CHAPTER #18

Agent Romanoff regained consciousness, but didn't open her eyes right away. Her other senses were on hyper alert. The skin of her wrists and ankles, told her she was in restraints on a cold metal table. Her hearing said that the scientist was not alone in the room. The smell of chemicals painted a picture of a medical building or hospital. She couldn't feel the hearing device in her ear and knew the scientist had found it. For now she was on her own, but agent Barton would be on his way to her, that she knew. Testing her arms and legs carefully, she found they moved. That meant she had control of the situation. But everything changed the instant she opened her eyes and turned her head. For a moment she was taken back to a different time and a different place. The young girl she once was, shuddered in horror. Then her blood ran cold with hate and she was back to the present. She saw rows of tables with children that were strapped down. Both boys and girls, that ranged in age from around 13 to about 19 years old. They were all naked and most had tubes running from their body to machines. The few who didn't have tubes in them had been gagged. She made eye contact with the boy on her right side and then the girl on her left. The girl's eyes were dead, even though she was still alive. The boy's held terror. The part of Natasha that normally she suppressed and that only came out in nightmares, surfaced. Only her rage, kept her from loosing her mind. Instead Black Widow took over. Rapid calculations ran through her mind as she formulated a plan to get out of her restraints and help these children. She wanted to kill all the HYDRA men and the scientist in a very painful way. The promise of this is what kept her dangerously calm.

"Where am I?"

"Ah my beauty you are awake," the scientist said, making sure to stand on her left side, still believing she was deaf in the other ear.

She shut down her emotions and put on her act. "What… what are you going to do to me?" Pretending to be a helpless, useless woman, bought her time.

"Perfecting my serum… and having some fun," he laughed.

"You are a sick, disturbed monster!" She hissed.

He smiled, "to you maybe, but these children love me and my employer thinks I am a genius."

When he began to remove her dress, her mind shrieked at her to act, but she had to wait just a little longer. She knew that Hawkeye would give her a sign and then she would react. Her hand was almost free of the left restraint. And one hand was all she needed. She kept him talking, which distracted him. He wanted to feel dominant and powerful, with her words she made him feel exactly that. The scientist fell under the spell of the Black Widow. The web she weaved, eventually had him releasing one of her hands. He'd told her enough that Director Fury would be happy, so she would kill him and everyone in the building that was not a child, when the opportunity arose.

While the Black Widow did her work, Hawkeye did his. He needed to distract the guards, so he put an arrow head into the ceiling by the fire alarm. Later he would engage it and the fire it created, would set off the alarm, while he was in another part of the building. He had located Natasha, by finding the tracker from the scientist. He was in the rafters up in the ceiling of the industrial building. The lights that were hanging from those beams, were so bright that no one could see him up there. He saw agent Romanoff was tied down, but one hand was free and the other was close behind. He set off the arrow head he had planted and a minute later the fire alarm went off.

As soon as the alarm sounded, Black Widow was free of her restraints and had choked the scientist unconscious. The guards that were near by called in for re-enforcements, then came in to stop her, but they had no chance. She held nothing back and went on a killing rampage. Hawkeye came down from above, took out two guards who tried to escape and then went to release the children. Only ten of the twenty children were alive.

"We're here to help you. Those of you who can walk, help the others. Take the clothing and shoes off the guards and put it on," Hawkeye instructed the children.

One of the little girls cried, "we're all going to die!"

He crouched down and put a shirt on her, "not on my watch. Now that all of you have some clothing on, listen close. My partner and I will go first. Then we will call you to follow. If I tell you to run, you run and don't stop. Don't look back either, just go. Understand?"

They all nodded, terror still fresh in their eyes, but a hint of hope began to seep in. That's all Hawkeye needed to see. He looked around and agent Romanoff was already heading towards a door.

"Follow me in single file," he said and the children obeyed.

As they came to the door, he saw that agent Romanoff was killing the HYDRA men. That told him that she wasn't in as much control as he had hoped. The Black Widow was on a blood rampage.

"Don't look at the bodies, keep your eyes on my back."

Two of the older boys didn't obey and wished they had, after they saw a man's jugular ripped out of his throat. As much as they had wanted that very thing to happen, seeing it for real, was a different story. One boy vomited after passing the body.

The more bodies they passed, the more worried Hawkeye became, that Black Widow had lost her mind. When they finally got to the outside of the building, he contacted Director Fury. Their agents would arrive in twenty minutes to help the children. He told them to go across the street and hide in the alley. When people showed up with jackets that said S.H.E.I.L.D. on them, these were people that worked with him and would help them.

"Please don't go", one of the teenagers said.

"I have to help my partner. You'll be safe here, I promise."

Another boy said, "who are you?"

