3. Tunnel of Love

Morvis: ...Well let's do some more dares. I'm tired of waiting. Is everybody ready?

Sam: *shakes head* Mister Frodo ran off again.

Morvis: *sees a Warg and rider approaching and rolls eyes*

Frodo: *riding Warg with a lance.* CHAAARRGE! *throws lance and increases speed*

Morvis: *catches lance, breaks it over his knee, and winks at the Warg.*

Warg: *winks back and changes course to leap off a cliff*

Frodo: *Lands on sharp rocks and dies painfully*

Morvis: He'll get a clue eventually... anyway, let's begin.

I love this! Keep up the good work. Now for dares.

Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin: do a public service announcement for all the

Hobbits on the health hazards of smoking pipe-weed.

Gollum: eat five lembas bread loaves in a row.

-H. M. Lee

Sam, Merry, and Pippin: *read dare*

Merry: Aaaaawww man...

Sam: Well this sucks...

Pippin: *cries*

Morvis: Well go start setting up, Frodo will be joining you shortly.

3 hobbits: *go to the Shire and summon all the hobbits*

Morvis: *revives Frodo and shows him the dare*

Frodo: But I don't even smoke...

Morvis: Why not?

Frodo: *turns red* I'd rather not say.

Morvis: Fine. Just for that, you get to say it at the service announcement.

Frodo: I REFUSE!

Morvis: Your other option is me peeling off your toenails slowly and one at a time, then feeding them to you.

Frodo: 0_0 All right...

Morvis: Good! Now get out there! *teleports Frodo to the Shire.

-Sam, Merry, and Pippin have all made very boring and unconvincing statements-

Frodo: *clears throat* You shouldn't smoke because I used to and ended up swallowing my pipe and puking in Gandalf's macaroni and cheese.

Whole crowd: *Bursts out laughing and none of them give up smoking*

Four hobbits: *return to the plain of Rohan*

Morvis: *was watching the whole thing on his iPad* AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *nearly dies laughing* That was so beautiful. *composes himself* Gollum?

Gollum: *Takes a small bite then chokes and dies*

Morvis: *revives him*

Gollum: *takes another bite then chokes and dies*

Morvis: *getting annoyed, revives him*

Gollum: *takes a third bite then chokes and dies*

Morvis: THAT'S IT! *revives Gollum and shoves all five loaves in his mouth* CHEW DAMMIT CHEW!

Gollum: *head explodes*

Morvis: Hmph. Let's just move on.

Hmm...Lord of the Rings? Interesting...sadly I have never seen/read LotR, so I

don't really know what's going on. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE DARES! DOUBLE

NEGATIVES FOR THE WIN.

Everyone(except Morvis): Fight against my finger puppet army from way early in

my fic.

Those who survive the previous dare: FIGHT ME MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *chokes on

own spit* dammit, I thought I had that down!

Morvis: You, sir, you must play Robot Unicorn Attack. Prepare to jizz from the

amazingness.

Gandolf: Hmm...you seem worthy...go down The Tunnel of Love (a.k.a. my Secret

Weapons Chamber. HE HAS NO CHANCE OF SURVIVAL!)

Hobbits: Join Toon Link and Tetra on a pirate ship! YAY SMALL PEOPLE! Oh, and

I want singing!

Everyone: If you have all survive my tortue, you get cookies! But wait, some

of them are laced with arsenic! Have fun with that! Toodles!

~Zea (I. AM. AWESOME.)

Morvis: Yes, yes you are. *sees approaching finger puppet army*

OH SHIT! *reads dare* Oh, phew *puts up shield*

Finger puppets: *ATTACK MERCILESSLY*

Arwen: *Summons flood to sweep away puppets*

Gandalf: *puts up protective shield*

Balrog, Nazgul, and Sauron: *Can only die under special circumstances and aren't threatened at all*

Everyone else: *Gets overwhelmed and crushed*

Morvis: *incinerates the puppets*

Well done, you 13. However, since you survived that, you must now face...

-Pillar of fire randomly shoots out of the earth, fading away to reveal...(Inception music plays)-

Morvis: ZEA!

Survivors: 0_0

Nazgul #3: Oh god, oh god, oh god...

Gandalf: Well, now we're screwed...

