While everyone talked about school Rachel slipped out to the fire escape quietly. It was something she did when she wanted to be alone because there she could see the stars and seeing the stars made her think of Finn.
"Oh Finn I wish you were here. All of this would be so much easier with you here." She said quietly. Then she thought of the last time they were in Lima when they had told Burt and Carol about the baby. She remembered a stop she made alone while she was there.
Rachel walks in the cemetery to the section where Finn was laid to rest. She quietly kneeled down and placed the flowers she'd brought on the headstone.
"Hi, it's me. I didn't want to forget you in all of the craziness while we were here. I've got something to tell you and I probably should have come here first but Kurt was so excited to tell your mom and Burt and they were so happy I knew you'd understand. Oh I wish you were here so that I could tell you myself. I've imagined it a million times in my head. I would have come here and asked you to meet me at the school and I could have told you in the auditorium. Just picturing your face when I told you, I knew you would have been happy, it would have been a turning point for us. But you're not here, you're singing with the angels now. Finn what I have to tell you you probably already know...that last time we were together we created something amazing, we created a baby. A little Finn or Rachel. You would have been the best dad and I know that you would never have wanted it to happen this way that you would have wanted to be a part of our child's life and if I hadn't been so stupid I would have come and told you right away and maybe you'd still be here with us, I hope you can forgive me for that. I know that you will always be watching over us and that's what is allowing me to move forward." Rachel said to the headstone with tears running down her face again. Would she ever stop crying? She didn't think so.
"Rachel?" Blaine said coming out on the fire escape with her.
"Hi, I was just talking to Finn. Wherever he is. Last year he gave me a star. He named it after himself because he said there was already a star named Rachel Berry. Now when I come out here I try to figure out which star it is, I think it's the brightest one out there, don't you?" Rachel said
"Yeah I do. Rachel it's amazing what you're doing all on your own, I can't even imagine the strength this must take after losing him." Blaine said
"Well I wish I could say that it's easy but it can be overwhelming at times. I try to focus on the good that this baby is going to bring for everyone-myself included. And I imagine little Finn growing up looking like his dad. It's funny I can't picture him looking like me, only like Finn. He'll be tall, talented and big hearted." Rachel said
"You're a rock Rachel, really. I mean I know you have all this support but it can't be easy on you not having Finn to share it all."
"Hey there you guys are!" Sam said poking his head out the window.
"Come on out Sam. We're just talking about Finn and little Finn." Rachel smiled
"He really was an amazing guy Rachel. But you already knew that because you loved him more than any of us." Sam said
"He thought the same of you Sam. When we drove down to get you from that strip club we didn't know that it was a strip club. We thought it was some sort of dinner theater. Finn was kind of mortified and even more so when I told him to give me money. But we had talked about it on the way there, there was no way we were taking no for an answer, we were going to bring you back. Finn knew we needed you and that we wouldn't be able to get anyone else at school to join. He told me that he thought you were pretty amazing the way you supported your family and never complained about it, you just did what you had to do." Rachel said
"That was a pretty embarrassing scene for me. I mean there I was dancing and I look down and there you are shielding your eyes with your hand and holding out money to me. I was mortified. I mean I had run into the mothers of some of my classmates at the school there but I never thought in a million years that anyone from McKinley let alone you! I think I could have handled just about any of the other girls but you or Mercedes-that was pretty much my worst nightmare." Sam said
"But you came back and staying with Burt and Carol has worked out pretty good right?" Rachel asked
"Yeah. Burt is great. I do a lot of work at the tire shop and he makes sure that I have everything I need. I felt really bad about being there though after Finn died so I stayed with Blaine for a few weeks to give them some space." Sam said
"So a male model huh? That's some decision." Rachel said changing the subject.
"Yeah well when we did the calendars for glee earlier this year it just seemed logical. And I really want to be here in New York with all of you if I can." Sam said
The three of them went in, Sam and Blaine helping Rachel back through the window to find Santana and Kurt arguing about something.
