A/N
Chapter ten, and all shall be revealed! Everything, the whole enchilada, only the truth, my dears! So, sit back, relax, grab a coke (and maybe some instant ramen), and read on my darlings!
(Shout outs will be at the end of this chapter)
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It is not every day that one beholds a bony hand burned ruddy from the sun and with filthy black nails full two inches long shoot up from under the ground. Interestingly enough, today was one of the days when the norm according to the natural flow of events was disrupted, and things such as the afore-mentioned affair with the hand occur.
The hand, coincidentally, was attached to a rather dirty wrist, which was in turn connected to a bony arm, which finally led to a sunburned body, which crawled its way out of the toughly packed dirt.
Said sunburned body, under further inspection, turned out to be a grime-encrusted Host. The now black haired cat-toothed figure tried to sigh, but inhaled large quantities of dirt from underneath his aquiline nose, thus leaving him doubled over and hacking.
"B-bugger it!" he managed to splutter through the sand in his lungs. Once his coughing fit had subsided, he took in the surroundings. He was not in the coliseum anymore, but instead in a stone arena, garnished with barbaric wood and bone decorations. There was a humongous mud and leather roof three hundred feet into the air that stretched for one thousand feet in every direction. The arena was circular, with large, crudely fashioned stone bleachers descending from near the roof all around until they were only ten feet above the scorched soil of the arena's floor. The worn granite of the banks of seating was split four times by yawning openings guarded by wooden portcullises. The bark of the wood was stripped in some places, and looked as though predatorial teeth and claws had been slashing at it for millennia. Great banners of tattered cloth bearing bizarre emblems stood like weary sentries over each gate, and numerous braziers provided the dim, red glow that served as lighting for this terrible destination.
Well, it's a bit like my coliseum, Host mused, not exactly content with the way his dream-state cerebral slap-dash surrounding change had worked out, At least the computers, stage, microphones, and chairs are all still here.
Sure enough, in the middle of the scorched and crackling dirt of the new venue rested the familiar circle of bamboo chairs, the bank of antiquated computers, the ancient intercom system, and the raised platform that served as a stage.
Host sighed in relief. Well, at least he had managed to save those vital elements.
"Hey, it's Host! He's alive!" the voice came from a distant stone bleacher, "We thought you were dead!"
No need to sound so disappointed, Host thought before turning to behold the owner of the voice that had previously hailed him.
"Kiba! Shino!" Host exclaimed as the two shinobi hurried towards him, "Where is everyone else?"
Kiba shrugged. "Dunno, we were hoping you could tell us."
"More importantly, what happened just now?" Shino asked quietly.
Host tried to run a hand through his hair, but the black claws on his fingertips lacerated his scalp. To his credit, however, he managed to avoid screaming in pain.
"I had to use a complete thought process revamp," he explained through gritted teeth, "There was something… less than satisfactory happening, so I was forced to use this, um, technique thingy." Host finished poetically.
"Right, that's great, but what happened in terms that are easier to understand?" Kiba asked, unimpressed by Host's less than complete explanation.
"Ok, look, you know how sometimes the tiniest thing can just send your mind reeling?" Host began, waving his hands for emphasis, "Well that's what I did, except I just controlled the plummet… more or less. I created a complete disturbance in the smooth flow of how everything was working, basically disproving the principle that the thoughts that created the coliseum worked on. When I did that, I just waited for the thoughts to change themselves. Still, there was a slight chance that the thought chain would have just given up and we all would have ceased to exist."
"Exactly how slight a chance?" asked Shino coldly.
"Well, about an 83 percent chance, but I had control over what would happen," Host hastened to reassure the two shinobi in front of him, "That is to say, I sort of had control."
"Don't ever do that again, okay?" Kiba's words weren't a question so much as an order.
"Okay," replied Host timidly.
"I have a few more questions," Shino put in before the conversation died completely, "What was the principle that the thoughts worked on, how did you disprove it, and what was the 'less than satisfactory' occurrence? Also, why are you bleeding? I was under the impression that only intentions could do you any harm."
"Look, do you really need to know?" the man whined.
Shino's only response was silence.
"Okay, okay, fine. I'm bleeding because self-inflicted injuries are the only thing other than intent that can hurt me. The principle that the thoughts of the coliseum worked on was simple: existence. The coliseum took it for granted that we all existed, and so all it had to do was build up from there into the complex structure that you all beheld. The less than satisfactory occurrence I'm not going to tell you, nor why it merited such drastic measures." Host finished with a great intake of breath.
"So how exactly did you disprove this principle?" The Aburame asked.
"Simple," came the reply, "I just made myself believe that we didn't exist."
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"Sai!"
The shout roused a certain sallow-skinned shinobi from the sweetly innocent realms of unconsciousness. Blearily opening his eyes he was obliged to close them immediately due to the generous amounts of dust that cascaded into his eyes.
"Ino?" he said. It was more of a question than a confirmation. Blinking the tears away from his blocked up eyes he attempted to raise an arm to wipe the grime from his face. Interestingly, his arm stoically protested against the command of movement. He was certain that the message went from his brain to his arm, but somehow it had gotten lost along the way. It was rather like a disgruntled employee flat-out refusing to carry out some menial task ordered to him by his boss. The shinobi tried again, still to no avail.
"Sai, are you hurt?" Ino rushed up, kneeling in the dust next to him. When the filth was mostly washed away from his corneas, Sai looked up into Ino's concerned cerulean eyes. There was a cut above her left eyebrow, which bled steadily, causing her to blink regularly so as to avoid being blinded by blood. She was covered in cuts and bruises, and her hair was tousled and had come loose from its regular ponytail.
