Bent too Far
Yeah Skywarp, I know how you feel.
Brotherly/Friendship
Hurt/Angst
*****
"Shut up."
It wasn't the words that tuned heads, it was the way it was said. Hissed. Seethed. Furious? Angry? No.
Hurt.
Frenzy just had to laugh in reply. "What did you say to me, Stupid?"
Skywarp shakes his head and balls up his fists. "I said shut up." Then he turns and looks at everyone in the room. "All of you. Just shut the hell UP."
Some are still snickering to Skywarp telling the motor mouth to shut up. Others though are noticing the tone in which is was said and just gape. Daft and goofy Skywarp angry? Since when has he had any REAL emotions?
Starscream steps forward, "Skywar-"
"NO!" Skywarp viciously shakes his head the cherry and white one stalling his advance. "This has been a long time coming. NO! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!"
Now the room is silent, except for Frenzy. "Oh yeah, wha'da ya goona do, Dork-O-Con?"
Skywarp doesn't answer him. Thundercracker notices something is not right here and carefully tries, "Frenzy, shut up." Soundwave lays a hand on Frenzy's shoulder to make Thundercracker's words an order. Frenzy does as Soundwave bids.
Skywarp moves to the center of the room and takes a slow turn to address them all now staring at him. "That's right, I'm dorky, I'm dumb, I'm stupid and I'm worthless to all of you. I'm nothing but a daft bunny who can't figure out how to manage my own financial account. That's right, I'm so dumb I can't figure out how to clean up the desktop to my personal computer. That's right I'm so stupid I forget to spell check my rare reports I turn in. That's right I'm so lazy I can't ever get some of these stains out of my armor. That's right, I'm so ugly with my blotched face from a reaction to a prank."
His chest is heaving and venting in furious anger. It's clear, he's had it up to here. Skywarp has lost it and is now letting it all spill out.
He pokes a finger at Frenzy who is stunned by a clear cut statement harsh statements that everyone has said behind his winged back that no one ever thought sunk into the daft helm and goofy spark.
"I might not be as smart as a professional swindler and screw things up whenever I try. I might not be a genius like others, so make fun of me!" He flicks a look to Shockwave and then to Soundwave who just blink in awe.
He shoves a glare to Thundercracker, "I might not ponder the philosophies of the great martyrs of our past and make massive plans for our future. I live for the moment, so chide me for THAT!" Thundercracker's jaw slackens seeing Skywarp is deeply hurt.
With a flick to Starscream he presses on, "I may not have great ambitions to rise to power. I don't want it. I repeatedly failed the Commander's test. So mock me for not being qualified to lead no matter how much I repeatedly studied and honestly TRIED!" Starscream tries to say something but Skywarp cuts him off. "Shut up, this is my turn to yell a scream like everyone else has about their lives and I have remained silent!"
He even dares to look at Megatron, "I'm not strong, brave and powerful, so beat me for it. Make fun of me for it. Shove me around because of it." Megatron says nothing. He's not a fool, he knows Skywarp has a brain, he just never understood how it worked. Now, he's beginning to see. His spark is what leads him, not his brain.
With a slammed vicious fist to his own cockpit making everyone else wince, Skywarp presses on. "I'm goofy. I like to laugh. I like to have a good time and I try to make you all laugh. I try over and over again to physically and emotionally support you in area where I am severely lacking. So PUT ME DOWN FOR IT!"
He chokes and then shrugs throwing his hands high in the air to give up. "I try to do fun creative things for you all and what do I get in return? Made fun of. 'It looks hideous.' 'It tastes awful.' 'It's not my color.' 'It wasn't even my birthday.'
"Fine, put me down for it, make me look stupid. Throw it back in my face because it's dumb and ugly just like me. Tell me what you really think of it! Tell me how stupid, ugly, and 'too old for this shit' I am. Tell me I should act my age. Tell me I should be more like any of you! Tell me I should draw better, cook better, work harder, be stronger, look better. Well you know what?…"
"….screw you," he seethes a whisper. "All of you can just…."
His chest heaves. His blood boils. His fingers are cutting into his palms, but the room remains still silent. Or it was.
"Skywarp-" but Thundercracker stops when Skywarp shakes his head and looks way in shame. He really doesn't want pity. It sickens him even more that Thundercracker is looking at him like that. All he wants is an ounce of respect.
Skywarp looks up to Shockwave instead of his dear friend, "Who took away your to nasty smelly experiment? Sure I complained -who wouldn't is was disgusting- but I still did it anyways and never told anyone it was a failure. Your honor is important to you and I respected that." The purple pede shuffles to the truth of that.
To Soundwave, "Who hacked and dropped those mysterious tunes you secretly like into your box with out asking just because and so no one would ever know?" The blue mech lowers his helm.
"Who sat by your bedside and read you dumb stories to take you mind off your self made injuries?" He looks between Rumble and Frenzy. Their jaws flap but wisely say nothing.
"Who secretly refills your secret stash of candies into your locked desk drawer?" He looks to Megatron who just quirks a brow. He wondered but took it for granted.
