EPISODE ONE: THE JOURNEY
NIGHT ONE

"Ow! Bleeding hell. Why am I the one in the barrel with the tribal flag? The end is sharp, and it keeps almost staking me."

"Oh, that's beautiful. Really. I get to spend over a month on the same tribe with a very annoying neutered vampire."

"Nice comeback, Harris."

"Shut up, Spike."

"If I could suggest that we try to co-operate rather than arguing at this point?"

"Oh, look. Watcher-junior's on the squad. Now I almost wish this flag would stake me. Who else is on this stupid excuse for a team?"

"You've got me."

"And me."

"Oh, wonderful, the Summers duo. This experience isn't going to be painful at all. I can hide under a nice leaf while the Slayer and the little bit taunt me from afar."

"Two Slayers, actually."

long line of profanity from the barrel with the flag in it "All right. All right. Nothing the Big Bad can't handle. That's six of us, who're the other two?"

"M-me."

"Oz here."

"A witch and a werewolf." Sigh from the barrel with the flag in it. "All right, I'm tired of floating. Who's got that sodding map?"

"I do."

"Of course. Buffy's in charge. Why did I even ask?"

"Spike, do you think that maybe you could shut your mouth for five minutes?"

"Harris, do you think you could maybe produce a future for yourself for five minutes?"

"Gee, Spike. That didn't insult me at all. Are you feeling all right?"

"No, actually. I wasn't kidding when I said I was tired of floating. I'm getting all queasy-like."

"That was rhetorical."

"Okay, Summers, lead the way. I'll keep quiet to avoid tossing up the last decent meal I'll have in months, and you get us out of the ocean as fast as bloody possible, yeah?"

"Oh my… I'm afraid I don't feel terribly well either."

"Uh, sorry, but who's the British guy?"

"That's Wesley, Kennedy. He was Watcher for me and Faith for… what, three months?"

"Geez. Weren't a very good Watcher, were you?"

"I'll have you know that I graduated top of my Watcher class, thank you very… oh my. Perhaps I'll do likewise of Spike and remain silent to avoid getting sick all over this lovely sounding rice."

"Good plan. Anyway, according to this map, the tide is taking us in exactly the right direction. Why did he even provide us with a map if our only method of getting there is by letting the tide carry us?"

"I'm not quite sure that Jeff guy was really… there. In the brain department, I mean. He put Spike in a barrel with a flagpole that's wooden and sharpened. That doesn't spell 'full deck' if you ask me."

"Actually, Dawnie, that sort of tells me he's more intelligent than anyone gives him credit for."

"Ha-ha, Xander."

"Guys, if we could maybe cut down on the cutthroat banter until we land. Just a suggestion."

"Right-o, Buff."

"Sure, Buffy. No prob."

"Don't say cutthroat, love. It's making me hungry."

"Oh dear, oh dear." Vomiting noises from the barrel with the rice.


MEANWHILE…

"Well, that was highly unpleasant. One second I was standing around, and the next I was extremely unconscious. Now I'm in a barrel with this weird awareness that I've been recruited involuntarily for a Survivor show."

"Ooooh… there's a fabric with a mean partner attached… it's not very kind. Bad flag!"

"Oh, okay. Nice. Perfect. Drusilla's on this team. Nobody's going to let me just brood in peace, are they? They've got to rub in everything I did."

"Hey, chill out, vampy. I'll be more than happy to stake her for you once we get on land. Or better yet, I'll stake you. Maybe I'll even go nuts and stake ya both."

"No, Faith. No one's staking anyone, just as no one's biting anyone. Is everyone clear?"

"God, I hope so."

"Giles?"

"Hm? Oh, yes, that was me. I was just… muttering to myself."

"All right. Who else do we have?"

"I'm here."

"And, and me."

"That's Cordy and Willow…"

"Ow! They don't make these barrels very comfortable for you, do they? They could at least have put a cushion, or maybe a nice blanket in here instead of this humungous box of rice. It's very awkward."

"And Anya… That makes seven of us. Who's the quiet one?"

"Mostly I'm just hoping that I'm having a nightmare and maybe if I don't say anything then I'll wake up on the other team. Or better yet, back home in bed."

"…Okay. I get that I have to atone for my sins and all that, but couldn't that Jeff guy have cut me at least a little slack?"

"Oh, you think I'm happy about this? Believe me, the last thing I want is to be stuck on the same team with the infamous Angel."

"I have an idea, Finn… why don't we both just not talk to each other at all?"

"Sounds like a plan. Who's got the map?"

"…Uh… I do."

"What! I'm the Slayer, why don't I get to be leader?"

"Because you're evil."

"So are you!"

"Not anymore. I'm naturally evil, but I'm good. You're naturally good, but you're evil. That's why I'm in charge."

