Legolas's Life is Hel
lA/N: I want to start by saying how sorry I am for my long absence. I won't waste your time with excuses, but I will give a token of my apology by promising that the first reviewer to return to the ToD will get to cohost a chapter. Now no more talk! Let's begin!
Morvis: Come on, you can do better than that! *throws a bomb at Elboron*
Elboron: *swallows the bomb and breathes fire at Morvis*
-battle continues for some time until…-
Morvis: *launches a laser at Elboron that gets sucked into a time portal that suddenly appears*
Elboron: What the…
Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin: *come out of the time portal looking like they had the shit beat out of them*
Gandalf: What happened to you guys?
Sam: We went to Chapter Nine to slap everyone but…
Frodo: There was an ambush. We managed to slap everybody including ourselves AND our future selves but nearly got killed in the process. Then we just opened the time portal and came back
Elboron: How in hell did you manage to slap me?
Pippin: We didn't. You weren't there
Morvis: What? Was he dead?
Frodo: No, you just said you had to send him away. You were half-dead yourself, by the looks of it
Morvis: Maybe I sent him away to keep him safe from whatever beat me up. But now that you're here we have some dares to do.
Nice job on my dares, here come some more:
Legolas: Oh, sorry, I meant you to turn back into a male elf Do that, and as compensation for pain and suffering, I'll give you a stick of gum! *secretly a stick of c4*
Gandalf: Tell me, wise one, what is the secret to true happiness?
Morvis: I want you to battle... Illuvitar, creator of Arda! Let's see how you fare against a god!
Good luck!-H. M. Lee
Legolas: WELL IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME! *turns into a male elf* YAY! *pops gum into his mouth*
Elboron: 3… 2… 1…Legolas: *explodes*
Gandalf: The secret to happiness, hmm? I'd have to say nude sunbathing with a big bowl of nachos
Morvis: OKAY! Now I'm disturbed for life! *reads dare* Finally, a worthy opponent. *warps out of this dimension into Illuvitar's realm*
Everyone: *gathers around a big TV screen to see what's happening*
Morvis: Hello… He who is alone? You're not alone right now. I'm here, and we have to fight. *gets paralyzed by divinity*
?: *laughs* I have watched you since before you were even an idea in (name censored) mind. You have power, but you are no god
Morvis: Then prove it! Let me free and we'll have an honourable duel!
Illuvitar: Very well *releases Morvis*
Everyone watching the action: Whoa! Here it comes! OOH! What a hit! Ouch. That was a cheap shot, but he's getting back up-WOW! Nice recovery! What the… how did he.. Oh well…OMG! IT'S ALL OVER! THAT WAS HUGE!
Morvis: *comes back: I… I.. WON! *jumps in the air and crowd surfs.* Now I'm in a good mood! Let's do some dares!
its me again! too lazy to log in but here's mah dare
Legolas: Become an entwife and then get married to Treebeard (muahaha) and have little ent babies! (MUAHAHAHAHA!)I'm feeling evil today... :)
-FrenchRenegade
Legolas: *reads dare* OH. MY. GOD. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME BE! FIRST A FEMALE, THEN A MAN, AND NOW THIS!
Gimli: What? *reads dare and gets evil grin* Do it
Elboron: WOOOOT! *turns Legolas into an Entwife and shoves him (her) in a room with Treebeard*
Truth: hobbits, what is the worst anti-hobbit racial slur out there? Halfling?
I dare the hobbits to go to the easterling camp and tell the easterlings what that slur is and then I dare the easterlings to walk into the middle of the shire and shout that racial slur.
I dare Arwyn (however you spell that) to begin her project to create a remote control, 200 foot lizard in her secret lair to conquer Morvis and the others.
I dare Pippin to brake into real life outside the fan-fic
.-Eh dobydys thy
Hobbits: WE DON'T LIKE TO BE CALLED ALCOHOLIC MIDGETS!
Easterlings: *run into the Shire* Hey, you bunch of alcoholic midgets! *get their shins owned*
Arwen: I shall have my revenge on Aragorn for divorcing me! *starts assembling robot lizard*
Pippin: *looks hopefully at Morvis*
Morvis: I have no control over the real world, so no can do.
