After Euphemia's death, Kallen thought the world was ending. Riots broke out all over the country. The Black Knights broke their leashes kept by Zero's gloved hand and went crashing through the cities. More destruction than the young woman had ever seen was eating her beloved Japan. All she could was struggle to keep up and bite back the vile and the urge to scream. Suzaku was a real terror in his grief. For the first time, she worried about facing the Lancelot, though a brave front was kept in Zero's presence. Facing her friends on the student council at Ashford in her dark uniform made her feel turned inside out. They were afraid of her.
And then the white knight caught the demon. Kallen came dashing in after them and in that cave the foundation of her world was rocked. The truth had spilled out like vomit on the rocks. Suzaku was furious like she'd never seen him, his entire body was taught like a bow ready to fire. His eyes were maniacal. Lelouch had a strange power. He could've very well manipulated her to follow him. Then, he screamed about Princess Euphemia and the real horror behind her death.
Kallen felt like she had been shoved into a dream that she could not crawl out of. Zero abandoned them. Zero was Lelouch. She left him in that cave with Suzaku. Zero was declared dead. Lelouch returned to Ashford.
Things almost started making sense again when Zero was resurrected. Kallen felt better this time around knowing just who was under the mask. While she had her reservations about him, her respect for him grew. Especially when he successfully tore so many Japanese people out from under the hand of the emperor by dressing them in his own disguise. They were all Zero that day and the symbol became something more.
She liked remembering that day. The serenity that came from knowing they had saved lives soothed her in the more troubling times. It was pathetic, but she didn't have much else to cling to.
The lock of her cell beeped as an ID badge was swiped and granted access. The glass door slid open with a hiss. A guard stepped in. Lazily, Kallen's head rolled to look at him.
"Up you get. Sir Kururugi has some questions for you," he said drolly.
Indifferent, Kallen rose from her narrow cot and allowed the guard to shackle her for the transfer to the strange glass cell she had been interrogated in before. She had only been in the Britannian prison for a few hours, but it had been a baffling few hours. Nunnally sent her a letter and a silky yellow dress to wear. Her flight suit had been ripped, so Kallen quickly changed into it. Walking into the glass cell with the ornate armchair, Kallen caught her reflection and thought she looked more ridiculous than she ever had. The guard shackled her to the chair and left.
A minute later, Sir Kururugi, Knight of Seven to the Holy Britannian Emperor, strode up the gangway and into her pretty little prison. The white uniform he wore glowed in the faint light. The blue and gold cape billowed behind him. His posture was severe. The kindness was gone from his eyes. He looked older than he had before everything had really gone to hell.
When the door slid shut behind him, Kallen noticed a small case in his hand. She shifted in her chair and tried to breathe normally. Her chest felt tight with apprehension. The urge to move itched in her limbs.
"Kallen," said the knight, "who is Zero?"
She let out a shaky breath. "I don't know. Why don't you go ask him?"
He met her eyes for the first time and she felt pinned like an insect. The rage she had seen in him on a few occasions burned behind his eyes. Suddenly she wasn't so sure she would make it out of this place in one piece.
Calmly, Suzaku knelt. He opened the case and withdrew from it a large syringe and an unmarked vial. Kallen's lungs shriveled in her chest. Her entire body went taut and cold. No. No, please God, no.
The man stood once he had drawn a good amount of fluid from the vial, flicking the syringe with his fingers to dispel any air bubbles.
"This is Refrain," he told her.
Tears blurred her vision. Her throat squeezed. "Please," she whispered.
"The games aren't fun anymore, Kallen. If you won't tell me what I want to know, then this will make you talk." He buried his fingers in her hair and pulled her head to one side. She cried out in pain, trying to struggle against the metal around her wrists.
"Don't do this," she begged when she felt the sharp point of the needle press against her neck. The tears in her eyes were shaken loose and went tumbling over her cheeks. Fear like this hadn't screamed through her body since her brother died. Her bare feet scrambled against the cool floor, but he held her still.
She braced herself, but the skin of her neck never broke. The rush of the drug never came. The syringe clattered to the floor.
Trembling, Kallen pried her wet eyes open to see Suzaku kneeling beside her, head bowed and shoulders quivering harder than hers.
"What the hell am I doing," he murmured to himself.
The air that had been trapped in her lungs left her in one huge breath. She swallowed back a sob. Mechanically, the soldier before her produced a key from his pocket and unlocked her shackles. For a moment she wondered if he realized what he was doing. Then, she struck.
Suzaku did not fight back when her fist made contact with his nose nor did he move to defend himself when her leg swung up to kick the side of his head. Limply, he absorbed the attacks until Kallen flopped back into her chair and crossed her arms over her stomach.
