Walking into the gym, even with Envy next to him (the other boy having waited for Ed today), was just short of terrifying. Edward headed up the bleachers to a higher point than their usual spot—he didn't want to be anything close to near Mr. Nichols.

"Okay, so, what's the plan?" Ed asked quietly as they settled down.

"Not sure," Envy whispered back. "I mean, we have to get into his office somehow, but I don't know if it will be locked, and we have to make sure he isn't in there."

"I can pick a lock?" Edward offered.

Next to him, Envy started, raising an eyebrow at him. "Why? If anything, I should be saying that."

Ed shrugged, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth—Envy's face was priceless. "Roy's in the military, right? So he's kinda paranoid about me and Al having all the necessary 'survival skills' or whatever. So we had to learn how to fight, how to shoot a gun, how to tie a rope and how to get out of one, a bunch of stuff. Picking a lock was just one of those things he thought we should know."

"That's actually terrifying," Envy remarked. "So what, you need a bobby pin or something?"

"Already got one," Ed replied cheerfully, digging in his pocket and pulling out two or three, waving them in the green haired boy's face as Envy gawked.

"Well alright then, Mr. Prepared. That's one problem taken care of, at least."

"But," Edward interjected, pocketing the pins again, "how are we supposed to get him out of his office?"

Envy didn't have a chance to reply, as the bell rang and Mr. Nichols walked out just then. The man, rather than waving them off as he had the last few days, stood sturdy in lecture position. "Alright, everyone, I hate to break this to you, but I'm not done teaching. This class still isn't a free for all. So today, we discuss porn."

Considering the fact that Mr. Nichols was apparently using them as porn, Ed found that statement rather sickeningly hilarious, and let out a quiet, nervous giggle. Envy slipped an arm around him, rubbing at his side.

"So," Mr. Nichols went on, "no secrets in this class. Raise your hand if you have ever watched porn."

Unabashedly, Envy raised his hand. Edward followed suit, along with what appeared to be every single guy in the room…and easily three fourths of the girls. That was a bit of a surprise.

"Looks like a pretty experience group, then," the teacher commented. "Well, I'm not here to tell you not to watch porn." Right, because he was into the live version himself. "But I am here to tell you what the ramifications are of doing it too often. Watching porn every once in a while doesn't do much of anything, and can actually be a way for certain couples to bond, if they're into that. However, watching too much porn actually changes the way your brain works."

This particular topic coming from this particular man was driving Edward up a wall. He turned slightly, letting his head fall against Envy's shoulder rather than watch their teacher talk about this shit.

"First off, porn is highly unrealistic and causes people to have inappropriate expectations of what they should get out of sex, as well as how they should perform. So if you do watch it, you need to be aware that the people on screen are actors, and they don't portray the acts accurately. Don't go into a relationship expecting the sex to be like what you have watched, because that's just not how it really is. Second, when watching porn, people tend to not linger on one video. They jump around, looking at many different things until perhaps settling on one. This constant change causes the brain to expect multiple images changing at a fast pace, whereas with real sex you are almost always with only one other person, and the scenery isn't going to change lightning fast. You may do several things with that person, but there is constancy. Porn trains our brain to not expect constancy when aroused, and can actually make it harder for someone to be with their partner because they are not getting the same type of stimulation they are used to."

As much as he didn't want to pay attention to what Mr. Nichols was saying, Ed had a hard time intentionally tuning out information, and he had to admit that was interesting. He hadn't been watching porn, lately, having gotten plenty of action in the class and, on the rare occasion that he felt the need to jack off, preferring to fantasize about Envy. Maybe it was best he kept it that way.

"In short, do not make porn something you watch all the time. If you're masturbating, focus on the feeling, or imagine someone is there with you. Those are better alternatives, in the long run. Like I said before, watching a video every once in a while is fine, but doing it constantly can make it harder for you to be in a real, honest, physical relationship with another person."

With that wrap up, Ed cracked open an eye, glancing at the clock on the wall. They still had almost twenty minutes of class left. "I know it's a short lecture," Mr. Nichols said, almost answering Edward's thoughts. Ew. "But it's important. You all stay out here for the remainder of the period."

"Ed," Envy whispered as Mr. Nichols walked away, back into his office. "Go to the bathroom."

"What?" he questioned, confused.

"The bathrooms are right by Mr. Nichols's office, right?" Envy explained. "So you go in there and wait. I'll cause a distraction out here, and you can slip in his office without anyone noticing."

Edward thought about the hasty plan for a moment, then nodded. "Okay, yeah. Just…don't get expelled."

"Don't worry," Envy answered, pushing him up with a wink. "I won't."

