Authors' Notes: (We do not own the characters from the Avengers. Others that show up though are ours.) This story is based off of notes taken by Clint and Thor. It was then written by Thor and Bruce. More details at the end.
Trying Again
"So, are we going to try and make another cake?" Steve asked as they watch Tony's attempt at cleaning.
"I'd like to," muttered Bruce, "but if you guys aren't up for the idea..."
"Quit while you're ahead, that's all I've got to say," cut in Clint. There was a silence for a moment.
"Nay, my friends! We must not give up!" Thor exclaimed. "So what if the first time it did not work, we must keep trying until it does!"
"Isn't that definition of insanity? Repeating the same action, and expecting a different outcome?" Tony asked pointedly.
"This time won't be the same, though," Steve informed him, "because this time, you're not getting anywhere near the cake, Stark."
"Are we really going to try this again?" Clint asked.
"Yes," Steve said, speaking with more authority than the situation probably called for.
"Cool," Bruce nodded.
"Great," said Clint.
"Huzzah!" cried Thor.
"Oh, boy," Tony put in.
So Bruce began to rummage through Tony's cupboards looking for flour. He'd brought the ingredients for the first cake with him, and he couldn't really find any replacements in Tony's kitchen. But instead he came across some expensive and strange looking Asian pastry mix. It was bound to have a flourish substance in it, right?
"Can we even use this stuff?" Bruce asked, as he tried to read the ingredients in Chinese. If Pepper was saving it for something, he didn't want to just commandeer it thoughtlessly. And it did look quite costly.
"Of course, it's not like we're in the Great Depression or anything," Tony assured him.
There was the distinct sound of breaking ceramic. Everyone looked over and saw Steve, holding a crushed bowl in his hands. The glare he was giving Tony made the others take a step back.
"Don't go there, Stark," he said.
"What? It's true," Tony pointed out.
"I've had to put up with you all day, Stark, don't push it," said Steve in a dangerously low voice.
"Are you still upset about how I made fun of the little musical number you used to do? The one I found on YouTube, before the guys showed up? Really, Captain, you need to get over it." Tony seemed oblivious to Steve's tone or expression.
"Stark. . ." Steve began.
"I mean, those USO girls were cute, but they were nothing compared to my Ironettes," Tony continued.
"Are you two really fighting over who has the better showgirls?" Clint asked, incredulous.
"That's not what I'm talking about, Stark. And, no, we're not fighting," Steve replied.
"Ohhhh! So you're upset about the other thing," said Tony.
"What other thing?" Clint wanted know.
"When I said that the idea of putting the American flag in a cake is stupid," Tony explained.
"You think it's stupid?" Bruce asked, a little hurt. He'd been proud of the cake.
"Yeah, in fact I think the idea of full grown man making any form of cake is stupid..."
No one was really prepared for what happened next, perhaps because they overestimated Steve, perhaps because they underestimated Tony. But at any rate, that marked the first time that Captain America tackled Iron Man. It was anyone's guess how long the fight would have lasted, had Pepper Potts not walked in that very moment.
"Hey, guys, I got the chicken . . ." She froze in the doorway. Pepper took one look around at Tony and Steve wrestling on the floor, Bruce desperately trying to stay calm off to the side, and Clint and Thor taking bets on who was going to win the fight (the former while perched on top of the fridge) and got to work. The first thing Pepper did was order Clint to take Bruce out to get the rest of the groceries from her car. That would give her enough time to sort out what was going on without the threat of a full-on Hulk-out accruing. Next, she ordered Thor to separate and restrain the two blunder heads. Lastly, Pepper smacked Tony in the back of the head, quite hard.
"What was that for?" Tony cried.
"Whatever it is you did, apologize," was all she had to say on the matter.
Finally, the boys managed to get the second cake in the oven. By this point, Thor and Clint had gotten hungry, so they began munching on the snacks Pepper had left on the counte. Bruce, too, was happily eating the rice krispie treats. Things were fairly quiet and content, so of course Tony had to make another rude remark. This one was directed at the Asgardian.
"When you die, I will make sure you are not sung about in the halls of Valhalla. Personally," Thor retorted, shoving a chocolate into his mouth.
"Yeah, well, then you can't have any Sprite. Seriously," was Tony's comeback. Everyone just kind of stared. "No, really, you can't have any," he continued. Bruce burst out laughing.
Seconds later a young man walked through the kitchen, swiping a cup of soda as he passed. Bruce and Steve, focused on cleaning the countertops, didn't notice. Tony and Thor barely blinked at him. Clint stood with his mouth hung open. The guy was wearing nothing more than a pair of low riding short shorts and an open button down shirt.
"Uh . . ." Clint turned to Tony awkwardly. "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh, that's just Alan, the 25-year old stripper." Clint stared at him for a moment before responding.
"So, do you-so you have bothgenders in your…uh…on your plane…in your stripper…entourage?"
"Oh, yeah, now and then," Tony replied casually.
"Do you have them when Steve'son your plane?"
"Oh, no, Steve's too prudish"
"What about the girls? Do you keep the girls?"
"No, no I don't really," Tony paused for a moment. "Yes, of courseI keep the girls!"
