B is for Blip

Darcy pulled her newest charge out of Coulson's office and down to the garage. She got into the car and waved a hand at him. "Okay, get in. We're going to go over a few ground rules on the way to the mansion."

"Ground rules, Agent Lewis?"

She rolled her eyes. "Darcy, just Darcy. I'm not an agent. I will never be an agent. SHIELD couldn't pay me enough to be an agent."

"Why not?" he asked as he tilted his head.

"Because I am not dancing to Fury's tune," she replied.

"But you'll work for Agent Coulson?"

"Coulson's a whole different topic and we'll cover that later." She waved at security and hit the gas. "JARVIS?"

"Yes, Miss Lewis?"

The English accent coming from the car's dash seemed to unnerve her newest charge. She grinned. "Did SHIELD plant anything?"

A light played over the interior and exterior of the car. "No, Miss Lewis," JARVIS replied. "There are no additional monitoring devices on the vehicle. Your guest, however, has a tracking device in the lining of his collar."

Darcy rolled her eyes and pulled over. "Lean this way." She felt along the edge of the collar until she found the small tracker. With a quick tug she pulled it loose. She started driving the car once more and pulled up next to a pickup truck. Giving a snap of her wrist, she let it fly and grinned as it landed in the bed. "Let them follow that blip for a while."

His lips curved in a reluctant smile. "You much be one hell of a dame."

"You've got no idea."

She pulled into traffic. She caught a glimpse of his face during one of the moving stops and she realized he was seeing two different cities at the same time. "Is it very different?"

"Sort of," he said softly. "I've been here a time or two since, but…" He trailed off before giving a shrug. "Crowds of people going about their business, never looking up, never really seeing what's around them." He looked at her. "It just taller, bigger, and shinier than it used to be. Other than that, it's the city." Quiet settled over the car as she wove through traffic. "Anyway," he continued after a few minutes. "You said something about ground rules?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Most of them are pretty basic. Don't, for all that is good, don't bring up Howard Stark. There are issues there. If you drink the last of the coffee, start a new pot. Otherwise you are on your own when it comes to dealing with the caffeine-deprived scientists of the house. Jane and Tony will roast your liver."

"What?" He seemed surprised as a hoarse sort of chuckle came from his own mouth.

"Oh, you have not met dangerous until you deprive them of coffee." She pulled around a small car, muttering about people double parking before continuing. "Do not get between Natasha and Clint. If you have to pass between them to go from point A to point B, that's fine. Stopping, blocking them from each other? Bad, bad, bad idea. You will get hurt."

"They're…?" He let his voice trail off in a questioning note.

"Complicated," she replied. "Now, don't eat the last of the Pop-Tarts. Thor starts pouting and that's just sad. He's this big puppy like guy, and people just want to pat him on the head. Try not to get Bruce upset, because Hulk only listens to three of us, and if one of us isn't right there to help, then damage gets done and Bruce gets broody." She tapped her chin while waiting at the light. "Oh, and while Tony may practically own everything? Pepper is the one who runs everything. You will regret it if you get her upset."

"What about Steve?"

She blinked. "Huh." She thought for a minute. "Steve's usually the most laid back of the whole team. He just hates it when people are fighting." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "I'm not sure how you're going to throw off the rhythm."

"But you think I will?"

"Oh, honey," she laughed as she pulled into the grounds. "You are going to send things into a spin. It'll be how it all gets reassembled that'll be intriguing to see." She put the car in park and turned to face him. "Any questions?"

"How does Coulson fit in?"

"Coulson is dad," she smirked. "He puts up the basic boundaries and lets everyone go crazy within them. He cleans up the messes when people color outside the lines and gives us this disappointed look that sends everyone into apologetic mode. He listens; he argues; he cajoles – whatever gets people moving the way they need to in order for things to work. He filters Fury so the team doesn't tell SHIELD where to take itself. He's the guardian at the gate." Her eyes narrowed. "Don't get Phil pissed with you. The man's a ninja. And even if he doesn't do anything? The team will."

He looked thoughtful. "And what about you?"

"Me?"

"Well," he said thoughtfully, "you've warned me about all of the others, but what will affect you?"

She stared at him for a long moment. "Don't deliberately screw with my people. That team in there?" She pointed to the house. "They're my family. It's an insane, madcap, mixed up, impossible sort of family."

"Impossible?"

"Oh, they'll pull off six impossible things before breakfast if you let them." She grinned. "Wonderland's not a bad comparison. Don't say anything to Tony though; he'll start trying to trademark 'Starkland'."

"Does that make me Alice?" he asked.

"No," she said thoughtfully. "You've been in and out of the world, so you're not really coming in new." Her eyes sparkled. "Might mean Steve's the one down the rabbit hole though. I wonder who that makes me?" She paused in consideration. "Well, as long as I'm not the Queen of Hearts." She laughed. "Would you like to be the Mad Hatter?"

"I'll say this, Dollface," he said. "You are something else."

"We're all mad here." Darcy led him to the door. "Welcome to the Avengers, James 'Bucky' Barnes. Best of luck and I hope you survive."