Hi, I do not own Glee. Please review :)
Still in between the episode of Sexy. Sorry it took so long. Hard life being a college student. Hah.
When Santana came out of her room after a long shower, she looked at her neatly made bed and on top of it was a crayon filled note which said 'Hi, San. I cleaned up and went home. I think we shoud keep our distance until we figure this with Holy Holyday. PS. I love the fakt that you keep a set of crayons in your room for me. Xo, B'
Santana sighed and sat on her bed. Her mind was full of all things Brittany and she really needed to sort shit out. She decided to blast some music so she put her iPod on shuffle. Unfortunately, it landed on Dixie Chicks' cover of Landslide. Santana lay down her bed and listened to the lyrics intently. She started crying halfway through the song. It was the perfect song for what she was feeling.
"Well, I've been afraid of changin'. 'cause I've built my life around you." she could never find another song that defined exactly what she was feeling. She thought about what people would think if they ever knew that she was in love with another girl. The thought scared her. She thought of how her abuela would react. How she would be so disappointed in her. She thought about what her parents would think. How they will never let Brittany near her if they knew. She thought about the rest of the world. Not everybody was as open minded as the people in New Directions. "But time makes you bolder, even children get older. And I'm getting older too, and I'm getting older too." but then she thought about Brittany's smile. Her beauty that made the world beautiful too. She thought about how many times Brittany would look at her in public and it took all her will not to kiss her. If only she loved her the same way that she did, maybe, just maybe, she'll have the courage.
She decided to confess to Brittany. "Fuck it. Let's do this, Lopez."
The next song, Close to You, started playing. Santana stopped the music and checked her phone. 13 messages. One from Sam saying 'I miss you.', another from Puck, wanting to hook up, a few from her cheerios friends, one from Quinn, asking if she wanted to go shopping tomorrow. There were no messages from Brittany, however. She really wanted to tell Brittany so she dialed her number. She was going to ask if she could swing by her house but it was Artie who picked up the phone.
"Hey, Santana. It's Artie." his tone was friendly.
"Oh. Wheels. Nevermind. Tell Britts I called." she snapped and ended the call.
Brittany called her a few minutes later. "San. Why'd you call?"
"Nothing. I-I..." she remembered that Artie was there. She chickened out of her plan. "Let's... Um. Let's talk to Ms. Holiday tomorrow. Bye." she ended the call. She buried her face in one of her pillows and screamed. "Fucking pussy!"
The next day, the found Ms. Holiday at hey sat on the floor with Ms. Holiday. She gave the two a warm smile. Even if Santana was still hesitant, the older lady's warm smile took some of her hesitation away.
Brittany decided to break the silence. "So, why are we sitting on the floor?"
"'Cause we're in Japan. No. Welcome to my sacred, sexy, sharing circle." Holly joked. "I want to thank you guys for confiding in me, 'cause I know this is tough. And I want to ask both of you if either one of you thinks that you might be a lesbian?" She smiled at the both of them.
Brittany frowned. Lesbian? Maybe not. She loves both Artie and Santana? Does that make her anything? "I don't know."
Santana pushed the topic away by saying something about making out with a manequin and Holly bantered about her high school fantasy. When she realized that she was getting off topic, "...Anyway, it's not about who you are attracted to, ultimately. It's about who you fall in love with."
"Well, I don't know how I feel because Santana refuses to talk about it." Brittany didn't want to confess unless Santana did too. It was scary for her too, so she pretended like she was still confused of how she feels.
Holly knew that both of them were hesitant to put it into words. "Okay. Well, I know talking about feelings can be really hard, so, I have an idea. Why don't you guys find a song and see if maybe the lyrics of the song can help you start a dialogue going." she knew that they were both from the glee club so she guessed that'll give them something.
Santana remembered Landslide. It was the perfect opportunity, the perfect song. "I could be down with that. I have the perfect song. There's just one problem, though; Britt and I may need your help to sing it."
Holly smiled smugly. "I thought you'd never ask."
Holly started singing. "I took my love, I took it down. Climbed a mountain and I turned around, and I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills," Brittany was listening to every word, feeling every emotion. She was singing along too, but she was trying to understand why Santana chose this song. She looked at Artie. He returned a you're-singing-well-baby smile. "...'til the landslide brought it down. Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?" she leaned forward to see Santana looking at her, her eyes full of something mixed with fear. Looking at Santana made her forget that they were in the choir room. It felt as if they were the only two people in the world and no one was there to judge them. Then it clicked. That look, was the look Santana gives her when they were alone. She realized that her walls were down. Santana was confessing to her. Santana loved her too.
"Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?" she thought about Santana, about how she had always been her best friend. And she knew Santana's weakness, like Superman and kryptonite. Her weakness was what other people say about her. She knew that Santana grew up in an environment with judge-y people- a example being her uptight abuela. So for Santana, reputation is everything. She understood why Santana never told her. What they were about to engage in will change everything, and Santana doesn't want that. She wanted to hug Santana and tell her that it will be okay. That she, Brittany S. Pierce, will do anything to make it okay. Holly continued "Can I handle the seasons of my life?" Brittany's tears started falling too. She was facing this woman, the woman she loves, and Brittany can see the fear that she was going through. Santana was having a hard time accepting that she loves her. It pained her to see Santana like that. She wanted to reassure her that she was loved back and that she shouldn't worry what other people say because she would defend her. At that moment, Brittany knew that she, too, was just as in love with Santana, maybe even more.
The song ended and all she wanted to do was to kiss Santana's tears away. She remembered that they weren't alone and was pulled back to the real world. She took a deep breath and tried to keep her voice from cracking "Is that really how you feel?"
Santana nodded "Uhuh, yeah." She was having mixed emotions but the most dominant emotion was happiness. Happiness because she finally got it out, happiness because Brittany completely understood. She walked towards Brittany to hug her. She wanted to kiss her but she couldn't. That feeling left a lump in her throat.
"Can I just applaud this trio for exploring the uncharted world of Sapphic charm? Brava, brava." Berry had to ruin it.
"Look, just because I sang a song with Brittany doesn't mean that you can put a label on me. Is that clear?" Santana's walls came up.
Brittany frowned as Santana returned to her seat. At least she knew that Santana loved her too. As she returned to her seat beside Artie, she smiled at him, guiltily. She glanced at Santana who was seated at the back row. She didn't meet her glance back. She was looking down at the floor, her jaw tight. She had that same distant look whenever she was thinking deeply. She was about to stand up and move to seat beside Santana when Artie tapped her thigh.
"Baby, what was that song about?" he tilted his head.
"Just a misunderstanding. But it's okay now..." she glanced at Santana again, "I think? I guess we'll just talk about it later." she hoped they will.
Artie looked doubtful but he simply smiled. "You'll fix that. You're awesome."
She sighed when Artie wasn't looking anymore. How she wished that she were awesome. If she were that awesome then she would've done a lot of things differently. She looked at the clock. She was itching to get out of the room and spend some time alone with Santana. When the bell finally rang, she quickly went out of the choir room, excusing herself from Artie by saying that she had to fetch her sister, and rushed to her locker to fix her things to be able to go straight to Santana's place.