So I have a very special friend who requested another chapter to this, and I'm really glad she did! Thank you adama-roslinlove for all the encouragement
As always the characters/show belong to their perspective producers and writers, I'm only playing. Oh and reviews are love!
Laura startled slightly as Bill slipped into the space next to her; she hastily tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, clearing her throat delicately. She couldn't help the small smile that curved her lips at the sight of her Admiral. The hour was late and she knew he had been sleeping when she left, so his hair sticking up in all different directions didn't come as a shock to her, it was the look of concern that shone from his eyes. His hand where he placed it on her thigh was warm…comforting.
"What are you doing here?" she questioned.
He spoke softly, "I was worried about you."
She sighed quietly and rubbed at her scalp. She realized that he must have woken up alone and then came looking for her; no doubt her guards pointed him in the right direction. Then she came to the realization that he had probably heard everything she had said when she'd believed herself to be alone; she could feel her cheeks heating with embarrassment.
Laura wasn't normally one to complain or obsess about her fate. In fact a lot of the time she would have these episodes away from the prying eyes of everyone, especially Bill. He could read her like no other and there would have been no way to hide any of this from him, he would have figured her out eventually.
"I'm fine," came her husky voice.
She could see her Admiral tilt his head out of the corner of her eye and knew immediately that he had picked up on the slight tremor in her voice. Sometimes she wished he didn't know her as well as he did…sometimes she wished that he hadn't taken the time to get to know her or even befriend her.
This would have been so much easier.
He grunted softly, "You can't hide from me Laura."
She wished that she hadn't let go of her self control, that she hadn't let him in. None of this was fair to him, she had always felt that she had deserved some kind of penance for past discretions but he shouldn't have been caught up in it all too. The thing she had always feared was happening, she was losing her objectivity and her will to persevere no matter what.
Before him she had feared death, who in their right mind wouldn't? The fear of the unknown and what was to come; had she lived her life to the satisfactory of the Gods, or would she be judged harshly? She had been afraid but she had also been resolved to her fate; accommodating and accepting of what was in store, whatever it might be, for herself. She hadn't been worried about leaving anyone behind or how her death would affect them, only that humanity itself was safe. She hadn't been worried about the empty void her death would cause because for so long she had no one to miss her when she was gone.
Then she had felt her walls begin to crumble. They had begun to crack when he had come down to Kobal to apologize and tell her he believed. The crack spread when he had kissed her after receiving his admiral wings. The crack widened when she awoke from her death the first time and found him sitting at her beside in the medical bay. He had greeted her as the president but she could see the relief in his eyes from not losing his friend quite yet. Then it widened still over the next few months, all the behind the scenes instances with Baltar and the then upcoming election.
With each shared instance, the ground breaking of New Caprica, her return to power, the return of her cancer, Baltar's trial, Kara's return, jumping away with the Cylon basestar, and then the mutiny, she could feel the chasm becoming larger. She hadn't paid attention and she had let him slip past her defenses; he then went straight to her heart. Bill loved her that she knew, but some days she wished that he hadn't fallen for her or she for him.
"I was just thinking," she supplied.
His reply was slow in coming; he seemed to be choosing his words or his approach carefully.
"What about?"
Laura gestured with her hands in front of her jerkily; annoyed at his obliviousness, it was only too obvious.
"This," she stopped, "this, us…the whole situation."
Bill was staring straight ahead, unconsciously rubbing her thigh with his hand in an act of comfort, but she knew he was still listening intently. She could tell be the way his fingers tightened on the material of her leggings.
"What about it?" he questioned.
She huffed, "You don't want to know."
She could feel his stare boring into the side of her head; she could easily visualize the blue eyes she loved so much alight with the irritation she felt. It was like a wave in the water, she could feel the intensity of it grow.
His voice was low, somber, "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know."
At the tone of his voice she turned her head sharply and for the first time since he entered the observation deck they connected eyes. His eyes had always been the way for her to see into his soul and they didn't disappoint now. She could see the concern and sadness in the forefront, but also the love and maybe even guilt in the background.
She looked away nervously.
She was the guarded one, the person who never showed emotion or shared her feelings and he wore his heart on his sleeve. Bill was the one who would want to talk about what he was feeling and what he needed; Laura would listen intently and nod in the appropriate places but she was loathe to share her own experiences.
She didn't want to tell him what she had been thinking…she didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had or was going to in the end. He didn't deserve that or what was going to happen; she would protect him from that at least.
"It was nothing Bill," Laura tried to dismiss the fact.
He grunted again, "It wasn't nothing that made you leave our bed in the middle of the night."
She couldn't argue with that logic.
"It wasn't nothing," he continued, "that made you cry while staring at the stars."
She looked into his eyes once again and at the sincerity she saw there, she could feel her own eyes begin to pool with tears once again. She was ashamed as she felt the tears fall, kissing her prominent cheekbones and rolling off her chin. She was ashamed to be showing this kind of weakness, to have let him chip away her walls, and to have to say goodbye.
The warm hand on her cheek made her inhale shakily and all she could do was nuzzle into the roughened skin of Bill's palm. He was looking at her, pleading for her to talk to him.
"I'm afraid," she admitted.
He hummed noncommittally and encouraged her to keep going. A gentle swipe of his thumb to her cheek gave her a small amount of courage.
"Its so hard," she began, "before I wasn't afraid to die, I had begun to embrace it."
She felt Bill's demeanor shift slightly and his hold become tighter at the mention of her death. It was a sore subject no matter how much she tried to prepare him for the inevitable.
"But now," she whimpered, "I have something to live for…and I'm not ready to let it go."
With that Laura crumbled, all the composure she had worked so hard to maintain fell around her.
"I'm not ready to say goodbye." She whispered tearfully.
She curled into Bill's embrace and buried her face into the crook of his neck, sobbing vehemently. She felt his arms encircle her and his warmth enveloped her; she could vaguely feel the gentle brush of his fingers against her scalp.