miss me? i had such a great time in L.A.! i saw all my cousins and everyone else. but go ahead and read. discliamer: i dont own twilight and stephenie meyer does. yeah. really. :l

Bella POV

Now that phase one was done, it was time for phase two: BLACKMAIL

Today, Emmet was going to be recording Edward and I do with his new video camera because later today, he was going to show us a slideshow that Jasper and him made about Edward wearing his pumps. If Edward didn't do something nice to Emmett and Jasper, it was going on Youtube and the pictures were going on Photobucket.

So it was a normal day but Edward was wearing his ultra-long black jeans. You know what that means! He was wearing his pumps! I was sitting on his couch in his room watching him write a song (for our wedding) A/N: They're engaged! but then I asked "The Question".

"So, Edward, what kind of shoes do you wear?" I asked interestingly.

Edward POV

"So, Edward, what kind of shoes do you wear?" Bella asked me.

"Vans, DC, Element, stuff like that..." I answered nonchalantly.

"Is there anything else you wear?" she asked me again as if there was more behind the question.

"No."

"Are you sure?" she asked again with that same tone

"Yes."

"Really?" ;D

"Yes!"

"Are you sure that you don't wear-oh, I don't know-ultra-bright red high heel toe pumps?" ;D

Oh, shit, she found out. I thought.

How did she find out? Oh how I wished that could read her mind right now! So I decided to play along.

"No Bella, I don't. Even if I did, then I would be a homo or whatever..."

I went back to writng my song until, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella mouthing words and gesturing at my window.

I looked up at her and said, "Bella, honey, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, Edward sweetie. I'm just waving to all the planes, helecopters, and birdies out there. Hi everybody! My names' Bella!What's yours?" A/N: That's so like me.

I looked out the window and saw noe of those things out there.

"There's nothing out there."

"Yes there is."

"No, Bella, there isn't."

"Yes there is."

"Honey, it's your imagination."

"That's what they want you to think."

"O...kay..." I went back to writing but saw an Emmett-shaped shadow on the side of my couch.

"Bella, is Emmett out there?" I looked up at her and her face looked like as if it was hiding something.

"No."

"But why is there an Emmett-shaped shadow on the side of my couch?"

"It's a growth."

"Oak trees don't have growths."

"Yes they do."

"What kind of growths?"

"Emmett-shaped growths."

"That's my question.Why is there and Emmett-shaped shadow on the side of my couch."

"The oak tree's sick."

"With what?"

"ESGCDV."

"What, may I ask is, ESGCDV?"

"Emmett-Shaped Growth Cancer Disease Virus."

"Now, how do trees get ESGCDV?"

"They fuck each other."

"So it's an STD, right?"

"No."

I stared at her in amazment as she stared at me.

"You never cease to amaze me." I felt like giving her a dummy smack but I couldn't. The laws of love say that I can't at all.

"I know. Why don't we go downstairs and go watch what Emmett recorded?"

"Okay."

So then we went downstairs to see Emmett's new video.

o0O!The End!O0o

remember: review plz :)

ily to all of you that did!