Ooooh... Hmmm... Lemme think ;) ... Got it! I got it! Ahem -shoves Morvis away and stands in his spot, pulls out a microphone-
#1. Dare Legolas to make out with Zea, and take all of her wrath ;) and if he's still alive, he can become an elf
#2. Dare Boromir to wear a dress and Mary-Janes, then sing 'Friday' by Rebecca Black.
#3. Truth Morvis and ask if he's secretly in love with Legolas...Thank you :)
-Ash Coloured Wings
Morvis: *incinerates Ash where he (she?) stands and speaks in a deathly quiet voice* No one… steals… my microphone
Legolas: *runs up to Zea and makes out with her then tries to take her wrath*
Zea: TAKE THIS YOU MUTHAFUCKIN TREE! *unleashes aforementioned wrath on Legolas, thus obliterating him (her)*
Morvis: And he is not alive, so he can't be an elf
Boromir: Aww, shit… *puts on dress and Mary-Janes and starts singing* 7 a.m. in the morning…
Everyone except Frodo: *dies*
Frodo: *gets turned on*
Morvis: *revives everybody then shoots Boromir in the nuts* NEVER. AGAIN. *reads truth* Oh my god, are you really asking me that? The answer is NO! First of all I'm not gay. Secondly, I'm not turned on by trees!
Elboron: Morvis and Legolas sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N- *spontaneously combusts*
Morvis: Wrong move, kid
Elboron: *revives himself* WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?
Morvis: You crossed a line
Elboron: *starts holding a grudge*
Dare: revive Legolas as a male Elf, but with his head on backwards, then, if there are any zombie chickens left, make him try to catch one and ride
make the entire Fellowship wear nothing but Duct Tape clothing for at least one chapter
make all the Elves perform a Las Vegas dance number - dressed as showgirls.
-animeniac121
Morvis: *revives Legolas as a male elf*
Legolas: WELL IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME! It'll be a wonder if I don't have an identity crisis after all this! *realizes his head is on backwards* SHIT! *eats a zombie chicken out of pure rage and explodes*
Eowyn: Poor guy…
Everyone: NAAAHHHHH!
The 8 fellowship members: *duck behind bushes and come out wearing nothing but a shit-load of duct tape*
Aragorn: This is gonna hurt like a bitch when its time to take it off…
All elves: *dress as showgirls and perform a dance number*
Everyone: *much clappage and snickering*
I am currently in school, and my bestie was looking at me weird because I was laughing so hard xD ok...more dares
I dare Pippin to take a swim in Mt. Doom.
I dare Leggy-bear to face his rabid fangirls again, only this time, AS A MAN! AHAHAAHA
I dare Frodo to face a cave troll all by himself without his fancy mithril finally,
I dare Aragorn to make out with an Uruk-Hai. For a full 3 minutes!
Love it, keep writing! :D
-DragongirlM
Pippin: *runs off to Mount Doom in a pair of swim trunks*
Legolas: OH FU- *gets mobbed and ripped to pieces*
Frodo: A what? *cave troll comes up behind him and eats him, then shits him out, then eats the shit and runs off*
Everyone: 0_0 *lots of cheering*
Aragorn: Why me… why me… *makes out with Uruk-hai and then kills it*
Morvis: Would now be a bad time to mention that Uruk had poisonous saliva?
Aragorn: Shit. *gets asphyxiated*
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! :D OOO! I have one!
Truth: Is Bilbo gay?
Truth: Is Legolas really blonde?
Dare: Frodo to take out his blue contacts. (Come on, we all know those are so unrealistic. *winks*)
Truth: What is Sauron's favourite colour? (Something tells me its pink...)And that's all for now! :D I really hope you update!
-Authoress Kiki
Bilbo: Certainly not… I'm lesbian
Morvis: …I'm gonna try and ignore that…
Legolas: AND I'M PROUD OF IT, BITCH!
Frodo: *takes out contacts to reveal eyes that are too blue to exist in the space-time continuum and thus destroys the universe*
Morvis: *revives the universe and puts the contacts back in Frodo's eyes* That was… unexpected…
Sauron: *pokes his head out of the room he's been in for the last two chapters* Of course you know its pink! I told you that in confidence when we were dating in high school!
Sam: *raises eyebrow*
Sauron: OH SHUT IT! *goes back in the room with the donuts*
A/N: Its good to be back! Once again, I am terribly sorry for my absence, and I hope never to take a break that long again! Please forgive me and review!