"Are you alright?" Sai asked her automatically. Rule number one in a crisis situation, always ask your friend how they are. Even if it's obvious, it's still polite to ask them, thus provoking them to talk about it and relieving tension built up by the afore mentioned crisis. Sai was proud of himself for remembering this vital detail on such short notice.
"That's just what I asked you!" she riposted.
Sai's pride crumbled like brittle clay. Bugger, now he had screwed up on the first rule of talking to the opposite gender: always listen to what they say.
"I'm fine, sorry, I didn't hear you. At least, I think I'm fine, I'm not really sure," he stumbled over his own words.
"Yeah, you don't look too great," she informed him analytically, "You're sweating like crazy, and your skin has gone all grey. Here, let's dig you out of all this stuff first." She set to work moving the splintered wood and ground up stone that pinned him to the ground.
Odd, he hadn't realized that he was buried underneath anything. In fact, he hadn't felt a thing since he woke up.
"Dang!" Ino hissed in sympathy as she overturned a rock, "This isn't good."
Sai looked down at himself and beheld the cause of the loss of feeling in his arm. There was a stake of wood implanted in his right shoulder, almost pinning it to the ground. The bone had obviously been splintered, and shards of it poked up through the skin, forming small, bloody lumps underneath his shirt. He had gone into medical shock before he had even woken up, causing numbness throughout the injured area. It wouldn't last long though, soon he would start shaking, his body would go cold, he would be gripped by nausea, and the pain would set in. That diabolical, mind freezing, blood searing pain that spoke of injury beyond comprehension.
"Try not to move around, Sai, this will only take a second," Ino didn't have the look of someone who was just about to do something that would 'only take a second'.
"This is going to hurt, isn't it?" Sai stated more than asked.
"Like hell," came the reply.
Sharply turning him up on his left side Ino quickly surveyed the damage. Grabbing a heavy piece of rock from the pile she had just created she brought it down hard on the end of the stake impaling Sai's shoulder. Blood sprayed from the exit wound as the wooden shard made its way out of the root member's arm. Reaching quickly she snatched its end and wrenched it the rest of the way out, splattering scarlet blood all over the ground and her hands.
She quickly gathered the green glow around her slender fingers, laying them gently on the gaping hole in the youth's shoulder. The ragged edges of muscle smoothed and joined, bone knitted together like frost on a window. Ino began to feel nauseous, barely keeping herself from throwing up at the sight of the lacerated injury and steady blossom of blood from underneath the skin. At long last the epidermis closed smoothly, and the telltale thump of the shoulder re-aligning itself within the socket told the medical ninja that her work was done. Falling back, exhausted, she lay on her back taking deep breaths of air.
There came a groan from her patient. He had not made a sound throughout the entire procedure until now.
"Sai," she panted, not having enough strength to get up, "Are you alright?"
"Ergh," he replied.
Barely mustering enough strength to crawl over to his prone form, Ino sat by his head. "Where does it hurt?" she asked, panting from the exertion of remaining upright.
Using his left arm, Sai gestured to his mouth. Upon his opening it Ino was shocked to discover blood oozing from his gums. In an effort not to scream, Sai had clenched his jaw so hard he had broken his own teeth.
With a rattling sigh, Ino raised her hands shakily, scraping the bottom of her chakra reserves for the last dregs. Slowly, steadily, Sai's teeth began to mend, popping like corn over a fire. The blood seeped back into the vessels, and the shards of enamel reassembled themselves like a 3d jigsaw. When the last tooth was in place, Ino could barely breathe such was her fatigue. With a small gasp she fell over in a dead faint.
When the last twinge of pain told Sai that his dental gear was whole once more, he open his eyes from the tight clench they had been held in for the last fifteen minutes. Globes of light exploded in front of his vision, temporarily blinding him. When his vision cleared, he sat up and exercised his right arm. The appendage was a bit stiff, but otherwise as good as new. Rolling the shoulder and flexing the bicep, he gradually worked the kinks out of his healed joints. He then rotated his jaw and pinched each tooth in turn, checking to see that they were all in order. When he was satisfied that he was in perfectly stable conditions of health (apart from being caked in congealing blood), he looked around to see where his savior was. He did not have to search long, as (to his great surprise) she was lying right beside him, unconscious.
"Ino?" he asked uncertainly.
When there was no reply he sighed and stood up. Sliding one arm under the small of her back and the other through the crook of her knees he picked her up bridal style.
She's so light, he thought, she really should eat more.
For the first time since his awakening, Sai examined the surroundings. They were in a cave, or tunnel of some sort. It was roughly hewn out of sandstone and supported by wooden beams. There was dim torchlight that provided just enough light to be creepy but not enough to actually see well by. He looked from one end of the seeming tunnel to the other. One way led off into crushing black darkness, and the other way was blocked by a heap of rocks.
Sai adjusted his hold on Ino so that she lay against his shoulder. Using his free hand he reached up to loosen his knife in its sheath. Once that was done he reassumed his previous method of carrying the unconscious girl.
"No choice, I suppose," he muttered, starting off down the dark corridor.
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"Hey, wake up idiot," a voice commanded.
Deidara opened his eyes to be presented with a view of Konan leaning over his prone form.
"What the… what happened?" the pyrotechnician murmured, putting a hand to his throbbing head.
"Don't move, you'll only make it worse," Konan admonished.
