The morning after had initially been as awkward as it could be, Toki had woken before Skwisgaar. He remembered what had happened, if the hickies on his neck didn't remind him enough that was. He looked over at the sleeping lead guitarist who sported his own bite and scratch marks from the night they had shared together. It had been nice, very, very nice; it had been something desperately needed and something he'd thought about for more years than he'd feel comfortable admitting. He did figure though that Skwisgaar wouldn't be so passionate and caring in the morning, figured he would be angry and regretful. As painful as it was he told himself that the older man hadn't meant the words he'd told him, the things he'd whispered in his ear. He wanted to...Just it was hard, people were nice when they wanted something, but then it ended after they got that. Skwisgaar had felt bad, he'd been drunk, and from what Toki knew hadn't been doing his usual routine of one night stands as of late. He just needed to make himself feel better, the younger man appreciated getting something, but didn't want to hurt himself by staying around. He got up off of the bed as quietly as he could, his head and everything else had a dull throb.
"Where you going?" A tired voice asked from behind him.
He froze, standing there too scared and just slightly ashamed to turn and look the older man in the eye.
"um I'm going, I know we shouldn't have done that, and I won't tell no one."
He knew this speech, he knew it just like every other thing between them.
"Come back to bed idiot."
This time he did turn around to face him, Skwisgaar sat in the middle of the bed looking up at him.
"Why?"
"It's fucking cold and I don't want you to go."
Toki got back onto the bed crawling over to his friend. Skwisgaar wrapped his arms around his waist pulling the younger man close to him. The warmth of another body was nice, he liked being physically close to other people. He liked when he didn't have to be hurt, drunk off his ass, or basically begging for somebody to just touch him in any way platonic or otherwise.
He released a quiet moan when Skwisgaar kissed him, a gentle hand on the back of his head, and long fingers curling themselves in his tangled mess of brown hair. He placed his hands on the older man's shoulders, touching him; he wanted to touch him as much as Skwisgaar had craved touching him the night before. They continued to kiss, it was desperate and needy just like before.
"Did you mean anything you said?"
He wasn't sure why he asked, he felt stupid for it. Hell he just needed to know, he was tired of being disowned and lied to.
"Yeah, I'm not that much of a dick Toki" He responded rolling his eyes at the younger man's question.
"So you..." He trailed off looking away.
He thought about the way the older man had moaned into his ear, confessing he loved him. He confessed a lot, things he normally seemed to just keep to himself. It made Toki feel like he should offer as many secrets, but he didn't have any he thought the older man would like to hear. They would just make him feel worse, guiltier.
"Yeah...I meant that too"
Toki met his eyes again giving a small smile, they kissed. They kept going like that until their friends walked in on them leading to them scrambling to get dressed. After the others had left they lay on the bed together in silence. For some reason Toki expected him to take it all back again, to say he didn't love him, or anything else. People changed often and over anything, especially Skwisgaar. He felt reassured after a too long moment of unknowing silence when the older man turned onto his side in order to face him. He placed a hand upon his cheek his thumb brushing over that stupid scar beneath his eye. Skwisgaar kissed him slowly, gently like reassuring him even if he didn't know why he was doing so. He thought about suggesting that they get up, shower, and get dressed into cleaner clothes. Instead in a few more minutes they were naked again and spending two hours repeating a more sober version of what they had done the night before.