"And if you get dusted?"

"No one's dusting anyone! Is anyone even listening to me? …Nevermind. Anyway, the tide's taking us toward land. I don't see why we needed a map to figure that out, but…"

"The ocean… it calls to me… ooooh…"

"That's because you're floating in it, lady. Is she all right?"

"Not really, no."

"Mm, I smell scaly little creatures. They sing so sweetly… can I keep them?"


MEANWHILE…

Buffy punched her way out of the beached barrel first, bring the map out with her. Spike and Kennedy shortly followed suit, Spike bringing the flag and Kennedy pulling out a kettle of some kind.

Spike unfurled the flag and read it aloud. "The Jeff Tribe." He crumpled his face in disbelief. "The Jeff tribe? That ponce named our tribe after himself?"

Buffy shrugged. "It's the publicity probably. You all right, Wes?" she asked, holding out an arm to help him after she gently punched in his barrel.

"Oh, I'll be fine… nothing a little lie down won't cure. The rice, though…"

"Don't worry, I'll deal with that."

"The Jeff tribe! What the hell is that wanker trying to pull?"

"Spike, get over it and help me get the others out of their barrels." Buffy punched in Dawn's barrel and helped her sister out of the wooden contraption. Kennedy set Xander free, and moved over to help Tara as Spike reluctantly abandoned the flag on the ground to let Oz out of his barrel. Buffy kicked the container of rice into the ocean and let it clean itself.

"Hey, look. Instructions," Tara said as she looked on the other side of the map that Buffy had abandoned on the beach. "They say they're for the leader's eyes only."

Buffy sighed. "All right. I guess that's me. Let's have a look."

Good evening, Jeff Tribe! I guess you're wondering what the next few days will entail. Unfortunately for you, I'm not saying squat. Makes it less fun if I do.
There are some landmarks I feel I should point out; the well is at the top of the mountain you see due north. (Buffy looked up and saw what would barely pass as a mountain, but it had to be it since it was the only hill at all as far as she could see.) You may have to boil the water. There's a sort of outhouse a few miles into the forest. Tribal council is right in the centre of the island; just follow the yellow brick road… or, I guess the rocky dirt path, in this case.
As you can see, you've been properly abandoned on this island with very little at all. There are a few fruit trees around; coconuts and pineapples and what have you. It's a tropical sort of place. Your friend Spike should be able to find some vermin to feed off of. We've provided you with rice, a kettle, a tribal flag, a miscellaneous cloth for your disposal (though I recommend you make a little home for Spike; I hear he doesn't cope well with sunlight exposure), tribal scarves, a drum (hey, you never know) and a bottle of vodka. Despite my argument that it could be a hoot, you're not supposed to let Dawn have any of that last item. The network's a party pooper sometimes. Oh, and you also have this lovely sheet of paper that could help in your fight for fire. Trust me, you'll need it.
Good luck! Check your mail bag tomorrow night. It's up by the well.

"That's it? I could have figured out half those things without the freaking letter."

"Uh, Buffy…"

"Hold on, Dawn. I'm just going to…"

"The rice is floating away."

Buffy swore loudly and looked out into the ocean, where the small cube with the rice in it bobbed about fifty feet from land. Spike roared with laughter.

"You might want to shut your mouth, Spike, or you'll be the one getting that rice."

Spike calmed and looked at Buffy, startled. "No bloody way. You know how much vampires hate to be in water. Besides, I don't eat it. Why should I have to get it?"

Kennedy raised her eyebrows. "Vamps hate water, huh? Thanks for the tip."

Oz shed his shirt and stepped into the water. "I'll get it. I was planning on going for a swim anyway."

"Thanks, Oz." Buffy looked at the very small pile of things that they'd been provided with and sighed. "I guess we'd better start setting up. Wesley, you feeling any better?"

The former Watcher stood tentatively and tested the strength of his legs. "I think I'm all right. I'll make the fire pit, perhaps?"

Buffy nodded. "Sounds good. Spike, use this pathetic excuse of a blanket to set up a shelter of some kind. It's got to be stretched enough to cover all eight of us if it rains, and it should cover you for the whole day, too."

Spike raised his eyebrows as Buffy handed him the cloth. "All right, love, I'll do what I can, but don't be expecting any miracles."

"Oh, believe me, I'm not."

"…Hey!"

"Just do it, Spike. Xander, if you, Tara and Dawn could wander around and gather fruit, that'd be good. Anything else you find that might pass as food, may as well pick that up, too."

"Sure thing, Buffster."

"Thanks. Kennedy, you and I are going to push some boulders to sit on around the fire pit that Wesley's building. If you see Oz before I do, ask him to wander around the woods and find himself a nice place in captivity for the full moon coming up next week."

