*Deep in outer space, a bottle drifts through the nothingness. Soon enough, it is caught by the gravity pull of a black hole and is sucked in. But this is no ordinary bottle. It is fortunate enough to be indestructible, so instead of being crushed, it is spit out into an alternate universe, and is sent spinning off into space once more, the reverse gravity from the universe-shifting black hole sending it flying at speeds several times greater than the speed of light. It eventually slows to just under the speed of light, but not before getting caught in another gravity pull. The bottle slows further as it hurtles toward a small blue planet in the Milky Way galaxy...*
*Meanwhile, on the plains of Rohan...*
Morvis: What do you mean, you can't do anything for it? You're Elrond, for heaven's sake!
Elrond: How do you expect me to heal you if you can't even heal yourself? You're the one with infinite power!
Morvis: Hmmph. *tries to karate chop Elrond's head off, but is easily blocked* You see? I'm weak, I'm sick, my wounds from the battle with Elboron aren't healing, and my author powers are responding less and less! Ever since that bastard nicked me with one of his knives...
*Just then a time portal opens up and Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin come barreling out screaming battle cries and start slapping everyone*
*Present Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin were ready for this and immediately start fighting back*
*Past hobbits manage to slap everyone with much difficulty and finally get to Morvis*
Morvis: Just... go ahead. Right now I don't think I could stop you if I tried.
Frodo: *steps forward and makes history in the the only instance in all of eternity where he landed a blow on Morvis without instantaneous retribution*
Sam: Is that everyone?
Pippin: Wait, what about Elboron?
Morvis: He's gone. I sent him away. Go home.
*The hobbits open their time portal and go back to Chapter 7*
Aragorn: Sir... do you think you're up to doing some dares?
Morvis: Why do you even care? It's only torment for you.
Aragorn: That's not important. Yes, it's cruel and unusual punishment for all of us. No, I don't know what we did to deserve it. But people enjoy reading about it. And in the end, it is the duty of a fictional character to provide entertainment to their audience... so you have my sword.
Legolas: And my bow.
Gimli: And my axe.
Frodo: Well, this is bullshit! Here we have a chance to escape this lunatic and you're all giving him permission to continue treating us like shit! It's- *gets the ever-loving fuck beat out of him by the rest of the Fellowship*
Morvis: *is genuinely moved and stands tall* Then what are we waiting for?
I had a great time hosting! Now who should I try that wolf trick on...
Dares:
Morvis: Give everyone a Death Note.
Denethor: Try to teach Gollum to use proper grammer.
Faramir: Shamelessly plug my fics, I need reviews goshdangit!
Best regards,
H. M. Lee
Morvis: *gives everyone a Death Note*
Frodo: *writes a name*
Morvis: *dies*
Everyone: *turns to look at Frodo*
Frodo: What? Why are you all looking at me? *dies hundreds of times simultaneously*
Gandalf: *revives Morvis*
Denethor: Gollum, say 'hands.'
Gollum: Handses, precious.
Denethor: No, just 'hands.'
Gollum: That is whats we said, precious. Handses.
Denethor: Stop putting the extra 'es' at the end of 'handses'- I MEAN HANDS GODDAMMIT!
Gollum: *chuckles* You said handses, precious.
Denethor: *lights himself on fire and runs all the way to Minas Tirith, runs all the way up the city, just so he can throw himself off of the tower again*
Faramir: *logs onto on his laptop and starts reading H. M. Lee's fics*
I am laughing so hard right now. You have no idea.
Awwright! On to the dares!
Morvis: Talk in puns/wordplay/etc for the rest of the episode.
Legolas: Turn into a horrendous Mary-sue and stalk Boromir. Call him your 'one true love' (in a sickeningly angelic voice), until he kills you or runs away.
Merry and Pippin: Tie Frodo to one of Gandalf's fireworks. Set it off. Laugh.
Elboron: Turn back into a human from a lava glob (Why do I have to specify that?! WHY?!) and simply walk into Mordor. Then frolic on Mount Doom. Because you can.
