Back at the hospital I had been moved up to the ICU unit and had been changed into scrubs by one of the nurses who knew me from a tour in Afghanistan; she winced in sympathy as she saw the bruises and hit the morphine button as I muffled an achy cry as I shifted on the bed. She soothed my ribs with a cool pack and let Danny back in the room.

"Hey kiddo, I know concussions suck but you need to keep awake for another forty-five minutes then you should be allowed to sleep alright; so you just lean back and relax and let me ramble on about how Gracie is annoying Matt and making him sick as she stares at her 'cool scars'." Danny says grinning.

"Gracie thinks her scars are 'cool'? That's awesome – I know she likes mine, at least the ones she has seen – good to know that she sees them in a positive light and not as a disfigurement!" I replied.

Danno hands me a chip of ice and runs it across my forehead, it helps cool me down since I am running a slight fever due to the concussion and sickness; the doctors aren't too happy about it but I promised them that I would rest and let them do what was needed. He sat back down beside me and just shook his head at me, I knew he was still getting his head around the nightmare at the house and results that led us to be in the hospital tonight so I was giving him some quiet time to get things into order – I knew the questions would come later on and they would be brutal for him to hear and understand.

A few minutes later a nurse came in with another visitor, it was Steve and she let him know of the rules and that I still had another twenty minutes to stay awake; Danno said he would be back in a little while with some coffee for them and some more ice for me.

"Thanks Danno!" I called softly.

"Keep your hands to yourself Steve, she has a concussion!" he replied winking.

Steve rolled his eyes and sat down beside me giving me a kiss on the nose and taking my hand, I looked up at him and let the silent tears roll down my face; I had hurt him by leaving the house, scared him more than likely and I was tired of doing so to save him in the long run – we were a couple and a highly trained duo of head cases according to the rest of the team on certain days ending with Y. He brushed away my tears and leaned in.

"I am not angry with you, Jones cleared a few things up for us – we know more information about what the hell happened twenty years ago – she made her own decisions and I am not letting her back in until she earns it," he whispers.

"I am sorry I went postal at her, she – there are things I haven't told you about the dream when I was ill – it messed me up Steve and I still feel like I lost them!" I whispered.

He moved closer to me and I pulled on his arms, I needed him close to tell him what was going on in my head and in my heart, things were crossing over into each other and it was getting dangerous if I went that crazy at Doris for just trying to survive.

"What was the dream really about Sadie, it obviously meant a lot to you and you have been acting out of character for a few weeks now – can you tell me – give me at least the basics of what is going on in that head of yours?" he whispered.

I had flushed red then went pale again, it was so personal but he needed to understand.

"It started when I passed out due to the infection, it seemed like a few days later that I was on the mend and I was getting released from hospital – I was still woozy feeling and nothing I could do for the next week was helping me so I went to the doctors. I found out I was pregnant, nearly four months along."

"You dreamt that you were pregnant, what happened?" he inquired soothing my head.

"Danno was picking me up to take me to the hospital to see Chin and Kono, Gracie was in the back of the car and after a near miss on the road, my bag had opened and Gracie said she had found the ultrasound of Charlie. Danno asked her a couple of questions and then she cried out and said it had my name on it – Danny pulled over, I threw up and he said we were royally screwed!" I replied quietly.

Steve was still staring at me, the exact same look he gave me when I told him that I was pregnant, my heart clenched in pain and the monitor picked it up which made Steve snap his eyes to the reading and then back at me.

"What happened next?" he whispered, knowing I had to get the story out.

"I met you at the hospital and I blurted out that you were going to be a dad and you were overjoyed, I could see you laughing and half crying as we held each other and then Danno came in to congratulate us both. The dream skipped a few weeks and you had just arrived at the doctors for the ultrasound, you cracked a joke about an echo and Malia told you about us having twins – you passed out on the floor!" I said with a small smile on my face.

His mouth snapped shut and I shrugged my shoulders at him – he looked slightly red.

"The month progressed and I was nearly seven months when Chin and Kono had recovered from the coma's they had slipped into, we made our way to the hospital room and then they spotted the obvious bump and the story went from there. The stupid thing is I can remember every moment of the dream from finding out to when the babies had been born and I was asleep on the bed as you held them both in your arms – I remember their names, their smell – the pure joy in your eyes as you held our children," I continued.

He climbed up on the bed beside me and held me close as I let the tears fall down my face.

"I remember you saying that you loved them both and we would protect them always, I then remember a sharp pain and blackness. The doctor was leaning over me as I had shot out of bed screaming – he then had to tell me it was all a dream because of the drugs I was on – that everything I hoped for and loved was all a figment of my mind shielding itself from the pain I was in. I loved them and I feel their loss every day when I wake up – it's killing me Steve!" I finished as I burst out into tears.

All Steve could do was hold me as sobs racked my body and I clenched onto him as I felt every single pain again started to deal with the memories, the monitors were going crazy again and the doctor came running back in and looked at Steve on the bed and how I was hiding myself in his arms and under the blankets. He looked up at the monitors and made a request to the nurse who then ran out of the room; he walked forward and made a note on the chart at the end of the bed.

"Commander her STATS are raised at the moment and will be for at least another 12 hours, what happened in here to get them raised to this level?" the doctor demanded.

"She was injured in a police raid a few months ago and was heavily medicated, she had a very serious infection that caused a lot of pain and due to the medication she had a very vivid dream she has never dealt with," he started to explain.

"Now I remember her, I was the doctor on call when she woke up and we had to sedate her due to the grief she was in – I'm taking it she just told you the dream in detail?" he replied.

Steve nodded and looked down at me as I had settled into an exhausted slumber after I had cried myself out, he slipped out of the bed by the doctor's request and he moved to the side so the doctor could push some medication through the IV. He let Steve back beside me and then told him to call the nurse if anything else was needed or if I became agitated again. Steve took my hand again and leaned in for another kiss as the door opened with Danno bringing back goodies; he took one look at us both and his shoulders fell.

"What's wrong buddy, what happened?" he demanded.

"She's exhausted and has been dealing with something very personal for the last few months without telling me about it – she just told me about it and I don't know what to do to get the pain away from her?"

"She told you about the dream huh?" he whispered.

Steve looked up at him and Danny nodded as he put down the goodies on the small table, he took a seat opposite Steve and began to explain the issues he had and how he and I bounced off each other since we had both been in psychology sessions before and knew the drill – Steve just had to sit there and listen as his best friend poured out his issues and how his recovery was helped by me.

"I don't know why she couldn't come to me about this, I would have supported her, helped her deal with the fallout – she knows I want a family, but we need to be safe first which means getting WoFat out of the picture!" Steve whispers.

"She knows that, but she also knows from her big brothers experiences that she couldn't turn to you since you were dealing with issues about your mom and her past – it's a catch 22 for everyone, but now you know and she can start to heal quicker."

Steve just looked at us both and then leaned back as he watched me sleep.