I felt a lot of pain across my shoulders, chest and stomach; where the hell was the pain coming from? Oh yeah – childbirth did that seemingly with the aches and pains in the muscles you normally don't use regularly. I tried opening my eyes but they were too heavy and I could hear people in the background whispering – I listened closer.

'Doc – where did this infection come from, she was fine after the surgery then it hit her out of nowhere?'

'I know Commander and we are working on it with the crime lab to do culture, my guess would be something she has been contaminated with; a new strain of a virus or bacteria – we should know more in the morning.'

'The good news is that her temperature is down to 104.2 and that gives her a chance; the debridement worked and the cooling pads are working wonders along with the mixture of drugs. She's going to be delirious for a few hours yet but stay strong for her!'

What infection are they talking about, debridement? I tried to fight through the layers of haze but nothing worked as I felt a cold tingle up my arm and then the darkness called to me.

Steve, what the hell was going on?

I was too hot; far too hot for my liking and I couldn't move my limbs to get out from under the blankets I was wrapped in.

I had woken up and cried out as the ache went right through my body and there was no-one to hear me scream in the room; I tried to move, tried to get out of the bed and away from the dreams but I was strapped in with restraints and couldn't even chew out of them if I tried. I looked about the room and found myself in a familiar hospital unit that is reserved for emergency services; I took a deep breath in and calmed myself knowing that getting upset was not going to do me any good. An alarm went off beside me and I focused of the fuzzy square beside the bed, it was the heart monitor and it wasn't liking what it recorded – the door opened and in ran a couple of people who checked the monitor and me.

"Corporal MacKenzie do you know where you are?" he demanded.

"Hospital, EMS unit – what…" I replied.

"Please just rest and let us get you more comfortable and then I will explain what is going on okay?" he replied.

The busied themselves around me and put me on painkillers and lots of IV fluids, I was exhausted and wanted to sleep again but I was fighting the urge so I could find out what was going on with me – where were my babies? The doctor finally came over to me and took my hand as he read through the chart and sighed.

"Okay, what do you remember of the last few days – anything at all?"

"Relaxing on the beach, having the babies and falling asleep," I replied honestly.

He frowned and by the look of his face I immediately knew something was wrong.

"What's the month Sarah?"

"August 2013," I replied.

He squeezed my hand and shook his head.

"I need you to listen to me and let me explain what has happened, it's going to be really difficult to accept and I know you will have a million questions for me."

I nodded and I feared the worst, my stomach rolled and I must have blanched enough that the nurse moved the bucket closer to me.

"You came into hospital last week due to two of your colleagues being shot in the line of duty, they are both fine and doing really well; but you were injured with a dislocated shoulder and a compound fracture of your clavicle – we had to operate and put a pin in place for the moment to stabilize it. You developed a very virulent bacterial infection from something you came in contact with during your work – you have been in isolation for nearly a week now under heavy sedation. What you experienced in a week, having children and everything else – a mixture of the drugs and high fever – I'm sorry!"

I had felt my stomach when I woke up and it was flat as before with no sign of pregnancy, this confirmed it and I was immediately rolled to my side to be sick into the bucket, the doctor put the oxygen mask over my face once I had finished and ordered medication to ease of the nausea – I leaned back on the bed and willed myself to pass out again.

"Contact Commander McGarrett – he should know she is awake!" he whispered to the nurse.

I opened my eyes slowly as I heard the quiet beep of the machine beside me, it was the heart monitor just finished taking my pulse and BP and it had woken me up; I shifted slightly and flinched as my shoulder ached on its weighted pillow. I felt really weak and my body was like lead, the oxygen mask was still firmly on and I noticed that I was on double fluids and a smaller bag of antibiotics – I couldn't read the writing to see what one. I managed to pull my hair off my neck and tie it up in a bun to keep it out of the way, a nurse walked past the window and she clocked I was awake. She went to the desk and tapped on someone's shoulder – it was Steve who immediately came into the room and up to me.

"Hey brown eyes, how you feeling?" he whispered.

"I had a wonderful dream, only to find out it was all fantasy – I think my heart is actually broken!" I whispered as tears fell down my face.