Back he turns to Thundercracker, "Who listens to your dreams that will never ever come true but then sends you images to your computer so you won't give up on them?" Thundercracker's shoulders sink. It's irritating to get those things from Skywarp, but the mech's spark is always in the right place. He knows Skywarp only means well even if it is irritating as all get-out.
Once more he turns his look to Starscream. "Who tries to lighten your harsh day? Command is stressful, I know that good and well, I'm not THAT daft. Taking and giving orders is no easy task. I try and yes I consistently fail to make you day a little lighter. And I am very sorry every time I make it worse for you, it NOT my intentions." Starscream is a about to move, but the mech finally turns to the only one who can truly understand.
Boldly with a stride that few have ever seen him walk, he looks right at Megatron with a pure and concise question. There is not one iota of stupidity in it: "I want to ask you something, Megatron. Have you ever honestly questioned my intentions or loyalty?"
Now even Megatron feels his spark sink a little for the mech. Of all the things he wants to ask, he knows this is not the time or place. Right now, Skywarp is absolutely right and he needs to be supported. "No, Skywarp, never."
"Thank you, My Liege." The honest respectful tone Skywarp gives Megatron leaves the Lord to dip his own helm a tiny bit in acceptance to the honor given. "I do my best not to let you down, My Lord." Megatron nods in agreement to that.
The purple and black bruised flyer's next statement starts by looking at Megatron but then turns round to Astrotrain, the Constructicons and several others in the room. "I might not be the fastest or the strongest, but I pull my fair share of the weight around here. When push comes to shove and there is a serious danger, I'm there. Who warped Ravage out of the bay before the explosion? Who held up a brace in the drenching rain while you welded it back together so Nemesis could be on her way before the real deluge came? Who warpped tons beyond tons of worthless data pads when we came to Earth? Who has unloaded mountains of Energon because we needed more manual labor? Hum? Oh that's right, the stupid, ugly, old, worthless idiot who told jokes and quirky antidotes the whole time we did a dull and mundane job. I didn't hear anyone complaining when we finally got Soundwave to utter a snort."
A couple shuffle their pedes around. Skywarp looks right at Shockwave, "I even got you with that stupid 'what's red and smells like blue paint' joke while waiting for an asinine long experiment to finally boil." Shockwave rubs the back of his neck, that was a joke so stupid it made him snort half a chuckle. Something he just didn't think was possible. It makes his cheeks flush seeing everyone look at him now.
No one thought Shockwave had a sense of humor. Then again, no one knew Skywarp's feelings could ever be hurt.
Skywarp looks to his trine mates. His brothers in arms. His two best friends. The two that keep him sane and safe. Without them, he would have given up all hope and care for life itself. His face is pained and scared and he unfolds his deepest fear, "You are the closet ones in my life. I'm terrified of losing you. Not just your lives, but your sanity. What if this war crushes you so badly that you implode or take your own lives because you can't hack it anymore? I need you to see there is more than the cause to live for." He doesn't even look to Megatron for that, for even the leader agrees 'the cause' is centered around LIFE.
The purple and black mech takes a few strides forward and looks into each of their faces. "My biggest fear is being so dorky, stupid, and annoying that you want nothing to do with me anymore. I'm terrified that one joke or dumb gift might just go too far and instead of the war taking your sanity, it is something I have done. I'm afraid that my inability to grasp the higher functions of computer skills, battle plans, a misconstrued statement, a joke might cut too deep, or you constantly helping me is going to want you to finally shove me away. Most of all…. I'm sickenly terrified I'm going to irritate the crap out of you too far that you are going to wash your hands of my quirky, dorky, dumminess, and will go on with your lives without me."
He chokes on a single sob and then he spills it, "I love your smartness. I love your strength. I love your devotion. I love your creativity. I absolutely thrive and live for your victories weather I am apart of them or not. I feed off of your successes. I love you for spending time with me. I love you both, but if I am more of a chaffing bur than a gifted blessing to you…."
He steps back from them. For the first time, everyone watches Skywarp slowly fade away. Not a blink and poof he's gone like normal. No, this time.. He just….
…..fades
….away.
There's no sign that he was ever in the room. There's no drastic mark. The room doesn't feel any different. The other members of the group just look at the blank spot in the middle of the room. No final bomb of confetti. No surprise. Nothing. Just empty space.
To everyone's surprise, Skywarp doesn't come back right away. In fact, it's days… weeks and there is no sign of Skywarp.
Nemesis doesn't implode. No computers explode. No wild music starts blasting from the speakers. The cargo still gets loaded and unloaded. Experiments still go on. Missions still go on; success and failure but none really needed a purple and black Seeker to make or break them.
Thundercracker finds his quarters clean and his processor unaching for more days in a row than he ever knew.
Starscream finds less reports to turn in about odd incidences.
Shockwave finds his assisting drones a lot less colorful these days.
Soundwave finds no new surprise music in his personal stash.
Rumble and Frenzy find things a lot less interesting and thus working harder.
