Before you read I would like to thank seti31 for adding this story to your favourites.
This chapter is in the 'human' side of Gohan's POV. I hope you all enjoy!
"Well look at what we have here." Vegeta looks in astonishment towards me and the younger version of myself, "So it is happening." He declares.
My teary eyes stare at Vegeta, "Me dying. I knew that!" I'm not stupid you know. My grades speak for something!
"You are going to be the problem." Vegeta states, I have no idea what he means by that. How can I be the issue?
"Me?" I question. I need to know why he thinks I am the 'problem'.
Vegeta expands, "Well you see, I can tell you'd rather die than go through any pain."
How does he know anything? He doesn't know what I have been through or any of what I've overcome! He's such a know it–
"What?" The Ghost of former self looks in shock, "You want to quit! After all I have been through! You want to quit!"
"Yes!" I yell. I feel my soul burn in a fire that even isn't there to begin with. I can't do it any-more –I can't live with this pain. I know I have set my Saiyan self off. This might not end well…
"Really? After everything that has happened! Did you ever think about Dad?" His words hit a nerve deep within my soul, "do you want to explain when we die and go to other world 'I gave up'. What kind of person are you? You're supposed to be a man, but you have the spirit of a child," the spirit looks down at himself, "never mind."
"So how are we going to do deal with this?" Vegeta asks.
"I don't even know! Every side of us has to fight. I can't do it alone. Plus it is kind of hard considering the state of my body and all." The younger version of me screams.
"I can't" I confess, "I can't fight. "I just can't do it anymore. All it does is causes pain. I remember when I was kidnapped. That was because Raditz wanted to fight Dad, then there was Namek, Garlic Junior, Cell and Bojack…every one of them involved fighting. They wanted a challenge – I am not filling any shoes for an adversary.
"Well I sure as hell can't in this state! Hello! I'm a ghost!" I know he would. He is the fire that sparks within us. From when we were whole it was like lighting a fire; letting off a chemical reaction. I felt free, not constricted. I felt so powerful…the idiotic mistakes I've made haven't just ruined me, but all of me. Dende, I am an idiot!
"You're going to die Gohan, are you willing to deal with that?" Vegeta says in a soft tone, which is completely out of character for him and even calling me by my name instead a stupid remark is so unlike him.
"Well I am not – I'm not facing our Daddy and telling him that I gave up because I haven't – I won't!" The spirit yells at me making me feel something I haven't for so long: hope.
I forgot what I was like when I was younger. I was hopeful and optimistic and definitely persistent. I remember when I was whole and I transformed into a super Saiyan – I felt so much pain, but once I could control it, I felt so alive.
So…why can't I feel like now? Is it because I feel dead inside? Dad was there, but now he is dead. I wonder what things would be like, if he were here now.
"Well you've got to decide sometime." Vegeta explains, "You will either die or live. Really it is up to you, but you need to take into account the other side of your self's opinion.
"If you were to give up life and I was to die – I will find a way to murder you in death." He growls staring me in the eye without blinking. I know he would find a way to kill me from beyond the dead, there are some things I know about myself. I know one of them was not giving up; my Saiyan side was always to resilient one.
"What is going on?" A familiar voice speaks, "what in the –"
"Hi Piccolo! It's been a long time! It's been what? Six? Seven years?" Oh my – he just said that. I am going to get into so much trouble. Wait for it… I will get a scalding or lecture from Piccolo. And whose fault is it? Mine it is, no doubt about that.
Piccolo looks in complete puzzlement, "Why are their two of you Gohan?"
I look in disappointment as I can't form words in my mouth. I however see the younger version of myself reply in anger, "Let's see – my human half decided it would be fun for me to deal with the pain for the past six to seven years and not once have I been able to stretch my legs." He ruffles his own golden hair in annoyance, while giving me a death glare, "Now Piccolo finally gets an explanation on why we haven't been a regular visitor."
"What Gohan?" He looks at me in shock, "why?" He asks lost for words.
My mentor, the first person who taught me to fight is disappointed. All I have wanted was to make everybody proud. I remember when training with him at four years old, how much I was scared I would let him down and disappoint him. It meant so much to me that I kept going, not for myself, but for him. I needed to make him proud. I don't know why, it's just something I had to do.
"I couldn't deal with the ache in my heart any-more! I couldn't deal with fighting as it never got me anywhere! I didn't want to be two people – I wanted to be one." I scream.
All fighting ever did for me was cause me to hurt. I let people down and all the fighting was for two primary reasons: to save and protect the planet and to make Dad and Piccolo proud. Clearly I haven't pulled off either of those feats.
If Dad saw me now, he would be able to see from a galaxy away what a disappoint I have become. I feel sorry for the people who have to look at me. I've become too dark in their eyes. I am not the same person I was years ago, I wish I was though. I wouldn't be a disappointment, I would be a hero.
I always liked that title, though it never really fit me. It only fit one person…Daddy.
Piccolo tries to preach to me. He wants me one person again, "Well that is too bad Gohan! You were born the way you were and you need to accept it! There was a reason you were born into this world. You are worth something! But what about your Father? What will he think of this?"
"That his son is weak." Vegeta says without any hesitation.