"I'm Hawkeye. Be safe children." He waited to make sure they slipped into the darkness and were well hidden. Then he ran back to the building they had just left.

Black Widow couldn't stop killing. Anyone who tried to run away, only made it a few steps. Necks were broken until she picked up their knives and guns. Some were shot dead, others died with a knife in their eye socket. Others died more slowly, bleeding out from wounds that looked like an animal attack. Once no more HYDRA agents were left, she went back to the lab for the scientist.

Hawkeye knew she would do so. He'd already restrained the scientist, who was still unconscious. "Natasha you cannot kill him. Director Fury wants him alive."

"Get…out…of…my…way."

He looked her over, she was covered in blood and guts, from head to toe. Her eyes were wild. He'd seen her like this only once before. He needed to get her out of there, before the S.H.E.I.L.D. agents arrived. If they saw agent Romanoff like this, they would lock her up and that would make her worse. He could loose her then and that he wasn't willing to do.

"Agents are on their way for the scientist. I have orders to take him outside." He stood between her and what she wanted. Lucky for him, she wasn't in her usual gear. She'd hate him for it tonight, but he used a taser head arrow on her. Next he called the S.H.E.I.L.D. agents that had come for the children, to get the scientist.

"Fury wants his research too," agent Matts said. "Where's agent Romanoff?"

"She's trying to get the research," Clint lied.

"Get her out of there and report back when you're clear." Agent Matts left.

Hawkeye ran back into the building. Part of it was on fire and he was there to make sure it spread. Next he stripped a body and put the clothing on agent Romanoff. He carried her to a HYDRA vehicle, hot-wired it and took her to their hotel. Once they were inside, he had to get her conscious, so they could leave before S.H.E.I.L.D. came looking for them. When he put her in the shower, he turned on the cold water, stepping back.

Natasha swore, "what the …..," she unleashed profanity in various languages.

"We need to leave right now. Clean up, change and let's go," Clint said.

She gasped for breath, wild eyes looking around until they landed on him. Natasha said nothing, she couldn't. Part of her mind was still reliving her past. She nodded, showing understanding, then did as he said.

While she was in the shower, he packed their things. He left behind all the electronic devices; tracker arrows, communication ear pieces, cell phones and computer. He called down to the desk and told them to hold it for Maria Hill, knowing Fury would send his second in command. He put through an order of food and told hem to make it to go. Then got airplane tickets for a flight out. When Natasha was ready, they left. She did everything he asked without complaint, as she wasn't really there.

"Thanks for taking care of this," Clint said to the clerk and then gave him a huge tip.

A cab ride, two plane rides and a drive in a jeep, finally brought them to where Clint wanted. "We're here." He used a phone that Tony Stark had given him after they had defeated the Chitari. "It's me and Natasha needs a little help."

CHAPTER #19

Since Natasha had trusted Tony Stark with her privacy, so now Clint did too. "We're dropping off the S.H.E.I.L.D. radar for a while," he said after explaining her state of mind. "You're sure no one can find us here, except you?"

"I'm sure. I checked all satellite imaging and you cannot be seen. Let me know if I can help otherwise."

"Well I have a sample of her blood I need tested, just to make sure she wont get really sick later."

"Meet me at the bottom of the mountain, tomorrow afternoon," Tony sighed.

"Thanks," Clint said and hung up. "Nat?"

She hadn't moved since getting out of the jeep. She looked at him when he said her name, but said nothing. After the adrenaline had left and she was no longer hunting HYDRA men, her mind dwelled on the scene. But it was not present day that was haunting her while she was awake, it was the past. Seeing those children, had triggered something inside her. Mind and emotions were exposed. She tried to shut them down, but it didn't work, not this time.

Clint knew the next few days would be dangerous to be around her, but he hadn't abandoned her before and he wouldn't now. If anyone could help her now, it was him. He got her to follow him, "come on in and check out the cabin. I stay here when I need to get away and relax. It's not as fancy as your compound, but it's comfortable."

He unlocked the door to the wood cabin. It was tucked away under a bunch of trees, so from overhead a low flying plane couldn't even see it. It was painted to match the trees and on the ground it blended into the mountain side. No cloaking mirrors, just paint that camouflaged. It wasn't a small cabin. It had electricity due to solar panels hidden on the mountain, running water and a fully functional kitchen and bathroom. There was a fireplace to help keep the place warm. One bedroom and a loft with another bed, a small living room with a table and chairs, that doubled as the dining room.

The normality of it all, finally had Natasha speak. "How do you have running water?"

His plan was working already. "The mountain has a spring. The piping taps into that underground, so that there is always running water."

"That's brilliant. How come I never knew about this place before?" Natasha asked.

"We all have our secrets," Clint smirked.

