~ chapter 4 ~

He always does that. He avoids me for the whole day after we do our duty as husband and wife. And a part of me is thankful for that. I am not as comfortable with it as I try to appear. Being intimate with him of all people, it's...revolting. Disgusting. It should be. Other people think it's sick.

I shared their opinion at the beginning, but now not as much. It's just another sacrifice and it's...bearable. We complete the task and then we pretend nothing happened. It's easier that way.

I sit alone at the table, enjoying the silence and peace.

My eyes search through the Daily Prophet, anxiously trying to find any new information about the Marriage Law. But there's none. People are still furious about it, but there are no major changes on the horizon. It does not matter anyway. Not to me.

If I think about it, I would be destroyed if the Law was banned before I die. That would mean everything was pointless, every sacrifice, every humiliation, the evil glares and rumors. I can't even imagine how horrible I would feel.

ooo

"Not now, we still have a few months," Harry shakes his head, "I mean, I love Ginny, but we are not so excited about the idea of marriage. We're too young for that."

I nod, "I understand, but you have no choice. None of us do."

"I can't believe it. This is all Voldemort's fault. Even after his death he's still messing up our lives," anger shows through his words.

I start walking faster, not wanting to be late for our next lesson, "Harry, you are lucky. You have a person you want to spend your life with. Imagine having to marry someone just because the law says so."

"Like you have?"

I tense up and stop walking.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk - " Harry starts.

"That's right. I don't want to talk about that."

He opens his mouth to reply, but finally he simply nods and smiles in understanding. I force a smile as well and we continue walking.

ooo

My stomach hurts. It's swollen or something.

I groan and quickly change into my pyjamas, wanting to go to bed early this evening. Just as I approach my bed I hear something.

Knocking.

It can't be.

Who would knock - ?

Again, I hear it. Louder this time.

Is it Snape?

It has to be him.

I quickly walk to the doors, grabbing the handle and opening them.

It really is him.

We stand like that for a couple of long moments. I wait for him to speak, to explain what is he doing here, but he's not saying anything. He is only staring at me.

And then I start to panic. Is there something on my face again? A bruise?

"May I come in?" he finally speaks, his voice low.

"Um, sure," I take a step back and he walks in.

Something is wrong. He's never visited me in my room before. I quickly turn to look at him, noticing his eyes examining my room. And he's not even trying to hide it. His look moves from my bed to my dressing table to my desk and finally he meets my eyes again.

"Is something wrong?" I ask.

He takes his time to answer and my panic only grows.

Finally he raises his eyebrows, "You tell me."

I cross my arms over my chest, "What do you mean?"

"I have just returned from Minerva's office."

I tense up again. Unable to find my voice I wait for him to continue.

"Do you know what I was doing there?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"You are not such a Know-It-All anymore, I see," he pauses for a second, "I was forced to sit and listen to her ranting and raving about me not treating you as I should."

Oh God. Has she told him anything?

"Apparently I am a horrible husband. An evil man. A bastard."

"I've never said that," I defend myself.

"I wonder where she got that idea from then?"

Looking away, I wait for him to speak again. I want to know how much he knows.

"And then I found out something very interesting," his voice is deep and almost playful, "Do you want to know what?"

I look at him, feeling my heart beating like crazy.

"My wife is a liar."

Oh God.

My throat closes up.

Somehow I still manage to force out, "What do you mean?"

He steps closer, "Your parents."

What?

"Why are your parents obliviated? Care to explain why you decided to wipe your parents' memory and make them forget you ever existed?"

A small sigh of relief escapes me. Is that all he knows?

He raises an eyebrow, "Well, Miss Granger?"

"I...that...that is none of your business."

That surprises him. I can see it.

Before he has a chance to reply, I continue, "You hate me. You don't want anything to do with me. Why should I explain myself to you?"

He is silent.

His dark eyes are glaring at me and it's hard to remain strong and decisive.

"You are hiding something from me," he whispers, "I am not an idiot, Miss Granger."

I walk past him, "I would really like to go to bed now."

"This marriage. Your parents. It is all connected," he continues, "And I will discover what that connection is. Believe me."

My back is turned to him and I can hear his footsteps as he walks out, closing the doors behind him.

With each day he is closer to the truth.

What am I going to do if he finds out?

I sit on the edge of my bed, holding my stomach.

It hurts.

Pills used to ease the pain, but not anymore.

I can't do anything anymore.

I'm sick and Muggle medication is not helping as it used to.

How ironic.

I'm married to the Potions Master.

He could make something up for the pain. I'm sure he could. But I can't even ask.

I can't lean on anyone.

Not even my parents.