"What's wrong with him?" came a new voice, "He looks fine to me."
"Not everyone can withstand injuries as well as you can, Hidan, okay?" Konan snapped towards the source of the voice.
The immortal swelled like a pigeon. "Yeah? Oh, oh yeah?" It was clear that he was having some difficulty in composing a witty retort, "Well, fuck you!"
"Clever," Konan muttered sarcastically, "Anyway, Deidara, we also had that headache you're feeling right now. Just don't move around and it'll subside soon enough. I know it hurts right now, but just bear with me."
"Right, thanks," Deidara replied, leaning his back up against the mud-wattle wall.
Once the worst of his headache (and Hidan's cussing fit) had subsided, Deidara looked around.
"Where are we?" he asked, bewildered.
"I don't know," the young woman admitted, "I had a look around though and it looks like some kind of arena. You know, like the ones that they have in all the hidden villages to test Chuunin?"
"Why are we in an arena? I thought that we were in a bunch of ruins."
"So did I. I don't know what happened."
Deidara tried to stand up but pain exploded through his skull, buckling his knees and forcing him to the ground again. Konan caught him just as he fell. "Be careful, you'll hurt yourself," she chided.
He would have laughed if it hadn't caused him searing agony to do so. "You say that as if I'm not already hurt."
"Oh shut up," she said not unkindly.
"Hey, I hate to butt in on your mushy little chat, but should we find the others perhaps?" Hidan snapped.
The pair of artists looked at one another, then to Hidan, then back to each other.
"Should we tell him?" Deidara asked wearily.
"We may as well."
"Okay grey-head, don't spread this around," Deidara warned the immortal.
"I wouldn't dream of it, but what am I not supposed to spread around?"
"Konan and I aren't actually… together."
"… Seriously?"
"Seriously," Konan continued, "It was my idea. I asked Deidara if he would pretend to be with me so as to show Pein that I can take care of myself, and that I don't need his protection." And to make him jealous, she thought afterward. Still, no need to tell that to Hidan.
The immortal in question grinned.
"Hey blondie,"
"I don't answer to that name."
"Once leader finds out about this, you are so screwed."
"I know."
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"Uzumaki! Hyuuga! Where are you?" called Host through cupped hands.
He, Shino, Kiba, and Akamaru were all walking down a dark and crumbling sandstone corridor. Kiba held a torch in his left hand, trying not to burn his face with it, while his right hand was cupped on one side of his mouth.
"Hinata! Naruto! Where are you guys?" he called.
"The last time I saw them they were together, and they were together when I initiated the time-space manipulation thought process," Host said worriedly.
"When you initiated the what?" Kiba asked, having little patience for all this clever talk.
"I said when I initiated the time-space manipulation thought pro…"
"I heard what you said, but what do you mean?"
Host looked slightly put out at being interrupted. "I mean that they were together when I stopped believing we existed. Well, actually, when I stopped believing our surroundings existed, then started to believe that we were somewhere else," he explained patiently.
"That sounds a lot simpler than you made it out to be at the outset," Kiba deadpanned.
"Well, actually there were any number of things that could have gone wrong. For example, I basically created a whole new environment, while at the same time trying to tell myself that the current one didn't exist. What I had to be careful of was that I didn't leave out any important details. Do you know how long I spent making that original coliseum? I had been planning that place ever since I was a cosmic blip! I had to think up this place on the spot. If I had left out any important details, then there would have been holes of nothingness scattered around the place, and if someone had come into contact with one of those holes they would have gone mad. The mind doesn't understand nothingness, and it doesn't understand fuzzy patches in reality, so if I had done something like that then all of your guys' sanity would be at stake. Furthermore," Host inhaled deeply before continuing, "I ended up three feet underground because I hadn't imagined our positions relative to the space thoroughly enough. If your cerebral ideal for me hadn't included claws and very durable lungs then I probably would have been a goner! Any one of you could have ended up inside a wall for all I know, and been crushed to death!"
"So… it really was kinda dangerous?" Kiba asked.
Host fell over.
Picking himself back up, he replied: "Yes Kiba, it was 'kinda dangerous'."
"Would you two please stop bickering and focus on the task at hand? Personally I don't think that we'll ever find Naruto or Hinata by just walking around hoping to get lucky," Shino broke up the tiff before it led to blows.
"You're right, Aburame, we really should call in some extra help," Host agreed, looking around as though a giant map might suddenly appear with a: "Naruto and Hinata are here" sign on it.
"Uh, Host? You do realize that both Shino and I are trackers, right?" Kiba coughed.
"Hm? Oh yes, of course, but I really don't think it'll do much good," replied the metaphysical anomaly.
"Why not?" asked Shino curiously.
"Well, firstly, this entire foundation is built out of a system of sandstone and limestone caves which are filled with water in parts. Just ahead of us, in fact, there is a large subterranean lake, which will block out most smells, so that really puts Kiba at a disadvantage. Secondly, a great number of these tunnels are full of methane gas due to my lack of foresight in the design of this place. Pockets of gas are being released, and thus they are making the lower tunnels completely un-explorable. That would kill your insects, Aburame."
"Hm," Shino mused.
"In short, there is only one thing left to do," Host sighed.
"And what is that?" Kiba asked impatiently.
"I have to summon two people who I doubt will enjoy being told what to do."
Host sat down on the roughly hewn floor, pulling a piece of chalk from his pocket. With the chalk he drew a white circle around himself, putting thirteen jags through it at seemingly random intervals. When he was done that he drew eleven more circles outside of the circle he had already drawn, repeating the previous process on each. He did this to each and every circle in turn, each time increasing the number of circles exponentially, until he had completed the process five times.