"I know, the doctor told me that you had a very vivid dream!" he replied kissing me.

I just wanted him to hold me close as I cried but he wasn't allowed due to my shoulder so he just held my hand and soothed me as I let all the emotional baggage out.

It must have been awhile later that I woke up again, the crying had exhausted me and I think I fell asleep as Steve talked quietly to me; I looked about and found him sleeping on the chair beside me; I reached over and touched his hand, second later he woke up and leaned across to me again. He smiled and kissed my hand as I fell asleep again.

The next few days were like that, sleeping then waking up for a little bit with company and then back to sleep; I knew my body and mind needed the rest after the infection but I was aware they were concerned about the emotional toll the dream had on me. I had refused to talk about it again even to Steve, it never happened and was just a residual effect from the mix of medications and high temperature – I shoved it into the back of my mind and locked it in the deepest part of my soul where the other 'stuff from missions' was locked into. It was day four of recover and I was grumpy; the physio hurt and the painkillers were making me itchy – I wanted in the water and sun to relax and get some of my tan back – hell I wanted to get a wax – I was fluffy and it was itchy!

"Aunty Sadie – you're awake!" shouted a small voice.

I looked at the door and grinned as I saw Gracie run into the room and climb up onto the bed; I gave her a massive cuddle and pulled her closer to me as she showed me pictures of her new class at school and her art project. I grinned as Danno and Steve walked in baring gifts and I went back to Gracie's photos with a passion. They stayed for a little while before we all headed up to see Kono and Chin; they were off the ventilators and resting comfortably in their beds, they waved to us and I was not allowed in for the time being due to the residual infection still in my system. I waved back and blew them each a kiss as I headed back to my own room at a snail's pace and nearly landed on the floor outside the room; it was sheer luck the nurse caught me in time or I would be adding a concussion to my list of medical bills.

"You should be in a chair or with someone Corporal; you know the rules better than anyone!" a voice called softly to me as he helped me up.

"Sorry Tameka, I thought I was okay to walk from ICU – guess I was wrong and lesson learned!" I replied apologetically.

He winked at me and helped me back to my room that had been cleaned and the bed freshened up, it was only just after 4pm and the air con kicked in due to the heat outside as he hooked me back up to the IV and issued me with my medication.

"So the daily check – pain, nausea – flashbacks?" he inquired.

"Nope on the flashbacks – pain is about a 6 and the nausea comes and goes – nothing I can't endure!" I replied trying to get comfortable.

"Are the cool pads helping your shoulder at all?" he asked.

I shook my head and he raised his eyebrow at me; normally he had to fight me to get information out of me – today was really easy for him and he knew something was up. He changed the cool pad and administered the medication the doctor handed to him through the IV and I felt the tingles go up my arm; I nodded when I couldn't feel anything anymore and he frowned.

"You only needed 2mg of morphine this morning and I just loaded you up with 10mg – what's brought the pain on?" he inquired marking the notes.

"Pain is pain – sometimes it comes and other times it goes."

"In other words you have been in serious pain the last day or so and you didn't want to be a hassle; I'll get the doctor to set up a morphine diffuser for you to use and you can control what you need – no point in being a super hero over this – your shoulder was a mess!"

"It's going to be painful while it heals either way, I can deal with it!" I retorted annoyed.

"Don't take the tone with me Sadie, I know when you are in pain and you right now are suffering – I'll let the doctor know and he can get things moving – please just try and relax for me, read a book and try and eat something!" he replied taking my hand.

I sighed and nodded as I lay back on the bed and he laid a thin blanket over my legs and handed me my book; he told me the doctor would be back in a few minutes to check me over since I collapsed but he thought it was probably just residual weakness and nothing to worry about. True enough ten minutes later the doctor and surgeon come in to check me over and neither is happy that I was refusing pain medication or hiding the weakness from them; they ordered some more tests and said I was not getting released until my pain management was under control and the weak spells were eliminated.

"It wasn't a weak spell alright, I just got woozy since I was tired – nothing more!"

