Lila and I talked late into the night, or I suppose you could say early into the morning. Kale was awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling when I returned to our room, but he said nothing. Just stared off as if the ceiling were an endless sky. Just stared off as if it weren't another boring ceiling in our dying Seam. Everyone was dying. We were all just at different stages. But from the very moment we were born… we began dying.

I tried explaining my thoughts to my brother once, but Kale just told me to shut up, to stop focusing on death and focus on taking care of our mother.

I always had mixed emotions on that.

Being told I was obsessed with death. Being told I had to take care of the woman who was supposed to take care of us. Being expected to act as a son, an older brother, and as the man my father had refused to be. I don't know what happened to him. I barely remember him. He disappeared according to my mother after Kale was born. I think he killed himself. That he couldn't handle living such a boring life. Because I remember the stories he used to tell when I was still barely walking along the dusty floors of our tiny home. Or maybe he disappeared into the woods, the world beyond the fence.

Either way, he was dead.

I rustled through the trunk at the end of my bed, determined to look my best for the day. The Reaping. Everyone always looked their best, seeing as the mayor would have anyone who showed up in their nighties or uniforms beaten after the ceremony.

Definitely didn't want that.

There was still a few hours until the ceremony, but I couldn't rest. I knew nothing was going to happen to us. But it was the Quarter Quell… The second one. If it were like the first one, like my mother had told Kale and I in bedtime stories, how they voted the tributes, everyone I loved would be just fine. The District would be a much better, a much safer place. We'd vote in the bullies, the slackers. If only we could vote them all in.

I couldn't stop my mind, it was travelling so fast. Faster than an arrow in the arenas.

What if this year… what if this year they only had volunteers? Or what if they doubled the winnings? Or if they took all the tributes from the top Districts? What if this year they gave us a break? What if this year, there were no games?

What if this year they just eradicated District 12 and the other outlying Districts?

They wouldn't do that…

But they could.

The new President was fierce. He called himself Snow. But with his dark hair and beady little eyes, only his cold demeanor reminded me of the name. He made children cry with his fierce tone, and whenever he came on the television with his ice queen latched onto his arm, he made me sick. Lila said she felt the same way when we discussed it once. And then she flung herself onto my arm, acting all airy and diseased as if she were the President's wife. The memory made me smile.

I'd walked her home, held her hand, kissed her on the cheek and snuck in through her window to tuck her in before saying goodnight. She'd probably be asleep until just before the reaping. She loved sleeping. She'd sleep her whole life away if she could… She could. If I were called in the reaping. If maybe… maybe I were called and if I won, then we could get married and fill the empty town with our love and our families. Together. We could have our own family.

If life were a fairytale.

I chose the clothes quickly, there wasn't much to pick from. Faded gray pants that were starting to show my ankles, an old white shirt, burned at the tail from a few years ago when Kale was learning how to light matches. It was one of the few times I remember my mother showing emotion. She smiled and winked at me when I was about ready to kill him. I just wanted to dress to impress Lila… I was so mad at her when she laughed that day, the reaping when we were thirteen, just a few months after we'd met.

"Haymitch?"

Kale's voice made me jump. I was so lost in thought that I'd forgot he was there. He was ten. Safe from the reaping just a few more years. And I was determined he'd never have to worry about it. As soon as I finished school, I planned on getting into politics. I didn't have the name or past for it… but I had a decent reputation. I was determined. Kale would never go to sleep hungry again. He'd never worry, never fret. He'd be fine.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping? Big day. You have to help mom cook after the reaping, don't you?" Every year she helped cook for the family's of the tributes. It was her thing. Her way of coping.

"I can't. I'm scared." I could hear the fear in his small voice, dry from the lack of water we'd had lately. It'd been a nasty drought this year.

"Hey now, you don't get to be scared, bud. You're an Abernathy!" I crossed the small space between our beds and sat at his feet. "What are you scared of?" He fidgeted his feet through the blanket against my thigh.

"What if you get-"

"I won't."

"You didn't even let me fin-"

"Because I knew what you were going to say. I'm not going to get called today. I'm going to stay here. I'm going to take care of you and mom and finish school and everything is going to be okay. We'll be fine."

"But… that's what Peter's family thought last year. He told me in class the other day that his mom hasn't left her room all week because of the reaping and he told me about how much they miss Patch and I don't know what we'd do without you we need you."

"I'm not going anywhere, squirrel meat." I growled and grabbed his small feet through the blanket. He squealed and immediately slapped his hand over his mouth. I pressed a finger to my lips.

"None of that, brat. You're gonna wake up mom." He smiled. "I'm gonna get ready and head out for a bit. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay." I tussled his shaggy sandy hair.

"Go back to bed, don't turn into a bed bug. I will kill you if you bite me." He snapped his jaw at me. "Don't tempt me, I still need to extract my revenge for my shirt that you burned –"

"But that was years-"

"Shhhh. Back to sleep. Now." He pulled the thin sheet over his head and murmured a muffled goodnight.