~ chapter 14 ~

It feels nice. Not having to carry this burden, not having to pretend anymore. I just realized how much energy it took to hide things and pretend and lie. Now that it's out in the open, at least with him, I feel like I can breathe much easier.

Although, I still don't know what he thinks of the whole situation. I haven't seen him since last night when he said he has to think. What does that mean? Think about what?

I tense up as I remember something. I haven't told him to keep it to himself. What if he says something to someone? Would he do that?

No.

Of course not.

Right?

ooo

"I'm really sorry, I-I wasn't thinking," Ron whispers, leaning towards me.

I try to keep a calm face, pretending to listen to the lecture.

Really Ron. Could you try to pick more appropriate time to apologize? For example, when we are not surrounded by students? When we are not in the middle of a lesson?

"Mhm," I murmur, looking down at my notes.

"I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what came over me," he continues.

I bite my lower lip in annoyance.

"But Mione, I was wondering...did you tell...Snape?"

I turn to look at him, "Why?"

"He's...he really has something against me."

"He's always had it against you."

"Not like this," Ron whispers, "This time it's different. Ask Harry. It's like I've...stepped on his territory, stolen something of his, touched his possession."

My lips curl up in a small smirk, "Are you afraid of him?"

Ron blushes a bit and leans away from me, "No."

I raise my eyebrow at him, but remain silent.

"Did you tell him?" he asks again.

"I don't...know."

"You don't know?"

"No, I don't," I snap, trying to keep my voice down, "Maybe you should have thought of the consequences before you decided to do what you did."

I turn away from him and he says nothing more.

ooo

We are having trouble with...performing our duty as husband and wife. Again.

He's pacing up and down the room while I sit on his bed, not moving.

"You can...think of someone else, if that'll make it easier for you," I suggest.

He sends me an angry look, "Thank you very much for the advice, Miss Granger."

"I was only a suggestion."

"Do me a favor and keep your suggestions to yourself."

I take a deep breath, "We need to hurry up. We've only got an hour until midnight."

"Don't you think I know that?" he snaps, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Why is he acting like that? He's behaving as if he is about to be executed. What about me? Does he have any idea how hard this is for me?

Finally he looks at me, "Alright."

Silence.

I wait for him to move.

But he doesn't.

"Could you stop - " he starts, "Stop being..."

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking like a child."

Silence.

"I'm not a child," I finally speak, "I'm of age and - "

"You look like a child. Like a student. What do you think how that makes me feel?"

I bite my lip, not knowing what to say. I can't change the way I look.

Wait.

"Perhaps...a spell? Or a potion?" I ask, "If my appearance is such a problem to you...we can change it."

He seems to consider it for a moment, but then he just shakes his head, "No."

I stand up, "Why not? If it could help - "

"No."

"I could...make my hair...red."

He looks at me, his eyes completely dark, "What are you trying to say?"

"That...I could...change my appearance to be more...appealing to you."

"Why red hair?"

Should I tell him?

"Granger," he warns me, "Answer my question."

I take a shaky breath, "I know...I know about her. Harry told me."

"Potter told you what?"

"About his mother. About Lily."

He tenses up.

"And I understand - "

He cuts me off, "Don't."

"If you want me to look like her - "

Suddenly he grabs my arm, making me cry out in pain, "Stop talking."

I shut my mouth, looking up at him with fear. I did not expect that kind of reaction.

"You will never mention her again. Ever."

"I'm sorry - "

"You will never mention her again," he repeats, "Understood?"

I quickly nod and he finally releases my arm, turning his back to me.

Can't I do anything right?

Then something occurres to me, "What if I...lay on my stomach? So...that way you don't have to look at me and I don't have to look at you?"

He turns to look at me, considering it.

"Yes, that's good. We don't have to look at each other," I explain.

He seems reluctant, "I do not think you realize - "

I interrupt him, "I realize we can't stand to look at each other. And I'm offering a solution."

"It is...different."

"Yes, I know that."

It's a different position. We have never tried a different position.

Why is he hesitating?

"Well?" I ask.

Finally he gives in, "Alright. It is going to feel... If you wish to stop, only say the word."

I nod.

But I know I won't say anything. We can't stop.

"Get on the bed," he speaks, his voice cold, "We will begin."

And I obey. I don't have a choice.

And frankly, neither does he.

ooo

He's not at Hogwarts. I've talked to McGonagall and she does not know where he is. He just disappeared.

His behavior is making me nervous. I never expected he would ignore me after he found out. I expected anger, perhaps a bit of pity. But not this.

Where is he?

Perhaps I have given him too much credit. He'd be angry if he cared about me. Only a bit. Obviously, he does not.

Why does that realization make me feel...hurt?

I need to stop being so sentimental.

Wait.

Did something happen to him?

No, it can't be.

He can take care of himself.

ooo

I'm really worried.

I'm in his bedroom, sitting on his bed and waiting. He has to come back.

After two hours of waiting I finally hear something.

Tensing up, I stop breathing, waiting for him to appear.

And he does.

The doors open and he enters, a look of surprise on his face when he sees me on his bed.

A sigh of relief escapes me, "You...where have you been?"

"What are you doing here?" he asks, ignoring my question.

"Waiting for you."

"Why?"

"Because...because I was worried."

He says nothing. He simply stands there, observing me. And then I notice something in his left hand. He's holding some papers.

I meet his eyes, waiting for him to explain.

After a minute he clears his throat and approaches me, "Here," he hands me the papers.

