~ chapter 9 ~

I wake up in a good mood. I don't exactly know why, but I'm thankful for it. It's a beautiful day outside. It's snowing and I love to just sit by the window and observe it. But I have classes so the observing will have to wait a couple of hours.

I can't get the last night's conversation out of my mind. A part of me still can't believe that Snape read the same book that I'm reading. And the things he said about it...it gave me a lot to think about. So he approves of the right to choose. To choose when it's best to just stop fighting. I know there are people who would never understand why I'm doing this. They would judge me, but they haven't been through what I've been through. I know it's pointless. The doctor himself had said it. In different words, of course.

So perhaps...if I told Snape...he would not be so appalled by my decision. He would understand. I mean, he himself had wanted to die, he was ready to die, but then I had to intervene and mess up his destiny.

I take a deep breath, not knowing what to do.

Should I tell him?

ooo

"Good morning," I murmur as I step into the kitchen.

He only looks at me before returning his gaze to the newspaper in front of him.

I clear my throat awkwardly, not knowing how to start the subject.

"You...you know what day is today?" I ask.

"I do."

"I-I know we still have two days, but I would rather just...get that over with as soon as possible."

He knows what I'm talking about. He tenses up even though he tries to hide it.

"Why?" is the only word that comes from him. He is still reading the newspaper, or pretending to read the newspaper.

I shrug my shoulders, "The sooner the better."

"As you wish."

Now it's my turn to tense up, "Alright. Thank you."

Thank you? Why am I thanking him?

"Are you...planning on going somewhere today?" he asks, calmly.

"What do you mean?"

"Out of Hogwarts."

I think for a moment, "No, I don't think so."

"Good."

I narrow my eyes at him, "Why?"

"Nothing important."

Why is he always so mysterious?

Shaking my head I quickly leave the kitchen.

ooo

"Hermione!" someone calls my name.

I stop and turn around to see Harry making his way through the crowded hallway. Finally he reaches me and there's a worried look on his face.

"What is it?" I ask, recognizing that expression.

It has something to do with Voldemort.

"Haven't you heard?" he asks, "It's in the Daily Prophet."

"What is?"

"Two Death Eaters have been caught."

"What? When? Where?"

"In the Diagon Alley, early in the morning."

I relax, "Well, that's good, right?"

"Yes, but...you really haven't read anything about it?"

I shake my head, "No, I couldn't get my hands on it. Snape was reading it."

"And he didn't tell you?"

I'm silent for a moment, "No, he didn't."

Harry looks around, then motions towards the corner. We slowly move away from all the crowd and then he speaks again, more quietly this time, "Well, he's in danger. apparently the Death Eaters that are still on the run are plotting something."

"Against him?"

"Against the traitor. That's what they said before they were taken to Azkaban. It's all over the Daily Prophet!"

I shake my head, "He hasn't told me anything."

"Just be careful. I know we should be safe at school, but you never know."

"Alright. Thank you for telling me," I reply and we both exchange worried glances before making our way to class.

ooo

I'm sitting in the Great Hall, surrounded by my friends. They are all laughing, joking and enjoying the food. I can't remember the last time they were like this. The threat of Voldemort is finally gone. We are back at Hogwarts and even without Ron it still feels like home.

Harry and Ginny are holding hands under the table and thinking that nobody notices. I smile at that and look down at my food.

Then I hear it.

"Attention, please."

Snape's voice. Calm and cold.

Not even two seconds later everyone is silent. They are all looking at each other, surprised by what is happening. Snape is not usually the one who gives speeches at the start of a school year.

"I would like to say a few words," Snape continues.

"What does he want?" Harry whispers and I simply shake my head.

"First of, let me welcome you back," Snape says, "I am sure many of you thought we would never see each other again. I am sorry to disappoint."

"He's still the same snarky git," Ginny whispers.

"But there are some changes. And I think you all deserve to know about them," he says and his eyes meet mine.

He's looking at me, even though I'm sitting at the other end of the Great Hall. And he is smirking. Suddenly fear washes over me. What is he planning?

"I would like you all to meet the soon-to-be Mrs. Snape."

I freeze.

Students start to whisper.

He did not just say that.

I only imagined it.

"Snape's...getting married?" Ginny asks, disbelief in her voice, "That's..."

"Really wrong," Harry finishes for her.

And I can't even speak.

Snape finally continues, "Hermione Granger, would you please stand up?"

All eyes turn to me.

I can feel my face burning. I'm probably like a tomato.

"Hermione, what the hell is he talking about?" Harry asks, completely shocked.

"Hermione Granger, my fiancée," Snape finishes, a slight smirk on his lips.

He's doing this on purpose. He is trying to get me to take back my proposal.

humiliation in public.

Nice one.

And I did not want my friends to find out like this.

I can see Professor McGonagall talking to Snape, she seems furious, but it does not have any effect on Snape. He is convinced he has succeeded.

And then I decide to do something he would not expect from me in a million years.