"Kallen, I'm so-"
"You can kill me now. I've attacked a Knight of the Round. Run along and fetch my death sentence like a good little soldier," she barked with more power than she felt she had. Her body still shook.
Suzaku looked up at her with watery eyes. "I'm not going to kill you. I deserved that. I can't believe I-"
"I can. You've really become one of them. How proud your commanding officers must be."
One of his hands reached out for the arm of her chair. Pulling himself, he shifted so that he was in front of her, still kneeling.
"Kallen, forgive me. I haven't been right since Eu- since she died. I don't know what I was thinking. I crossed the line."
"Quit babbling," she snarled. "I don't give a shit that you're sorry. I hate you."
His throat convulsed with a hard swallow. The rage in his eyes was replaced by sorrow and dread. "Do you really mean that?"
"Of course I do! You're the enemy."
"But we-"
"But we what?" She just wanted to cry and sleep. She wanted to see Lelouch. She wanted to be out from under Suzaku's intense stare.
He didn't give her an answer. He only stared with those miserable eyes.
Back in her little cell, Kallen sat on the cot and tucked the dress around her as she curled into a ball in the corner. Exhausted, she turned toward the wall and tried to sleep in hopes of dreaming of a pleasant place.
Into slumber she sank, but her mind did not travel to running down dirt paths with her brother or laughing at Ashford. Suzaku, demonic and wielding a needle, commanded her subconscious. As Dream Suzaku penetrated her clammy skin with the needle and thrust the drug into her shaking body he kissed her lips with a softness she had almost forgotten he had once possessed.
Hours later, she awoke to a loud beeeeeep and a muffled, "Shit!"
Kallen's eyes flew open, but she didn't turn over. Her dinner tray had already been delivered and lay untouched in the center of the floor, so why was someone visiting her cell this late? The sensation of a someone leaning over her electrified her senses. When she felt they were close, she swung her leg up and kicked them soundly in the leg.
"Ah! Fuck, Kallen!" Suzaku cried, staggering away.
She flipped to sit on her knees and glared at him. The kiss he had planted on her in her dream and the way he said her name made her face feel hot and her stomach tighten. The feeling pulled her gaze toward his mouth. Even in the dim light she could see the cut in the corner of his mouth and the bruise swelling on his cheekbone.
"What are you doing in here? You trying to drug me in my sleep?"
Suzaku looked out of place in his white t-shirt and loose gray sweatpants. He was barefoot. Kallen blushed harder when he noticed she was staring at his bare feet, raising his eyebrows questioningly.
"This isn't exactly the place for a slumber party," she said scathingly.
He stood up straight and nervously scratched the back of his neck. Kallen's mouth felt dry when she saw the way his tight sleeve stretched around his bicep. Thankfully, his eyes were looking anywhere but her so he didn't see her gawking.
"I just... uh... wanted to make sure you were okay."
Her eyes blinked slowly at him. "You do know I'm in a prison cell, right?"
He sighed and admitted, "I couldn't sleep."
"Oh, well, you're welcome to share my huge, comfortable bed," Kallen said with a grand gesture toward her cot.
Suzaku looked at the floor with anguish scrunching his face into something pathetic. "I'm sorry."
"Ugh," she groaned, rearranging the excess of fabric tangled around her so she could lay on her back. "I think I liked you better when you were being a pompous asshole."
She stared at the ceiling while he sat on the concrete next to her head, his back pressed against the metal frame. He smelled faintly of soap. An image of him showering flashed behind her eyes. Instinctively she smacked a hand over her forehead as if to beat the evil thought out of her mind.
"You're so weird," he muttered, tugging her elbow until her hand was pulled away from her brow. He brought her limb over his shoulder and laced their fingers together. Kallen finally looked over at him when he rested his stubbly cheek against her hand. It seemed bizarre that this boy piloted a machine that wreaked havoc and could seem so vulnerable. The White Grim Reaper was holding her hand to soothe his battered mind. A pang of sympathy stabbed at her heart.
"I'm sorry about what happened," she murmured softly. "I didn't have any fuzzy feelings for the princess, but she didn't deserve what happened."
Kallen was too afraid to move when she heard a sniffle from the boy.
"How could I have failed her so badly? I should've been there faster," he said roughly. His free hand came up to drag through his already messy hair and pull at the roots.
"There wasn't anything you could have done, Suzaku. You said yourself that it was Lelouch's geass that did it."
His shoulders lifted with a deep breath and shuddered. Not knowing what else to do, Kallen smacked the back of his head.
