…So, they're going to the beach. Disclaimer to Masashi Kishimoto for obvious reasons and to Pocky-machine for Seiya.
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Ritonno woke up bright and early, a bit before dawn. She went for a run in her cami and pajama shorts and when she got back, Seiya was having coffee.
"That stuff is disgusting. It's bitter and dark." She knew that Seiya didn't like green tea; she ritually insulted her best friend's favorite drink. Neither of them thought anything of it.
"Your stuff looks alive. Good morning, Rit-chan."
"Today we go to the beach!"
"Oh, yeah… Isn't it amazing how you can forget something overnight?"
"Yup"
Deidara came into the kitchen. "Hey, Sei-chan!" He kissed her. "…So, what do you want to do at the beach today, yeah?"
"I dunno. Swim. Body surf. Hang out with you…"
"Sounds good to me, yeah!" He turned to Ritonno. "Ritonno-kun? Didn't you say I could borrow a yukata from you?"
"Oh. Yeah. Once I've had my tea, we can go see what looks good on you…"
"Do you want me to braid your hair later, Dei-chan?"
"Sure! Thanks, yeah!"
"Yeah, let's all have a little braiding party with you, Itachi, and Dei-kun."
"Ew! Itachi?"
"He has long hair, too. Nice long hair, actually. I love long hair."
"Well, I do, too, but that doesn't mean I like Itachi!"
"I never said I liked his attitude, just his looks. Every girl in his village is in love with his brother; you have to admit that, even if he is a horrible person, he's still pretty easy on the eyes."
"Yeah, I guess so… How the heck are we going to handle his bangs, though?"
"The same way I handle mine – with a hair clip."
"Oh…"
"Seiya, I've done all of this before. You have a couple of little bangs that fall in your face, but I look like the sea monster if I go in the water with my hair free. And trust me, you don't want hair in your face if a wave comes down and pushes you under. Then you're confused AND you can't see!"
"Okay." So, they had breakfast – they decided to follow Deidara's example and have miso – and all of the other Akatsuki members came and went until finally, at 9:00, Ritonno and Seiya called them all to the front hall.
You'll have to imagine the affirmative answers in this part because they would take forever to write in.
"Okay, do we have Kakuzu and Hidan? Dei-kun and Sasori? Itachi and Kisame? Rei-kun and Tobi? Good… Now, let me make sure I have the sunscreen and goggles and stuff… Okay. Seiya, distribute the cashews. Now, I would assume that you don't want to eat these all right now – they're good whenever. We're going to buy lunch there. Does everyone know the route? Good. We'll stay overnight in an inn and come back tomorrow. Any questions?"
"How much is this costing us?"
"I'll tell you later. Okay, let's go!"
They took the train the opposite way that they normally went, instead going to a farther away but much bigger city than the normal one so that they could ride the bullet train south. They looked like a normal group of travelers – the girls didn't stand out in their cover-ups and neither did most of the men. They occupied their time on the bullet train with applying sunscreen to their faces and other normally-exposed parts such as their arms and necks, then they had their braiding bonanza, then the train was at their stop so they got off, walked to the beach, took off shirts, yukata, and whatever else they had over their swimsuits, and the girls separated from the guys for awhile to apply sunscreen in areas that the guys had no trouble with.
When they came back, Seiya looked like a normal person who was perhaps a few tints lighter in skin tone; Ritonno had white streaks on her arms from the sunblock and all of her was pale. She slipped off her zori in the area that they had established was theirs, pulled on her goggles, suctioned them to her face, and ran to the ocean.
She was getting her ankles adjusted to the freezing water when Deidara and Seiya came up. Kisame had run into the water before she had finished with her sunscreen and he was swimming around expertly in a much deeper area.
After a couple of hours, Hidan ran screaming out of the water. "HELP!!! THE SHARKS ARE AFTER ME!!!!!!!!!!!"
Kisame was re-applying sunblock and Ritonno heard him mutter, "Stupid. You cut your foot on the rocks."
Ritonno started giggling, and when Kisame ran out of the water after Hidan, looking crazed, she was happy she was in the extremely shallow water and sitting down because she started laughing so hard that she would have been doomed in the deeper water.
She decided to go back to the shade, where Sasori and Leader had been sitting the entire time, Leader wrapped in his towel.
"Heyas! You two should come in the water!"
"Sorry. I didn't bring my stomach plate. If I had it, I would be waterproof. I like sitting here anyway."
"I'm not walking on hot sand or getting into that freezing cold salt water, and there's no way you can make me."
"You two are no fun!" She ran off to find Seiya, Deidara, and Tobi and they played with a beach ball, but it was so light that the wind knocked it off course. Were they not elite ninja, it would have blown itself halfway across the beach. They passed a few hours that way, then realized that they were hungry.
"Hey, Rei-sama, do you wanna come get lunch with us?"
"Sure." He stood up, letting the towel fall away.
"Wait… Why were you hiding in your towel if you were wearing your Akatsuki clothes?"
"I like my towel."
He said this in such a serious and almost threatening way that it made Ritonno laugh. "Let's just get some food, okay?"
The rest of the Akatsuki, noticing the congregation, went to join them, found out they were going to find lunch, and stayed with them. But there were three people missing.