I stand up slowly and shakily make my way up to him. I thank God my legs did not betrey me as I stand next to him.

The expression on his face turns from pleased to surprised and then to angry.

I turn to the students and force a smile, "He is right. I will soon be Mrs. Snape."

Dead silence.

And then I turn to look at Snape who is killing me with his eyes.

This is it.

He can't refuse anymore.

Slowly I walk out of the Great Hall, trying to keep my head high.

ooo

I knock on his bedroom doors, "Sir?"

No answer.

I knock again.

Nothing.

Where is he?

It's evening already, he should be in our quarters.

Perhaps...

I quickly make my way to his Potions lab. This time I do not knock, I just enter, not really expecting to find him, but there he is.

"H-Hi," I say, catching his attention.

The room is full of strange smells, the air is heavy, there are several cauldrons and Snape is standing over all of them, his face concentrated.

"What are you doing?" I ask, stepping into the room.

"Playing Quidditch," comes his reply.

I roll my eyes, "What are these potions for?"

"For infirmary."

"I...I didn't know you brew potions for infirmary."

"What did you think? That they magically appear out of thin air?" he finally looks at me, raising his eyebrow.

"Of course not," I defend myself, "I just didn't think you are behind all of it."

"Hmm," he turns his attention back to the cauldron in front of him.

"So...what are these potions for?"

"For relieving cramps. Poppy has requested I brew a month's supply."

A laugh escapes me, "You make potions for relieving cramps?"

"I do not see the humour in it."

"It's just...if the girls knew you are the one who makes the potions..."

"Yes?"

"Perhaps they would like you a bit more."

He looks at me again, "Yes, and that is exactly what I live for. That spoiled teenage girls would like me."

I smile, then turn to look at all the cauldrons.

"How do you manage?" I ask, "There are at least fifteen of cauldrons in here."

"I manage my time correctly."

"Can I help?"

That takes him a bit off guard.

"Don't you have...homework?" he asks.

"I already did it."

He is fighting with himself, I can see it. It's obvious he could use some help, but he does not want to have to bear my presence.

"Alright," he finally says and my face lights up.

"Take that book," he points at end of the table, "Page 247. You have five minutes."

I quickly push my hair back and get to work.

ooo

I'm exhausted.

It's almost midnight and we still have not finished making all the potions. But at least we're done for now. Snape said he will have to check them again in the middle of the night, but that's still a couple of hours from now.

There is that thing we need to do now.

I walk into his bedroom and sit on the bed. How I wish I could just lay back, close my eyes and fall asleep.

Then I hear his footsteps. He approaches me, handing me a small potion vial.

I know what it is.

Grimacing, I quickly drink all of the liquid, preparing myself for the horrible taste.

But...it's different.

It tastes of strawberries.

How is that possible?

"Is this a contraceptive?" I ask him.

"What else could it be?"

"It tastes different. Better."

"Yes. Well. I added something to it. It does not matter."

Why did he change it? A part of me finds it difficult to believe he did it to please me, to make it easier for me. But...a few days ago I complained about the taste of it and now it tastes like strawberries. It had to be because of me.

I don't know how I should feel about it.

"T-Thank you?"

"What for?" he asks, pretending to be oblivious to it all.

I don't want to play games with him, "You know what for."

He clears his throat, "Should we begin?"

"Wait!" I stop him before he turns the lights off.

There is surprise on his face, "Yes?"

"I know about...about the Death Eaters that were caught this morning."

He does not react at all.

I continue, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I presumed you did not need me to read it to you. You can read, can't you?"

I ignore that comment, "You are in danger."

"I am always in danger, Miss Granger."

"Not like this."

He sighs, "No need to worry."

"I do worry."

He raises an eyebrow, "Well. If something happens to me, if I were to die, you would be free."

I tense up, "Don't say that."

"You would be free of his idiotic law."

"You need to be careful. Death Eaters want revenge."

He nods, "I am aware of that. But I am much more worried about you."

"Why?"

"We are married. If they are smart, they will try to use you to get to me."

"Let them try."

He smirks slightly, "Do not think you are invincible."

"The same advice goes for you, Sir."

"I can take care of myself," he replies, then adds, "We should...begin."

I am silent for a moment, "Wait."

I'm not so sure I want to do this now.

This evening has actually been...nice. I can't believe we were able to have a normal conversation. And I do not want to destroy the memory of this evening by doing something which still disgusts me.

"On second thought," I start, "Could we...postpone this?"

I quickly stand up, "Tomorrow?"

There is confusion on his face, but he nods, "Of course."

"Thank you. Good night."

I slowly leave his room with a strange feeling in my belly. He was actually nice to me. As nice as Snape could be.

And I want to get away from him before he says something to destroy it all.

When I finally reach my room I can't help but smile.

Perhaps all is not as awful as I thought it was?

A/N: I appreciate your feedback. Really glad many of you are enjoying the story! ;)