Then he closed his eyes and sat cross-legged in the first circle he had drawn.
He furrowed his brow in concentration, making him look like someone who is trying to remember something very important.
"What's he doing?" Kiba whispered to Shino.
Shino would have answered if it were not for the air suddenly seeming to get… tighter, all of a sudden. It was as though the air had become solid, being attracted to Host. Sweat dripped down the strange man's nose, and it was obvious that he was in some considerable discomfourt.
"Kiba," Shino rasped.
"Yeah?"
"Get back."
The two youths and dog did so.
Suddenly the air changed again. This time it tensed up like the abdominal muscles of some colossus, then exploded outward from Host, blowing his hair around in wild directions. Suddenly it all calmed down, and Host slumped over forwards to land on his own forehead.
"What's up with him?" came a new voice.
"Eh? Who are you?" asked Kiba, still somewhat spaced out from what he had just witnessed.
Turning to behold the newcomers, he saw what looked like a human plant, and a girl with spiky red hair.
"I'm Karin," said the girl.
"And we're Zetsu," two voices emanated from the plant.
"Okay, I'm Kiba Inuzuka, and this is Shino Aburame," Kiba introduced himself and his silent friend.
"Do you guys have any idea what's going on?" Karin asked, pushing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose.
"None," replied Shino.
"What's wrong with him?" asked a voice that sounded like a beehive.
"He is unconscious," came another voice, this one sounding like a rumbling volcano.
"Zetsu?" asked Kiba uncomfourtably.
The half black half white being turned to face the one who accosted him.
"Are… are those voices coming from you?" Kiba sounded almost apologetic as he asked the strange question.
"Yes," said the one voice like a beehive.
"… How?"
"Never mind," came the volcano voice.
Shino sighed and pushed his glasses further up on his nose. This was hardly an ideal place to be stranded. Host had been leading the way through a labyrinth of tunnels and corridors until they had stopped and Host had cast that spell or whatever it was. And now he was passed out on the floor in the center of one hundred sixty one thousand and fifty one circles.
"Kiba, give me the torch," Shino directed the request towards his friend.
Curiously, Kiba complied, handing over the burning stick of wood and resin. Taking the torch in his hand, Shino held it close to Host's head, allowing the flames to lick the being's scalp. Suddenly he woke up with a start, somehow managing in the process to move his head in such a way that he received the full brunt of a torch in the eye-socket.
"Oow!" He wailed, clutching the damaged flesh, "What is wrong with you?"
"You're awake," Shino stated simply.
"Thanks for telling me!" Host rocked back and forth, still covering his eye.
"What did you just do?" the insect user continued calmly.
"Look, can it wait?" Host whined, "I'm kind of hurt right now! What were you doing with that thing in my face anyway?"
"My intention was to wake you, not hurt you, so therefore I knew that you would not be burnt. You hurt yourself on that torch when you saw fit to stick it in your own eye," Shino's words were calm, but an icy chill pervaded them.
"Fine, fine. Look, I just had to remember these two, okay? I can't change people, but I can change where they are if they're in surroundings that I create. Does that make sense?"
"So basically you just summoned us here?" Karin interjected, "What do you need me for, anyway?"
"Karin, track down Naruto Uzumaki's chakra," Host ordered.
A mischievous smirk spread across Karin's features. "Say please," she taunted.
"PLEASE!" The pained man shouted.
"Very well." Karin put lifted up her hands to make the tora sign, closing her eyes as she did so.
Everything went black, and then slowly globes of light started to appear. She was floating in the blackness, watching as the lights passed her by. She liked the lights; she had liked them since she was a child. Back then she never knew anybody except for the other laboratory inmates, but at least she had always had the lights. They all felt different in their own way, making sure that she never got bored of them. There were warm lights, cold lights, sweet ones and sour, rough and smooth, solid and squishy; each one was unique.
"Karin, Naruto Uzumaki," a voice broke into her reverie.
Of course, Naruto Uzumaki, Karin remembered now. She concentrated, remembering one single light. It was warm, smooth, and soft, like a sleeping cat, and full of life and love. Karin had never had that in her own light. Sometimes she saw it, in dreams or when she was alone. It wasn't anything like Uzumaki's. Her own light was cold and brittle, and surrounded by a hard shell encasing a fragile inside. It was like a ball of hope protected by a frozen carapace of jaded cynicism.
Back to the task at hand, she had to find that one light. Other lights scattered as she began to fly through the darkness, searching for this one precious entity.
There! She'd found it, just beside another, less confident one. Curiously she examined this newcomer, and was shocked at how unprotected it was. This one was a woman, no doubt about it, but there was something strange about it. It was as though the soft liquid core of this light was spilling out all over the place, but not by accident, no, on purpose! Why would any light do something like that? It didn't make sense why anything with any sense of self-preservation would leave itself so open and vulnerable.
She probed the light further, searching for an answer in vain. Just as she was about to give up hope, a small, rock solid nugget of feeling rose tentatively to the surface.
Trust, Karin realized. That was how this being managed to stay alive when so unprotected. It trusted everything around it implicitly. However, it was not the blind trust of an infant or simpleton, but the enlightened, hopeful trust of one who has not given up on humanity, despite being mistreated and abused for years on end.
"I've found him," Karin said, withdrawing from her trance-state, "And there's a woman with him."