Aragorn: Wield the Holy Spork of Gryffindor and kill Marysuegolas. Revive him as an Uruk-hai. (or have somebody else do it)
I think that's enough torture for everyone. HAVE FUN! *giggles maniacally and runs away*
Morvis: I swear I will hunt you down... I'll even hunt you up if necessary.
Faramir: I don't think I'll be able to stand this for the rest of the chapter...
Morvis: Then perhaps you should sit?
Faramir: Fuck.
Legolas: Well, anything is better than being a dwarf... *turns into a Mary-Sue and starts following Boromir around calling him "One true love"*
Boromir: *Immediately screams like a 5-year-old girl and runs away*
Merry and Pippin: *Grab Frodo before he can run away*
Pippin: Which one should we tie him too?
Merry: The same one we used in the movie, of course! *ties Frodo to the dragon firework and lights it*
Frodo: Why me? Why me? Why m-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! *goes shooting up into the air and has his organs liquefied by the force of the blast*
Morvis: Well, I'd rather not. Can you tell I have a lot of... bottled up emotion about the subject?
Anyway, fine, I'll try... Hmm... I can't find him in this universe... that's not very... stellar.
Gandalf: Oh for fuck's sake, why did you have to punnify him?
Aragorn: Ummm... okay... *gets the Holy spork of Gryffindor (A/N: WTF?) and kills Mary-Sue/Legolas* Uh, I can't revive him, so... Morvis?
Morvis: I can see you're... dead set on this, aren't you? *revives Legolas as an Uruk-Hai*
Legolas: I take it back. This is worse than a dwarf.
i'm in school and my english teacher is getting annoyed at my laughing but can't do anything 'cuse technically i'm reading
1) Aragorn dump Eowyn and get back with Arwen
2) MALE Legolas (you're my favorite but i will show no mercy) kiss Arwen in front of Aragorn
3) Morvis kill Bilbo then give all the hobbits, Gandalf, and Elrond flamethrowers then stay in a room with them no fighting back
4) everyone sit through an entire Justin Beber album without dying or getting scared for life (i cant do this)
5) those who survive O.O wow cookies for you
-I call Prussia He is mine
Aragorn: But... but Eowyn is the love of my life! Not to mention Arwen tried to kill me.
Eowyn: Isn't that mentioning it?
Aragorn: Sshhh dear. Let the men talk.
Eowyn: You ass! WE'RE FINISHED. *storms off*
Aragorn: Well, Arwen, I guess we have to.
Arwen: Fine. I hate you.
Aragorn: *sigh* I hate you too, dear.
Gimli: Trust me lad, it would've happened sooner or later.
Morvis: Hey, can we... break up this conversation and do more dares?
Legolas: Well, I'm a male anyway, so... *kisses Arwen*
Aragorn: Hey! Just because I hate her doesn't mean I'll just let this happen! *beheads Uruk-hai Legolas*
Morvis: *throws an oven at Bilbo* Why kill with conventional methods when I can kill with convectional methods? *gives flamethrowers to all the hobbits, Gandalf, and Elrond and takes out hot dogs to roast* DO YOUR WURST!
Everyone with flamethrowers: *expends their entire fuel tank on Morvis*
Morvis: *is completely incinerated*
Everyone: *waits for Morvis to revive so the dares can continue*
Morvis: *remains dead*
Pippin: He's still dead.
Gandalf: Well, no shit, Sherlock! *revives Morvis*
Morvis: I really am going to need to get a fix for this DEATHLY annoying business.
Boromir: Who's Justin Beber?
Eowyn: Did someone say JUSTIN BIEBER?! *puts on My World at full volume*
*Everyone dies except for Eowyn, who dances, and Gandalf, who put up his shield just in time*
Morvis: *is revived by Gandalf after the music stops and then revives everyone else* NEVER AGAIN! Oh, and I guess Gandalf and Eowyn get cookies. *gives cookies*
OK, I have a ton.