Everyone except Morvis: *charge Zea*

Zea: *absorbs the life force of the Nazgul before unleashing it upon the One Ring, destroying it and thus Sauron, then lifting Gandalf with her telekinetic powers and throwing him into the Balrog, sending them both tumbling into the abyss of Khazad-Dum.* WHO'S NEXT?

Arwen: *sneaks up behind Zea with a knife and grabs her hair but is instantly turned to stone from coming into contact with raw, unadulterated epic.*

Morvis 0_0 Whoa... *whistles appreciatively*

Zea: What're you looking at?

Morvis: I'm just thinking that out of you, me, and KBB, you got the distinction of being the pretty one.

Zea: And don't you forget it! *portals back to her studio*

Morvis: *sends a Poptart through the portal before it closes* I won't.

Morvis: *Plays Robot Unicorn Attack and doesn't jizz. The unicorn does from the knowledge that Morvis is playing the game.*

Heh... *revives everyone*

Nazgul #7: Ho-...

Arwen: -ly...

Gandalf: ...shit

Morvis: No kidding. Gandalf, after such a traumatizing ordeal, I think you are entitled to a walk down the Tunnel of Love.

Gandalf: *Ready for a relaxing stroll, enters the tunnel.*

Morvis: *grins and takes out popcorn*

-3 hours of gunshots, explosions, screams, and the occasional nuclear blast later...-

-SUPER MASSIVE EXPLOSION THAT OBLITERATES THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!-

Morvis: *floating in protective bubble* Hmm... he must've pressed the little red button. *revives universe*

Toon Link and Tetra: *Show up on the King of Red Lions* All aboard!

Hobbits: *Pile onto the ship*

-All of them sail into the sunset singing "Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirates life for me..."-

Morvis: Well, I'm the only one who survived, so... *eats cookies after extracting arsenic and slipping it into Frodo's ale*

Frodo: *Is at the wheel of the ship, drinks ale and dies, sending the ship over a waterfall*

From: Random chic ()

Great story! I have a few dares:

1. Dare Pippin to go flirt with Arwen and then try to kiss her! Haha!

2. Truth: ask Frodo if he's gay, straight, or bi!

3. Dare Gandalf to make out with a random girl!

That's it! Plz use them! :D thanx

Pippin: *walks over to Arwen* Hey sexy, wanna kiss?

Arwen: *checks to see if Aragorn is watching, he isn't, and makes out passionately with Pippin* I've wanted to do that for SO long.

Pippin: *runs off screaming for joy* YYEEEEEESSSSS!

Merry: 0_0

Morvis: That was...somewhat disturbing. Oh well, Frodo?

Frodo: I'm bi.

Everyone: *ears disintegrate*

Sam: *takes a step away from Frodo*

Morvis: *revives everyone's ears* Now, Gandalf, you have to make out with... Galadriel!

Gandalf: *Goes over and makes out with Galadriel*

Galadriel: *inhales Gandalf's beard and dies*

Celeborn: You bastard! *shoots Gandalf with a handgun*

Faramir: Um... where'd he get that?

Morvis: Who knows?

From: I don't have a FF account717 ()

HA HA! I LIVE!...anyway, yeah.

I only have one this time... Pippin, kill Legolas with the same loaf of bread

win-a-bagel killed ME with. Unless it's all damp and bloody by now. Then use a

new one. And... please bring him back to life after so that the FBI aren't on

Pippin and I's asses. Because that wouldn't be nice now would it? ...Please

don't answer that.

Morvis: What? How are you alive? *takes the same loaf of bread and severs account717's jugular vein* Well, now that I've fixed that... *hands blood-soaked bread to Pippin*

Pippin: How do I kill someone with this?... OH, I know! *force feeds bread to Legolas*

Legolas: *dies of food poisoning*

Morvis: And you're right, I don't want the FBI here for... other reasons. *reluctantly revives Legolas* Well, we're done for now! More dares, please!

A/N: Whoa... this chapter turned out pretty long. Awesome! And on the subject of awesome, DID ANYONE NOTICE THAT THE USER I CLAIMED AS MY INSPIRATION REVIEWED? YYEEEE-HAAAAWW! Also, spread the word! Just because I can post a chapter with only 3 reviews, I'd much rather have more. Bye!