"Well done, Karin, can you tell where they are?" asked Host, fiddling with a container of some kind of salve.
Nodding quickly, the tracker ninja returned to the black world, focusing in on the two entities and sharpening the image until their surroundings appeared in the darkness as well.
"They're exactly six hundred and twenty three metres southwest by south of us," Karin explained.
"Perfect!" said Host, now dabbing the salve around his ruined eye, "Then by all means let us go forth. Zetsu?"
"Yes?" asked the walking Venus flytrap.
"Could you perhaps do me a favour?"
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"Don't worry Hinata, I mean, we've been through worse than this! Hey, remember that time when we went after the three tails, and you got sealed in that block of crystal? But then you radiated chakra all around your body and shattered the crystal! That was incredible!" Naruto desperately tried to cheer up his female companion. She was obviously frightened and confused. Hey, Naruto was too, but he felt that if he could get her to feel better, then he might feel a little better too.
Still, it didn't help either of their moods that there was absolutely no light, and they had to use Naruto's pocket flashlight to even see anything. By the looks of it they were caught in a tunnel, and blocked on both sides by great piles of rubble that sealed their private sector like a prison.
Naruto looked around once again, wondering how he could possibly get them out of this mess. He had considered using rasengan to blast through some of the rock, but Hinata had timidly pointed out that they had no idea how thick the wall of rock was, and even if it did work there was a good chance that the tunnel would end up collapsing on top of them. Then he had considered using shadow clones to move all the rock, but there wasn't enough space for any good number of clones, and where would they put the rock anyway?
Ugh, this is so annoying, why can't I think straight? Naruto asked himself, rubbing his forehead with thumb and forefinger.
"Hey, Hinata, is it just me or is it kind of hard to think in here?" he asked the midnight haired girl.
She nodded in reply. "Y-yeah, it sure seems that way. Everything seems kind of c-confused," she managed to stammer the words.
"Do you think that it's a trap of some kind?" Naruto continued, looking around as though he would be able to see the perpetrator of this crime in the enclosed space with them.
"Actually, Naruto, I am in here with you," came a voice from the suffocating darkness.
Instantly the Jinchuuriki whirled to face the source of the disturbance. "Host?" He ventured cautiously, even though he could not see newcomer.
"Zetsu, if you would please leave us for fifteen minutes, but return after that allotted period of time, I should be most grateful," said the same voice. This request was followed by a crunching of dirt, as though something was being slowly and roughly sucked down into the earth.
"Naruto, Hinata, you are both here. Excellent," Host's voice was cold and emotionless.
"Host? How did you get in here? How do you even know that we're both here? Can you get us out?" Naruto seemed to ask all of these questions at once.
"Yes it is me, I got in here with help from Zetsu of the Akatsuki, I know that you are both in here because the dark does not hinder me, and yes I can get you out," The answers came back at Naruto without a single pause in between the words. It was like talking to a machine.
"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go! Come on, Hinata," Naruto extended a hand to his companion with the intention of helping her to her feet.
"Sit," Host ordered, taking a step forward, "Hinata, do not get up."
"W-what?" Naruto asked, dumbfounded by Host's abruptness.
"I said sit, and do not stir," came the chilly reply.
"Why should I?" Naruto asked defiantly, folding his arms and staring Host straight in the eye.
"Naruto, why are you staring at my right shoulder?"
"Because I can't see where your eyes are, dammit!"
"Fine, I'll get some light," Host sighed.
Suddenly light flared in the room, temporarily blinding the two shinobi.
"Ow! W-where's that light coming from?" Hinata asked, shielding her eyes with her hands.
"Nowhere, it's just light," Host supplied, "But never mind that, we have more important matters to attend to."
"Yeah? Like what? Also, why are you acting so weird all of a sudden?" Naruto asked suspiciously.
"I'm not acting weird, I'm acting 100% normal," the being deadpanned, "And we have to talk about what happened. What is the last thing you remember?"
"I just remember waking up here," Naruto answered, a look of confusion on his features.
"M-me too," Hinata wore a similar expression.
"Good. What happened before the time space manipulation?"
"The what?"
"The, um, big thing," Host realized he had to dumb it down for the fox boy.
"I was looking for Hinata," Naruto answered, now understanding.
"And Hinata, you were sitting on top of a pillar, correct?"
The lavender-eyed girl nodded timidly.
"Excellent. Now, would you describe what happened after that?" Host continued.
There was a moment of silence, until Naruto said: "Well, then the big thing happened."
Host sighed inwardly. Thank you, God, he said to himself, It worked.
Just about then there came a grating and crunching sound nearby.
"I'm back," came a high buzzing voice.
"We're back," came another, this one like some colossus of yore.
"Excellent, thank you Zetsu. You're just in time," Host expressed his gratitude to the conjoined twins. Or whatever they were.
Striding confidently forward he abruptly sat on Zetsu's shoulders. "Come along, you two. Zetsu, you can carry all three of us, right?"
"Certainly," answered the white half.
"Well then, just squeeze in right beside me then," Host addressed the skeptical pair of shinobi, "We're getting out of here."
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After two more hours of painstaking effort and intensely frustrating searching, all persons were present and accounted for once more in the circle of bamboo chairs. Everyone looked around him or herself, taking in the new surroundings. They were all called to attention when Host stood up on the stage and took an antiquated microphone in his hand.
"First of all, I would like to apologize profusely for any inconvenience that we may have caused you in the previous process!" Host began, but was cut short by a certain foul-mouthed individual.
