Sulking Skywarp
Another moment that Skywarp and I vented. The Thundercracker here is a mosh of several people in my life. Thanks go to them all.
Thundercracker takes a slow lazy spiral around Nemesis. Starting at her nose at the Seekers and Flyer's reserved hatch, he rises up over her top and then down the port side to come under the belly and up the starboard side to crest over the top a few meters further up and then down the port side again. Like a youngling might wrap a ribbon around and around a finger, he let his contrail go round and round the ship until he gets himself to the back of the sharp tipped spine where the "spoiler" actually contains long distant senor arrays. Using the upright support as a back rest, the black and purple mech practically blends in with Dear Nemesis' own colorings. The only thing is though that the royal blue and purity white one has run patrol for Her enough times to know this isn't a piece of Her, on top of that, he has sat with the purple mech enough times against the second or third support of the Array Bench as She makes her way through the stars.
With the final twist, he rises up and ever so softly flips to his pedes landing a respectful distance from the brooding one. Skywarp doesn't even look to his 'brother' he just continues to look out into the distance with his arms wrapped around his knees. Thundercracker knows better than to start a conversation, so he just sits down beside his friend and pulls out the Ener-chewies that are a vice to both of them. Even the scent of them doesn't change the darker colored one, that does bother the elder one. With a heavy sigh, Thundercracker suckles on a chewie and leans against his own strut.
Skywarp is no fool, he knows exactly what Thundercracker is up to. He saw the soft slow way his close friend was approaching giving him time to flit off if he wanted to, but he didn't know what he wanted. Both of them know the other one is there and why, but still no words are said. Like an open com-line but no one speaking. Thundercracker doesn't want to express empty words nor Skywarp want to hear them. So Skywarp sulks and Thundercracker waits patiently.
Skywarp wants the company but he didn't.
He wants the compassion but he doesn't want to be pitied.
He wants the comfort but not the coddling.
He wants to know he is not dumb, but not the complacent words.
He wants reassurance but he knows he should just suck it up and be a grown up mech.
With a deep lavender sigh of his own, he tries to shove way this self-beratement. Thundercracker shouldn't be here. Skywarp shouldn't be here. He's watched his little sister die in his arms and survived to become part of the Elite Guard. He is made of stronger stuff and yet can't pull out of it this time. Clenching his fists, he KNOWS what needs to be done. He KNOWS how he should be acting. He KNOWS, he knows, he knows… but gosh damn-it why does he have these frick'n emotions!
This time his cleansing breath is a lot more shaky and labored.
"I wish I was Shockwave or Soundwave," Skywarp finally mutters.
Thundercracker knows not to coddle or pander the mech. Instead he asks a logical questions that fits himself, Shockwave and Soundwave. "How like them?"
"Perfect. Emotionless. Geniuses. Highly respected." Skywarp glares at Thundercracker. "Like you."
Thundercracker sighs ashamed to the last attribute. As much as that should be a compliment, it's more like a backhanded one. "Skywarp…," but he has no idea where to go from there.
"KnockOut blocked my warping," this time he groans.
"He cares-"
"He was under orders!" Skywarp hisses. "I'm a fucking joke and a liability."
Thundercracker reaches a hand out only to have the wrist grabbed and thrown away. It actually hurt! Rubbing the wrist, the blue mech tries again, "It's not your fault about the door."
Skywarp sags his shoulders and cants his helm, "Oh please, don't even try that shit with me. I was the last one out, everyone knows it. Hell Megatron even told me to lock the door, but I just frigg'n forgot trying to keep everything else organized up here in this dizzy dome! How could I forget something so simple as to SHUT THE DAMNED DOOR! Even Rumble and Frenzie know THAT!" He throws his hands up and turns away.
Thundercracker tries again, "Megatron didn't punish you did he?"
Skywarp whips back, "Oh we don't even know the damages done yet. With half the crew on recharge and only the dumb droids on duty along with all the reports of other ships in the area being cased by those Pirate mini drones, we don't even KNOW yet if anything is missing or the security pad downloaded waiting for us to leave the house during the next mission. Don't Thundercracker, do not even try to let me skate-on -by with how serious that one was. A whole cycle and the damned door was wide open for anyone to enter, don't … just don't."
Thundercracker nods in accepting Skywarp take responsibility for that one. The part that hurt Skywarp's pride the most was that Megatron DIDN'T blow a fuse. Skywarp was already feeling like shit because of the stunt Starscream pulled the night before bruising his trine's trust, for that Megatron let punishment be overlooked. If the Pirates do come back and steal something serious, then yes, Megatron probably will let Skywarp have it, for now though…pity is the harshest punishment he could give any mech. Well, and then having the medic block his warping-ability.
"What Starscream did hurts even more," Skywarp finally grabs one of the chewies.
Thundercracker snorts to that, "Well, Starscream is Starscream. Did you really expect him to act any different?"
Skywarp turns and thrusts into his face, "He lied TO MY FACE! With that smug little grin of his, when I asked him if he was going on a mission for Megatron, he lied to my face. He told me he was just going to guide Astrotrain home. Bullshit. He got Astrotrain on course, and THEN went on Megatron's mission. He KNEW we were supposed have a game of chess just to calm us both down before the mission today. And what did that stupid Fragger do? Scouted for the mission. I specifically ASKED him if he was going to work, he said NO and then turned round and did it!"
Thundercracker holds his hands up in defense, "You know it's his routine."
"Routine? To scout a mission, maybe but not always. That I don't care about that, its the fact he LIED to my face about it and THEN was late and didn't have the COGS to ping anyone? Not even Megatron knew where he was. For all we knew he had been captured or injured in an accident but he didn't give a fucking care for anyone. You know, not like our feelings for him mean shit to him or anything. You know… just glad to see he cares that we care about him or anything!"
