Authors' Notes: (We do not own the characters from the Avengers. Others that show up though are ours.) This story is based off of notes taken by Clint and Thor. It was then written by Thor and Bruce. More details at the end.

Watching Movies

"Anthony Stark!" Pepper screamed.

"I'm in trouble," drawled Tony. "Bruce, make sure no one messes up the TV."

Normally the Clint is able to suppress his urge to climb on top of things. For each time he actually does sit on something there are about six times when he restrains himself. That moment, though, was not one of those times. The back of Tony's couch was calling to him, and he could deny it no longer. Unlike most couches, which just have a cushions for the back, Tony's had an adjustable platform, adjustable to any angle your neck finds comfortable, capable of being raised or lowered, turned clockwise or anticlockwise or at no angle at all. And so when Tony returned from his 'conversation' with Pepper he found Clint laying on the platform in a "Paint me like one of your French girls" pose.

"What?" Stark asked him, semi-annoyed. "Do you want me to take a picture or something?"

It was about half-way through the first Iron Man movie that Clint realized. Why it hadn't occurred to him before then is a mystery for the ages. He realized that J.A.R.V.I.S. is a fashionista. After all, Pepper does leave now and then for a business trip or for the occasional well-deserved vacation. And then, who's left to dress Tony? The billionaire obviously lacks the ability to care for himself and the time to keep up with the latest fashions of the world. Therefore, that job must fall to the ever-faithful JARVIS.

Having come to this conclusion, Clint uncovered himself from Thor's cape, which the pair of them had been using as a blanket, and rushed over to record it on his note to Natasha.

This would have annoyed everyone else-they were, after all, trying to watch a movie-except that they were already busy being annoyed by other people.

"Wait, so what's going on?" asked Alan the 25-year-old stripper.

"Shh!"

"But why did he just-"

"If you were watching the movie, and not asking questions, you would know," commented Bruce, from his place on the floor.

"It's not our fault you guys started the movie without telling us," said the guy nobody knew who had walked in 20 minutes before with Alan.

"Who the hell are you anyway?" Tony asked.

"Name's Brandon," replied the stranger, "I'm a masseur."

"A what?"

"Male masseuse," Bruce told Tony. "That's a person who gives massages," he added, seeing the odd look on Steve face. He then went on to explain what a massage is to Thor.

"Do you know any lady masseurs?" Tony inquired.

"Masseuses. Yes, of course."

"Hook me up with some and you can stay."

"TONY!"

"Stop ruining my life Pepper!"

Pepper Potts finally left after the first movie finished. (They made two documentaries just about Iron Man, and the others suspected the prospect of two more hours of watching Tony screw up his life was too daunting for her.) Still, Tony checked the security footage just to make sure she really was leaving. As she was walking out the door she said, or maybe threatened, that she'd be back in the morning.

The first thing Tony proposed they do once they were on their own was get drunk. To his surprise, that didn't really go over so well. Well, Steve can't get drunk, ever. His metabolism processes the alcohol too fast for it to have any effect. Thor's used to the drinks of Asgard so he's kind of immune to anything Midgardian, or it would take way more than Tony's (extensive) alcohol reserves to get him drunk. Clint, as it turns out, had built up a resistance to alcohol. It had to do with being a professional assassin, though he said he's been working on it since he was a kid. That revelation really made the others stop for a moment, wondering what exactly his time as circus kid was like.

So really the only people there who could get effectively drunk were Tony himself and Bruce. Nobody really wanted to see the latter drunk.

"I believe you would probably be a happy drunk, Bruce," Thor said, "You are always so gloomy, and the Hulk is your angry side. Happy must come out when you're drunk."

"Happy doesn't come out when anyone's drunk. He hates alcohol," Tony said.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Nothing," said Tony. "You know what's a really bad idea to do while drunk? Science."

"Oh, yeah," Bruce agreed. "This one time I had one too many and stumbled into a atomic collisions lab. That didn't go over well."

The others stared at him in horror for several seconds before he caught on.

"That was before the Other Guy! Way before him, back in my college days."

"Well if we're going to talk about college days," Tony began before going off on a wild tangent that no one present understood.

"You're drunk right now, aren't you?" Bruce asked.

Anyway, since the drinking idea failed, the boys went back to the kitchen to have another round of food instead. This time they were able to successfully make, or um, order, food. They'd all assumed Tony could order a pizza. Turns out that was usually Pepper's job. Still, between the five of them, they managed.

Unfortunately, they were rather less successful at keeping the stripper and the masseur from stealing the pizza. The pair had returned as soon as more food was available. Tony kept wondering where the hell they were hiding for them to be able to come and go so fast.

Over dinner, Clint and Bruce went back to berating Thor for abandoning them on the way to the party. That conversation quickly morphed into complaints and discussion of travel in general. Eventually, someone had to ask Clint how he managed to get his arrows through airport security. He didn't really answer the question.

"I don't go through security. There are other ways, you know. How do you think everyone else does it-when they don't own their own private plane?" he said, glancing at Tony. Thor, of course, replied that he preferred to fly through the sky using Mjolnir.

"Hey," said Clint, "if you wanna be up there dodging geese, be my guest, but I'm going to take more. . .established routes." His last few words went unheard-everyone was laughing too hard to listen.

Alan and Brandon decided to stick around for the second movie, which was unfortunate for several reasons. For one thing, they were just watching for the explosions. Okay, not that the Avengers themselves were wildly sophisticated film watchers, but when you're watching a movie about yourself, or a friend? At least you could pretend to care about the story. It also didn't help that they continued to ask questions every three seconds. Or that they whined whenever any of the Avengers commented. Okay, so they were telling Alan and Brandon to shut up more or less constantly, and so maybe talking themselves was a tad hypocritical. But still. Bruce and Steve both wanted to explain that, well, at least their comments were intelligent, and actually about the plot, and anyway it was their party, but explanations would waste even more time. Tony had a better idea.

"It's my house," he said, next time either complained, and after the second movie ended he managed to get rid of them for good.

Authors' Notes Con:

ORIGINALLY REFERRING TO AGENT BARTON AS "THE CLINT" WAS A MISTAKE. BUT IT WAS MOST AMUSING SO IT WAS KEPT.

MANY MONTHS AFTER THIS TALE WAS RECORDED WE DISCOVERED THAT ALAN IS ACTUALLY LADY PEPPER'S COUSIN. HE IS AROUND THE STARK HOUSE QUITE A BIT. AT THIS TIME EVEN THE MAN OF IRON DID NOT KNOW THAT. WE ALSO LEARN OVER A YEAR LATER THAT STARK DOES NOT REMEMBER HOW I WAS INVITED TO THIS GATHERING. EVEN THOUGH IT WAS HE WHO INVITED ME. YES IT IS RATHER STRANGE.

It's funny to remember the different levels of explaining I had to do of the masseur. Tony didn't recognize the French endings, Steve didn't know what a masseuse was, Thor didn't know what a massage was.

Also, come to think of it it's a bit surprising that everyone calmed down once I explained that the drunk-atomic-collisions-experiments incident was before the Other Guy. Forget a giant monster tearing the lab apart, any drunken idiot can do enough damage with that equipment.