules are 'green' bullets—that means safe for the environment—that scientists made so the U.S. military can be more eco-friendly. They hated that idea. And if there's one thing that type of people hate more than Obama-sama, it's being eco-friendly. Hell, if you call anything 'green,' they're likely not to use it."
"How the hell do you know all of this?"
"I spend a lot of time on the internet, Yugi."
"Clearly," Yugi says flatly. "Well, excuse me if I don't believe you."
Yugi turns back around and continues on his way.
"It's gonna be all your fault, Yugi! So many bunnies are gonna die because of you!"
"Eat a dick, Ryou!"
"Noooo!" Ryou wails, but Yugi refuses to stop or look back at him. "You're ruining my fifteen year plan, Yugi! The fifteen year plan, Yugi! The fifteen year plan! Bunny Island!"
Yugi rolls his eyes dramatically and rounds a corner, leaving Ryou behind to rant to the open air.
Ryou scowls and let loose a long, shrill shriek after Yugi is long gone. "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" His face twists into a look of unbridled rage as he grabs fistfuls of his hair. "Yuuuuugiiiiii!"
How can Yugi leave him like that, after such a perfect first date? Ryou had done everything right! He'd opened doors for him, paid for his movie ticket and his overpriced dinner, provided transportation, and this is how Yugi repays him?
"Eeeeeeee!" Ryou screams once again.
"Yuuuuugiiiiiiiiiiii! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" he squeals as he hops up and down in his frustration, having to channel his pent up rage somehow.
"You don't understand what you're walking away from, Yugi!" Ryou screeches to the heavens, still holding onto his hair, panting from the physical exertion. "I would be the perfect boyfriend, and you're willing to give that up! What is wrong with the world?"
Ryou, panting like a horse, stomps over to his scooter and jams his helmet onto his head. "I'll show him," he growls under his breath, getting onto the scooter and starting the engine. "Yugi doesn't want to love me. Well, fine. Let him make the worst decision of his life!"
Ryou guns the engine and speeds off well beyond the speed limit, his little scooter whirring loudly.
Ryou scowls and grits his teeth as he looks ahead. "Stupid! So, so stupid," he mutters.
Ryou passes a few blocks and then comes across a cluster of school children playing in the street.
"Get out of the way!" Ryou screams at the top of his lungs, startling the children and making them wail in fright as he barrels toward them. The children scatter, barely missing Ryou as he continues at his same speed. Ryou ignores their sobs as he continues on his way, pressing for home.