"Santana there's no way! The last thing she needs right now is to hear that!" Kurt said
"Well I for one think that she does! She deserves to know why. It's the one thing that has been kept from her and she's going to have to tell the baby someday." Santana spit back at him.
"Um Kurt, Santana?" Blaine said. Rachel was standing between him and Sam and she knew something was up.
"Well looks like you'll get your way Santana." Kurt conceded but he wasn't happy.
"Tell me what?" Rachel asked in a small voice. She knew it had to do with Finn.
"Sit down Rachel. It's not totally bad news but it is something that we hadn't told you yet." Santana said
"Santana let me. I'm his brother and I should tell her. Rachel, the night Finn died he wasn't just crossing the street when that driver hit him. The driver was drunk but that's not the whole story. See Finn had been at the library there at Lima University and when he came out he found a bunch of guys harassing a girl. He told them to stop and when they wouldn't he decided to try to fight them off which is when he got thrown out into the street and as he was getting up that's when the drunk driver came around the corner, going to fast and hit Finn. He died trying to keep a girl from getting hurt by those guys. She only came forward a couple of weeks ago when the police were looking for more information to try to prosecute the drunk driver. She had run from the scene when they started fighting but she saw everything. She was just afraid the guys would come after her. He died a hero, like he always thought his dad did." Kurt said.
"I don't understand, why would you keep this from me?" Rachel said
"That was my point to lady Hummel. There was no reason to keep it from you!" Santana said
"Well I didn't want you to get more sad news. I just wanted you to be able to be happy again. All this bad news all the time. You hardly ever smile and when you talk about the baby you get this far off look on your face, it just breaks my heart." Kurt said
"Ok I get it and I'm very touched that you didn't want to see me hurting anymore Kurt but the fact is that there is always going to be some hurt because Finn is always going to be gone. I hope that little Finn will help to make some of it hurt less but I also know that there is always going to be pain. I know that if I ever find someone I want to be in my life that they aren't going to fill the void completely because no one can. I need all of you to stop treating everything like it might break me though. I can handle these things. I can handle talking about Finn and I can handle talking about the events that took him from us." Rachel said in a stern tone.
"Rachel's right guys, we can't instantly make things better. When my family first started having hard times my parents tried to hide it from us because they didn't want us to worry but that only made it so much worse when we lost the house and realized just how bad it was." Sam said
"And she is also right that she's a lot stronger than you two give her credit for! Look at her, she's pregnant, going to NYADA AND preparing for her first role on Broadway. You both are great at protecting the people you love but really she's proven she's not going to fall apart. I mean yes she did break down at first but who wouldn't and none of us knew that she was pregnant at the time, that had to make it worse for her." Blaine said
"You're all right. I'm sorry Rachel, but you are like the sister I never had and when Finn was around I knew that eventually you would really be my sister because I knew that eventually you two would work things out but when Finn was taken from us I just felt like someone should be protecting you and I guess I tried to fill his role." Kurt shrugged a little looking like a scolded child.
"I'm sorry too. I mean I come off as a bitch sometimes and I know I'm not easy to live with but you and Kurt are my family, the family that I didn't realize I needed until I came here. When I came to New York I kind of did it without thinking and when I got here I just decided to come here because you two were the first people I thought of." Santana said sheepishly.
"See? This is how we need to handle things. Openly and honestly. That's what Finn would want to see." Rachel said
"Ok enough of this. I say we all settle down and get ready for tomorrow. I have my NYADA audition in the morning and Sam has his appointment with that modeling agency so let's have some fun-let's watch a movie and forget all the bad stuff." Blaine said.
The next morning Rachel went in for her fittings. The costume designer already had Rachel's pre-pregnancy measurements and said she would leave a little room which was easy considering the costumes were from the 40's and women were allowed to be more voluptuous then. Rachel was actually having fun seeing the drawings too when the director came in to see her.
