With the winter solstice ceremony over, Anara's days quickly fall into a routine. In the days following her oath-taking, she splits her time between morning workouts with Sif, battle practice with all of the Companions and working on ways to incorporate her skill set into their strategies, and sorting through what's left of her ship on the upper practice field.
Having summoned Anara the evening after the ceremony, Odin has tasked her with determining what may still be useful to her, and what his people can melt down for other uses. It is a difficult task for her, both physically and emotionally – dismantling not only her ship, but also one of her only connections to her former life. Thor and Loki often come by to help, most of the time actually being useful, though occasionally just getting in the way.
One afternoon is particularly hard on her. Loki has found one of C-3PO's fingers underneath a section of flooring Thor had just ripped up. His question got to her in a way she didn't expect.
"Father says you have not started repairs on the metal man – C-3PO-you call him? I would have thought you would have wanted to have something like that from your world functioning again," he comments, handing her the golden finger.
Looking at the piece of her family's oldest companion-battered, dusty, wires hanging out of the severed end-she finds herself overcome with homesickness. She walks out of the ship and sits heavily on the grass in the shade of its one intact wing. Thor and Loki follow her out, both now concerned with her turn of mood.
"Forgive me Anara, if I have said something to upset you, "Loki says, sitting down next to her.
Thor follows suit on her other side, his hand finding hers in the grass, out of Loki's sight.
"There is nothing to forgive, Loki," she says, still staring at the finger. "I don't know why I haven't started putting 3PO back together."
Rolling the digit though her fingers she sees an old scorch mark near the severed end, and her mind takes to her back to another time when she had to repair her old friend.
It was the Battle of Cendarian V, a particularly nasty, but short confrontation between New Republic and New Empire forces. Anara had been on the planet trying to broker a trade agreement with the native peoples to secure supplies of Trinium, a very rare and valuable metal used in armor and new weaponry. Her party, which included C-3PO as her translator, had been attacked by Imperial forces after the conclusion of negotiations. Pinned down against a building, 3PO was too slow to get to cover and was hit in the arm, pieces of it flying in several directions. Unfortunately, 3PO wasn't the only casualty that day. She lost several members of her squad before they were able to rout the Imperial troupers.
Shaking her head to rid herself of the memory, she returns to the present, finding both Thor and Loki looking at her with concern.
"I'm sorry," she says, as she sets the finger on the grass in front of her and then wipes away a tear. "I guess I'm just not ready to face all of his questions when I turn him on. It's hard enough dealing with my own about all this," she says, waving her free hand to indicate the ship.
Trying to lighten her own mood, she says, "Besides, even after a couple hundred years, he still whines about everything. It's quite annoying."
The comment's meaning lost on her two companions, she sighs and gets up, heading back to finish dismantling a spare console.
When they finish for the day, she declines an escort to dinner, choosing instead to head back to her room. She just doesn't feel like socializing tonight. Though she takes more components back to her room with the intention of working on the communication array, she can't concentrate. Thoughts of home come unbidden to her mind. Frustrated, Anara decides to go for a walk outside the palace grounds. Heading out into the forest that borders the practice fields, she eventually comes across the crash site. She's never been there before, having no real reason to see it. In the dark, the clearing doesn't look like much. She can see gouges in the earth where her ship hit, and small hills created by the impact rise at the far end.
Without warning, the energy of the place hits her and she's caught up in a replay of the crash. Watching the cruiser come in and summersault into the ground, she wonders how she survived.
Seeing Loki smash in the windscreen and then carry her limp, bloody body from the ship is more than she can bear. Collapsing to her knees in tears, she sobs, finally giving in to all the feelings she's kept locked away.
Loki watches her from a perch in the trees, feeling helpless. For a while, she simply cries, then suddenly, she stands up and screams like a Valkyrie. It's such a primal scream, it makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and roosting birds take flight. An idea comes to him, and sending a silent call to Thor, he drops down from his perch and transforms into a giant wolf.
Approaching her on silent feet, he's wary, unsure of how she'll react. So absorbed in her own pain, she does not see him and drops to her knees again, wracking sobs tearing from her throat. Keeping his head down but tail up, he gets close to her, but stops just outside of the range of her lightsaber. Sitting back on his haunches, he whines to get her attention.
Blinded by tears and old memories, Anara does not see the giant wolf approach and does not hear his whine. Taking a chance, the wolf gets closer and sticks its muzzle under her arm. Anara, feeling warm fur under her fingers, instinctively grabs hold and wraps her arms around the wolf's neck and buries her face in its fur, still sobbing.
Thor, having heard Anara's scream and Loki's call, fears the worst and flies to the clearing with Mjölnir. The scene he finds is not what he had expected. Her arms around a giant wolf, Anara lies in the middle of the clearing, sobbing uncontrollably. Seeing black fur and not grey, Thor realizes the wolf is really Loki. Approaching quietly, Thor kneels beside the two of them. Loki shakes his wolf head at Thor, communicating silently that he doesn't know what is going on.