"* Achoo! * Oh, I'm terribly sorry, it's just that I'm allergic to bullshit," Hidan commented, rubbing his nose theatrically, "Cut the crap, shit head, you sound like some kind of fucking airline stewardess."
"What's your problem?" Host asked the immortal in annoyance.
"Eat shit, that's my problem, asshole."
"Wow, that's… that's just charming. Anyway, moving swiftly onwards, I'm sure that all of you are wondering exactly what just happened."
There was a general murmur of assent from the crowd as people looked at their neighbours and nodded with general looks of puzzlement on their faces.
"This had better be good!" Ino shouted, "When I found Sai he was half dead and we were both lost!"
"Yes, well, it isn't all that good actually. I initiated a total time-space revamp and… You know what? Forget it. Basically I changed our surroundings because something really bad happened and I needed to stop it fast. It was very dangerous, and hopefully I never have to do it again, but in this instance it was necessary. That's all," Host finished, replacing the mic on its stand.
There came an angry clamor from the mob; obviously this was not a satisfactory answer.
"That's all I can say right now!" Host shouted over the noise, flapping his gloved hands, trying to get them to calm down.
Blast, I need to distract them somehow, he thought hurriedly. Suddenly, an idea struck him. Snapping his fingers, the great wooden portcullises began to open with many a groan of aged iron and protestation of gnarled wood. Out of the yawning holes came Host's black-clad assistants, bearing on their heads many dishes and platters of sumptuous cuisine. First among these figures came five bearing different parts of a great, low table, which they lay on the floor of the arena and assembled until it was fully seventeen feet long and eight feet wide. Next came two figures, each of them bearing huge rolls of carpet, which they laid down on either side of the table to cover the cracked dirt of the arena floor. The successive servers then laid down their burdens of food and drinks on the table, as Host once again took a microphone from its stand. "I am sure that you must all be hungry and tired after this ordeal. Now, please eat and drink to your heart's content, and then the head handler will show you to a place where you may sleep until I get this situation under control."
The illusion then put his hand on the shoulder of a figure considerably shorter than him, obviously bearing the intention of introducing this creature to the assembled multitude.
"This is Yukiko, the head handler. I am leaving you in her faithful hands," and with that Host strode down a seemingly random corridor followed by two of the so-called "handlers".
The so named Yukiko took the microphone that had previously been used by her master. "Hello," she greeted them, "My name is Yukiko. If there is anything that you need please don't hesitate to ask me or any of the other handlers." She pulled off the black facemask that all of Host's lackeys were obliged to wear, revealing a reasonably pretty face with shoulder length black hair and light brown eyes.
The mob had calmed down by this time, or at least come to terms with the fact that they were not going to get a satisfactory answer any time soon (or perhaps they were just distracted by the sudden appearance of food.)
Kiba extracted himself from the crowd milling towards the table. Closely followed by Shino, he walked gingerly up to Yukiko on the stage.
"Hey, is there a bathroom anywhere around here?" He asked, shifting his weight constantly from one foot to the other.
"Right around the corner, flea boy," She gestured to a door in the chipped limestone of the arena's walls and grinned with a hint of something Temari-like.
Kiba bristled with righteous indignation. "What? I do not have fleas!" He sounded like someone who had encountered this particular jest many times before.
"Whatever you say, Fido. If you still need to go there's a convenient fire hydrant just over there," she was obviously enjoying this.
"Why you…" he clenched his fists and started towards her, but was stopped by a particularly loud groan from his digestive system. Contenting himself with a withering glare in the young woman's direction, Kiba hurried towards the door she had pointed out, quickly disappearing behind it.
Shino watched his friend go, and then turned towards the offending female. "Why did you provoke him?" he asked quietly.
Yukiko sighed and ran a hand through her hair, dropping her previous air of mischief. "Master told me to," she replied, "He said that Inuzuka needs to be taught a lesson."
"And what lesson is that?" Shino inquired.
"To stop behaving like an animal and start behaving like a man," the head handler replied, "Sorry, is there anything you needed?"
"No, thank you," Shino said patiently, turning away.
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Tenten knocked on the door that Host and his two minions had disappeared behind. She had followed him discreetly when he had quit the antechamber, and finally had tracked him to this particular location.
When she first knocked, there came an immediate and ear-splitting crash on the other side of the door. "WHO IS IT!" she heard Host's muffled voice shout. Stomping footsteps could be heard in the room beyond, and finally he had flung open the door, mask off and face shifting as always. Upon looking his guest in the eye he reflexively focused in upon her mind, adopting the gentle russet eyes and thick brown hair that she liked so much.
"Oh, hello…" Host said, colouring and averting his eyes.
"Beautiful?" Tenten asked again.
"You never get tired of hearing that, do you?" he grinned, holding the door open for her.
"Does anyone?" she asked by way of an answer, crossing the threshold.
She found herself in a nearly bare room, thirteen feet by eleven feet. It was reasonably well lit, with a single clay cube in the center. The entire floor was strewn with papers bearing complex diagrams and long matrices of numbers and words. The walls were splattered with ink and had life-sized outlines of the human body with circled captions pointing to different areas. One wall was dominated with five ink drawings of different views of the human brain, each one labeled with the names of parts and more long matrices of numbers and letters. There was one large jar filled with ink and a brush lying beside it. Host's two handlers each sat cross-legged in the two corners across from Tenten.
"You do your own decorating?" she asked, examining the diagrams on the ceiling, "How did you get those up there?"
"I used a ladder," Host replied matter-of-factly.
