Edward had never understood how people could sit there and talk to each other with a straight face after they'd been together. To him, it seemed impossible that you could look at someone and not feel awkward after getting naked together.
But when he walked into sex ed, admittedly a little more anxious than he usually was, Envy waved him over and instead of feeling weird, Ed just felt…warm. And when he sat next to the green haired boy, it was perfectly natural for him to sit so close, their legs pressed together. He hadn't actually done anything with Envy yet, but their little activity yesterday had actually made Edward feel more comfortable with the other boy. And he had to laugh about that.
"What's so funny?" Envy asked him, elbowing Ed lightly in the ribs.
"I thought it would be weird to see you," Edward admitted, responding with a shoulder nudge. "But I was wrong. It's just funny."
"You're a strange little shrimp, aren't you?"
"Hey!" Ed frowned, glaring at the green haired boy. "I thought you were done insulting me."
Envy's purple eyes flashed mischievously. "I just don't want you to get too comfortable," he teased.
Interrupted by the ring of the bell, Edward only rolled his eyes as Mr. Nichols walked into the room—with two other people Edward had never seen before, one a man with a bored expression and the other a too-cheery woman whose heels clicked irritatingly on the gym floor.
"Alright, everyone, we have a lot to cover today," Mr. Nichols began. "So let's get right to it. Today we talk about the dangers of sex—I know, it's boring and you know most of it, but it's a required part of the curriculum. Since the risks aren't the same for everyone—I doubt any male-male partners are going to face an unwanted pregnancy—we'll be dividing up into three groups, heterosexuals, homosexual guys, and homosexual gals. Heterosexuals to Mr. Brown, here, then the remaining girls go with Ms. Lysis, and guys with me."
Ed got up with everyone else to follow Mr. Nichols, relived to have not been assigned to that freakish lady. Envy nudged him again as they passed her, whispering in his ear, "Too much plastic surgery, you think?"
Unable to stop a snort, Edward grinned, shaking his head in disbelief as they sat down on the floor in front of Mr. Nichols. Almost as soon as everyone had settled, the man was talking. "Okay, first things first: disease. I'm not going to give you all the gritty details—if you want to look up the infections online, be my guest. The point is, unsafe sex and having sex with too many people that you don't know can lead to disease. Some can be cured…and some can't. But more than anything, none of them are pleasant. After class is over, each of you will be tested for various STDs, just to make sure everyone in here is safe. What you do after this class is none of my business, but while you're here we aren't going to let there be a risk."
Edward frowned, pushing his bangs up and out of his face with agitation. Tested. Probably blood tests or something. Needles and nurses…ugh. It wasn't that he was afraid, exactly, he just really…really didn't like anything relating to doctors and all that nonsense.
Unaware of Ed's discomfort, Mr. Nichols went on, all business. "That brings us to the actual fact of sex for you. Anal sex is riskier than other forms, and you're more likely to get an STD through it. Of course, you can do things to make this less likely. Condoms can help, and using an enema beforehand can make the whole process much cleaner, which helps. I also can't stress enough the importance of proper preparation. You shouldn't just enter someone—make sure they're stretched and ready, and that you use plenty healthy lube. That way you prevent any tears in the tissue."
Looking around, Edward was relieved to find he wasn't the only one blushing. Really, he'd been fine until the man mentioned "preparation," and then his overactive teenage brain went into imagination mode…
"Don't forget there are other forms of sex you can have—it doesn't have to be all anal, all the time. Doing that can also permanently loosen the sphincter and make it more difficult to control bowel movements, so please do keep in mind that there are other ways to pleasure your partner." Mr. Nichols stopped talking and brought a hand to his chin. "And that's about it—really, it's mostly common sense. Just don't be an idiot and actually think about everything, and you'll be fine. Now, if you all would head outside, we have a van waiting to examine each of you and make sure no one's bringing anything nasty to the party."
Right away, Envy stood up, stretching as he did so. Edward followed more slowly, not at all eager to head off to the medical van. He let the crowd of other gay boys take the lead, dragging his feet all the way to the gym exit.
"Hey," Envy chirped, poking his cheek as they walked down the dim hallway. "You alright?"
"Yeah," Ed sighed. "Just…" But he couldn't finish, not sure how to explain his hesitancy without seeming like a complete wimp in front of the green haired boy. Instead, he pulled open the stairwell door, holding it open.
"Nu uh, don't try to play the gentleman, Ed. Seriously, what's wrong? You're all pale. Not to be rude or anything, but you're much cuter when you don't look so flipped out." Envy crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows, waiting for a response.
"Ugh, I just don't…I don't like doctors, alright?" Edward muttered, stepping forward into the doorway. Not fazed, the other boy slipped through the closing door and followed him as he began to ascend the stairs. "Or hospitals, or nurses, or needles—"
"Oh. You've got a fear of needles."