The next hour or so passed with barely any conversation, aside from the one Spike seemed to be having with the shelter or possibly with himself, consisting of a bunch of comments like "stupid wanker" and "bloody hell". Wesley tried without much success to light a fire once he got finished making the pit for it. Oz stopped by, dripping wet, with the rice, which seemed to be totally unaffected by either the Wesleyvomit or its little adventure in the deep blue sea. He shortly disappeared into the woods and didn't return for several hours.

Xander stumbled out of the woods with Tara and Dawn shortly behind. Xander was frowning intently at the forest and didn't seem to be paying much attention to where he was going. He came up to Buffy without taking his eyes off the woods. "Did you see Oz?"

"Yeah," Buffy said breathlessly, wiping the back of her hand against her forehead. "Only for a second, then I sent him away to look for a place to lock himself up at the full moon. Why?"

"He really seems to be getting in touch with his wild, wild wolf. I just saw him scrambling amongst the trees, running faster than he probably normally would be able to. He was shirtless and his hair was everywhere, which, I guess, isn't much of a change. But… there was something seriously weird about him."

"Xander's overreacting," Dawn assured Buffy, not looking very happy about the giant unidentified bug that Tara had pulled out of her hair a second ago. "Oz wasn't any more or less Oz-like than usual. Just… friskier, maybe. Like a puppy."

"See? Inner dog."

"I'll talk to him later. Find any food?"

Xander jolted himself back to reality and brought his hands out from behind is back. "One pineapple."

"What? That's it?"

("Bloody hell!")

"Yep. One very spiky, very unripe pineapple. I hit it against a tree a bunch of times, but all that happened were these little cuts all over my hand."

Dawn smiled. "I tried to explain that the hitting it against the tree thing only worked with coconuts, but he was just so determined."

Kennedy walked up, toting a large tree stump with her. "I couldn't find another rock big enough, so I pulled this out of the ground. It seems weird to me that this island is supposed to be deserted, but this was recently a tree. Someone took a chainsaw to it." She put it down and glanced at the battered fruit in Xander's hand. "What's that?"

"Breakfast, apparently," Buffy replied, rolling her eyes.

"All right! I've given up," Wesley proclaimed, throwing the twigs he was rubbing together up in the air and letting them fall into where the fire should have been. "Someone else can try. Is there anything I can do?"

("Son of a BITCH!")

"Yeah. Go see if Spike could use your help. It doesn't sound like he's having a lot of success."

Wesley winced. "Must I?"

Buffy lifted her face to the sky and sighed deeply. "Is it Spike you're not willing to deal with, or the job?"

"Well… he's nothing a rogue demon hunter can't…"

"Fine. Send him to me. I'll give him something else to do. Kennedy, you may as well go with him." She watched Wesley and the new Slayer go a short way into the trees and turned back to Xander. "Okay, guys, I know you looked, but I need you to look harder. We need more than this for food. Also, if you see Oz again, send him my way."

"Okey-dokey, Buff," Xander said, dropping the pineapple and heading back into the forest. Tara nodded and followed him; Dawn rolled her eyes and stomped after them. Evidently she wasn't fond of the woods where the big bugs lived.

Spike strode, fuming, toward Buffy. "That fabric is bloody afraid of me. Every time I grab hold of it, it wiggles until it gets loose. I even tried lying down and putting it on top of me, and it slips off and just lies there about five feet from where I am. It's bloody stupid."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Uh-huh."

"I'm not joking, pet. It won't come near me. I finally attached three corners to trees, and when I reached for the fourth, the whole thing flew up and got stuck in the tree about thirty feet up. I'd never have gotten it down if wolf-boy hadn't scaled the thing in six seconds flat and thrown it down. It wasn't afraid of him."

Buffy ignored most of Spike's speech, but focused on one detail. "You saw Oz?"

"Yeah. Freaky were-thing he is, too. He looked feral, but I didn't complain because he saved me the trouble of climbing the tree."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Would you have climbed the tree anyway?"

"Well… no… but that's beside the point."

"Yes, it is. Did you get anything weird off Oz at all?"

Spike thought, then shook his head. "Nah. Nothing weirder than normal, anyhow. Smelled more like a wolf, maybe."

Buffy nodded slowly. "Spike, I think something weird's happening to Oz. If he gets out of control, can I count on you to take him down?"

Spike scoffed and searched his pockets for the cigarettes he wouldn't find. "No chance, pet."

"You're the only one immune to his bite."

"No."

"Spike…"

"You're not going to cutesie your way into this one, Slayer. I may be love's bitch, but I've still got my pride, yeah?"

Buffy sighed. "Fine. Light the fire."

"No sodding way! What if I catch on fire?"

"And this never occurred to you in all these years of lighting your cigarettes with a lighter?"