I remember how devastated they were when they found out I'm sick. I could not stand it. The pain in their eyes, it was worse than the news that I'm dying.

So I decided to help them. Make it batter.

Now they live their normal life, happy and without worries.

Without a sick daughter.

I think I've made a good decision.

ooo

"I wish I had better news," the doctor takes a deep breath.

My mother takes my hand in hers as we wait for him to continue.

"What do you mean by that?" my father asks, leaning forward a bit.

"The blood results - "

"What is wrong with me?" I cut him off, forcing a brave face.

"You have a lot of abnormal white blood cells and it's starting to - "

I interrupt him again, "Leukemia?"

My mother gasps and starts shaking.

The doctor slowly nods, "Acute leukemia..."

There are so many words after that.

"...don't know what causes leukemia...some things are known to increase the risk of some kinds of leukemia...have you been exposed to large amounts of radiation...do you smoke...symptoms...fever...night sweats...infections..."

I feel as if I've left my body.

I know where I am.

In the doctor's office, holding my mum's hand, pretending to listen to the doctor, but I'm not really there.

I can't feel.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I must be dreaming.

"I want to make sure I did a good job explaining this to you," the doctor says and he gets my attention again.

Slowly I nod, "I understand."

He continues, "The goal of treatment for leukemia is to destroy the leukemia cells and allow normal cells to form in your bone marrow...chemotherapy...radiation therapy..."

It does not feel real.

ooo

I work in silence, keeping my head down and hoping today's Potions lesson will pass without any conflict.

The students seem to be minding their own business.

Then a cold voice cuts through the silence, "Ah, Miss Granger," Snape sneers, "Detention tonight after dinner."

"W-What?" my eyes widen in surprise.

"You did not think I would let your outburst from two days ago pass by without a punishment?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

I bite my tongue in anger, "No, Sir. I did not."

He nods and then walks over to a student, observing his potion.

I can feel others looking at me again.

He did not have to do this to me.

ooo

The evening comes faster than I imagined.

I walk into his classroom with my hands on my hips, "I'm here. What do you want me to do?"

He does not even look at me. He's sitting at his desk, going through some papers.

"Sir?" I raise my voice.

"Sit down for a moment."

No. I don't want to sit down.

"This is detention," I speak, "Where is my punishment?"

Finally he looks at me and he's a bit amused, I can see it in his eyes. He leans back, taking a deep breath, "Let me think."

Silence.

"Why?" I ask quietly.

"Speak up, Miss Granger."

"Why?" I repeat, "Can't you just...leave me alone? I don't bother you. Why do you have to make every day of my life miserable?"

His face darkens, "I make your life miserable?"

"Sir - "

"Well, I imagine you regret ever marrying me."

A small laugh escapes me, "So this is what it's about? You gave me detention because you wanted to interrogate me."

He stands up, his face cold, "No. I assigned you a detention because you disrespected me in class."

Alright. I can play his game, "Then tell me what I have to do. Clean something or - "

"What are you hiding?"

I shake my head, "I knew it! This is why you are torturing me! You think I'll spill my big secret to you if you're mean to me and if you torture me just enough -"

He is calm, "I simply want to know the reason. I have a right to know why I was threatened to be fired if I do not marry you."

"I'm...doing you a favor. Let's just leave it - "

He approaches me, "A favor? Interrupting my peace, living in my quarters?"

"You are exaggerating."

"Shagging a student has never been a fantasy of mine," he replies coldly.

"Well, this is not my idea of fun either!" I snap, "You are not even trying to make this easy for me."

"Make what easy for you?"

"Even with the contraceptive potion. Have you ever tasted it? If you're forcing me to drink it, you could've at least tried to make the taste bearable!"

His lips form a thin line, but he does not speak.

This is too much. I don't want to fight with him anymore.

"Why me?" he asks quietly, "I have been asking you this question for months."

When I don't answer, his lips form a smirk, "Perhaps I am doing you a favour. Perhaps no one wanted to marry you. You would be banned from this world and I was your only option."

"You know that is not true."

He grabs my arm, "Then what is?"

I yelp in pain and he releases me immediately.

He takes a step back, "I...I apologize."

Silence.

"Can I just go to my room?" I ask, "I'm tired. I'm really tired."

"Are you asking me as my student or as my wife?"

"Please."

He takes a deep breath. No words leave his mouth but I can see it in his eyes. He's allowing me to go. He's tired too, it's obvious.

I turn away and quietly leave the classroom.

Something has to change. I can't spend the rest of my life in such hate.

A/N: Now you know what's wrong with Hermione. Soon Snape will know too. ;) Thanks for reading!