"No," Ed insisted. "It's not a fear, exactly." He turned to look at Envy—bad idea. Skepticism was written all over the green haired boy's face, and it cased Edward to falter. "Oh, fine. I'm a little afraid of needles, but it's more that anything medical is…uncomfortable."
"I thought you wanted to go into medicine though?"
"I do!" Edward hissed, angry at himself now that Envy had pointed it out. "Which is why I have to get over it."
Suddenly, the other boy had sped up, just as they reached the top, and was now walking next to Ed instead of behind him. "Hey, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sure it's really different, being the patient versus being the doctor. You'll do fine, you're crazy smart."
Smiling lightly, Edward pushed open the door and stepped into the sunlight, joining the short queue that had formed in front of the van. It seemed to move with alarming speed, and before he knew it, Ed was stepping into the back of the vehicle.
Inside, it was clean and crisp, sterile like any other hospital setting, with florescent lighting bright enough to make him squint. Pretty much a mobile doctor's office, then. Behind him, a brunette nurse closed the door. "And you are?"
"Edward Elric," he responded, clearing his throat when he realized how hoarse he sounded.
The nurse jotted that down on her clip board. "Alright, Mr. Elric, if you could just remove your pants so I can check for warts…?"
Blinking, dumfounded for a moment, Edward started and yanked at his belt, hastily pulling his jeans down. The nurse bent down, inspecting his dick—it made his skin crawl. Obviously, it was all professional—she certainly didn't look phased—but that only made the motion creepier; an emotionless face two inches from your nether regions wasn't quite right. Nevertheless, she quickly stood back up. "Negative on genital warts, Mr. Elric. Now, would you mind giving me a urine sample?" She handed him a little plastic cup. "You can go just behind that curtain there."
Shuffling with his pants still around his ankles, Edward made his way behind the curtain and took careful aim, glad that he hadn't stopped off to use the restroom before sex ed—if he had, he wouldn't have had a full bladder now.
Wincing at the sound of water on plastic, loud in the quiet, cramped back of the van, Ed finished up and capped the cup, poking his head around the curtain. "Can I put my clothes back on?"
"Yes, all that's left is the blood test," the nurse replied absentmindedly, pulling a fresh needle out of a drawer. Edward gulped, pulling his pants back up with jerky, nervous motions. He pulled back the curtain and wordlessly handed the nurse his little cup of piss, which she took, labeled, and sealed in a plastic bag.
"If you could just sit in this chair here," she requested. Ed did as he was bid, stretching out his arm. The nurse wrapped a tourniquet tightly around his upper arm deftly.
"Now, I am going to have to take about a pint of blood in order to get enough for all the tests, so you might be a little dizzy afterwards," she warned, preparing the needle. Edward only nodded mutely, watching her motions with a sharp eye. Closer…closer…he winced as the point entered his skin, an irritating, prickling sensation. It didn't hurt, precisely, but when the blood started to flow up that tube and into the collection bag…
It wasn't that Ed became faint at the sight of blood or anything. It was that he knew how important it was, and to watch it drain away like that made him panic a little. He knew all too well that if this nurse wasn't competent, or was having a bad day, and messed up when removing the needle…well, he might end up losing a bit more blood than he had bargained for.
Edward had to close his eyes, or else he would end up yanking the needle out himself, stupid as that was. Instead he allowed his lids to slide shut, and focused on his breathing. Five minutes later, there was another pulling on his skin, and Ed opened his eyes to see the nurse pulling the needle out. Only a tiny bead of blood appeared at the entry point, and Edward finally breathed easy. He sat still, allowing the nurse to tape a cotton ball over his tiny wound, then stood up.
Whoa. He stumbled slightly, almost tripping over the leg of the chair he had just vacated. "Mr. Elric?" the nurse asked, concerned. "Do you need to sit down a minute?"
"No…no," Ed insisted. "I'm fine, I just wasn't ready. It's all good." And without further ado, he turned around and pushed open the van door. Envy was waiting just outside, and his face split into a wide grin as he caught sight of Edward. Unable to help from grinning back, Ed jumped out of the low back end…
…And almost fell face first on the groun. "Hey!" Envy shouted, stepping forward to balance him out. "Jeez, you alright?"
Flushed with embarrassment, Edward nodded. "Dizzy, that's all."
"Well, go sit down on one of the benches. I'll catch up with you after I'm done." The green haired boy's momentary expression of concern melted back into a smile. "Then we can be dizzy together."
Ed laughed, waving him off, but Envy didn't go without leaning in to kiss Edward on the cheek. Shaking his head (but not at all upset), Ed began to make his way over to the benches, passing Mr. Nichols and Mr. Brown, who had joined them outside with his group.
And as he walked by the duo, Edward swore he heard the former chuckle. "See those two? I knew they'd be good together."