"Quit hogging all the blame. There won't be enough to go around," she told him. She pulled her hand away from him and turned onto her side to scowl at the wall again. Petulantly, she wondered if he regretted kissing her. Did he wish he had fully committed himself to Euphemia? She wouldn't be surprised if he resented her for distracting him.
She was surprised, however, when his slender, strong body curled around hers on the small cot. How did the two of them fit? Her forehead was nearly pressed to the wall. She let out a small squeak when one arm went over her hips and the other hooked under her head so she was pillowed upon the bicep she had admired earlier. His fingers curled into her hair. Kallen could hardly draw breath she was so nervous.
"I did something horrible to Lelouch," he confessed quietly into her ear. His breath against her neck made her shiver. Warmth tickled her belly.
"What... what did you do?" she asked, trying to ignore the feeling of his chest pressing against her back.
"I took him to the emperor. I held him down and forced him to look at his father while his memories of Nunnally were being erased." Suzaku sounded eerily calm, but Kallen knew what poison swirled beneath it. Similar guilt slithered through her when she tallied up old sins.
"Lelouch isn't exactly a saint," Kallen replied.
"That doesn't mean I had a right to do what I did. I loathe him for killing Euphie, but that doesn't excuse what I did." His arms tightened around her.
"I know. We've all done horrible things," she said with a lump in her throat. "Do you ever just want to scream? This is all so messed up. It wasn't supposed to be like this."
The cold tip of his nose brushed against her warm neck a moment before his lips did. Kallen couldn't fathom why what she was saying warranted a kiss.
"Sometimes I wish I could give up," she confessed.
"Me too."
He nuzzled her neck again, peppering more soft kisses up to her hairline. Sparks skittered around her insides. Softly, his thumb stroked against her stomach. Under his touch she shivered. Once again she had no idea how to react or reciprocate. Between Suzaku and the wall, she had no space to move away even if she wanted to, which was a quickly dying desire.
So she let out a childish whine.
"What's wrong?"
She could feel his lips form the words against her skin.
"What the hell are we doing?" she growled.
"I'm kissing your neck," he chuckled. "You're just lying there like a cold fish."
Her elbow met his ribs sharply. "You're the one that wanted to cuddle. I never invited you into my bed."
"Well, this bed is property of the Holy Britannian Empire, but if you want me to leave I will."
"I don't even know why you're here in the first place." To most, Suzaku seemed a little simple, but he baffled Kallen. For a minute, he was silent and it gave her an opportunity to attempt to think. She had enjoyed both the kisses they shared, but over the last year she had been so sure it would never happen again. How the hell did she end up in a Britannian prison in bed with Suzaku?
"There's this pressure in my head that won't go away. I feel like I could just explode one day and kill everyone in my path," he explained. "I know we didn't spend a ton of time together and I know you don't really like me, but telling you things helps."
"Knight of Seven likes me. I really suck at this whole terrorist thing."
He shifted behind her and rested his head against hers. "Don't worry. Everyone else is still scared to death of you."
She snorted. "You better talk me up at those little meetings of yours. My reputation is important."
"I wonder how your precious Zero would react if he knew you cuddled with the enemy," he taunted lowly in her ear, squeezing her abdomen with his arm.
She shivered and elbowed him again. "If you say one word, I will render you unable to bear children."
"I don't think people like us should have children, personally."
"At least they wouldn't get bullied," Kallen pointed out, turning her head to look at him. "I mean, really, who's going to take lunch money from a kid with a wallet knife?"
Suzaku caught her lips with his in a quick kiss as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "I guess you have a point."
"God, it's been such a weird day," she groaned.
"Yeah," Suzaku said slowly. "Do you think Zero is going to come after you?"
Kallen didn't know and that worried her. Lelouch had promised, but why would he take the risk for one pilot even if it was his ace?
"I wouldn't blame him if he didn't."
Before he could make some sentimental reply, her stomach let out a low grumble. Suzaku didn't hesitate in getting off the bed. Cold air washed over her in his absence. She rolled onto her back, her cramped shoulders and neck aching to pop. The knight picked up the tray of stale food- an old bread roll and a bowl of stew- and sat by her side.
"Are you going to feed me?" she joked, batting her eyelashes up at him. Am I flirting with him? Fuck's sake, Kallen, pull yourself together.
"You shouldn't starve yourself, Kallen. You need your strength if Zero's going to leave you to fend for yourself."
Suzaku offered her his hand and helped her sit up. Taking the tray from him, Kallen picked up the spoon and obediently ate the stew. He cracked a small half-smile that almost made him look like his old self.