AN: So many things happened. So. Many. Things. The short list: changed jobs, had some pretty big health issues, quit grad school, didn't get into the MFA program I wanted, and moved apartments because I had a stalker. Yep, a random stalker who left me cupcakes and flowers (sweet) and a huge flashlight outside my window and a cutout – not written – poem (hella creepy). Also, DEA came out and crushed my love of the fandom for a while. However, I started reading again earlier this month, spotted BonTempsBaby back at her masterpiece (Addicted to Love), and was inspired to work on mine again. That said, I'm having a hard time getting back in my zone, so please bear with me. Also, I'm still beta less, so mistakes will happen.

Anyway, I'm back and promise to update once a week from here on out. Huzzah!

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Charlaine Harris. My momma always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." So…

Sookie P.O.V

I'm a bad, bad girl. If that elf doctor comes back she's gonna tell Santa to put me on the naughty list for sure.

First, I haven't been wearing the dresses Mistress Momma Pam gave me. They itch and they're so fancy that I'm scared I'll mess them up. Instead, I've been running around in my undies during the daytime and changing before it gets dark so she doesn't know. I like being naked, and no one is here to see me, so it's not embarrassing or nothing. It is chilly sometimes though.

Second, I climbed up on the counter and sneaked an Oreo today. I'm only supposed to get one cookie a day, but I wanted one to go with my ham and cheese sandwich. If Pam finds out, she'll make me eat some salad and run laps around the house again. Salad is icky without ranch dressing (which Pam calls Satan's sauce), so I hope she doesn't notice.

Last, I knocked over a bottle of True Blood when I was climbing the shelves in the fridge – I had to get milk for my Oreo – and now it's leaking everywhere. It's all over the floor, on my belly and the side of my face, and there's even some in my hair. I'm pretty sure Pam's gonna figure out something is up this time. It stinks too, because I was supposed to get a real bed today if I was good.

I drag some more paper towels off the roll and start trying to sop up all the blood, when I hear a gasp behind me.

I whip around and it's crazy, because a really pretty lady in a sparkly gold dress is standing right outside the kitchen. She is tall, has dark brown hair, and her skin looks like it has teeny tiny flecks of glitter in it. If I saw this lady anywhere else, I'd probably think she was real nice…except I know that I didn't let her in and I can't hear her brain. Instead of a head voice, all I hear is a screeching sound, kind of like the sound my gran's weather radio makes before a big storm. That means she's one of those bad people, like the kind that were at the bridge.

"Oh you poor thing, it's ok. I'm here to rescue you," she says as she reaches for me.

"Aaaaahhhh! Stay away from me bad lady!" I yell and fling the bloody paper towels at her. I'm sorta trapped in the corner between the cabinets, but I notice my cereal spoon hanging off the counter and grab it so I can hit her if she comes too close.

"Darling, you must be traumatized! I won't hurt you like those mean vampires, I'm here to help you." She moves closer again and I get my spoon ready. "Come with me and we'll get you well again."

"Listen lady, I don't know who you are, but you need to leave." I wave my spoon around. "If you don't leave, I'm gonna beat you up!"

"Calm yourself little Halfling, all is well. I'm Claudine, your fairy godmother, and I'm going to take you away from this awful place!" She smiles big and goes to grab me again, so I thwack her hand real hard with my spoon. I think we're both surprised when she screams and jumps back.

"Iron! But how are you touching it? Put it down right now before you get hurt!" She's cradling her hand to her chest and I notice that smoke is coming off of it. Huh? As gran would say, nifty!

"I'm not putting nothing down, bad lady, so you better go away! If you don't, I'll spoon you to death!" My voice gets a little high at the end because I don't really want to kill anybody; I just want to scare her away.

"I don't understand. Don't you want to leave these monsters? They don't even let you wear clothes and you're covered in blood!" Her voice sounds just like my 1st grade teacher, Ms. Davidson, when she thought I was doing something especially dumb. Which was pretty much all the time. It's ok though, Tara bit her when I told her all the mean things the teacher thought about me and she had to get 6 stitches!

Yelling never worked with Ms. Davidson, so I use my nice inside voice. "I'm not wearing no clothes right now because I haven't changed yet. Mistress Momma Pam gave me so many clothes that they are filing up my whole closet, so don't you worry 'bout that none. And this isn't real blood; it's food blood for vampires. And," I get a little louder, "I know you're not a fairy godmother because they have wings and wands! Don't you ever watch TV?!"

She opens her mouth to say something else, but suddenly freezes. She turns to look out the window, and she must've seen something, because next thing I know, poof! She's gone.

I go up to the window to get a better look, but all I see is that it's getting dark out. Wait, it's getting dark out! Jiminy Cricket, I'm gonna be in so much trouble!

I start to run upstairs to get clean, but before I can even get to the first step, I smack straight into a pair of long legs. I look up, and up, and up, and sure enough, it's Eric. I haven't even seen him since the night of the accident, two weeks ago. Oh crud, and Pam's right behind him.

I look down at the floor, but I can still hear Eric just fine as he says, "Throw in a pair of handcuffs, two hook…um, er…ladies, and a layer of sand and she's you on our last trip to Cozumel. Talk about a chip off the old rock!"

I look up in time to see Eric make a tally mark in the air with his finger and watch as Pam's face goes from confused to angry. I dart past them and run upstairs to the sound of Eric's roaring laughter.