"Seriously?" Darcy demanded as an alarm went off. "You have got to be kidding me!"

Betty just sighed. "Here we go again."

Darcy glanced at her and the scientist just turned a pointed look to the hallway ahead of them. Green eyes followed her gaze in time to see three black-clad men running towards them. The men came to a stop. They began to lift their weapons, but stopped abruptly as the two women just raised their hands in a gesture of surrender, sheer boredom on both faces.

The apparent leader of the trio stepped forward. "No screams, no crying…you're just giving up?" he demanded.

"Oh, please," Darcy rolled her eyes. "This is kidnapping number…." Her voice trailed off and she frowned. Turning to Betty, she asked, "Do I include the attempts or just the actual times they've managed to get me to a secondary location?"

"I don't think it actually counts as abduction if they couldn't get you out of the building," Betty pointed out.

"I guess, but…well, what about the times they haven't got me out of the building, but I ended up being the hostage for a while?"

The scientist blinked. "Oh, oh yes, I can see how that might throw off the numbers. Hmmm…" Her head tilted to one side as she considered the question. "No," she replied finally. "I think you can only count when they've actually managed to get you beyond security. A hostage situation within the building would be an entirely different category."

"What do I count this as then?" Darcy mused. "I mean, I won't know until either we end up rescued, held hostage, or actually kidnapped."

"It's still just an attempt until it turns into one of the others," Betty said.

"Hey!" The would-be bad guy yelled, breaking into the conversation. "This isn't funny!"

"Well, duh," Darcy rolled her eyes. "None of them are funny. Some are more or less lame than others, but none of them are funny. I'm just trying to determine what number I'm up to and how to classify it. I think I'm still ahead of Betty here, and might even be getting close to Jane." Her brow furrowed. "Pretty sure Pepper still holds the record though."

"She's been doing this longer," Betty noted in passing.

"True and hers started before the whole hero thing," Darcy nodded. "Working for Tony Stark would make one a target even without the whole Iron Man shtick."

A wordless growl drew their attention back to the want-to-be kidnappers. Two pairs of innocent eyes blinked in unison even as the women chorused together. "What?"

The leader's hand tightened on his weapon. "You're going to lead us out of here, and you're going to start giving us some respect," he told them in a menacing voice.

The two women exchanged a glance and then shrugged. With a smart turn, they began leading the way back down the hallway. Darcy glanced at Betty out of the corner of her eye. "So?" she asked in a soft voice.

The other woman thought for a moment and then gave a half shrug. "I'll take…Fury, Clint, or Tasha."

"Ah," Darcy pouted. "You took two of my spies."

"Hedging my bets," Betty smiled.

"Oh, fine, then I guess I'll take Phil, Bucky, or Maria."

"No Tony?" Betty asked.

Darcy shook her head. "Tony's supposed to be in Tokyo right now. I don't think he'd get back in time."

"Shut up!"

The two women glanced over their shoulders to meet three bewildered glares before exchanging a shrug and a speaking glance. Did these guys really think they were going to be able to get out of the building without being stopped?

"You know," Darcy pointed out conversationally. "You're going about this all wrong."

"What are you talking about?" one of the men demanded.

"We're in an enclosed building with security forces all around," she replied, lifting her hands. "Abductions are really kind of hard to pull off in places like this. They should be done in open areas or places with crappy security. Places like this? So not the choice for kidnapping."

"Should you be telling him that?" Betty asked with a laugh.

"Why not? It's not like he'll ever be able to use the information. I could recite the entire Villain Handbook and it wouldn't do him any good."

A hand grabbed her arm and wrenched her around. Furious eyes bored into her. "Look here, you little bitch-!" Those same eyes suddenly went wide and then slack as he stumbled back. The two women watched in detached curiosity as the three men staggered, slumped, and finally slipped to the floor.

"I win!" Betty cheered lightly, her smile tinted with smug happiness.

"Yeah, yeah," Darcy grumbled. "What are you going to choose for your winning this time?"

"Your grandmother's sifganiot, of course," she replied, giving a look of mock surprise. "Why would I want anything else?"

"The Villain's Handbook?" A dry voice interrupted Betty's gloating.

"What?" Darcy raised her hands in a surprised shrug, blinking at Soldier as he stepped up beside them. "It's a book."

"You're a little crazy, you know that, right?" Hawkeye told her as he dropped down from the ceiling tile above them.

"Oh, please," she waved that off. "I knew there was no way you guys would let them get us out of the building. There wasn't any reason to be all shaky and nervous. These guys didn't even rank with Peg Leg Pete on the villain scale."

"Really," Soldier muttered even as he began herding them down the hallway, away from the agents beginning to gather around the fallen men. "You're going to bring Disney villains into this?"

"You want I should do James Bond?" she offered.

"No," both men replied in unison as Black Widow joined them.

She raised an eyebrow but looked at Darcy. "Three abductions, five hostage events, and twelve," she paused, glanced back down the hall, and then continued, "thirteen attempts."

"Huh," Darcy blinked. "I got the three and the five, but I would have only put this as the eighth…" Her voice trailed off. "Okay, you guys have got to quit keeping secrets." The three of them gave her matching looks of amusement as Betty began to giggle. Darcy just rolled her eyes. "Never mind."

"Come on," Hawkeye told her. "Fury's lecturing security while Hill is doing her best death glare. I think Coulson wants to talk to you."

"It was just a minor attempt by a trio of idiots, and I'm going to get yelled at," Darcy muttered. "Lovely."

"At least they didn't get a chance to actually hold us hostage this time," Betty offered hopefully.

Widow tilted her head. "Fortunately Dr. Banner's plane was delayed due to some unexpected weather and he will not be arriving for a couple of more hours."

"Oh, yes, true," Betty winced. "Hulk would not have been happy."

"Come on," Darcy sighed. "Let's go get my lecture over with…hopefully with minimal yelling."