He made a laboured pulling motion at the wall nearest his visitor. The stone buckled and cracked itself into a relatively smooth one foot-high step. "Please have a seat," he invited her, motioning towards the newly created piece of furniture. Once she had, he sat down on the clay cube and faced her expectantly.
"You wished to talk?" he prompted her.
"Yes, when you said…" she was cut off by Host clapping his hands. In that motion his two assistants walked through the wall behind themselves, and the light dimmed to a romantic red glow.
"What was that all about?" she asked weakly.
"Well, the walls are completely composed of my thoughts, so all I have to do is alter my thoughts so that they can…"
"I meant the dimming of the lights," she interrupted him, "I'm used to the laws of nature being defied here."
"Oh, just setting the mood," he smirked.
"Creep," she murmured.
"What was that?"
"Speak, I said speak," she saved herself quickly, "What did you mean when you called me beautiful? I want to know the story behind that."
"I thought we'd already established this."
"Not to my satisfaction."
Host paused, looking down. This was obviously not something that he wanted to talk about.
"Well?" she pressed him.
Host turned away from her, slumping over.
"I really didn't want to tell you this, it would have gotten in the way," He began, letting his appearance drop back into the random chaos that was his norm, "But I can't lie to you, and if you want to know the truth, then so be it. Tenten, I think you had better brace yourself."
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"I can't see him with my Byakugan."
"Me neither."
"Why is that?"
Neji was extremely put out by this development. He had decided to ask his cousin's opinion, seeing as she had received the better education on matters pertaining to the Byakugan.
"Well, I'm really not sure," she admitted, selecting a cinnamon roll from the great supplies of food to the table, "What do you think?"
"Well," he began, racking his brains for some kind of reasonable explanation. He must have left some kind of clue in his explanation, Neji thought desperately. Suddenly the answer struck him like one of Lee's punches. "I am, in essence, all of your minds" Host's words came back to him.
"Byakugan," he muttered, feeling the familiar energy behind his eyes. Everything turned black and white, save for the chakra in each being, which he perceived as blue. Taking a deep breath, he looked down at himself and smiled. There was nothing there. He couldn't see a thing where his body should have been.
Deactivating the eye technique, he loaded his plate with onigiri.
"Did you figure it out?" Hinata asked him, noticing his slight smile.
"Yes, I believe I have," he answered contentedly.
"Good," she answered, turning her attention back to her meal.
"Don't you want to know what it is?" He asked incredulously.
"You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it," she teased slightly.
Neji rolled his eyes. "He's a part of each of us. I found that one can't see themself with the Byakugan; so looking at him is a lot like looking at ourselves, that's why we can't see him."
Hinata considered this for a moment. "I suppose that makes sense," she conceded.
They ate in silence for a while, listening to the others at the table chat amongst each other, until a thought struck Neji.
"Where's Tenten?" he asked nobody in particular.
"You're worried, perchance?" Hinata vocalized her suspicion.
"What?"
She smiled understandingly. "I've seen the way you look at her," she told him, "I actually know a lot more about you than you would think."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Prove it… my lady," he added the honourific grudgingly.
"Well, for one I know that your blood type is O."
"That's on my medical records, anyone could have figured that out," he countered confidently.
"I also know that your Zodiac sign is Cancer."
"Anyone who knows my birthday could have worked that out."
"July third."
"…Yes," Neji was feeling a little bit less cocky now that it was obvious Hinata actually did know a fair amount about him.
"I also am lead to understand that your favourite food is soba noodles with herring, and you hate pumpkin." (A/N it's true! Google that shit!)
"How did you know that?"
"I noticed the expressions on your face whenever you ate those foods and compared them to your previous mealtime expressions."
"That's… incredible. And a little bit unnerving at the same time."
Hinata chuckled to herself; amused that she could creep out her older cousin.
Down the table from the conversing Hyuugas, Naruto Uzumaki was doing something he did not do very often: thinking. Why do I feel as if I'm forgetting something? He asked himself in frustration. He had been trying to remember what he was not even sure he had forgotten for about an hour now, and he had been having no success at all. It was as though there were an elusive memory right on the tip of his tongue (or edge of his brain, whichever you prefer) that was fiendishly taunting him. Naruto did not like to be taunted, and he was certainly not about to accept that kind of treatment from a mere memory.
"Is everything to your satisfaction?" A female voice asked behind him. Naruto recognized the female in question as Yukiko, the head handler.
"What? Oh, yeah, it's great, it's just…" Naruto trailed off. This woman knew Host, right? Like, really well? Maybe he could get some answers from her.
He put on his best fake smile. "Yeah, everything's fine," then with a dramatic change of countenance he adopted an expression of mild concern, "I don't suppose you know what just happened though? You know, the big, um, thing?"
Yukiko smirked and motioned for him to follow her. He got up from his kneeling position and pursued her retreating form, hurrying to catch up.
"Master said that you would ask this," the young woman began, "And he said that if you did then I was to tell you. What just happened was called a shift, and it was designed by my Master for only the most desperate situations. The problem was that you did something that would not have worked. That is to say, what you did went in total contradiction of my Master's plan and it was completely uncharacteristic of you, not to mention unexpected. For a very long time my Master has been working on his plan, and it is a very delicate one at that, weaving through obstacles and possibilities like a spider web. He could not believe that you did what you did, and his shock radiated throughout all of us handlers, informing us to quickly collapse the foundations that held up our previous dimension."
