Hey guys, holy crap has it been a long time. I can hardly justify it! Since before I left you, life got ridiculously hectic and I won't even bother to talk about it because it's not yet better! But everything is alright and I'm still relatively alive!
As a benefit, I'll have you know that I have regained interest in this fanfic I was writing and feel as though I may want to continue it now! I honestly don't think that anyone who had been watching my story and enjoying it in all of its sad excuse for glory is still actively keeping an eye out or remains kicking around or in this fandom (as I myself have shifted through a couple fandoms and have settled with none/oc-related fandoms that follow no legit anime, manga, game, etc) but who knows.
I was thinking about rewriting the beginning of this story to get myself into it, a little more invested I suppose, but honestly, I don't think I could possible redeem myself c: So I'm just going to build off from where it is right now. I assure you, my writing capabilities have improved greatly, however, my ability to keep characters responding in character may falter slightly. They won't be ridiculously ooc, more so following a personality that may not be a hundred percent right? But what I mean by that is I haven't been around them in so long that...well yeah. But I'll try my best, and start writing the next part tomorrow. I still remember most of where I had been intending to take this, ideas and all, so it shouldn't be too difficult...hopefully.
To let you guys in on a bit of my life, what has happened since my last update... I warn you now, it is a pretty long rant.
I graduated from high school after having to repeat the eleventh grade (only eleven grades in Quebec) because the School Board decided to drop my marks in French just below passing grade because they felt I didn't deserve it. Bullshit, right?
That sounds like misery, yeah, it sucked, my friends moved on and left me in the dust, sure, but that terrible event is also what led me to meeting the beautiful girl of my dreams. I met her at the end of 2010 when I was repeating my final grade and I fell in love with her as the year progressed. She was A-Sexual so I devoted myself to being strictly friends with her and in no way leading on to my affections. She helped me a lot through school and I absolutely adored her. I was in love with her by the time we graduated but supressed it. We all went our separate ways but she contacted me over the summer because she was about to board a plane to fly to British Columbia and was scared. So we talked, reconnected and she texted me all throughout her vacation, telling me about it and sending pictures occasionally. I loved every second of it, she was the only one who spoke to me. Everyone else I knew moved on and forgot about me, but not her. When she got back from her trip we began to hang out more and she told me she was going to start College in the Fall and was scared. I talked to her a lot because she hated the thought of being alone at College, given that she was a hermit as much as I had become. So I decided I would join College as well, I was planning on doing it at some point anyways, why not now? That was when I found out that The School Board bumped my marks in French down again, but neglected to tell me this time. That was a little humilating, but given the option to redo a third final year at High School (Lol as if, money-suckling bastards) or attend an Adult Education Center, I chose the AEC option. BOY was that ever miserable. This one 'councillor' teacher harassed me and accused me of being a good for nothing droppout with addictions to alcohol, smoking, drugs, you name it, and constantly put me down. You know what? I was none of those. I just wanted to pass and get out. I completed a full-year French course in 39 days- approximately a month and a week. All the while in AEC, I would bus over to the college the girl I loved went to, as it was practically just around the corner, and which my schedule I could sit with her on her breaks and eat lunch with her until her classes. We grew closer. Another woman came into the picture, someone who really fancied the girl I loved, but I sadly tore that up by pointing it out to the girl I loved. And the way she responded broke my heart. I knew that I would never be with her, I would never be able to confess to her, love her, hold her hand, kiss her softly... More time passed and we still got closer and closer. There were signs but I was so stuck on not letting her know of my love that I completely missed hers. But one day, that all changed. She asked me to kiss her. We'd been sharing in other slightly too close to be normal friends kind of interactions but I was so oblivious and didn't think that it meant anything- I was her experimenting with things she had never done before, especially not with another girl. I told her that I couldn't do it- that was something a boy should be her first for (as I had said for every other thing we did) and that I don't kiss people I'm not really in a relationship with... But she insisted because we were so ridiculously close and she does have feelings for me so it wouldn't be too far off. And I kissed her. This led to a blissful amount of confessions. By the end of the night, we were together. After two years, I was with the girl of my dreams. Two years of patience and restraint, silence and acceptance. Our relationship went smoothly for the first year, always getting better, but hit rocks. I had joined college that winter