-Firstly to my fellow Fringe fan (I thought there were none), I want an Observer to have a staring contest with Frodo (winner gets a fedora and a non-explosive briefcase)
-I want Treebeard to give a speech on the Entwives and make everyone listen to the whole thing
-Gollum must speak for the entire rest of the chapter, but not use a word with 's' in it
-I dare Sam to go up to Elrond and ask him why his eyebrows are so pointy
-I dare Aragorn and Eowyn to make out in front of Arwen (who spontaneously doesn't like Pippin and never will)
-Also, I dare you to make me a guest star for a chapter (My professional name is [the beautiful] Agent I)
-The NCISElf
September: *appears out of nowhere and walks straight for Frodo*
Frodo: *turns his icy blue soulless eyes on the Observer, stopping him in his tracks*
*After several hours of staring, both Frodo and the Observer spontaneously combust*
Morvis: Well then. That was almost as boring as this next bit is going to be.
Treebeard: *gives a day long speech about Entwives*
Everyone else: *asleep*
Gollum: WHY NEED WE TALK?! *runs and jumps off of cliff*
Sam: Mister Lord Elrond Sir, why are your eyebrows so pointy?
Elrond: So I can do this! *pulls eyebrows off and stabs them into Sam' eyes*
Sam: *runs screaming in circles before tripping and falling off the same cliff*
Aragorn: *reads dare and is NOT happy*
Eowyn: *is NOT happy*
Arwen: *is surprisingly not happy*
*They are about to make out*
Arwen: WAIT! Just last chapter the cohost dared the reviewers to not just do Person X make out with Person Y.
Morvis: She's right, you know. DARE DENIED! Also, there are some certain conditions that must be filled before I grant a cohost. You have not yet fulfilled these, so...
Aragorn: Arwen, why did you stop that? It's not like you like me.
Arwen: I dunno. You've been growing on me lately. Ever since we were forced back together.
Aragorn: *doesn't know what to say*
Gandalf: OH JUST KISS ALREADY! *pushes their heads together accidentally knocking them both unconscious* Oops...
Humm... let me see hear if you decide to continue this...
1) All of you must not try to kill each other for atleast 24 hrs.
2) What the hell is that dude doing in there withe jelly doughnuts?
3)have Legolas(male) make out withe Arya (Elf chick form Eragon).
4) Morvis go desroy Percy Jackson for me will you? And Justen Beber.
5) H.M. Lee tell Morvis to shut the hell up.
6)Morvis insult the whole group for me... any way you like... just do it...
-Guest
Faramir: What?! *drops his sword in shock and it stabs into Frodo's foot*
Frodo: *hops around on one foot cursing until he falls off the same cliff*
Morvis: Well I guess we failed that one. And you're right, what IS Sauron doing with those jelly donuts?
Gandalf: *goes over to the door and is about to knock when the building vanishes releasing a shockwave of magic*
Everyone: *gets back up*
Pippin: So... he was building a teleporter?
Morvis: I don't have the energy to bring him back right now, but don't worry I'll get him back eventually.
Legolas: GUYS! THAT MAGIC MADE ME A MALE ELF! Sauron, wherever you are, I could kiss you!
Gimli: 0_0
Legolas: Or shake his hand. Whatever. *reads dare* Arya? Who's that?
Arya: *comes out of portal*
Legolas: Oh, hello. How's it going? *they make out*
Morvis: Uh-huh... well, I don't know if I'm in any shape to kill Percy and Justin right now, but at least they don't have author powers. *portals the two people here*
Percy: What... what is this place?
Justin: I am so high right now.
Morvis: *duel-wields mozzarella sticks and beats them to death* Woo!
H.M. Lee: *portals there* Morvis, shut the hell up.
Morvis: *takes out megaphone* NO.
H.M. Lee: *shrugs* Well, I tried. *portals away*
Morvis: Guess what? You're all a bunch of weak, cock-juggling thunder-ninnies!
Saruman: Ouch...
Frodo: Fight a Warg and keep it as a pet.
-Eagle
Morvis: Wow, short dare. Well, Frodo, go on.
Frodo: *gets mauled by Warg*
Gandalf: *revives Frodo* Congratulations, it is now your pet.
Frodo: I think I'll name him Chuckles!