"Wasn't that dangerous?" Naruto interrupted her, trying desperately to keep up with the stream of cryptic information.
She nodded. "Yes, it was extremely dangerous, and we could all have ceased to exist right then and there. It is a miracle that the shift did not cause a paradox, let alone that Master was able to think up this place on the spur of the moment."
"But if it was so dangerous, why did you do it?" Naruto protested.
Yukiko stopped in her tracks, looking down at her feet. After a few moments she turned around to face Naruto. "We handlers are sworn to undying loyalty in to Master. To disobey him would be worse than death. It would be shameful, dishonest, disloyal, dishonourable, and disgusting. No matter what we think in a situation, Master has the last word. If he ordered us to cut our own throats then we should gladly do so. If he wished that we should fight each other to the death then we would obey without question."
"But that's stupid!" Naruto shouted, "Why would you do that just to obey him? What makes him so great that you'd give up your lives for him?"
Yukiko sighed, then said: "Master found us as tiny lumps in the cosmos of thought, but he fed us, nurtured us with his mind, and eventually gave us form. He is like our father in a way, and we owe him everything."
"So… you guys are his kids?"
"More or less. We're more like his foster-children."
"Oh," Naruto did not quite understand, but he would pretend as though he did to avoid another lengthy explanation.
"But anyway, back to the shift," Yukiko began to walk again, Naruto following close behind, "When Master's plan was threatened so drastically, he was forced to change everything, even going so far as to devour part of your memory. He could not afford to leave any clues at all for you to regain your memory with, so he created this place to erase what had been done."
"So what did I do?"
Yukiko wagged a finger at him, "I can't tell you that." And with that, she snapped her fingers and blew away.
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"YOU WHAT?"
Host was silently glad for the soundproofing of his room; else Tenten's shout would have drawn unwanted attention.
"You heard what I said," Host replied, looking away.
"Well, yeah, but come on!" Tenten objected, "You've got to be joking!"
"No joke."
"But you're… well let's face it, you're not real!"
"Oh really?"
"Yeah!"
"You're upset?"
"Well, sort of, yes! I mean, I just hook up with Neji and now you bring this up?"
"Sorry."
"Sorry won't cut it, can't you undo it somehow?"
Host turned around. "Can you hear yourself?"
Tenten slumped on the ground, too much in shock to speak any more.
I love you, the words still rung in her head. What was she going to do now?
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And c'est tout, mes cheris! Tenth Chapter.
By the way, this next bit is my pathetic excuse for why I haven't updated in so long, so you can just skip it if you like:
My computer broke down, so all of my files were inaccessible for the longest time. However, I got a new laptop for christmas, so now I'm able to do this. Hopefully it serves, my dears :)
Anyhow, on with the shoutouts! (In order of first come first serve)
NaruXHina4ever45: Hmm :) that is a very interesting idea, I like it!
Recap: Hehe, do you think that even they would be that cruel?
(chapter 10) Jedininjagirl: I'm back! Yep, Kiba gave host claws, and yes it is correct that Host looks like whatever people think he looks like. Well, to be more specific, he looks like what people WANT him to look like, so to most girls he's handsome, and to most guy's he's respectable. U know?
Ichiro Kuragari: Haha, yeah, I thought that maybe that might be accurate :)
Uzumakiluver: Really? He did? Hm, I guess I must have counted wrong. Thanks for the compliment!
Dattebayo1213: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy it. Lol, Sasuke will have his turn.
(Chapter 11) Jedininjagirl: :) thanks, you guys are so much nicer to me than I deserve
Jenaca: Lol, I'm glad to hear it!
(Chapter 1) Lilmissperfect14: (bows) I aim to please
(Chapter 2) Lilmissperfect14: Lol, yep, Neji has a few shortcomings I'm afraid '^.^
(Chapter 4) Lilmissperfect14: Haha, there'll probably be a fair amount more randomness yet
(Chapter 5) Lilmissperfect14: Thanks, I was particularly proud of that chapter :)
(Chapter 7) Lilmissperfect14: Lol, thanks! I'm glad that you like the story :D
(Chapter 8) Lilmissperfect14: Yeah, saw is pretty messed up O.o hopefully the NaruHina made up for it
(Chapter 1) Shani Hatake: Good to hear it :)
(Chapter 2) Shani Hatake: True, true
(Chapter 4) Shani Hatake: Thankee very much!
(Chapter 5) Shani Hatake: Well, it's kinda tricky to explain... but you'll find out if you keep reading :)
(Chapter 6) Hyper-blossom Z: I certainly shall
(Chapter 10) Hyper-blossom Z: Yeah, kinda shocking, eh? :O
Whew, that's a lot of shoutouts. Remind me never to get behind in my story again, dearies.
And now, as tradition demands:
*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*OMAKE*
One day, Gai, Kakashi, and Tsunade are out at the bar having a drink. As they sat down with their sake, a fly immediately landed in Gai's cup. Surprised, but unconcerned, he took a spoon and scooped out the fly, placing it on the napkin beside him, then continued to sip his sake in the proper manner. Shortly afterward, a fly landed in Kakashi's cup, making him start. Irritated at having his drink contaminated thus, he took out the offending insect and squashed it between thumb and forefinger. After a while, a fly landed in Tsunade's (suspiciously large) cup of sake. Irate at this intrusion into her enjoyment of the alcohol, the Sanin immediately picked it up by its wings, holding it up to eye level. When she was staring it straight in the compound eyes she ordered: "Alright you, spit it out!"
Aha! Oho, ehe, but yeah, that's that.