L is for Luxuriantly

Darcy kept her eyes closed as the sound of arguing entered the room. So much for her quiet hour.

"What were you doing spying on her anyway?" Jane demanded.

"I wasn't spying!" Tony protested. "I had JARVIS do a security sweep and spotted her in here on the ground. Excuse me for thinking something might be wrong!"

"Didn't you try calling her first?"

"On. The. Ground."

Jane sighed. "Darcy!" she called out.

"Over here, Jane," Darcy sighed. Her eyes opened as the footfalls drew near. She looked up to see the upside down faces of the two geniuses as they stared down at her. "Something wrong?"

"Why are you sleeping on an air mattress in the conservatory?" Tony asked as he glanced around at all the plants. "If there's something wrong with your bed? Because I can fix that." He frowned. "Or have someone fix that." He tilted his head. "For that matter, even if something were wrong, I've got large cushiony couches everywhere. Why aren't you on one of them?"

Her eyes closed as she started chuckling. "There's nothing wrong with my bed, Tony," she assured him. "It's fine."

"Okay," he drew out. "So, why?"

"Do you see all these plants?" she asked.

"Yes," Tony replied. "It's a conservatory; it's supposed to have plants. I think it should be converted, but Pepper threatened to sell my cars and put me on an allowance." He paused. "Now that I think about it – did I give her the authority to do that? JARVIS!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Did I give Pepper the authority to put me on an allowance?" Tony demanded.

"I believe you did, sir," the AI's cool monotone managed to convey a suppressed amusement.

"Why would I do that?" Tony muttered.

"You did so after accidentally buying the castle in Spain just to impress a young fan, sir," JARVIS replied.

"Hey, Tony?" Darcy spoke up before Tony could say anything, diverting his attention. "Why does JARVIS sound so much like an English version of Coulson?"

"He does not!" Tony shot back.

"Does too," she said. "He's got that whole cool tone that can tell you you're an idiot without having to say anything."

Tony spluttered. "That doesn't mean he sounds like Coulson!"

"You know," Darcy mused as Jane giggled. "I think you've got a fixation."

"I do not!"

Jane sat down beside her and leaned against the small tree. "What kind of fixation?"

"I don't have a fixation!" Tony insisted.

"Tony," Darcy pointed out patiently. "You've got a fixation on people who embody organization, remain cool in stressful situations, who everybody tends to overlook to their later regret, and who can put you in your place."

Tony frowned, "That's not exactly-"

"Evidence A," she interrupted him. "Virginia 'Pepper' Potts – possibly the most terrifyingly organized woman on the face of the earth who can handle you while juggling Stark Industries and who can embarrass and/or terrify politicians, journalists, and military brass without getting a single hair out of place."

"That doesn't mean-"

"Evidence B," she continued. "JARVIS – who does for you in cyberspace what Pepper does in real life. He also manages to seem highly amused when DUM-E decides to get overly happy with the fire extinguisher."

"Yes, well," Tony shook his head. "Still-"

"Evidence C," she finished up. "Phil Coulson – who runs interference with SHIELD on your behalf, kept you in the loop despite the best efforts of the council to insist on War Machine taking your place, and still gets away with threatening you with a Taser and Supernanny." She shrugged as best she could from the ground. "It's a fixation."

He rolled his eyes before plopping down next to a hopelessly giggling Jane. "You're a pain in the ass, Lewis."

"You've mentioned that before," she replied before closing her eyes once more.

"No, seriously," Tony asked. "Why are you in here?"

Darcy sighed and Jane touched her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Jane," she looked up to smile at her friend. "It's just…this place is usually empty. There are all these beautiful, luxuriantly growing plants and this deep, deep silence. I can come in here, close my eyes, smell the greenery, and relax." She paused. "I'd go outside, but you can hear the traffic and the people outside the walls. You never know when a helicopter is going to come zipping by with nosy reporters or tourists." She sat up, stretching as she did so. "It's a great way to de-stress in fifteen minutes."

The two scientists looked at each other before turning back to blink at her. She stared at them for a moment and then rolled her eyes. "Think of it as my version of climbing on the roof to watch the stars," she said to Jane before turning to Tony, "or whirling computer screens around me as Black Sabbath pounds out of the speakers."

Looks of understanding slid over their faces as she stood up. She began letting the air out of her mattress as they watched in silence.

"You know," Tony spoke up. "I can probably set you up something better."

"No," she told him flatly.

"Really, it wouldn't be a problem," he insisted.

"No, Tony," she replied.

"It wouldn't take too long either," he muttered as he strode towards the door.

"Tony!" she warned. He just waved over his should as he walked away. She turned to Jane. "He's so going to do something, isn't he?"

Jane opened her mouth, but closed it as she gave a tiny shrug and a grimace.

Darcy slumped. "But I like it this way! Every time he gets it into his head to change things he blows something up!"

"He always fixes it up better than before?" Jane offered.

"After months of distractions, world savings, and changing ideas," she almost whined.

"Oh, hey!" Tony stuck his head back into the room. He gave Darcy a quizzical look. "What do you have to be stressed about anyway?"

Darcy closed her eyes and counted to ten. "Tony!"