A/N: This chapter is in the older Gohan's POV (the human half).

And I would like to thank carbear828 and pond-centurion for following and moneypeter11. I would like thank Ryven flame dancing saiyan and pond-centurion for reviewing.

Now without further ado, please enjoy!

The yelling doesn't even enter my head, not even a whisper I can hear of my own voice. I'm so tired; tired of the fighting. What doesn't my younger looking self realise? I don't want to fight any-more. He won't hear any of it.

All the past does is bring up painful memories, of the way I use to be. I wasn't a disappointment, I was happy, until I became a monster which was my own fault. I wanted revenge so bad that I hurt myself along the way. I blame that part of myself, but I know it wasn't his fault.

I was the one who wanted Cell's blood on my hands. I wanted to make Dad proud, I couldn't disappoint him. With everything I had done as I child, all I was defined as was a weak, useless child.

I needed to try to prove myself not only to my Father and to everyone and to myself included, that I wasn't afraid to protect the ones I love. I had let down people too many times before. Too many times I've given into the fear that I feel within me.

Everyday I would wake up wondering who would save me. Training with Dad I found a way through all of that, but it seems I am not over this fear any-more.

As much as I try, I will never be anything like my Father. It was everything to me, to try and be like him. When he died I lost my purpose because it's hard to be someone when they're dead. Plus it is difficult to be like a ghost, who you no longer see anymore because they have become invisible and they are forever gone.

Life has become more difficult. I wouldn't admit that to myself as I blocked and numbed out the pain and burdened the other side of myself with it.

My Saiyan side, I felt so sorry for. He dealt with it all and I would give it back to him, but I can't. He could've stayed in a cage – but my stupidity got the better of me. I forgot I locked him up, making me forget who I once was.

I'm angry, but it all towards myself. I am the reason Daddy is dead. I didn't get to say goodbye and he didn't hear any words come out of my mouth, only out of the other side of me.

"That doesn't mean I don't need you!"

I remember those last words. They were the last words I let them mutter. I never got to say I love you or even attempt to even use my own head to say my opinion. Whether or not my Father intended it, I felt abandoned and alone. I needed him, but he saw no need for his useless son who murdered him.

As soon I shut them out, I forgot about them within a week. And after the fight with Bojack, he became a ghost, the one that stands in front of me today. And so the blame I once had for myself disappeared and was placed onto the other side of me, who I had forgotten.

I'm so scared now. I can't believe I did this without realising it. I don't even know who I am any-more and when I am one persona, I at least knew who I was. As whole as I am, I am lost, and left without an identity. I am simply the 'human'; the stupid idiot at fault for all this mess.

Fighting has never been in my human blood. All I wanted was to make my parents proud and it seems I might have messed that up, considering it is possible I might be dying in less than a year's time.

What do I explain to Mum? 'I'm dying because I'm an idiot of a son and I was tired of a part of myself'. And what on Earth do I tell Goten? 'Your brother is going to die before he has a chance to see you grow up because when he was younger, your brother was a moron! Plus he denied a part of himself and you never got to know your real brother…and when I die, you'll never know him as person, but as a failure and a ghost '.

All it ends with is how much of an idiotic person I really am. I have never been my true self. Even the hatred towards my other half wasn't completely intentional or justified. I don't know who I will become when I do become myself again; through death or fighting. I don't want to know…

The reality of it all is I'd rather die than fight. I am a Human not a Saiyan, I don't want to fight – I want to quit.

I hope you enjoyed that. I do apologise for not updating this sooner. I update this story on deviantart before this fanfiction (as I only have to worry about coding, whereas pressing enter on fanfiction can get tiresome).

I also have other stories I have not begun to upload as it might take some time to do so (I know I really should). Also I have written a series that goes along with this-it is called: That Sad Look I See In His Eyes. The series correlates with this one and has different points of views that will give more depth to the story. It will up with the first two chapters.

Thank you for reading! Until next time!

- Pink Sparkles