"Hey, where are Zetsu and Kisame?" (Zetsu are two people, so that makes three.)
"Kisame said something about swimming deeper so he could go fishing."
"Zetsu-san would be on the beach photosynthesizing. I used to help them with that, before they started hating me."
"Okay. Kisame is doing one of the dumbest things he possibly could, but it would be even more stupid if any of us were to go into the deep. Now, let's get lunch."
They got ramen, which felt good after the cold ocean water and the wind. Then the group of nine headed back to the beach.
When they were there, Kisame was at their base eating something bloody.
"Kisame! Put that down!"
"But I caught it just a few minutes ago! It's delicious! Want some?"
"No! It's a dead, whole fish!"
"You eat dead fish all the time. Is it really my fault if I like tuna? I'm saving the cut used for ootori for last."
"Kisame… No, never mind. I don't think I have any chances of talking some sense into you."
"Nope! Now let me have my fish!"
You would expect that a humanoid would be selective about the parts he ate. But no, he ate the entire thing, even the bones. It was almost painful to watch, so Ritonno went for a walk with Seiya. She put on her yukata and Seiya got her wrap-around skirt and t-shirt.
I won't tell you every detail of their conversation, but it started with them talking about Leader and Deidara. This led to other topics, such as how bad Sasori looked shirtless, how weird Zetsu were, how disgusting Kisame was, etc. They got back to camp right before sunset and grabbed their boyfriends. Kakuzu left to make reservations in the nearby motel.
When the sunset was over, the two pairs walked to the motel – the others had all left by then – but when they got there the girls froze. "Um, you two go on ahead to your rooms. We have something to do," Ritonno said.
"You sound scared."
"I'm not. Really, I'm not. But there's something I need to do that I can't if you two are here."
Leader shrugged and he and Deidara went to their respective rooms.
Ritonno and Seiya followed behind them. Ritonno whispered to Seiya, "You know what to do?"
"Yeah."
Sure enough, Jiraya approached them.
"Hey, ladies. You're looking lovely tonight."
"Oh, you really think so?"
Ritonno giggled girlishly.
"Yes. You know, I have a nice place in Konoha. Or we could stay here if you want to."
"Oh, my. I'm not so sure my mother would want me to…"
"It's okay. A girl your age can't always obey her mother. There's too much to live for!"
Ritonno knew it was time. Her face turned hard. She jerked her knee up right in the place where Jiraya never wanted to be hit.
"Will you watch him? I'll tell Leader we're going to Konoha."
"Okay."
Ritonno ran up the steps and knocked on Leader's door.
"Ritonno, what are you doing here? It's late!"
"We caught Jiraya. We're going to turn him in to Tsunadae in Konoha, okay?"
"Tonight?"
"Yes, tonight. If he doesn't write Icha after this, the worst thing that can happen is that I'll have to apologize to Itachi."
"Um… okay. Bye. See you when we get back."
"Okay." She turned away from the door. "Let's get going!"
.-..-..-.
It took almost no time to get to Konoha on the bullet train. On it, they explained to Jiraya that they were minors and they didn't think very highly of his books in the first place. When they got off, they dragged him to the nearest motel, tied him up in a corner, and waited until morning. They traded watches, though – they didn't want to think of what could happen if he freed himself.
Finally, it was morning. They dragged him to the Hokage's office and let him fall on the floor.
"Lady Tsunadae… Can you assume what happened?"
"Yes, unfortunately. How old are you two?"
"Sixteen and seventeen."
"Jiraya, you've really overdone it this time. Don't worry, girls – I'll deal with him. Or, wait – did he… do anything to either of you?"
"Not beyond flirting. But he wanted to. Do you want a quote?"
"Sure… This should be amusing, considering that it's Jiraya."
"'I have a nice place in Konoha. Or we could stay here.' We were outside of a motel."
"…"
Tsunadae stood up and walked to Jiraya, who was lying on the floor (still tied up) and smiled. "You've really gotten yourself into trouble this time. You have no idea how satisfying this is. After this, I promise you, you can go free." She kicked him between the legs.
"Um… Tsunadae-sama? He's not conscious."
"I know." She got that demonic smile again. "He's sterile now."
They all started giggling again.
"What will we do when Itachi finds out there won't be any more Icha?"
Tsunadae's face turned completely serious. "Who?"
"One of our friends. Itachi Uchiha." Seiya said it. Of course Seiya would have still have small memory lapses concerning the fact that the Akatsuki was made up entirely of missing-nin…
"How do you know him?"
"Seiya, run."
They left, running away as quickly as they could. Tsunadae followed, but soon lost them in the crowded streets of Konoha.
"Okay, that eliminates any chances of taking the bullet train back. We'd better get started going back – we'll have to go there by foot."
"Um… sorry. I forgot."
"It's okay. I did that once. It's just going to take longer to get home. They'll be looking for us in Konoha, though, so we'll have to wait for breakfast." They set out, then, heading in a northern and slightly western direction to get to the Akatsuki base.
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Next, I'll be writing a special chapter/story-thing about Jiraya after this. It will only be available on DeviantART. So, if you're only on don't be surprised if the next chapter doesn't come out for awhile – I didn't get nearly enough chance to make fun of Jiraya now that he's sterile.
This is going to be fun.