Thor brushes hair back from Anara's forehead, calling her name. Anara, lost in a swirling mix of memories, doesn't hear him. Loki tries licking her face, and though she recoils, she does not snap out of whatever spell she's under. After several attempts to get her to respond to them, Thor gathers her in his arms.
"Brother, meet me in her chambers."
Spinning up Mjölnir, Thor takes off with her cradled in one arm. Loki resumes his normal form, looks around the clearing and disappears.
Thor lands on Anara's balcony and is met by a frantic Gabrielle. Loki stands behind her, looking just as worried.
"My lord, is she ok?" she asks. Pulling out her communication disk, she says, "Should I call for a healer? Was she attacked by a Valkyrie?"
Thor, striding past her, sits down on the bed, keeping a sobbing Anara cradled in his arms.
"She appears to be under some kind of spell."
Loki approaches Thor and places his hand on Anara's forehead, closing his eyes. After a moment he meets Thor's eyes and shakes his head.
Addressing Gabrielle, Loki says, "Summon the AllFather and then leave us. There is nothing you can do."
Gabrielle leaves the room, speaking into her communication disk.
Thor turns his anguished eyes to Loki.
"Brother, what happened up there?"
Loki shrugs, a helpless look on his face.
"I do not know. When I found her, she was standing in the clearing looking around, then she suddenly dropped to her knees and screamed. I called for you and took the guise of a wolf to try to comfort her. I felt some kind of magic or energy pulse before she screamed, but I do not know the source. There was no one else up there."
Both men turn to the door as they hear heavy boots on the stones outside. The door is opened by one of Odin's personal guards, and he strides in past him, making directly for Anara.
"Father..." Is all Thor gets out before he's cut off by Odin.
"I saw what happened. It is no spell. She was simply overwhelmed by the energy left over from the crash."
Turning to Loki he says, "It cracked some of her mental shields, and that is why you cannot reach her right now."
Turning back to Thor, he says, "Lay her down on the bed, and let me see what I can do."
Thor reluctantly lays her down and gives his father room to work. Odin places his hand on her forehead, closing his eye. After a moment, Anara's sobs begin to subside. Odin steps back from her.
"I have repaired the damage to her shields, but she will sleep for the rest of the night. " Looking at each son in turn, he says, "It might do her good to wake up to some friendly faces."
Both men nod, and Odin turns on his heel and leaves. Catching Gabrielle peeking around the door, Thor motions for her to come in.
"Anara will be fine, worry not. Loki and I will stay with her tonight. We will call if we need anything."
Hearing the dismissal in his voice, Gabrielle bows and returns to her quarters.
Loki looks at Anara lying on the bed, quiet now, and then looks to his brother.
"So… you want the bed?"
Thor appraises Anara's chambers, then looks at Loki. "I think we'll all fit…if you turn back into a wolf."
Loki smiles and transforms back into his man-sized wolf form.
Thor laughs, "You couldn't have gone a little smaller, brother?"
Loki huffs at him and stares, daring him to say something else.
"Oh, alright, it'll be cozy, but maybe that's what she needs right now."
Taking off his boots and breast plate, Thor sets them by the bed and lies down next to Anara, gathering her into his arms. Loki grabs a blanket off the foot of the bed with his teeth and jumps up on Anara's other side. Taking the blanket from Loki's mouth, Thor covers them up, and they settle in for the night.
Anara wakes up bleary eyed and confused. She doesn't remember much after walking to the clearing. Just flashes of old memories, a sense of something really furry and the feeling of flying. Wedged between two large masses, she can't move. Blinking to clear her vision, she can see the top of her wardrobe over a head of dark hair.
Loki? What is he doing here? She thinks to herself, getting more confused by the minute. Looking back over her shoulder, she sees Thor, awake and smiling at her. His arm tightens around her in a silent greeting. Her movement causes Loki to wake, and the men wiggle a bit to give her room to move. Sitting up against the pillows, she looks at them both staring up at her from prone positions.
"Not that this isn't a pleasant surprise, but what exactly happened last night?" she asks.
"You don't remember anything?" Loki purrs, a sly grin on his face.
Thor gives him a shove. "Brother, do not tease."
Turning to Anara, he says, "Loki found you in the clearing where your ship crashed. You were crying, and we could not get through to you. Father said he had to repair your mental shields. Do you remember none of it?"
Anara thinks back. She remembers walking up to the clearing as if drawn by something and then the feeling of being hit by a wall of energy, but after that, nothing. It's as if her memory has been wiped clean. She takes stock of her shields and can sense Odin's work.