I love this Truth or Dare! So glad I found one for LOTR. I love all the random stuff. Anyway...
Merry: I dare you to kiss me. You're so cute and I'm so in love with you!
Pippin: I dare you to eat 500 bean burritos. (Everyone else better get some air freshener.)
Frodo: Who's your favorite cousin? Pippin or Merry?
Gandalf: Wear nothing but a speedo and dance to Sexy And I Know It by LMFAO.
Boromir: You know you look and act a lot like Thor, right?
Morvis: UPDATE SOON DAMN IT!
-Zinka17
Merry: Um... OK? *kisses Zinka*
Pippin: *eats the burritos* Well that wasn't so ba- *lifts off like a rocket and flies to the moon*
Galadriel: Well, I never thought I'd see the day when the Shire had its own space program!
Frodo: They both suck equally.
Gandalf: But Speedos don't fit me. Why do you think I wear a robe all the time?
Everyone: 0_0 (A/N: Augh! The mental image!)
Boromir: Is that... a bad thing?
Morvis: *cringes* I'm sorry! Writer's block is a bitch!
have you and legolas play 30 minutes in the dirty closet
-Princess Peridot
Morvis: Do you think she means me?
Frodo: Probably.
Morvis: Oh well. No specification, no dare. Moving on!
Yaaaaaaay Randomeneseses Wat? Stop talking to myself me! Anyway on wit ta STHUFFZZ
Truths
Gandalf you and Dumbledore have a lot in commen so seeing as Dumbledores gay(Confirmed by J.K. Rowling) dose that mean your gay too?
Eyowin my middle name is yo first name wt u tink bout dat?
Dares
Sam u must kiss frodo OO
Eyowin change your name to Maddie for two chapters
Pipin become a cat(Specifically a black and grey tabby)oh and peaple must refer to you as pip when in cat form
Legolass ima put u out of your misery so your no longer a dwarf D only thing is now your a Lass Lego Legless Logolass(Lass meaning girl
Gandalf here is a list of potter puppit pals wizard swears see that one at the bottom? The elder swear? You must go in sourans doughnut room and shout that at the top of your lungs at him!
PS if u don't know Wat potter puppit pals is lookit up on YouTube
-MeoTheRandom
Gandalf: Nope.
Eowyn: Copycat.
Frodo: *grins evilly*
Sam: Wait! No random make out scenes!
Morvis: Correct. DARE DENIED.
Eowyn: What? Why change my name?
Morvis: Doesn't matter. Just do it.
Maddie: But I like Eo-... dammit.
Legolas: *was still making out with Arya* Save me, Arya!
Arya: *casts a spell to stop the effects*
Legolas: *all effects are blocked except the gender change* NOOOO!
Arya: Meh. I'd still make out with you.
Legolas: What? You... you would? *gets down on one knee* Arya, will you marry me?
Arya: ...
Everyone else: ...
Arya: Yes.
Everyone else: *cheers as they kiss again*
Gandalf: That's a heck of a curse. Unfortunately, Sauron's room teleported away some time ago.
Morvis: Darn. That could've been entertaining.
lolololololololol okay here are my dares he he hem...
Elrond: lick Gimli's foot
Legolas: Praise the dwarves for their epicness
Pipin: make out with Rosie
-Guest
Elrond: EW. Fine! *licks Gimli's foot*
Gimli: Would this be a bad time to talk about my foot fetish?
Elrond: *runs away crying*
Gimli: I guess it's a bad time. Now where's Legolas?
Legolas: *is still making out with Arya* What? Oh, whatever, dwarves are epic, happy? *goes back to making out with Arya*
Pippin: Random make out. DARE DENIED.
Morvis: *kicks him over the same cliff* Excuse you! That's my job! Well, somehow we made it through another chapter. I really hope I start recovering soon. Bye!
(A/N: No bullshit excuses for the wait. But I am sorry. Life is busy, and I can't promise updates with any sort of hastiness. But I will never give up. As long as there are reviews, there will be another chapter to put them in. Also, SPOILER: Sauron's donut room will return!)