He dumped his pack on the floor, took out his bow and quiver. He placed them on pegs by the door. "You can hang your guns here if you want," Clint said pointing to some empty pegs.

She nodded and did as he had. Then watched him go to a cupboard, pull out a bottle of vodka and whiskey, two glasses and put them on the table. Next he checked the freezer and fridge to see what they had for food. He took something frozen out of the freezer and put it on the counter. Next she watched him sit down at the table, he waived her over.

"You're going to tell me what happened back there in Manilla, even if it takes all day and all night," Clint said gently as he poured her a glass of the clear alcohol.

"You saw what happened Clint," she replied.

He gave her a look, downed his shot and refilled both of their glasses. "Black Widow lost control and went on a killing rampage. Why?"

Natasha tried to dodge his questions, but he knew her skill and it didn't work on him this time. Eventually she answered him, "it reminded me of my past and I had a chance to make them pay. They were hurting us."

As she talked, he refilled her glass. He knew she'd try to drink herself numb and not answer his questions, so he kept the bottle and decided when to refill her glass. The light outside faded as the sun moved behind the mountain and trees, but she still was refusing to open up. He didn't relent. He made them diner, but his questions continued. When Natasha got agitated, he waited her out. She had no where to hide or run, so this time he'd make her open up about her past demons.

"When the man sits on your chest in your dreams, that was real?" Clint asked.

"Yes."

"Does he force you to do things you don't want to do?"

Again she answers, "yes."

"So you have no control, you are powerless and he can do whatever he wants to you?"

Tears begin to pour down her face, but no other emotion showed. "Yes."

"And he does. He does vial things to you. Your mind is screaming for him to stop?"

"Yes. Some sounds came out of me, like an animal in a trap." Her body was shaking uncontrollably, "it turned him on, because he knew I was fighting him."

Clint was having a hard time not reacting to the information, but he had to show nothing and keep his voice monotone. "So how did you not loose your mind?"

"I did," she sobbed. "I had an out of body experience. I floated above myself, watching everything, but not feeling it. It was the only way to escape. The next time he did it, I focused on hate and killing him."

Now Clint had to ask the hardest question, "do you blame yourself for what happened? Do you feel guilty?"

"YES! Damn it!" Natasha screamed, completely falling apart, crumpling to the floor in the middle of the cabin.

He finally took her into his arms. She fought him, screamed at him, but he held on. He knew she'd been trained to never let out her emotion, to always control it. Years of repressing it all, was coming out. She was a raw nerve, but unlike Banner it couldn't manifest into a raging green giant that smashed everything in it's path. This was different than the last time he had saved her from herself, because he had never really understood. After Loki took over his mind, forcing him to do things he didn't want to do and being helpless to control what was happening, that changed his perception.

Clint forced her to look at him, in the eyes, while he explained. "You were a child, you had no choice. Nothing you could do would have changed what happened. Even now, with all your training and skills, if you're body was drugged to be immobile, there is nothing you can do. You should have no guilt or blame, the adults who put you in that position, who abused you…. it's all on them. They are not normal, but monsters."

Her eyes searched his and saw no pity, just understanding and strength. "Are you sure? It's not on me? I should've run away, fought them until my death, before the needle entered my flesh."

"Not on you. Even if you had fought them, they were in control the whole time and would have stopped you. From what you have told me, there was no chance to do any of that. But talking about it to me, not reliving it in your dreams, that you can change. Don't let them win in the end. You're a strong woman and you can stop their hold on you. You work for the 'good guys' and you protect the innocent. You can kick any man's ass, even aliens and monsters too."

Natasha sighed and slumped in his arms. She was spent and a little drunk. "I'm so tired," she said.

Clint picked her up and put her on the bed, of the ground level room. "Rest now Tasha."

"Clint… thank you…but don't go… please."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here. Go on, sleep now." He didn't get onto the bed with her and didn't stay in the room. But the door was left open. He was sure this would be one night, that she wouldn't need him to wake her.

He put some wood into the fireplace and got a fire going. The way the trees hung over the chimney filtered the smoke and dispersed it, so no one could see it's plume in the air. He put away the bottles and did the dishes. After changing into his track pants and t-shirt, he sat in the living room, just watching the dancing flames, he ended up passing out on the couch.

Natasha had the dream again, but this time she said "NO, it's not my fault," and the dream faded away, without waking her. Finally she had defeated their hold on her mind. She was free of her demons.

The next few days, they spent at the cabin. Her blood work ended up being okay, so no health worries. She still had the dream, but it wasn't as bad and eventually they stopped too. When she had fully returned back to her normal self, they talked about what they would report to Director Fury for their absence. Then they left the cabin and went back to Manhattan, before calling for transport back to the airship.