NIGHT THREE

"There you guys are," Cordelia said as she and the rest of the tribe walked into camp. "We were waiting for you, but we decided against waiting any longer because we figured maybe Drusilla put a stake through your heart or whatever."

"Wouldn't that be a bloody shame," Ripper interjected. Riley shook his head.

"He wanted to apologize, but now he's evil again, so I guess I get to do it for him."

Angel nodded. "It's fine. I get it. I know what it's like to have a demon inside." He looked around a little bit and saw that Drusilla was tiptoeing through the flowers at the other end of the challenge area. "I think we should change our vote. I talked to Drusilla and she wants to go home, and I know I want her gone."

"Here, here," agreed Anya.

"Is it agreed, then?" Angel asked.

"Only if we lose, Mr. Negative," Cordelia countered.

Willow and Tara walked into the circle, laughing about something, looking well-rested and very clean. Angel noticed incredible mourning in Willow's eyes, but decided not to say anything about it until later.

"Have fun?" Cordelia asked.

"I'll bet they did," Ripper muttered.

"It was great," said Tara. "Food was fantastic, nice comfy beds, hot bath…" she looked around at the slightly bitter faces. "…but I won't go into detail." The Jeff Tribe entered. "L-look!" she said. "My tribe. I will go… to them, and avoid this awkward situation." She gave Willow a hug. "See you later."

"Bye," Willow said quietly. Angel's concern for the redhead was curbed as Buffy walked in, talking intently with Spike. He watched them, trying to catch Buffy's eye. She didn't notice.

Jeff walked in holding a bronze statue of himself. He placed it on one of the two tables no one had noticed until just now. "Hello, tribes. How's life?"

No one answered.

"Well…" he cleared his throat. "The network has informed me that I have to apologize, so a heartfelt 'I'm sorry' to Tara, and anyone else who got injured or whatever in that last challenge."

Total silence.

Jeff sighed. "Anyway, this next challenge is for immunity. Because of the common controversy caused yesterday night, your goal is fairly simple." He beckoned at the two tables. "Each table will get a new product that has never been sold or marketed. Your job is to create a jingle for it."

"Bloody hell," Spike and Ripper said simultaneously.

Jeff didn't hear. "So here's your product:" He held up a small package with what looked to be pastries in it. "Para-cakes."

"Para-cakes?" Buffy repeated.

"Para-cakes," Jeff confirmed, nodding.

"Why exactly are they called Para-cakes?" asked Xander.

Jeff frowned. "I don't know. Maybe they look like parachutes?" He shook his head. "Anyway, you each have fifteen minutes to perfect a jingle. We have a panel of judges, and the tribe who gets the highest score wins immunity."

"Don't tell me that thing's immunity," Faith said, beckoning at the statue of Jeff.

"So what if it is? I won't have any complaining this time. This game is about me. Me me me. I created the series, and now they want to hire someone else? I don't think so." He looked around at the annoyed faces staring back at him and frowned sadly. "Fine. Your fifteen minutes starts now. Go."

The time passed quickly. Occasionally Spike would go "this is sodding stupid" or Ripper would start yelling at one of his fellow tribesmen. Buffy yelled for silence and concentration once or twice, and Drusilla wanted to make the song about her little beetle friend who she just found on the ground and named Poodle. Oz's strange growl punctuated the light rumble of talk, and he had to fight off the urge more than once to kill some small animals.

"Time's up," Jeff finally announced. "Step away from the papers. Bring in the judges," he told no one in particular.

Three people walked in. They sat down mechanically and grinned at the people they related most to.

"Joyce Summers, Richard Wilkins III, and Jenny Calendar: Welcome," Jeff announced.

Buffy and Dawn gasped; they both remember their mother as dead. Faith stepped back and frowned, and Giles' jaw dropped shortly followed by a grin. He was Giles now; Ripper had left temporarily. Angel looked away.

"Any particular reason you chose all dead people?" Spike asked.

"Not really. Wanted to cause ruckus, I guess," Jeff said, shrugging. "All right, tribes, you will now collectively perform your jingles for the panel of judges. They'll vote on a scale of ten, and then they'll leave before you have a chance to talk to them."

"That's unfair," pointed out Dawn. Ripper replaced Giles.

Jeff scoffed. "Right. Because Survivor is a fair game," he said sarcasically. "Let's see… Provost tribe, why don't you go first."

Angel frowned and strongly didn't want to do anything. He stood there and brooded. None of the tribe moved forward to collect the sheet.

"Come on, now… if you don't, I'll send you all home."

Cordelia reluctantly stepped forward and held the sheet out for them all to see. A tuneless cacophony emerged:

"Para-cakes, Para-cakes,
Yum yum yum.
If you're hungry
Go have some.
Full of love
And fun to eat,
Para-cakes, para-cakes;
Just don't heat."

They'd all sung it. Or, possibly "sung" wasn't the correct term; Riley and Angel had said it, Drusilla had wailed it, and the rest had chanted. Ripper had mouthed the words bitterly but hadn't actually spoken; fortunately, Jeff didn't notice.

"Oh… kaaaaay," Jeff said, fighting back laughter. "That was… well, that was interesting. Judges, vote away."

Three cards came up. They all said 3.

"That's nine out of thirty. Good work," Jeff said sarcastically. "Jeff Tribe, you're up."

Tara stepped forward hesitantly and grabbed their page. She held it out in front of her, cleared her voice, and began to sing beautifully with the rest of the tribe, including Spike and Oz, whose growl sounded like a gorgeous base tone, backing her up:

"If you're hungry after work…
(doo doo doo)
Don't reach for that bag of chi-ips…
(doooooo dah)
Grab a pack of Para-cakes and savour them well…
(bop doo dah)
With their crunchy ex-ter-ior they're pretty darn swell.
(shoop!)"

Jeff applauded. So did the judges. Half of the Provost Tribe grinned and clapped as well, while the other half (with the exception of Ripper and Drusilla) dropped their jaw in awe.

"Okay, judges, what do you say?"

The cards returned. Joyce and Jenny gave a ten while The Mayor gave a nine.

"Spectacular! That's twenty-nine out of thirty. Clear winners of immunity!" he shouted, passing them the statue of himself. They cheered, genuinely glad to win, and all mobbed Tara with a hug. She blushed.

"All right, Provost tribe. Tribal council is in a few hours, so you can either go back to camp for a while, or you can just stay here. It's up to you. The Jeff Tribe! I'll see you two nights from now right here for the next reward challenge! Check your mail bag for details." Jeff smiled and walked away.

Faith was the only one who noticed that the judges had completely disappeared.