Shaking her head, she says, "No, I remember being drawn to the field, as if there was something calling to me, or something I needed to find out. There was some kind of energy blast, or maybe just the echo of one, and then nothing. I have no memory from then until just now."
Looking at Loki she asks, "Was Fenrir in the clearing? I remember fur, but can't bring an image to mind."
Smiling, Loki says, "No, that was me. You were in such a state, I wasn't sure you'd want a person around, so I transformed into a wolf. I stayed that way most of the night to keep you warm."
Smiling, she reaches down and takes the hand of each. "It seems that I am destined to ever be the damsel in distress. Thank you both for taking care of me last night."
Thinking more on what Thor said, she asks, "Thor, did the AllFather know what happened, other than what happened in my mind?"
Thor, rubbing his thumb over her hand in little circles, says, "He said you were overwhelmed by the leftover energy from the crash. If he knew more, he didn't say."
Anara bites her lower lip in thought. Nebulous thoughts skitter in and out of her conscious mind, but none are cohesive enough to make sense of yet.
"Do you think I could get an audience with your father? I'd like to find out what more he knows," she asks.
Thor replies, "Of course. I will see to it."
Loki, rolling over and lightly jumping off the bed says, "I'm starving. Who wants breakfast?"
Clapping his hands, he calls for Gabrielle. Shirtless and wearing tight leather pants, he cuts a fine figure. Thor, not to be outdone, kisses her hand and leaps off the bed, stretching and showing off his own muscled physique. Laughing, Anara throws pillows at both of them. All tension from the night before gone, they start their day in good humor.
Later that day, Anara gets her audience with Odin. Odin's office, for lack of a better description, is a simple room. A large fireplace takes up one corner, faced in a silvery marble. An elaborately carved wooden desk backs to a floor-to-ceiling window overlooking a private garden. The honey-colored wood, though looking new, gives off an ancient aura. She guesses it is easily several thousand years old. A similarly aged carved chair sits behind it. Several large over-stuffed chairs, grouped around the fireplace, round out the furniture. The stone walls display some of Odin's trophies. Glass eyes of beasts she's not familiar with, glare down at her.
A guard at the door announces her, and Odin comes from behind the desk to greet her.
"My lady Anara, welcome."
Bowing to him, Anara replies, "Thank you for seeing me so quickly, your highness."
"Please, sit," he says, indicating the chairs by the fire.
"Your highness," Anara begins.
"Please, call me Odin, or AllFather, "your highness" is much too formal for this."
"As you wish," she says. "AllFather, it seems I owe you and your sons once again for rescuing me."
He waves his hand, dismissing it as nothing. She continues.
"I was hoping you could tell me more about what happened to me last night. I know that I was not in the best frame of mind when I found myself at the crash site but to have my defenses so completely blown away concerns me."
Odin studies her, considering for a moment. "I believe this Force you talk about, from what I've learned from you, is similar or maybe the same thing as what we call magic," he begins.
"There are some in Asgard who can manipulate energy and dark matter in ways most cannot. To the humans on Midgard, that made us gods. Asgard as a world holds more energy and dark matter than all of the other realms, and in fact, attracts that same energy to it. Your crash brought in energy and dark matter from an entirely different realm and that impacted the energy of Asgard and left an imprint on it. I believe that's what drew you up there in your less than ideal state." He pauses for a moment to let his words sink in. "When you entered that clearing, the energy from your realm recognized a similar energetic state and tried to join with it. That is what overwhelmed your defenses and damaged your shields. I do not believe there was anything you could have done to prevent it."
Anara considers what Odin has said. Though she does not quite understand how Asgard's magic works, the explanation is plausible.
"So what can I do to defend myself against something like that happening again?"
"You need to learn to live with your demons so that you no longer need your walls."
Anara looks at him with surprise. "But how am I to do that?" she asks. "It took my sister and me a long time to build those walls and regain our sanity. Z went crazy when her shields cracked. Letting them down on purpose is like landing in a nest of gondarks thinking they won't tear your ship apart."
Odin gives her a fatherly look, reminding her of her first master when he was about to tell her something she should have figured out for herself.
"I said you must learn to live with your demons, not let them all out at once and hope they don't eat you alive," he says, a smile on his face. "You have the strength and the knowledge to break things down slowly. Take one brick down at a time. Study it, learn from it, and then set it aside and work on the next brick. It won't be easy, but it is the only way to protect yourself."
Anara nods, understanding, but not looking forward to the task. Keeping the Dark Side at bay will be a difficult task. Living with it without letting it consume her could be impossible. Her family was full of examples of failed attempts at doing that exact thing. However, she cannot expect that Odin and his family will always be there to save her if she does nothing. Standing, she bows to Odin - a deep bow of student to master.
"Thank you, AllFather, for talking to me today. I will do as you ask."
Receiving a nod in return, she lets herself out of the office.