Life goes on. No one asks about Skywarp. No one openly notices anything different with one less purple and black flying mech around.
Megatron sinks to his chair and opens his desk drawer only to find his jar of sweets empty. Picking up the empty purple jar and turning it back and forth in the waning moonlight, he sighs. Yes he admits, he misses Skywarp and the break he brings to a mundane day. The mech was entertainment even if he was a bit of a pest as well. His spark has always been in the right place even if his processor his a bit off kilter.
The leader has noticed that morel is a lot quieter these days. Not a huge change, after all Rumble and Frenzy are still around, but he has noticed two mechs most of all who are a lot quieter. Still they are professionals and are getting the tasks done, a bit more serious if not solemn. Megatron may not be touchy-feely, but he knows damn well what it means to be appreciated. Hell wasn't that why he started this war? Just a little bit of respect and wanting to be acknowledged as someone, not just another cog or drone?
Skywarp is not asking for a metal or a promotion. The mech is only asking for a single drop of respect for his hard work and presence. Just a smile and a pat of saying, "Good to see you Skywarp."
Megatron caresses a tiny blemish in the empty jar's rim as if touching the tiny empty blemish-spot in his life. "Skywarp, where are you?" He honestly and seriously asks the question.
Slowly Skywarp comes back into view standing before the desk with a bag to refill the jar. Slowly Megatron lifts his head and watches Skywarp take the jar from his slightly surprised hands refilling it.
"You never left, did you?" The former kicked around miner turned gladiator asks the lighter insignificant mech before him.
Silently the black helm shakes his head and hands the filled jar back over. Megatron hands one of the candies over to his Sergeant. Skywarp takes it, unwraps it and wrinkles his nose, "I do not understand why you like these, they're awful," yet pops it into his mouth.
Megatron takes one too sloshing it to a cheek to as rather curiously, "Then why take it?"
Skywarp takes a shaky breath and gives an almost tearful smile, "Because, you cared enough to gave it to me, Megatron."
Megatron walks around the desk and pulls him into his arms. At that, Skywarp does sob. With a brotherly cup to the helm, Megatron lets the mech cry on his shoulder. "You were missed in their sparks more than you will ever know or they can ever express into words." Of course, neither will ever speak of this moment. Skywarp will never admit he broke down and Megatron will never admit to giving sympathy.
Skywarp is no fool, he knows why Megatron is helping him now like he did during the cargo bay rant. He might have been young when he watched and awed over the beaten and abused gladiator rally the sparks of the forlorn and forgotten. The young flyer was one of them. Megatron was one of the reasons he tried over and over again to pass that Commander's test with the Elite Guard hoping to help the rising warrior. But he just didn't have the mental ability to make the killing decisions or the intellect to out smart the enemy. Constantly he failed no matter how many times he tried and even cheated still losing. It wasn't in Primus' plan for him. Still, he never cried over it. He has his strength in other areas and vowed to use his strengths there.
And he did. Megatron grips and massages into Skywarp's strong neck. The mech has been hiding behind his warm and fun side. Some use anger as their shield. Some use hurt. Others use pride. Now he sees that Skywarp has been using his care and support to other's strengths as his motivation and his daft-humor as his shield against imploding. Respect was left far behind to be dragged through the dirt and trampled upon by others climbing over Skywarp into their own arrogant glory.
Pulling back, Megatron lifts the honorable mech's chin. "I'm sorry."
Skywarp pushes further back breaking all physical contact and shakes his head, "Please don't. I can't stand the pity." In fact he is wiping his optics in shame to his tears.
Megatron has to smile to that. The mech is not going to be all emotional over his open confession. He's going to go back to being who he always was. All he wants is a drop of respect and nothing more. He does not want to be an annoyance and a burden to anyone. He might not have boisterous pride, but he does have some self pride. Sergeant Skywarp just wants to be part of the team, not a hindrance. So with a light bonk of the fist to the shoulder guard, the leader smirks, "Then get out and get to work. A shipment of parts for Shockwave is coming into bay two. We need an extra set of hands."
Skywarp pulls his back straight and gives his leader a rare salute. Megatron gives it back for a change making Skywarp's spark skip a beat.
As he heads to the door, Megatron softly asks looking back to his filled jar. "Where do you get the refills?"
Skywarp smirks, "Here and there." Megatron looks at the bag and gives him just a look to answer where this stash came from. With a last shrug, Skywarp gives a decidedly evil grin, "You know, there has just been too much tension between our first and second in command. I figured it was time the Autobots felt the same way."
Megatron's brows furrow in confusion. So Skywarp finishes, "I have a feeling Prowl is having a very hard time explaining why he stole Optimus' secret stash of candies and why he won't give the rest back."
For the first time in a very long time, the halls of Nemesis ring with laughter. Not just any laughter, but the roaring, rolling, tear bringing laughter coming from their proud and great laughter. No one has heard Megatron laugh so hard and so long in… eons. That leaves everyone stalled and poking their heads into the hallway where they see a smug and rather proud purple and black Seeker striding his way to Cargo Bay 2.