I take it from him, a look of confusion on my face, "What is this?"

"Read it."

Looking down, I unfold the paper.

Certificate of divorce.

What?

I quickly scan the text in my hands.

...the final termination of a marital union, cancelling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties...at-fault divorce...other party had committed an act incompatible to the marriage...

I stop reading.

Is this really happening?

"You want a divorce?" I whisper.

"I have a valuable reason to do so."

"But..."

"You have hidden information from me. Important information that probably would have affected my decision," he speaks, his voice cold.

I can't breathe.

Is he going to go public with this?

Everyone is going to find out.

The Ministry is going to punish me.

Oh God.

"I believe it is enough to make this marriage invalid."

"Stop it," I whisper, "You can't...you can't do this."

"I can."

I'm panicking.

"But...what will happen to me?" I stand up, throwing the divorce papers to the floor.

He sighs, "Do not worry. After they find out about your condition, they will go easy on you."

"I-I-I don't want them to find out. You can't tell anyone, you can't do this to me!"

"I am only repairing the damage you have done."

Shaking my head, I try to calm down, "Please, I'll do anything."

"Granger, stop it."

I grab his robes, "Please, please."

"You need to calm down," he speaks, but I don't listen to him.

Was it all pointless? The marriage? Everything we've been through, all the sacrifices, all the evil rumours...was it all for nothing?

"Granger - " his voice is a bit softer.

I feel something wet on my face.

My nose.

Is that - ?

I wipe the liquid with my hand, noticing it's blood. Turning away from him in shame, I try to compose myself.

My nose is bleeding. It's nothing new, I just don't want him to see me like this.

I try to wipe the blood away, my hands shaking.

Suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder. He slowly turns me around and I face him again, looking down at the floor, trying to keep a strong face. I think I'm failing miserably at that.

"Here," he offers me a handkerchief.

I don't move.

"Take it," he says.

I meet his eyes and give in, obeying.

Pressing the material to my nose, I take a step away from him.

He is silent.

"Stop it," I whisper.

"Excuse me?"

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Just stop it," I walk over to his bed, sitting down.

And then a laugh escapes me.

"What exactly do you find so entertaining?" he asks.

"The blood," I answer, "I've been insulted constantly about my blood, how it isn't pure enough, how it isn't worthy. And I've always defended it...and now...it betrayed me. My own blood is betraying me."

Silence.

"You have created quite a mess," he comments after a long moment.

"Please, don't tell anyone. Don't...go through with that," I look at the divorce papers on the floor, "Sir, I promise - "

"Do not make promises."

I ignore him, "I promise to stay out of your way, I won't bother you, I won't annoy you, I - "

"Stop it," his voice cuts through me.

This is it.

There is no way I'll be able to convince him.

A cry escapes me.

He takes a deep breath, "What am I going to do with you, girl?"

That makes me look up at him, "W-What?"

He's having an internal battle, I can see it.

"I will not...go through with the divorce," he speaks and my eyes widen, "If you promise to be honest with me from now on."

"I promise, I promise," I quickly nod.

"Alright, Miss Granger."

I stand up, "Thank you."

He's a bit uncomfortable, "Go to your room. We will talk tomorrow."

I smile, not really sure what to do. So I approach him, giving him a quick and awkward hug and then almost run out of his room.

ooo

I did not expect these kind of questions.

He ordered me to meet him early in the morning.

So now we're in the living room and he's standing above me, looking down at me.

"Who else knows?"

"Umm, Professor McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey and...and that's it."

He nods, "What did you hope to accomplish by marrying me?"

"I wanted to help you," I whisper.

"What was that?"

Clearing my throat, I repeat the answer, "I wanted to help you."

"And what makes you think that I was in need of your help?"

I don't know what to say to that.

"Granger. You do remember your promise?"

I bite my tongue, nodding.

Alright.

"I felt sorry for you, Sir. After everything you did for us...I wanted to make it up to you," I explain, looking down at my hands.

"Always trying to do the right thing. Always trying to help. Even if no one asked you to."

I raise my head, meeting his eyes, "It wasn't just that."

He raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue.

"I guess," I start slowly, "I thought I would take the pressure off..for me. Marrying someone who does not care about me, who is not going to get attached and miss me when..." I can't finish that sentence.

"Ron Weasley?" he suddenly asks.

"What about him?"

Snape's eyes turn dark, "I need to know what kind of a relationship you two have."

"There's no...no relationship. I don't think we're even friends anymore."

"Two nights ago I heard something about a kiss?"

I gasp, "I-I told you about that?"

"Infidelity is prohibited. I will not be made fool of."

"It's not like that. We're not...he kissed me. It was only for a second, less than a second."

Snape approaches me, "Weasely did that? Against your will?"

"I guess, but - "

"Does he have a death wish?"

What?

I stand up, "I-It wasn't like that."

He's angry. Really angry.

"Sir, it was nothing. Really."

Silence.

"I will be needing a sample of your blood," he says, changing the subject.

"What? Why?"

"There are some tests I would like to run."

"No."

"No?"

I shake my head, "I've had enough tests done."

"It was not a request. It was an order."

"You can't order me around."

He simply looks at me. He does not have to say anything and I know what he's thinking. He can blackmail me. He has information that could be used against me.

I can feel anger growing inside of me, "Fine. You will get your sample. Do I have your permission to go to class now, Sir?"

He only nods.

I rush past him.

I'm almost like his toy now.

A/N: Hope you like the way the story is going! What is Snape planning? ;) Hmm.