With this rant released, Skywarp thrusts to his pedes and goes to the very edge of the platform on the tail of the great ship. As a flyer, the fear of falling doesn't bother him, but the fear of losing someone most certainly does. The pain of knowing that dear-one doesn't give a retrorat's pajamas to give a simple ping 'Going to be late, checking on something' just reminds Skywarp how insignificant 'feelings' are.
Thundercracker looks up to his friend toying with the candy although the rest of his frame is bristling in anger for himself, Starscream and then….Megatron.
Before the mission this morning, Megatron knew that Skywarp was planning on helping a new set of Seeker's get acclimated but 'by-the-way' at the last moment changed his schedule clashing with his time with Thundercracker. This of course was informed to him orns after they got back from the mission and had nothing to do with the door incident. This was just plain rudeness and asserting his authority wherever he saw fit. Then again he is known as the Lord of Chaos and if any of the troops couldn't handle that, they were free to leave….there's an Energon mine that could always use more laborers.
"I want that transfer to the mines. I don't give a fuck if it's underground. I'm already being held underwater now. I can't breathe. I can't think. I want out."
Thundercracker's spark cringes and his whole chest goes tight in pain. "How-how far out?"
Skywarp turns and smiles shaking his head, "No, Thundercracker, never like that. I would never do that to you, my brother." With that he holds a hand out to reassure the blue one that he would never take the cowards way out of his pain.
"I talked to Rose over at the mines. I like her, I've me her when running escort with Astrotrain with the supply runs. The workers there are happy. The workers work hard. She listens to them."
Skywarp tries to pull his hand back but Thundercracker won't let go. "But that would mean-"
"Yes, it would." Skywarp pulls his hand away and looks back over the vastness of space. "I'm not you, Thundercracker. I have some self respect even if it's hard to see right now." He scoffs looking down to his cockpit chest. "You know, it takes being kicked this far down for even me to find my self respect. None of them could see it neither could I, that's why I just kept on letting myself be shoved and pushed around. But I think I've been pushed to my limit one too many times."
"But that blow up awhile ago…?" Thundercracker is confused.
"Yeah, I saw how life goes on with out me. Yeah, Megatron showed me some respect for a moment, but he has a job to do. He's not my father, just my Sire. I will serve him, just not here anymore."
Before Skywarp can make the leap, Thundercracker pushes out another bit of advice. "They have feelings."
"Who?" Skywarp stalls his momentum by grasping the array.
"Soundwave, Shockwave, Megatron. They have emotions. They just bury them or let them not effect them so easily."
Skywarp huffs, "Good for them, but I'm not them. Like I said, I wish I was them then I would deal with things as perfectly as them, but I'm not, so I can't." With an artificial lighthearted shrug, uses his best cocky-Rumble voice, "Eh, whatevers. Who cares?" He shrugs a few more exaggerated times to just prove his point that some take things so easily and don't give a damn about the rest.
Thundercracker rises this time and lays his firm hands on Skywarp's shoulders to stop the carefree shrugs that are irritating him more than anything. The thought of Skywarp being able to shrug his emotions off like fallen leaves from his shoulders kills him. "No you aren't like them, but nor are they like you. They haven't your gift of humor. They haven't your gift of brotherly love for arrogant and confusing Starscream or cold me."
Skywarp lays his hands on Thundercracker's shoulders, "You aren't cold, Thundercracker. You're just…smarter than I. You're just more stable than I. I need you but I need this far less, please understand that."
Thundercracker takes those shoulders and pulls them closer to himself wrapping his arms around the younger brittle one. Skywarp doesn't want to admit it, but getting the rare Thundercracker-hug is enough to just possibly make him change his mind in leaving their trine. Crap he can feel himself choke up, another sign of his weakness. He lightly pounds his fist on his 'brother's back.
"Frag you, Thundercracker. Why did you have to go an do that?" Although he's not abandoning the embrace.
"Because I have always admired the way you are more than willing to show your care for others be it a random hug for me, a rant for Starscream being late or getting hurt -again-, or your kooky sense of humor for others. Come on," He pulls back showing Skywarp his handsome broad grin, "That pool you had about who could make Soundwave or Shockwave laugh first was one of the highlights of our days. It's still being talked about. Even between those two."
"Still can't believe Megatron won, eh but then again he always wins, doesn't he?" That started as a warm smile and slid to a frown at the end leaving Skywarp to pull back. "I need to stay sane, Thundercracker otherwise I will be no good to you anywhere we go."
Thundercracker reaches out slides a hand down the shoulders to grasp the arms and grips them tightly. "I know this is a cross road for you Skywarp, but you also need to know, I will come whenever you call. You can always come back to me. I will leave the comline open for you alone."
"Ah shit-" Skywarp chokes and the tear streaks down his face. With a whirl he flips over the side of the ship and flips to his Tetrajet form to dash into the darkness.
Thundercracker takes a sigh. How many times has he shut down the comlink with compassionate Skywarp because he just needed his peace? How many times has he shut the door on Skywarp's mushy because it was choking him and needed space? Leaning on the side of the ship, he has to admit, it's hard to watch Skywarp just close up and dash away, but he understands completely. Sometimes you just need the quiet of space and the friction over your body to quiet your thoughts and yet remind you that you are alive.
"Thank you, Thundercracker for always being there for me." The purple and black jet is gone. He didn't really need to check and make sure the line was open. No, he needed to leave a message letting the other know he was going to be just fine because he knew that there was one person in this universe who understood him….