"That's different. Contained flames. I start boy-scouting it up and three seconds later I'm the one frying up a nice fish for your dinner."

"But the fire would be lit."

"No, Buffy."

"Light the fire or make sure Oz doesn't get out of control."

"Hey, no fair."

"One or the other, Spike."

Spike rolled his eyes and weighed his options. Getting a good fight in versus catching on fire. "Fine. I'll be the werewolf's bodyguard. But you're not voting me off the island, pet. I deserve the cash for this job."

Buffy smiled triumphantly. "Deal."

Wesley and Kennedy stepped out of the woods. Wesley staggered and lay down again on a small patch of grass he'd claimed once he'd stepped out of his barrel. Kennedy looked down at him but kept walking toward Buffy. "Okay. I've strung it up at about waist-height between some trees over there," she said, pointing. "Those trees are pretty much stripped of their leaves, but it's where the cloth wanted to go. Literally. It flung itself between those trees and won't move. Then Oz walked by with a dead something and Wesley threw up again, all over our new low shelter. But it bounced right off. The vomit, I mean. It went, 'froing,' and flew up in the air, and I think it landed in the outhouse's general area."

Tara appeared behind Kennedy, frowning, with Xander and Dawn shortly en tow, seemingly arguing about whether the object Xander was holding was a coconut or a dead hedgehog. "You say the blanket flew?" Tara inquired.

"Yeah, and it bloody well won't go near me, either," Spike added, searching for his cigarettes for the first time in what had to be five minutes.

Tara nodded slowly and seemed to think for a second. Then she said, "I'll be right back," and disappeared in the trees toward where Kennedy and Wesley had come from, stopping on the way to ask Wesley if he needed anything.

Buffy watched the argument that Dawn and Xander were having in amusement, not wanting to interrupt what would probably be the best entertainment she'd have in a month. She turned her head slightly and jumped when she noticed Oz beside her. He was holding a thread of some kind that had obviously been a part of one of the many dead poultry that were hanging on the thread.

"Got breakfast," he said quietly.

Buffy watched Oz carefully for a second. He seemed just like Oz, but there was a little wildness in his eyes that almost dominated the sheer intelligence that was usually there. For the first time, Buffy truly appreciated what it was to have a beast hidden inside. She wondered how he coped. Then she took the string of plump birds from him and examined them. "Wow, Oz. This is fantastic."

"Beats out the dead hedgehog, anyway."

Buffy smiled. "So Dawn's right, then. I was wondering." She put the food down beside the fire and ignored Spike's peculiar sniffing in that general direction. She glanced back at Oz and noticed that he was watching her intently. "What's up, Oz?" she asked.

The werewolf shot his wild eyes at Spike before returning them to Buffy. "I'd like to have a discussion with you when it's light out. I think I'd probably be easier to talk to then."

Buffy nodded after a second. "Sure thing."

Spike looked up at the sky and seemed to smell the air before coming toward Buffy. "It'll be sunup in about an hour. I think I'll turn in for the day. You need anything, have someone else do it." The vampire glanced at Oz before turning away from Buffy and heading toward where she knew the shelter was.

Xander was knocking on the object he found to prove to Dawn that it was just a really spiky coconut and it sprung open. Xander took one look at the empty beady eyes and dropped the dead hedgehog, stepping away in surprise. Dawn started laughing hysterically and lay down on the sand, clutching her stomach. Buffy grinned as Xander approached the hedgehog hesitantly, eventually picking it up and examining it from several angles. "I like this," he proclaimed. "I think we should make it our tribal mascot."

Buffy winced. "Xander, it's a dead hedgehog."

"And explain to me how that's any worse than 'The Jeff Tribe'."

"…Good point."

Buffy was interrupted by a long line of profanities coming from the forest, followed by rather uncharacteristic spiels of laughter from Tara. Spike was shortly seen, hair all askew and t-shirt ripped, fuming toward Buffy. Tara was running behind him, still stifling giggles.

"That BLOODY thing is more trouble than it's worth. I slid under it, but it was too quick for me; it picked me up and threw me thirty feet into the sodding air. It caught me, and then threw me on the ground. There's no way it's going to let me sleep under it today."

Oz blinked and smelled the air just as Spike had a few minutes ago. "I found a cave not far from here. It's small, but it'll do the job. I'll show you." Oz picked his shirt off from the sand and pulled it on as Spike followed him reluctantly into the trees.

"It's… the blanket, it's enchanted," Tara explained, out of breath. "It doesn't like vampires, and it doesn't like to be bossed around. I don't know how to lift the enchantment. Willow would, it's just…" Tara trailed off and tilted her head sideways. "Willow."

Xander put his new favourite friend down and frowned. "Anya." He looked up at Buffy. "It's weird that I hadn't passed thought about her until just now. I wonder if she's on the other tribe?"