Words cannot even begin to describe how sorry I am to everyone who has been wanting an update of this troy. I've been in the most pathetic writing slump and it has been so unfair to all of you. If you're still reading after all the wait, thank you so much for your patience and support!
Time could never run at the speed one wanted it to. If you were dreading something in the future, it seemed to arrive at your feet in a matter of seconds. If you were eager or excited, the hands of the clocked seemed to move in slow motion. He wasn't sure how, but Jack was sure that both were happening at once.
He was itching to see Rapunzel again, anticipation buzzing in his brain and sending currents of electricity through his body. When he got home after a series of awkward pauses and unanswered questions from Hiccup, he leapt immediately into the shower. The plumbing must have been out of whack because nothing he did would bring the temperature above freezing. That was alright, the goose-bumps made him feel awake.
He'd gone all out, even brushed his teeth. He wanted to look his best for her. By the time he finished, he figured at least an hour must have gone by. Strolling out of the bathroom, towel around his waist, he was more than surprised to see that it was only 4:00. He wasn't going to make it three hours. Then again, part of him was glad he had so much time. He needed a game plan.
Should he dress up? No, he didn't want to look like he was trying to hard. He was, but he didn't want to look it. Rummaging through his mostly vacant drawers, Jack did manage to find a fairly decent button up and a pair of jeans that didn't smell like his college dorm. A full-length mirror hung crookedly on his bedroom wall. Narrowing his eyes, Jack carefully looked over his appearance head to foot. He tried to remember what he had looked like five years ago. What had changed? He was taller, definitely, and he'd allow his hair to grow out a bit. Was that all? How could he look so much the same but feel so different?
"I'm not the guy I was." he admitted out loud.
"I'll say," a voice called from behind him, making him flinch.
When he turned around, an explosion of red curls filled his vision. Merida's hands rested on her hips, eyebrows cocked upward.
"Who the hell are ya talking to?" she inquired.
He looked at her with a face that closely resembled Edvard Munch's The Scream.
"Mer…" he stuttered, "What the heck? Where did you come from? How did you get in here? How did you know where I live?"
The Scot rolled her eyes as she began scrutinizing the apartment.
"What the heck, indeed." her attention had settled on the worn box Jack had moved to his bedside table. The young man gulped. She picked up the different objects inside the box, running calloused figures over every trinket. Her movements made him nervous. She was on sacred ground. In all his time at Burgess University, he hadn't let a single soul near this box, not even his roommate, Kristoff. But this was Merida. He could trust her.
"I'm serious, Mer," he said running a hand through his damp hair, "what are you doing here?"
"Rae called me." she still didn't look at him, "When she said she was heading over to Hiccup's, I knew you'd run into each other. She said to meet her tonight, right?"
"Yeah I'm going over at 7:00."
After a moment of silence, something dawned on him.
"Wait a second. You knew she was going to Hiccup's?"
Finally, she faced him, "Aye."
"And you didn't think to warn us?" his said raising his voice, "Mer, we were completely blindsided!"
"I know." she turned back laughing, "And I wish more than anything that I could have been there to see your fa-"
Her words ended in a ghostly breath, like they'd been forced out before she could finish. The irritated creases in Jack's forehead immediately relaxed.
"Merida?" he said reaching for her.
His hand fell numbly to his side when his gaze fell on the small stuffed animal in her hands. The inside of his mouth tasted bitter.
Merida had three younger brothers, wee devils they were. To say they were a handful was a bit of an understatement, but she loved them more than anything. The last thing she had expected was to open her heart up even wider to the small, brown-haired girl that'd just moved in across the street. Together, they'd experienced a lot of firsts; Pippa's first time shooting, holding a sword, riding a horse, and Merida's first time ice-skating and sewing without wanting to amputate her hands.
"You never did come to the funeral." Jack whispered.
The reality hurt him, more than he would admit. But what really bothered him is that he couldn't fathom why she hadn't shown up. His sister adored Merida and so did his parents. Her presence would have meant a lot to them.
"Aye," she murmured, eyes still locked on the rabbit, "I didn't."
Jack bit his lip, just slightly irritated. The redhead met his gaze briefly and rolled her eyes.
"I know ye probably want an explanation."
She looked at him tensely, and Jack saw something in her eyes that he hadn't in a long time. Regret.
"No, Mer, its okay." he sighed coolly, "I get it."
"I know ya do." she breathed, "That's what makes it all the more tragic."
Jack sat gingerly on the edge of his bed, "I don't… understand."
Merida's spine was rigid, arms folded tightly across her chest.
"It was selfish of me, really." she spat the words out with faint disgust, "She was your sister, not mine. I had no right to feel the way I did."
"Feel what?" he sat forward, hands clasped between his knees.
"To feel the-"her lipped quaked, "the loss. I had no right to cry, to grieve as much as I did. She wasn't mine. She was never mine! How could I fool myself into thinking any different?"
His mouth was agape liked it had been pried open and the air forcibly taken from his lungs. The fiery red-head shook in front of him, water forming at the corners of her eyes.
"I loved and mourned that girl like she was me own blood. But she wasn't mine. I have three brothers and I love 'em more than anything!"
"I know you do." Jack stammered.
"So how could I feel this way about this other girl? A girl I'd only known a few short years and somehow let into my heart, completely. What right had I to go to this girl's funeral? To sit there while her family needed the support of their friends and all I could do was weep?"
Her question hung between them like smoke. Jack clawed at his navy bed spread, itching to be out of his own skin. They're blue eyes met and held each other for a moment, searching for something to say, to do. When the tears had built up enough so she could no longer see, Merida gave a defeated sigh and collapsed on the bed beside Jack.
He faced her and reached out his hand to slowly stroke through her mane. He wasn't sure why, or if it was even appropriate, but it felt right.
"The truth is, Jack" she whispered, "I wasn't brave enough to go. I couldn't be. Not for me, not for your parents, not even for you."
Jack looked down at her with a similarly pained expression. So rare it was to see Merida like this. He knew how he would have handled it five years before. He would have sat with her, not touching her, letting her brood in silence until she felt like facing the world again. But that was then and though he may have looked it, Jack was not the same person.
He placed his head across from hers and carefully encircled his arms around her torso. Merida jerked initially at the contact, but one glimpse into his eyes made her relax. She willingly curled into him as he brought her head to rest beneath his chin, all the while stroking the back of her hair. Breathing in the scent of his shirt, Merida gave in completely and wrapped her arms around his mind section.
She let out a raspy breath, "I'm sor-"
"No." he murmured, "You have nothing to apologize for."
I'm grateful my sister had you in her life.
Merida nodded against his chest. She was still tense, he could tell, but hopefully she felt more assured. The two remained in that position for quite awhile, Jack stroking her hair while Merida listened closely for his heartbeat. The more she mulled over the thought in her mind, the more foolish she felt. Of course she adored her brothers, more than anything in the world. But her heart had plenty of room for a sister, and another brother.
"I love you." Merida said softly.
"Love you, too, Clifford."
That earned him an incisive jab to the ribs.