since I completed my French course and all was in order. The first semester was absolutely splendid, the second a little less, but still good. I loathed my classmates but really enjoyed the classes. Seriously, those kids were ridiculously stupid and so irritating. Sadly, my program was the catch-all for kids who didn't know what they wanted to do with their lives yet. Translation? Losers with money and no brains or cares for grades. I've been on honour roll for every semester I have attended College (almost made it onto the Dean's Honour Roll but I was off by one or two percent with my average /sob) but as each semester passed and we came into the new one I was becoming a monster. I hated everyone, I was angry all the time, sick all the time (body wise, not flus or colds) and I was constantly getting mad at my girlfriend. We got into hopeless spirals, fights and arguments. But we held on, we stayed together. Sadly, I had a fight with her sister and her family began to hate me because her sister is a vicious bitch who hates not getting her way so she pitted all our mutual college friends against me along with her family. My girlfriend's family victimized themselves blaming me for being why they are all falling apart and are so miserable in their lives (logic: blame the black sheep, make them out the be the wolf in sheep's clothing. Her mother had confessed to my girlfriend a number of times that she felt as though I was 'out to get her' which was quite delusional but nothing could really be done) Essentially, I was banned from their house because I "make them feel isolated and unwelcome in their own home"...right...okay...sure. But honestly, all they ever did was pick at me and tell me I'm doing this wrong, I need to be nicer, I should say or do this or that more often, be more inclusive, help out more, and I would do ALL that AND more. But all they did was complain about me and talk down about me behind my back, on most days, as soon as I left the room. My girlfriend wouldn't defend me or stand up for me or do anything so I was constantly getting angry at her when she would tell me these things but when asked what she said back, she would say she did nothing. We had a lot of problems like that. One time (about two months ago actually) her sister spun this huge lie that got my girlfriend furious with me and we had this massive fight because she wouldn't believe me, let alone hear my side of the story. But we made it passed that hurdle when I proved myself innocent (her sister didn't know comments on a certain website could be unhidden) and despite it all, she still believed her sister when she said that what she said (her lie) wasn't what my girlfriend thought, she convinced her that she 'misinterpreted' what she said. Pissed me off, but whatever. By christmas we had a huuuuge fight, one of the biggest yet and many complications, but my girlfriend finally opened up to me about herself and ger feelings and everything made so much more sense. I feel like a total dick for what I did and what happened between us with all our fights but I didn't know. But here we are, a few weeks past christmas and not a single fight.. We usedto fight on a daily basis. But everything is fine now. We are able to communicate effectively with one another.
Bringing us to now, I am on my last semester for College, still searching for a job after four years looking.
Unfortunately, my health has been dreadful since 2008 and has been getting increasingly worse. It used to be stomach problems and easily being winded, but now I can't eat or drink without becoming violently ill and neither my heart or lungs can handle any stress or activity. Once my heart rate elevates my heart palpates and I have a 3-beat arythmia(sp?) and my lungs pretty much collapse. I tried to go to several clinics but I was turned away each time. I'm trying again on Tuesday, going to the ER because I can't even sit up without my heart overworking itself, I can't eat, and my body aches and hurts so much, I've become so thin that it hurts to lay in bed, my bones jut too much. Aside from it being painful to lay in bed and difficult to move and be up, I have insomnia that never lets me rest and paranoid fears of things not in the dark, plagued by images and my imagination pushing these thoughts and fears on my mind. I'm not schizophrenic or legitimately paranoid, I don't match up to enough symptoms so don't worry. It is a product, or rather symptom, of not getting enough sleep. I already talked to a psychologist at school, there is nothing wrong with me, but I need to get my health shit figured out and everything will be better. But my aggression and whatnot is a symptom of depression, and a result from the overwhelming stresses of school, being jobless, my family situation, and my relationship situation. Everything causes some problem or another and it is a vicious cycle. So I'm starting at the root and going to go get my body hopefully fixed and get my health in check. Then the pieces should fall into place and everything will get better. But otherwise, everything has been...well, not good, but getting better. Life is a work in progress, just have to give it time.
Anyways, I'm so very sorry for this lengthy rant. But that is an update of my life and what has been going on these past four years. Not even everything, but the main aspects I suppose. I do intend to revisit this and try to continue, I'll pick it up tomorrow and see what I can do.
Until then, goodbye, Strangers and Dangers. Thank you for everything.