Both of them just looked at me, the surgeon was making notes while the doctor reviewed my painkillers and medical chart, eyebrows raised when he saw the jump in morphine needed to control the pain.

"You know what weak spells in your wounds can mean, we have to do these tests daily to ensure that there is no residual infection or lingering effects from the surgery; we all know 5-O hate the hospital and you and your partner are the worst two patients we have sometimes – but if I need to dope you up to treat you then I will!" the doctor bluntly told me.

"I had one weak spell, one and you go thermal on me – I am aware of what they mean and I just got light headed. Lessoned learned and I will be good little girl and rest okay!"

"Believe that when I see it Sadie!" he replied.

"I'll be back after rounds to do another swab of your shoulder, I need to make sure there is no residual infection to cause the increase in pain – try and rest – Tameka will tell me if you don't and I will pass it on to your team!"

I growled at them and they blackmailed by telling Steve and Danny what had happened and that I was refusing treatment for pain – that was me in deep trouble with them both!

"Sadie we all hate hospital and we want you back at work as quickly as possible, stop playing the Super SAS soldier and accept what you need to heal; your shoulder was a mess and to be honest you look a mess because you are in serious pain – get better or I will have to shoot him to give you a roommate and myself some peace!"

"Yes dad!" I growled.

Both men gave me a kiss on the cheek and after a final goodbye to Gracie, Danno took her home and Steve rounded on me.

"I'm giving you guys too many bad habits! How do you feel now?"

"I feel like shit Steve – I'm stuck in here again with…..I'll take my medicine and do the physio, hopefully I should be out by the weekend!" I replied.

He knew I was going to say something else there but knew well enough not to try and get me to talk about the dream I had, the last time he tried was horrific and I ended up having a full-blown flashback episode and being sedated with my old meds – that wasn't fun after over a year being clear of needing them. He watched as the doctor walked back in with the Morphine box and attached me as he set up the delivery – I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, can I bring you something for dinner – hospital food and all that?" he inquired.

"How about the chilli chicken stir-fry, from that little place down the road with some boiled rice – and a longboard!"

The doctor looked at me and Steve hid a grin, I rolled my eyes again and told him an Irnbru if he could find one; I dared the doctor to deny me that! He made a joke about the beer being healthier for me!

In the hour that he was gone to get cleaned up and bring me food and clean clothes the physio had turned up with the surgeon and started me on some more exercises to get my shoulder back into action – they wanted me to do them without touching the morphine to begin with and then if needed to use it – they could gauge the recovery time by the pain level. Five minutes into the workout I was nearly passing out from the pain; the infection had caused some muscle waste and even though it wasn't my clavicle that was hurting, the damage to my shoulder was severe enough to require staples to the muscles and constant cool pads to keep the swelling down as much as possible. The surgeon saw the pain I was keeping back and hit the button twice, the morphine kicked in and the muscle ache eased off but left me shaky and weak on one side of my body.

"Okay, you did really well with that but your body is still fighting the pain and that needs controlled better; keep up with the hand exercises and try these ones when you're in the shower, if you're clear of infection by tomorrow afternoon I will organise a hydrotherapy session for you – I'll be kind and have the beautician come in first!" she whispered.

I mouthed a thank you to her and she nodded as I placed the cool pads on my shoulder and leaned back in the bed to rest up; I closed my eyes as the morphine hit home and with a quiet sigh I fell asleep.

I woke up to feel Steve kiss me and I smiled into his kiss as he smoothed my hair back into the plait he had tied my hair into, I nuzzled his nose and sniffed – he showed me the massive box full of food and my stomach rumbled. He helped dish food out onto the bowl for me and I tucked in with a vengeance since I had just come off a liquid diet over the last week; he was delighted to see the change in me and within minutes I had finished the food and chewing on the fruit he brought for me from home. We talked about the case he was working on and any leads he had discovered so far, I suggested a few places he could look and he nodded as I let him know what the physio said to me.

"That's good news – I just want you home in bed again!" he whispered.

"Bed may be out due to pressure, but I am sure the wall could support us!" I said winking.

He grinned and handed me the rest of his food since I was glaring at it.