"He has no problem with thinking that Vegeta – I don't either. Strength isn't the most important thing to us. It's that we don't want to be a disappointment. We both want to make the people in our lives proud. We would do it no matter the cost and sometimes along the way we lose our way, which we certainly did."
His words are so true. They are full of strength and courage. I don't know how I even resemble him in anyway, besides being the same person.
"I want to know Gohan? Why have you let a whole part of you become separated?" Piccolo demands making steps towards me. I attempt to back away.
"He couldn't deal with the grief Piccolo."
"What?" Piccolo questions in disbelief, "from what?"
"When Daddy died." My younger self explains sadly. I can't move my mouth open, it hurts way too much.
"Care to elaborate?" Piccolo wants an answer. He is so much confused. I can't give him the answer; I don't think I can say the words without breaking into tears.
"Well my chummy, bigger brother here blocked me out. When he did this, the pain he felt was all inflicted upon me, all at once. Instead of it being shared, I was burdened with it for years, still I feel that pain." He explains. How cn I even look at Piccolo's face. He is going to be disappointed in me.
Piccolo speaks "You blocked yourself out Gohan! How–"
My younger looking self interrupts, "Don't berate him Piccolo. It will only make it worse. I don't know if he will cooperate or not, otherwise we will die. Though I can say is–
"You're dying?" Piccolo looks with wide eyes and with sadness.
"We've been separated for years. Why do you think there is a ghost looking version of Gohan staring at you? How can I talk to you otherwise?" Piccolo stares down at my eleven year old self.
"How can I prevent your death?" Piccolo demands, more like pleads.
"Well that would involve convincing my full grown self to get will back to live. He is really to die without a fight. I can't do it alone, believe me." The eleven year old sighs.
"Why?" Piccolo stares at me. He then looks to my younger self, "can I ask what happens if you were to die?"
"Well we won't be able to be wished back as it is self-inflicted and will be known as suicide. Basically we will become one by force; by dying or by trying; fighting."
"We have a lot of work to do!" Piccolo announces.
"Start with him." I flinch as my spirit stares down at me with his teal eyes. They are just like Daddy's…
"I agree," Vegeta finally makes his voice present, "we need to start with the pathetic human. He should realise that if he wants to have any sort of future, he must fight. If he is so intent in not letting people down, then he must put his own foot down, while he still has the chance."
"Already it is late," I hear my younger self speak, "Piccolo we have about less than a year to live."
"Oh no," Piccolo looks in panic, "this isn't good." He speaks to himself.
"What is it?" Vegeta looks in confusion.
"You have less than a year right Gohan?" Piccolo asks.
"Yes, but what is it? How bad is it?" I keep myself silent as the Saiyan side of me asks the questions.
"I've been informed about a threat around the time of the Martial arts tournament." Piccolo says. It makes me flinch. I don't want to fight! What doesn't anyone get?
Vegeta states, "So we kill them and send off to hell with Frieza."
"That's the problem Vegeta," Piccolo growls and tries to hide his panic, "I was informed that Gohan needs to be there as he will be the one to fight this threat."
"That's absurd!" Vegeta crosses his arms, "I am stronger than him."
"He has more power to access unlike you Vegeta. I came over here to take Gohan to the Hyperbolic time chamber, but clearly I don't think that is the greatest idea now."
"Why the hell not?" Vegeta demands.
"Because he will die sooner, the stress of that place will make him die prematurely, probably twice as quickly." Piccolo explains.
"Great! What the hell are we going to do now? That tournament is in about a month's time! You blasted idiot! We have barely any-time to prepare this half-breed." Vegeta clinches his fists.
"More pressure great." I hear my Saiyan half mutter, "Now the likely hood of getting the human to work with me is lessened!"
"Gohan," Piccolo looks towards me, "are you willing to fight? Or am I going to need to drag you into the wilderness? Or am I going to have to beat you to the bloody pulp until you fight me? The decision is yours. Please do keep in mind that your little brother will wonder why his older brother will not protect him when he has the power too." He makes me flinch at the thought of Goten.
Goten…my little brother. One of the only things that won't leave me…he will leave me if I don't protect him. How can I when I am so weak?
"I promise I will protect you, no matter what. You can't see me during the day, but at night I'll chase your nightmares away. I will fight for you no matter what. I don't care what any other person says; you are the most important person in my life. My heart is alive because of you. One day you will be able to say words back to me and then you will say I love you. I am your big brother; I will always protect you, no matter the cost. I will always be there for you."
I hear words that aren't my own. I see my eleven year old self wink at me. This is his memory? He said this to Goten as a baby.
I love Goten with all my heart, so why does it hurt so much. Why can't I let go?
"You're afraid"
I've always been scared. And now I've got to walk into the unknown terrified. I have to protect him; even if I don't want to fight at all.
"Thank you."
There we go! This is the following chapter. I can't believe though I'm posting this before deviantart for a change (which is strange for me). I'm unsure of when the next chapter will be written by, either in two to three weeks as I will probably post another chapter for the Sad Look I See In His Eyes.
I hope everyone is having a lovely day/afternoon/night! :)
Until next time,
- Pink Sparkles