Stumbling slightly, Ed made his way down the bleachers and over to the bathrooms as casually as possible. He waited just inside the door so that, hopefully, he would hear—

A loud clanging filled the gym next door, followed by a thud and loud cursing. "FUCKING BITCH!"

Sounded like a distraction, all right. Edward counted, as slowly as he could make himself, to ten before slipping out of the bathroom. In the middle of the gym, everyone was huddled together…and Mr. Nichols was forcing his way to the middle of the group. Perfect. Two paces to the left stood the teacher's office door. Ed tried it, surprised to find the knob turning under his nervously sweaty grip.

The inside of the office looked surprisingly…normal. Desk piled high with paperwork, unreasonably comfortable spinning chair, filing cabinet…hold up. Unusually large filing cabinet.

Grinning at the realization that he was breaking the rules to catch someone else doing the same thing, Ed walked the few steps over to the cabinet and pulled open the top drawer. He rifled through the papers…nothing abnormal there, just a bunch of medical information and hospital contacts. The second drawer proved to be even less exciting, as it was filled with lecture notes. Edward, though he had to be running out of time, spared a minute to look through these in detail, just to make sure nothing was scrawled on the papers about watching the students…but there was nothing. Hurrying, now, and desperate to get something, Ed yanked on the bottom drawer…and the front came off, revealing a tiny TV tucked away on the inside.

Chills ran up Edward's spine. Sure, other teachers had TVs…but why hidden away into a filing cabinet. Curious, Ed inspected the drawer front, spotting little Velcro strips on its backside. So…it wasn't a drawer at all, not anymore. The front was only Velcro-ed on, to cover the TV. Heart pumping, Edward tried to pull the TV out, but it only gave about an inch. He reached his arm into the opening, feeling wires exiting the back of the TV only to go straight into the wall.

This was ridiculous. Edward pressed the power button on the side of the TV…and nothing happened.

Was it broken?

Frustrated, Ed kicked at that stupid chair, sending it spinning away. He just knew this was something! Maybe it only worked with a remote, make the button was broken. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But he didn't see a remote, and didn't have any more time to investigate.

Still, this was something. Proof that Mr. Nichols was definitely up to something he at least wanted to hide. Trying to hang on to that positive thought, Edward slipped out of the office…to find Envy and Mr. Nichols both missing. Unnerved, he went to grab his backpack just as the bell rang. Ed walked out of the gym and dallied just outside the door, unsure of where to go.

Then his phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ed, you mind coming down to the nurse's office?" Envy asked through the line, giggling through the words.

"Um…sure." The nurse's office. Shit. Shaking his head, Ed half-ran up the stairs, down the hall, around the corner…and burst into the infirmary.

Mr Nichols was standing by Envy, who was lying on the bed, grinning like a madman, his left leg covered in bloody bandages. Edward gaped for a moment. "What…the fuck…did you do?"

"Language," Mrs. Porter, the nurse, reprimanded him. Ed gave her the finger, which made Envy laugh.

"I fell down the bleachers." Right. Fell. So, apparently, Envy's idea of a decent distraction involved injuring himself to the point where Mr. Nichols had to escort him out. If the green haired boy weren't already fucked up, Ed would have punched his lights out. "Calm down, Ed," Envy sighed in response to his look. "It's just a scratch."

"Right," the nurse snorted. "Just a scratch that's nine inches long and still bleeding. I don't even know how you managed that…"

"Guess I'm just special," Envy remarked.

Sighing, Edward ran a hand through his hair. "Look, is he, like, good enough? I want to get him home."

Mr. Nichols, whom Ed was steadfastly ignoring, raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. Mrs. Porter replied, after a moment of examination, "He should be alright. You might have to help him walk, though, and once he's home he'll need to keep it elevated."

Nodding, Edward walked over and put an arm around Envy as the other boy made to get up, supporting some of his weight. Together they hobbled out, and only once they were outside did Ed explode. "What the hell, Envy! This is not the way to cause a distraction."

"Hey, it worked," Envy defended. "It's fine, really."

"No it's not!" Edward shouted. "You can't go around hurting yourself!"

"Ed. Breathe. It's not that bad. It worked, didn't it? Did you find anything?"

"That's not the point, Envy!" Ed fought to control his breathing, not sure whether he was more angry or upset. "Never again, okay? Promise me. I don't want you throwing yourself off bleachers, alright? I don't want you to be hurt."

Hobbling as he was, Envy managed to turn his head and press a kiss into Edward's hair. "Hey, I'm sorry. It was all I could think of, and I knew it would get him out of the room and give you time to search. I won't do it again, okay? But seriously, did you find anything?"

Ed took a deep breath to calm himself. "Yeah. Not much, but a little something." He laughed, a humorless sound that escaped against his will. "You won't believe what this guy's got in his filing cabinet."