"Ah." Clint didn't really have anything to say to that.
"Clint," Thor asked, "may I see the notes? I have things to add."
"What notes?" Bruce wanted to know.
"Why, the notes he is writing for Natas-" Clint vaulted over the table to cover his mouth before he could finish talking.
"Nothing! He's talking about nothing!" Clint insisted.
"Are you spying on us for Natasha?" demanded Steve.
"That's low, man," Tony said.
"What are you talking about?" Clint laughed awkwardly. "I'm not doing that. That's just... a crazy idea . . ."
"Yeah, well, whatever," shrugged Tony, "Come on, Bruce, I'll teach you how to work the TV." Steve followed them to the living room.
"What the hell, Thor?" Clint whispered furiously when the others left, "The notes are supposed to be a secret!"
"I apologize. May I write my piece now?"
"No, your handwriting stucks. What do you want to say?"
"Yours is just as unreadable."
"At least I can spell! What language are you even writing in? Norwegian?"
"I am used to old Norse, not modern English," Thor said quietly and went to sit huddled behind the couch.
After Clint's multiple failed attempts to coax the blond from his hiding place, Bruce reminded Thor that he still had gifts to hand out. That turned Thor's attitude around instantly. To Tony he gave a barrel of mead. To Bruce he gave a book listing medical herbs found in the Nine Realms and their uses. To Clint he gave a quiver of arrows each spelled for different predicaments. It was immediately put outside with his bow.
"And for you, Captain," Thor said, reaching into a box, "a majestic beast!"
"Puppy!" Steve squealed in joy taking the small golden retriever from the Asgardian.
"What the hell!" Tony said. "Did that box even have air holes?"
"Thor, it's impolite to give people animals. They might not what them and then it makes them feel bad," Bruce explained.
"How was it not making noise this whole time?" Tony wanted to know.
"But I do want it!" Steve said. "Thank you!"
"It should be dead! There's not even any food in here!" Tony exclaimed.
"Steve, pets are a lot of responsibility. You have to take care of them and train them-" Bruce pointed out.
"No way in hell am I letting that thing pee in my house!" Tony said.
"You haven't even been-er-unfrozen for a year. Do you really need this kind of responsibility while you still trying to get your life back on track?" Bruce demanded.
"If it goes on the rug, I swear to God-" Tony began.
"I'll help him train it. We had all kinds of animals in the circus," Clint offered.
"-chew marks on all the furniture legs-" Tony contributed.
"Thanks for the offer, Clint. And I've raised plenty of dogs growing up and in the army," Steve pointed out.
"-if it tries to eat the-" That was Tony again.
"Are you sure you're really ready for this, though?" Bruce asked.
"-no way in hell is that thing staying here-" Tony growled.
"Bruce, I know you're trying to look out for me, but I'm ready for this. It will make this time feel like home more than anything else. I'll finally have something that's mine," Steve told them.
"-don't even get me started on what it could do to the-" Tony continued.
"All right, if you sure . . ." Bruce conceded.
Steve and Clint cheered in delight.
"-no no no no no-" Tony moaned.
"Good show, my friends, what will you name the mighty hound?" Thor asked.
"At least it's not a cat," Tony sighed.
After a lengthy and intense discussion about what the best name for Captain America's dog would be, they happened upon one purely by chance. At some point in the conversation Tony had snuck away and tied a bandana that read "Property to the USA" on the golden as a joke about Steve's patriotism. When Thor saw this, he asked who "You-sah" was and why they thought they could take Steve's puppy. After much laughing and explaining to Thor, Steve decided to indeed call the little yellow dog You-sah. Spelled USA, of course.
Still waiting for the cake to finish baking, Bruce and Tony struck up a normal science bro conversation, quickly becoming oblivious to the rest of the world. So oblivious, in fact, that Clint was able to walk up right between them without either noticing. He stood there for a moment before taking up the large bottle of Sprite and finishing it off without a cup. Empty bottle in hand, Clint sat down on a barstool next to Thor. Without telling the Asgardian what he was up to, Clint spent the next ten minutes trying to balance the bottle on Thor's head.
"Yes!" he cheered in triumph before Tony came over and knocked the bottle off.
"NO! TONY!"growled Clint.
"I saw that coming," Steve said in time with Bruce from his place on the floor with USA.
". . . and we ran out of frosting, and it kind of died, and now it looks a bit like an arc reactor," Bruce went on, explaining the pile of blue and white mush that was their second attempt at the cake.
"Yeah, a really shitty arc reactor," commented Tony, helpful as ever, "-one I could make with my eyes closed-in my sleep-while drunk-or hungover."
"You're always hungover!" Clint exclaimed.
"No! You can't be hungover if you're drunk!" announced Tony, right as Pepper walked in.
"Right. You're right."
"You better not be currently drunk, Tony," stated Pepper, leaving the same way she came in. They ended up eating the cake anyway, because it still tasted good, and somewhere along the way, the stripper Alan and one of his friends were given some as well.
Authors' Notes Con:
I MUST HAVE BANNER REVIEW THESE NOTES. I DO NOT KNOW WHERE HE WENT THOUGH.
Do we really need to put comments on every single chapter? It just seems redundant, you know?