"Ahh Rachel there you are. I'm glad I caught you." he said
"Yes I'm just seeing the costume drawings." Rachel said
"Well I am here with a little bit of news about the production. The producers are having problems coming up with the costs for the theater where we will be opening so we are going to have to push things back a bit." he said glumly
"Oh dear, well how far?" Rachel asked
"Well it is looking like our previews won't be able to open until December. As you know we had wanted to do previews in October but now it looks like December." he said
"Well it's not too far so I guess that's a good thing." Rachel said
"So we are going to suspend rehearsals until July. I realize that this is going to hard as you're going to be very pregnant during rehearsals but I also have faith in your knowledge of the script. So I will see you in July. Enjoy your time off, what will you do?" he asked
"Well I wasn't expecting to have so much time on my hands, my classes at NYADA are almost done and I'll be on summer break soon. I was going to ask you for a week so that I could go help my High School glee club prepare for their national competition and now it seems I don't need to." Rachel said, secretly pleased because this meant a long visit in Lima with Carol and Burt and her dads and she would even be able to go to LA for the competition!
"Well I'm glad it worked out, but remember to keep rehearsing your songs ok?" he said
"Oh yes of course." Rachel said
Rachel hurried to NYADA afterward and met Kurt Sam and Blaine who were waiting for Madam Thibideaux to call Blaine in.
"Nervous?" Rachel asked Blaine
"A little, I'm kind of afraid I'm going to choke. I mean I don't normally do this type of song so it's a little intimidating." Blaine said. He had chosen "Open the Gates and Seize the Day" from Newsies and Kurt and Sam would be his backup.
"Blaine Anderson." An aide to Madam Thibideaux said
"Yes that's me." Blaine gulped
"I'll be in there watching you." Rachel said
With that they went in and Sam, Blaine and Kurt took the stage. They had even dressed the parts.
"I'm Blaine Anderson and I will be performing 'Open The Gates and Seize the Day' from Newsies for you with the help of Kurt Hummel and Sam Evans.
With that they launched into the musical number performing it flawlessly. Knowing that Madam Thibideaux wouldn't want applause Rachel kept quiet when they finished.
"Thank you Mr Anderson that was a wonderful performance. We'll be in touch." Madam Thibideaux said.
Back at the loft they all decided to take a break while Sam went to his modeling agency appointment. Rachel excused herself to take a nap while Kurt and Blaine enjoyed some "alone" time. But she couldn't sleep and apparently Kurt and Blaine were having a little too much fun. EARPLUGS, I need earplugs she thought to herself. Not able to find any she got her ipod out and started listening to some of the songs that she'd put on there from New Directions past performances and imagining each one. Thank goodness they got a recording from each performance afterward. After awhile she turned them off, relieved to hear that Kurt and Blaine were not going at it anymore. Then she heard Sam coming in and talking about how he had to lose weight. She decided to go out.
"What's this about losing weight? Sam that's crazy." Rachel said
"I agree, it's not healthy." Blaine said
Santana seemed to be the only one not opposed.
"I have the perfect song!" Rachel said
"Oh no, please do not turn our home into a constant sing a long!" Santana groaned
Rachel started singing "Just The Way You Are" by Billy Joel.
"Now what we are going to do is get you some great pictures, I know the perfect photographer, she works with the Funny Girl production and I'm sure she will be more than happy to take some shots of you that we can show to some other agencies." Rachel said
"Really?" Sam asked
"Really. We are going to find you the right agency who wants you just the way you are." Rachel said
By that night Sam had a bunch of great new pictures and he and Blaine were headed back to Lima.
"I think I'm going to go back to Lima once my finals are over." Rachel said
"Lima, but what about the show?" Kurt said
"Well turns out I don't have to be back to the show until July. I think I would really like to see Carol and spend some time with my dads and I could help Mr Shue with Nationals." Rachel said.
"Well I guess so, I mean I was planning on going back for Nationals and Graduation. I guess I could join you." Kurt said
"What are you two leaving me here?" Santana asked
"Well unless you want to come too." Rachel said.
"No I've been back way too many times this year. I think you and Kurt should go. I'll be ok here." Santana said.
"Well then it's settled, we'll go back to Lima and help with Nationals and Rachel can rest." Kurt said.